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ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

COIFE SSIOIS; 

PRE 

OR 

j£ aacl ■ ISAAC R. 

RAISES OF GOD 
YA5HINGT 

1931" 

Ihi Sen 2£©ofc». 



NEWLY TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH 



FROM THE 



ORIGINAL LATIN 



Quid autera meorum Opusculorum frequentius & delee- 
tabilius innotescere potuit, quam Libri Confessionum 
mearum St. August. L. de Dono Perseverantice, c. 20. 



NEW-YORK: 
D. & J. SADLIER & CO., 31 BARCLAY-ST 

boston:— 128 pideral-strbet. 
Montreal : — -179 Notre-danie Street. 






Giit from 
Jtedge and Mrs. Isaac R. Hlffi 
Nov. 17, 1931 



/■■ ? t" 



PREFACE. 



Amongst all the spiritual Works published by 
the Holy Fathers, none has been either more uni- 
versally esteemed in all ages, or read with greater 
profit than the Confessions of St. Augustin, 
The general approbation they met with in the 
Church of God, when they first came out, has 
stuck by them ever since, no-ways abated in thir- 
teen centuries. So that there is no need of a long 
Preface to recommend to the Public a Work so 
generally known and admired. 

The proper Character of these Books is thus 
truly and modestly set down by the Saint himself, 
in the 6th Chapter of the 2d Book of his Retrac- 
tions, or Review of his Writings. " The Books 
of my Confession, says he, both in my evil and in 
my good things praise God ever just and ever good : 
and raise up towards him the understanding and 
affection of man. At least as to myself, they had 
this effect on me when they were written, and have 
still when they are read. What others think of 
them they can best tell. However, I know that 
many of my brethren have been and are much taken 
with them." So far for the Saint. — I shall only 
add, that whoever will read these Books seriously 
and attentively will quickly be convinced by his own 
experience, that they perfectly answer this charac- 
ter : and that they are every where full of the most 
tender affections of the love of God, and carry along 
with them all the powers of the soul, towards this 
sovereign good. 



IV PREFACE. 

As to this new translation, which we here pre- 
sent the English reader, we shall say nothing else 
in favour of it, but that we have laboured \tith all 
possible diligence, both to do justice to the Saint, by 
faithfully representing his true meaning; and to the 
reader, by making that meaning as plain and intel- 
ligible to him as the subject would permit ; in 
which points some former translations of these 
books, seem to have been defective. 

We have on purpose omitted the three last books, 
which have no relation to the life of St. Ay gust in, 
but were added by way of a mystical interpretation 
of the first chapter of Genesis : because the contents 
of thern are for the most part so hard and obscure, 
that they would be of small edification to those for 
whose benefit this translation is chiefly designed. 

As for the scripture texts alleged by the Saint, 
he always follows the old Italic version, agreeable 
for the most part to the vulgar Latin, which the 
reader will be pleased to take notice of, that he 
may be the less surprised if he finds the Saint 
quoting the Scripture differently from the English 
Bible; which in many places differs not a little 
from the ancient Latin versions followed by the 
Holy Fathers. 

As to the rest, we heartily wish the reader a 
share in that spirit of love, which dictated these 
books ; and beg for ourselves a remembrance in his 
prayers. 



CONTENTS. 



BOOK I. 

CHAP PAGE, 

1. He admirss the Majesty of God, and desires to praise 

and invoke him, - 13 

2. God is incomprehensible, .... 14 

3. God tills all things, and has no parts, 16 

4. God is infinite in perfection, and above all praise, - 16 

5. He desires to repose in God, 17 
fr He relates his infancy, and the blessings he then receives 

from God, - 18 

7. Of the corrupt inclinations which are discovered even in 

infants, ------- 23 

8. He gives an account of his childhood, and of his learning 

to speak, - - - - - - 26 

9. Of his going to school, - 27 

10. He acknowledges his sin in neglecting his hook for the 

love of play, ------ 29 

11. Of his sickness when yet a boy, and of his desiring Bap- 

tism, which, upon his recovery was deferred, - 30 

12. He is compelled to his studies, against his will. He con- 

fesses his fault therein, and the fault of them that com- 
pelled him to it, tnrough vain and worldly motives : but 
God drew good out of all, - - - 32 

13. He prefers poetical fables to more useful studies, - 33 

14. He is less pleased with the Greek poetry than with the 

Latin, - - -- - -36 

15. He prays to God, and offers to him the fruits of his learn- 

ing, --...-. 37 

16. He inveighs against lascivious fables, - - - 33 

17. He laments the misuse of his wit employed in vain exer- 

cises, - - - -- - -40 

18. He complains that he was misguided by men, that were 

more ashamed of the breach of grammar rules than of 
the law of God, ----- 41 

19. Of his lies to his Governors, thefts from his Parents, and 

cheating of his play-fellows, 44 

20. He praises God for the many good endowments of his 

childhood, 46 



VI CONTENTS. 

BOOK II. 

CHAP. PAGE 

1. An account of his youth, ----- 47 

2. Of his unruly lusts in the sixteenth year of his age, - 48 

3. His living idle a: home contributed to his sins, from which 

his holy Mother endeavoured to divert him, . - 50 

4. He confesses a theft of his youth done out of mere wan- 

tonness, ------- 54 

5. That men sin not without some appearance or pretence of 

good, ....... 56 

6. That the good which men pretend to in sin is not to be 

found but in God, ----- 6S 

7. He gives thanks to God for the remission of his sins, and 

for having been preserved from many other offences, 61 

8. He still inquires what it was that he loved in this theft, 

and finds that he should not have done it without com 

pany, - - .... 62 

9. What it was that made him commit that theft, - • 63 
10.. He aspires to God, the sovereign rest, - - 64 

BOOK III 

1. Of his journey to Carthage, and the sinful inclinations he 

had there, --.-.. 65 

2. In what manner he was affected by the sight of Tragedies, 66 

3. His concupiscence in the Church. His ambition of stu- 

dies, and his conversation amongst the jeering and abu- 
sive Wits, .... - 69 

4. In the nineteenth year of his age, upon the reading of 

Cicero's Hortensius, he is inflamed with the love of wis- 
dom, ....... 71 

o He takes the Scriptures in hand, and is offended with the 

lowness of the style, - - - - 73 

6. He falls into the society and errors of the Manichseans, 74 

7. The questions that staggered him, and^ie solution of them, 77 

8. The law of God, by which crimes agftist nature are pro- 

hibited, is eternal and unchangeable, 81 

9. Of the sins of beginners, and that what God commands is 

always to be done, ..... 94 
10. The opinion of the Manichseans of particles of God impri- 
soned in the fruits of the earth, 85 
1. His Mother's vision concerning his conversion, - 86 
12. The answer of a holy Bishop concerning his conversion, 88 

BOOK IV. 

1. From the nineteenth to the twenty-eighth year of his age, 

v he continues addicted to the Manichseans, - - 90 

2. He teaches rhetoric ; keeps a concubine ; refuses the as- 

sistance of a magician, promising him victory in a prize 
of poetry upon the theatre, - - - - 91 

ft. He is addicted to judicial astrology, from which a learned 

Physician strives to dissuade him, 93 



CONTENTS. Vll 

fMAP. PAttB. 

4. His great grief at the death of a dear friend, whom he had 
engaged in his errors, but who was baptized before his 
death, - 96 

ft. Why mourning is so pleasant to the afflicted, . . 99 

6. The horror he had for death, which had snatched away 

bis friend, --<■--- 100 

7. Unable to bear the sight of the place where they had lived 

together, he leaves Tagaste and goes to Carthage, 101 

8. His grief is allayed by time, and by new friendships, - 103 

9. All human friendship defective in comparison with divine 

-Charity, 104 

»0. All things loved, besides God, pass away, and leave the 

lover to embrace sorrows, ... - 105 

11. He encourages his soul to run to God, the only perfect and 

unchangeable good, - - - 107 

12. That souls are to be loved in God, and to be carried with 

us to God, ----- 109 

13. He writes his books de Pulchro and Apto, - 111 

14. He dedicates these books to Hierius the Roman Orator, and 

why, ------- H2 

15. His false imaginations concerning these things, - 115 
.6. His great wit, acquiring all the liberal sciences without a 

teacher, yet grossly erring in religion, - 118 

BOOK V. 

1. He offers his confessions and praises to God, - - 122 

2. That God is every where present, to whom he exhorts 

sinners to return, - - - - - . 123 

3. Faustus, a Manichaean Bishop, comes to Carthage : the 

Philosophers'tenets, in regard to the sciences, are found 
much more probable than the Manicnaeans, - - 124 

4. It is not the knowledge of human sciences, but of God 

alone that can make us happy, ... 128 

5. The vanity of Manichaeus in pretending to write on those 

things which he knew nothing of, - - 129 

6. He finds Faustus naturally eloquent, but ignorant of the 

liberal sciences, and unable to give him satisfaction in 
his doubts, - ----- 131 

7. His affection to the Manichaean doctrine is much abated 

upon discovery of Faustus's ignorance, - - 134 

8. Being offended with the ways of the scholars of Carthage, 

he removes from thence to Rome, much against his mo- 
ther's will, 136 

9. He falls sick at Rome of a dangerous fever, the recovery 

from which he attributes to his mother's prayers, - 140 

10. Being recovered, he still keeps company with the Mani- 

cnaeans, retaining many of their errors, but with much 
more remissness than formerly, - - - 142 

11. He finds the Manichaeans unable to give satisfactory an- 

swers to the objections of the Catholics from Scripture, 146 
12' He begins to open a School of Rhetoric at Rome, and is in- 
formed of the fraudulent practices of students there, 147 



Vlll CCNTENTS. 

CHAP. FAG* 

13. He removes from Rome to teach Rhetoric at Milan, and is 

kindly received by St. Ambrose, - - - 148 

14. He is by little and little reconciled to the Catholic doc- 

trine, by the preaching of St. Ambrose, • 150 

BOOK VI. 

1. His Mother Monica comes after him to Milan, - • 13S 

2. Her ready obedience to St. Ambrose, prohibiting the chari- 

ty-feasts at the tombs of the Martyrs, - - 154 

3 St. Ambrose's employments do not allow St. Augustin an 
opportunity of private discourse with him ; yet he 
learns from his sermons that the Catholics do not hold 
what the Manichseans charged them with, - - 15*5 

4. He is still more alienated from the Manichseans, but fear- 

ful to yield assent to the Catholic truths, - - 159 

5. Of the divine authority of the sacred Scriptures, delivered 

by the Church, - 161 

6. His ambition, and the cares attending it. His great solici- 

tude being to speak a panegyric before the Emperor ; 
and his envying the secure mirth of a poor beggar seen 
in the streets, - - - 164 

7 Of his friend Alipius, who had been formerly his scholar ; 
and how he reclaimed him from the vain sports of the 
Circus, which were chiefly all manner of races, - 167 

8. How Alipius, studying the law at Rome, was brought to 

behold and to delight in the bloody shows of the Gladi- 
ators, - - 170 

9. How Alipius, when a student at Carthage, was apprehend- 

ed for a thief, ----- * 172 

10 Alipius follows St. Augustin to Milan. A memorable ex- 
ample of his integrity. Of his other friend Nebridius, 175 

11. He describes the course of his various thoughts which suc- 

cessively possessed his mind, from the 19th to the 30th 
year of his age, .... - 177 

12. The disputes between him and Alipius, concerning mar- 

riage and a single life, ----- 180 

13. A wife is sought out for him ; his Mother cannot obtain 

any answer from God concerning this intended mar- 
riage, ------ 133 

14. A proposal is made for many of them living together in 

common ; but it is found inconsistent with a married 
life, 184 

15. His concubine leaves him, and vows continency ; he has 

not the courage to imitate her, ... 135 

16 The fear of death, and the future judgment was some 

restraint to his lusts, - 188 

BOOK VII. 

] His entrance now, being thirty years old, into man's 
estate: he apprehends God to be inviolable, incorrupt 
ible, immutable, and every way infinite, but yet cor- 
poreal, --- - ISf 



CONTENTS. IX 

CHAP. PAGI 

2. Nebridius's argument against the Manichseans, - ]91 

3. He is unsatisfied concerning the cause of evil, which is 

man's free will, ------ 192 

4 Nothing can be conceived better than God j and therefore 

he is certainly incorruptible, - - - - 194 

5. He is still in quest after the origin of- evil. His faith in 

Christ and the Catholic Church daily grows stronger, 196 

0. He is convinced of the vanity of Judiciary Astrology, pre- 

tending to foretel future events from the stars, - 199 

7. He is still perplexed about the origin of evil, - - 203 

8. He acknowledges the mercy of God which came into his 

succour, - - - - - - 206 

9. He lights upon some books of the Platonic Philosophers, in 

which he finds a great deal concerning the Divinity of 
the Eternal Word, but nothing of the humility of his 
Incarnation, ------ 206 

10. He now more clearly discovers divine matters, and that 

God is incorporeal, ..... 209 

11. That created things may be said in some sense to have a 

being, and in another sense to have none, - 211 

12. That all natures, even the corruptible, are good, though 

not the supreme good, ..... 212 

13. That there is nothing in the creation absolutely evil, - 213 

14. That to sound reason not one of the works of God can 

appear otherwise than good, - - - 214 

15. That all things have their being from God, that ther,e is a 

truth in all things ; and that all things are of God's 
creation, ------- 216 

16. That things which are evil relatively to some other things 

have nevertheless their good in them ; and that sin is no 
substance, but the perversity of our free-will, - 216 

17. That he began now to have a true notion of the Divinity, 217 
IS. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, - 219 

19. His errors concerning Christ, .... 220 

20. The writings of the Platonic Philosophers, though they 

informed him of many divine truths, bred pride in him, 
and not humility, ..... 222 

21. He betakes himself to the reading of the Holy Scriptures, 

especially St. Paul's Epistles, and with what fruit, - 224 

BOOK VIII. 

1. He takes a resolution to consult the holy Priest Simpli- 

cianus about the future ordering of his life, remaining 
still passionately bent on marriage, - - - 227 

2. Simplicianus relates the story of the conversion of Victori- 

nus, the famous Roman orator, ... 230 

3. Why there is more joy for men that are converted than if 

they had always professed the true faith, - - 234 

4. Why there is more joy in the conversion of men more emi- 

nent or noble, ------ 237 

ft. The story of Victorinus produces in him a desire of imita- 
ting his conversion ; but he is kept back by the force of 
his evil habits 230 



X CONTENTS 

CHAP. PAGB 

6. He is visited by Pontitianus, a courtier, who relates to him 

the life of St. Anthony ; and how two of his fellow cour- 
tiers, upon the reading thereof, had renounced the world, 242 

7. The operation that Pontitianus's discourse had upon him, 247 

8. In the anguish of his soul he retires into a garden, Alipius 

following him, . - - - - - - 249 

9. He wonders at the great difficulty the will hath to com- 

mand herself; whereas she so * easily commandeth all 
the parts of the body, - - - - 252 

0. A digression against the Manichaeans, who pretended that 

there were two souls in man, - 253 

1. He deseribes the conflicts that passed in his soul, before he 

could come to a resolution, - - - 257 

2. His total conversion, upon hearing a voice from Heaven, 

and reading a passage of St. Paul, where the book first 
opened, - - 200 

BOOK IX 

1. He praiseth and giveth thanks to God for his deliverance 

from his former lust, and expresseth the great joy and 
content he presently experienced, - - - 204 

2. He resolves upon forsaking his profession of Rhetoric after 

the Vintage Vacation, ----- 205 
S. Verecundus offers his conntry -house for their retirement 
The death of Verecundus and Nebridius, not long after 
St. Augustin's conversion, being both first made Chris- 
tians, - ----- 20S 

4. His retiring in the vacation to the country-house of Vere- 

cundus ; his meditations on the fourth Psalm, and the 
miraculous cure of his violent tooth-ache, which had 
rendered him speechless, - - 271 

5. He acquaints St. Ambrose, by letters, with his former 

errors and present resolution, - - - 273 

0. He returns to Milan to receive baptism with his friend 

Alipius, and his son Adeodatus, - - 279 

7. He relates upon what occasion the singing of Psalms and 

Hymns after the manner of the Eastern Churches was 
first introduced in the Church of Milan ; and of the 
miracles wrought upon the discovery of the bodies of 
the Saints Gervasius and Protasius, - - - 2S0 

8. The conversion of Evodius. St. Augustin returns from 

Rome to Africa. His mother dies at Ostia. A descrip- 
tion of her pious education and life, - - - 233 

9. St. Monica's dutiful deportment towards her husband Patri- 

cius, whom she converts at length to the Christian 
Faith, 287 

10. The discourse between him and his Mother, not long be- 

fore her last sickness, concerning the happiness of the 
next life, ------ 291 

11. Her sickness and death, ----- 294 

12. St. Augustin's inward grief at the death of his Mother, 

though outwardly refraining from tears ; to which, after 
her burial, he giveth some wav. - - - 297 



CONTENTS. XI 

CfTA*. PAGB. 

13 He prays for his deceased Mother, and for his Father Pa- 

tricius, ..... 30J 



1. He prays that he may know God, ... 305 

2 The end and fruit of his confessing the remaining infirmi- 
ties of his present condition to God that knows them, 305 

3. He inquires into the end and fruits of his making known 

to men in this public manner the infirmities of his pre- 
sent condition, ------ 307 

4. He declares the end and fruit which he proposes to himself 

in this Confession, ..... 309 

6. He ackno wledgeth himself unable to see or confess all that 

is in himself, - .... 3x1 

6. He knows he loveth God ; and proceeds to examtoe what 

it is he loveth, when he saith he loveth God, - 312 

7. He proceeds in his search after God, who is not to be found 

either by the vegetative or sensitive faculty of the soul, 316 

8. He passes on to consider the faculty of the Memory ; the 

many wonders of which, to the glory of its maker, he 
enlarges upon in this and the following Chapters, - 317 

9. The memory of the rules of arts and sciences, - 321 

10. How such things are in the memory as did not enter by 

any of the senses, ..... 322 

1 1. What it is to learn such things as are not discovered by the 

senses, -.---. . 324 

12. The memory of the Mathematics not borrowed from the 

senses, -.----. 325 

13. Of the memory of things that have passed in the mind, and 

the affections of the soul, - - - 326 

14. An inquiry how we remember the passions of the mind 

at a time when we are not affected with them, but with 
quite opposite passions, - - - 327 

15. Some things we remember by their images, others by 

themselves, --.--. 330 

16. That there is a memory also of oblivion or forgetting, 331 

17. He admires the power of the memory, but resolves to pass 

beyond it to find his God, - - 333 

18. Of the memory of things lost, .... 335 

19. Of remembering again things that were forgotten, : 336 

20. All men desire beatitude. They must therefore have some 

notion of it ; and consequently it must have a place in 
their memory, ..... 337 

21. In what manner beatitude or a happy life is in the memory, 339 

22. A happy life is joy in God, .... 341 

23. Why men are not happy, notwithstanding they all in some 

measure love the truth, and rejoice in it, - 342 

24. That God also is in the memory, - - 344 

25. He inquireth in what part of the memory God dwelleth, 345 

26. He found God no where but in God himself, - - 346 

27. He laments his having loved God so late, - 347 



Xll CONTENTS. 

CHAP. FASR 

23. He bewails his present misery, in which he cannot enjoy 

a perfect union with his God, - - ■ 343 

29. His whole hope is in God ; to whom he prays for conti- 

nency, - - 349 

30. He examines himself, and confesses his remaining infirmi- 

ties and temptations ; and first as to the concupiscence 
of the flesh, - 350 

31 His remaining infirmities with regard to the temptations 

of the taste, in sensuality and intemperance of eating, 355 

32. Concerning the temptations of the smell, - - 357 

33. His remaining infirmities with regard to the temptation of 

the ears in music, - - - 35S 

34. His remaining infirmities with relation to the temptations 

of the eyes, - .... 260 

35. His remaining infirmities with relation to the second 

branch of concupiscence, the lust of the eyes, by which 
he understands vain curiosity, - - - 363 

36. His remaining infirmities concerning the temptations of 

the pride of life, .... 357 

37 The great danger of vain-glory from the praises of men, 370 

38 Public actions and discourses are most exposed to the dan- 

ger of vain-glory, ..... 374 

39. Persons may be many ways guilty of a criminal self-con- 

ceit, without any regard to praise from others, - 374 

40. A recapitulation of the contents of this Book. His extra- 

ordinary transports sometimes in the contemplation of 
God, 375 

41. God, who is the truth, will not be enjoyed together with a 

lie, 377 

42. For a remedy of all our maladies, we are not to have re- 

course, with the Platonists, to evil Angels or Demons, 378 

43. Christ is the true Mediator, through whom he confidently 

hopes to be cured of all his Maladies, 379 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 

BOOK I. 

CHAPTER I. 

HE ADMIRES THE MAJESTY OF GOD, AND DESIRES TO 
PRAISE AND INVOKE HIM. 

1 . THO U art great , O Lord, and exceed- 
ingly to be praised. Psalm 144. Great is thy 
power, and of thy wisdom there is no end. Psalm 
146. And yet man has a mind to praise thee, 
who is one part of thy creation ; man bearing 
about him his mortality, the testimony of his 
sin, and the testimony that thou, O God, resist- 
est the proud; and yet this man, being a piece 
of thy creation, desires to praise thee. Thou 
makest it delightful to him to praise thee ; be- 
cause thou hast made us for thee, and our 
hearts are not at rest, till they rest in thee. 
Give me, O Lord, to know and understand 
which is first, to call upon thee or to praise 
thee : and whether it be first to know thee or 
to call upon thee. 

2. But who is he that calls upon thee, and 
knows thee not ? For if he knows thee not, 
he may call upon something else instead of 

2 



14 8T. augustin's Book I. 

thee. Or are we not to call upon thee, that 
we may know thee ? But how shall they call 
upon him in whom they have not believed 1 And 
how shall they believe without a preacher ? 
Rom. 10. And they shall praise the Lord that 
seek him. Psalm 21. For they that seek him 
shall find him, and they that find him shall 
praise him. Let me seek thee then, O Lord, 
calling upon thee : and let me call upon thee, 
believing in thee, for thou hast been preached 
to us. My faith calleth upon thee, O Lord, 
which thou hast given me, which thou hast 
inspired into me by the Incarnation of thy Son, 
by the ministry of thy preacher. 



CHAPTER II. 

GOD IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE. 

And how shall I call upon my God, my God 
and Lord ? For to invoke or call upon him, I 
must call him into myself. And what room is 
there in me, where my God may come in, 
where God may come into me, God who made 
Heaven and Earth. Is there then, Lord my 
God, any room so spacious in me that can con- 
tain thee ? Or can even the Heaven and 
Earth, which thou hast made, and in which 
thou hast made me, contain thee 1 Or is it so, 
that since nothing that is could be without 
thee, therefore, whatever is must contain thee ? 
Since then I also am, why do I ask that thou 
shouldst come into me, who could have no 
being if thou wert not in me ? For I am not 



Chap. 3. confessions. 15 

now so low as Hell, and yet thou art even 
there also ; for if I go down into Hell thou art 
there, Psalm 138. Therefore I should not be, 
O my God, I should not be at all, if thou wert 
not in me : or rather, I should not be if I were 
not in thee, of whom all things, by whom all 
things, and in whom are all things. Rom. 11. 
It is even so, Lord, it is even so. Whither 
then do I call thee, seeing I am in thee 1 Or 
from whence shouldst thou come into me ? 
For where can I retire without the limits of 
Heaven and Earth, that from thence my God 
should come into me, who has said, I Jill Hear 
ten and Earth. Jeremiah 25. 



CHAPTER III. 

GOD FILLS ALL THINGS, AND HAS NO FARTS. 

1. Do then Heaven and Earth contain thee 
because thou fillest them ? Or dost thou fill 
them, and there still remains more of thee, be- 
cause they cannot contain thee? And where 
then didst thou dispose of that which remains 
of thee after thou hast filled Heaven and 
Earth ? Or hast thou no need of any thing at 
all to contain thee, who containest all things ; 
because the things which thou fillest, thou 
fillest by containing them? For the vessels 
which are full of thee do not hold thee up, for 
though they should be broken thou wouldst 
not be spilled. And when thou art poured out 
upon us, thou fallest not down, but raisest us 
up ; thou art not scattered, but gatherest us. 



16 st. augustin's Book 1. 

2. But th^a that fillest all things, fittest thou 
all things with thy whole self? Or since all 
things cannot contain thee whole, do they con- 
tain only a part of thee ? And then do they 
all together contain the same part of thee, or 
several things several parts, the greater hold- 
ing more, the lesser less ? And is there then 
some part of thee greater, and some less ? Or 
art thou every where whole, and yet nothing 
can contain thee whole ? 



CHAPTER IV 

GOD IS INFINITE IN PERFECTION, AND ABOVE ALL 
PRAISE. 

What then art thou, O my God ? What 
else can I say but the Lord my God? For 
who is God but the Lord, or who is God but 
our God? Psalm 17. O most high, most 
good, most powerful, most almighty, most 
merciful and most just, most hidden and most 
present, most beautiful and most strong, stable 
and incomprehensible, unchangeable and chang- 
ing all things, never new, never old, renewing 
all things, and making old the proud and they 
know it not : always in action and always at 
rest ; still gathering, and never wanting ; sup- 
porting and filling and overshadowing all things ; 
creating, nourishing, and perfecting ; seeking 
and yet wanting nothing. Thou lovest with- 
out pain, thou art jealous without uneasiness, 
thou repentest without grief, thou art angry 
and }^et always calm ; thou often changest thy 



Chap. 5. confessions. 17 

works, yet never thy design. Thou recover- 
est and findest, and yet never losest any thing. 
Thou art never needy, and yet art pleased with 
gain ; art never covetous, and yet exactest 
use ; men supererogate to thee that thou may est 
owe, and yet who has any thing that is not 
thine 1 Thou payest debts, and art a debtor to 
no one ; thou forgivest debts and losest nothing : 
and what is all this that we are saying, my 
God, my life, my holy sweet delight, or what 
is all that any one can say, when he is speak- 
ing of thee ? And woe be to them that say 
nothing in thy praise, since the most eloquent 
are but dumb. 



CHAPTER V. 

HE DESIRES TO REPOSE IN GOD. 

1. Oh ! who will give me to repose in thee ? 
Oh ! who will grant that thou mayest come 
into my heart and inebriate it ; that I may 
forget my evils, and embrace thee, my only 
good ? What art thou to me 1 Let thy mercy 
suffer me to speak, what am I to thee, that 
thou shouldst command me to love thee, and 
shouldst be angry with me if I do not love 
thee? and shouldst threaten me with great 
miseries ? Is it then a small misery not to 
love thee ? Ah ! for thy mercy's sake tell 
me, Lord my God, what thou art to me. 
Say to my Soul, I am thy Salvation, Psalm 
34. Say it so that I may hear. Behold the- 
ears of my heart are before thee, Lord, open-! 

2* 



18 st. Augustus's Book I 

them, and say to my Soul I am thy Salvation. 
I will run after this voice, and will lay hold of 
thee. O hide not thou thy face from me ; let 
me die to see it that I may not die. 

2. The house ^of my soul is narrow; let 
it be enlarged by thee, that it may receive 
thee : it is very ruinous, be thou pleased to 
repair it. It has within it such things as will 
be displeasing in thy sight, I confess and know : 
but who shall cleanse it? Or to what other 
besides thee shall I cry out, From my secret 
sins cleanse me, O Lord, and for those of others, 
spare thy Servant ? Psalm 115. I believe, for 
which reason also I speak ; O Lord thou 
knowest. Have I not confessed against myself 
my sins to thee, my God, and thou hast forgiven 
the wickedness of my heart. Psalm 25. I do not 
contend in judgment with thee who art the 
truth ; and I have no mind to deceive myself, 
lest my inquity lie to itself. Therefore 1 con- 
tend not with thee in judgment : for if thou 
shalt observe iniquities, O Lord, Lord, who shall 
abide it ? Psalm 129. 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE RELATES HIS INFANCY, AND THE BLESSINGS HJC 
THEN RECEIVED FROM GOD. 

1 . Yet suffer me to speak in {he ears of thy 
mercy, who am but dust and ashes ; suffer me 
to speak, for behold it is to thy mercy I speak, 
and not to man that may scoff at me : and per- 
haps thou also for the present laughest at me, 



Chap. 6. confessions. 19 

but in good time thou wilt turn to me, and 
have pity on me. And what is it I would say, 
O Lord my God, but that my silliness cannot 
tell how or whence I first came hither, into this 
dying life, (shall I call it) or living death. And 
behold immediately the comforts of thy tender 
mercies attended me, as I have been toid by 
the parents of my flesh, of whom and in whom 
thou hast formed me in time ; for I remember 
nothing of it. The comforts then of a woman's 
milk were prepared for me ; neither did my 
mother or my nurses fill their own breasts ; but 
it was thou, O Lord, who through them gavest 
me that food of my infancy, according to thy 
ordinance, and the riches of thy bounty which 
reach even to the lowest things. Thou also 
gavest to me to desire no more than what thou 
gavest, and to them that nursed me, to be wil- 
ling to bestow on me what thou gavest them ; 
for they, by an affection regulated by thy pro- 
vidence, were delighted to impart to me what 
they abounded with from thee. For it was 
good for them that I received this good from 
them, which indeed was not from them, but 
by them. For from thee, O God, are all good 
things ; and from my God cometh my univer- 
sal salvation, which I have learned since from 
thy voice, expressed to me by all these things 
which thou givest me both within and without : 
for at that time I knew how to suck, and to be 
pleased with what was delightful to my flesh, 
and to cry when I was offended, and nothing 
more than this. Afterwards I began to smile 



20 st. augustin's Book I 

and laugh, first when I was asleep, and then 
when I was awake ; for this has been told me 
of myself, and I believe it, because we see it 
is so with other infants ; for I remember noth- 
ing of what then passed in myself. 

2. And behold by degrees I began to per- 
ceive where I was, and I wanted to declare my 
desires to those who might content them, and 
I could not ; for my desires were within me, 
and they were without me, nor could any one 
of their senses enter into my soul. Therefore 
I made motions and sounds as signs to express 
my wants, the few that I could, and such as I 
could, for they had very little resemblance 
with what I would express ; and when my 
will was not complied with, either because I 
was not understood, or because what I desired 
was hurtful, I was angry that my elders would 
not be subject to me, and that they who are 
free would not be my slaves, and I took my 
revenge upon them by crying. Such have I 
found other infants to be ; and that I was such, 
they without knowing what they were doing 
have better informed me than the knowledge 
of my nurses. 

3. And behold my infancy is long since 
dead, and I am living. But thou, Lord, who 
art always living and nothing dies in thee ; be- 
cause before the first beginning of ages, and 
before all that can be said to be before, thou 
art, and art the God and Lord of all things 
which thou hast created, and with thee the 
causes of all fleeting things stand ever fixed; 



Chap. 6. confessions. 21 

and the origins of all changeable things remain 
unchanged ; and the reasons of all irrational 
and temporal things live eternally : tell me, O 
God, thy poor suppliant, thou that art merciful 
to me that am miserable ; tell me whether this 
my infancy succeeded a younger age of mine 
expired before ? that perhaps which I passed 
within my mother's womb ? For of that life 
also I have had some information, and have 
seen women big with child. 

4. And what before that life again, my God, 
my Joy ? was I any where, or any thing ? For 
I have no one to tell me these things ; neither 
my father nor my mother could inform me, 
nor the experience of others, nor my own me- 
mory. And dost not thou deride this my cu- 
riosity, demanding of thee such questions, who 
only requirest that I should praise thee, and 
confess to thee for the things that I know ? I 
confess to thee, Lord of Heaven and Earth, 
giving praise to thee for my first beginning, 
and my infancy which I remember not : and 
thou hast given to man to make a conjecture 
of these things in himself from what he sees in 
others, and to believe many things of himself 
upon the authority of women. At that time I 
had a being, and I had life ; and towards the 
end of my infancy I sought for signs by which 
I might make my thoughts known to others. 
From whence should such a living creature 
have its being but from thee, O Lord ? Can 
any one be the artist to make himself? Or 
can any vein be derived from any other s<mrce 



22 st. augustin's Book I 

by which being and living can flow into us, but 
only from thy making us, Lord, to whom 
being and living are all one thing, because sove- 
reign being and sovereign living is thy very 
essence. For thou art the most high, and thou 
art not changed, neither doth to-day ever pass 
away in thee ; and yet in thee it is that it 
passeth away; because even all these transito- 
ry things have their being in thee; for they 
have not any way to pass but through thee, 
and because, thy years fail not. Psalm 101, thy 
years are one to-day. And how many days of 
ours and of our fathers have already passed 
through this thy to-day; and from it have receiv- 
ed their fashion, and had their being such as it 
was? And how many more will pass and 
receive their mould and being? But thou art 
still the self-same ; and all the things of to- 
morrow and beyond it, and all the things of 
yesterday and whatever is behind it, in this 
thy day thou shalt make, in this thy day thou 
hast made them. What is it to me if any un- 
derstand not this ? Let such a one also rejoice, 
saying, what meaneth this high mystery ? Let 
him rejoice even so, and let him choose rather 
by not finding to find thee, than by finding not 
to find thee : [That is, without conceiving these 
thy sublime truths to embrace thee by faith 
and love, rather than by the conceiving of 
them to be puffed up with pride, and so to lose 
thee.] 



Chap. 7. confessions. 23 



CHAPTER VII. 

OF THE CORRUPT INCLINATIONS WHICH ARE DIS- 
COVERED EVEN IN INFANTS. 

1. Hear me, God, woe to the sins of 
men ; and a man saith this, and thou hast mer- 
cy on him, because thou hast made him, but 
didst not make sin in him ; who will give me 
an account of the sins of my infancy? since no 
one is pure from sin in thy sight, not even the 
infant that is but a day old, Job 25, who will 
give me an account r Shall it be any other 
such like little one, in whom I now see what 
I do not remember of myself? What then was 
my sin at that time ? was it crying greedily 
after the breast ? For if I should at present 
thus greedily hang over, not the breasts, but 
the food convenient for my years, I should 
most justly be derided and reprehended. 
Therefore at that time I did what deserved 
reprehension, but because I could not under- 
stand reproof, neither custom nor reason suf- 
fered me to be reproved ; for as we grow up 
we pluck up and cast these things away. Now 
no one in cleansing any thing willingly casts 
away that which is good. Or was it good in 
that age to require with tears what would have 
been hurtful if granted; to rage and swell 
against those that owed it no subjection, against 
its betters, and its very parents : and to strive 
by striking at them, to hurt those that were far 
wiser than itself for not complying with its will, 



24 st. augustin's Book I. 

and obeying its commands which it would have 
been hurtful to have obeyed? So that it is 
the weakness of infant limbs, and not their 
inclination that is innocent. Myself have seen 
and had experience of such a little one already 
possessed with jealousy ; it had not learned to 
speak, and yet it would cast a pale and envious 
look upon its fellow suckling ? Who knows 
not this ? and mothers and nurses say they 
expiate these things with 1 know not what 
remedies. In the mean time can I call this 
innocence, for one most rich in a fountain of 
milk flowing most plentifully, and overflowing, 
not so much as to endure another to partake a 
little with him, and another that is not able to 
make provision for himself, and that can sus- 
tain life only with this food 1 But such things 
as these are lovingly oorne withal, not that 
they are none or little evils, but that they will 
go off as age comes on ; which, however, they 
are at that time allowed, would not be tolera- 
ted when discovered in riper years. 

2. Thou therefore, O Lord my God, who 
gavest life to me when an infant, and a body, 
which, as is seen, thou hast furnished with 
senses, compacted with limbs, beautified with 
a comely form, and implanted in it, for the 
maintaining of its integrity, and for its safety, 
all the efforts of animal life, commandest me 
to praise thee for all these things, and to con- 
fess to thee, and to sing to thy name, O thou 
the most high : because thou art my God, 
omnipotent and good, and wouldst have been 



Chap. 8. confessions. 25 

so, even if this had been all which thou hadst 
done for me ; this which no one else could 
have done but thou alone, from whom is all 
form, thou the most beautiful, who givest all 
things their beauty, and by thy ordinance dis- 
poses t all things. 

3. This age therefore of mine, Lord, in 
which I do not so much as remember that I 
lived, concerning which I have believed others, 
and conjectured from other infants that I also 
once passed through it, though this be a con- 
jecture much to be relied upon, I am loath to 
account to the rest of the days which I live in 
this world ; it being in respect of the darkness 
of my oblivion, much like that which I passed 
in my mother's womb. But if I was also con- 
ceived in iniquity , and in sins my mother nourish- 
ed me in her womb, Psalm 50, where I beseech 
thee, O my God, where, O Lord, was I thy 
servant, where or when was 1 innocent ? But 
behold I pass over that time ; for why should 
I stay longer upon it, which is gone without 
leaving any footsteps in my memory. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

HE GIVES AN ACCOUNT OF HIS CHILDHOOD, AND OF HIS 
LEARNING TO SPEAK. 

Passing on from my infancy I came into 
my childhood, or rather it came into me, 
and succeeded my infancy : neither did this 
depart, for whither did it go ! and yet it 
was now no more ; for I was now no more 

3 



26 st. augustin's Book I. 

a speechless infant, but a prattling child. And 
this I can remember ; and have since taken 
notice how it was I first learned to speak ; for 
I was not taught my words by those that were 
my elders, by a certain order of learning, as 
a little after I was taught my letters : but I 
myself by the help of that mind which thou, 
my God, hadst given me, after I had by crying, 
and by broken accents, and various motions, 
attempted to make known my thoughts that my 
desires might be complied with ; and was not 
able to explain myself in all things which I 
w r ould, nor to all to whom I would ; I record- 
ed in my memory when I heard them name 
any thing, and when they moved their body 
towards the thing named, I observed and per- 
ceived that they called that thing by that word, 
which they pronounced when they pointed at 
it. And that indeed they meant this thing 
was discovered by the motion of the body ; 
which is the natural language as it were, com- 
mon to all nations, expressed by the counte- 
nance, by the glance of the eyes ; by the ges- 
ture of the other parts of the body, and by the 
sound of the voice, declaring the inward pas- 
sion of the soul, in her desiring, enjoying, 
rejecting, or pursuing of things. And so by 
little and little I grew acquainted with the 
meaning of many words, by often hearing them 
repeated, and in several sentences placed in 
their proper places ; and by these I began to 
declare my mind, using and accustoming my 
mouth to these signs. Thus I interchanged 



Chap. 9. confessions. 27 

with the people amongst whom I lived these 
signs of our thoughts, and so launched still far- 
ther out into the tempestuous society of human 
life, as yet wholly depending on the authority 
of my parents, and the beck of my elders 



CHAPTER IX. 

OF HIS GOING TO SCHOOL. 

1 OGod, my God, what miseries did There 
meet with, and what impostures? when what 
was proposed to me a child as the way of right 
living was to hearken to such as put me upon 
seeking to nourish in this world, and excelling 
in those verbose arts which lead to worldly 
honours and false riches. And so I was put 
to school to learn those things in which, poor 
boy, I knew no profit, and yet if I was negli- 
gent in learning,- I was whipped : for this 
method was approved of by my elders ; and 
many that had trod that life before us had 
chalked out unto us these wearisome ways, 
through which we were forced to pass with 
labour and sorrow, multiplied by these means 
to the sons of Adam. 

2. And we found, O Lord, men that prayed 
to thee, and we learned of them to do the 
same ; conceiving thee (according to our capa- 
city) to be some great one, who without being 
seen by us could hear us and help us. I began 
therefore when yet a child to pray to thee my 
only aid and my refuge, and inured my unskill- 
ed tongue to the invocation of thy name ; and 



28 st. augustin's Book I. 

l begged of thee when a little one, with no 
little affection, that thou wouldst save me from 
whipping at school. And when thou didst not 
hear me, which was not to my harm, my 
elders, and even my parents who did not wish 
me any evil, made a jest of those stripes of 
mine, which were then to my apprehension a 
great and grievous evil. Is there, O Lord, 
amongst thine any so great a soul, with so 
strong an affection cleaving to thee ? Is there, 
I say, any one who by a pious adherence to 
thee (for a certain senseless stupidity- has 
sometimes this effect) is so much transported 
as to make a sport of racks and hooks, and 
such like tortures, from which the whole world 
with so much fear prays to thee to be deliver- 
ed ; and to laugh at those who are grievously 
afraid of these things, as our parents then 
laughed at those torments, which we children 
suffered from our masters ? For neither had 
we less horror of these than others of greater 
torments, nor did we pray less earnestly to be 
delivered from them : mean while we sinned 
in not writing, reading, or minding our lessons, 
as much as was required of us. 

3. For we wanted not, Lord, memory oi 
wit, which thou wast pleased we should have 
in proportion to our age : but we were fond of 
play ; and we were punished for it by them, 
that were doing no better ; but the boys-play 
of those that are grown up is named busi- 
ness ; whilst the equal toys of children are 
punished by them ; and no one pities the chil- 



Chap. 10. confessions. 29 

dren, or them, or both. For who is he that 
weighing things well, will justify my being 
beaten when I was a boy, for playing at ball, 
because by that play I was hindered from 
learning so quickly those arts, with which, 
when grown up, I should play far worse ; as 
he was in the mean while doing, by whom 1 
was corrected, who, if overcome in some petty 
dispute by his fellow teacher, was more racked 
with choler and envy, than I was when out- 
done by my play-fellow in a game at ball 1 

CHAPTER X 

HE ACKNOWLEDGES HIS SIN IN NEGLECTING HIS BOOK 
FOR THE LOVE OF PLAY. 

And yet I sinned, (O Lord God, who art the 
ordainer and Creator of all things natural, and 
only not the ordainer of sin,) I sinned, O Lord 
my God, in disobeying the commands of my 
parents and those of my masters ; for I might 
afterwards turn to a good use that learning, 
whatever their views might be in desiring me 
to acquire it ; for it was not out of choice of 
something better that I was disobedient, but 
out of love of play ; pleasing myself with the 
pride of overcoming my play -fellows, and 
loving to have my ears scratched with vain 
praises, that they might itch the more. The 
same curiosity, still more and more dangerous, 
beginning also to draw my eyes towards the 
shows and plays of those that were more aged ; 
which though they that exhibit them are in so 

3* 



30 st. augustin's Book I. 

eminent a reputation, that almost all would 
wish as much for their children ; yet they are 
well content they should be whipped, if by 
these shows they are hindered from their study, 
by which study they hope they may one day 
arrive to be able to exhibit the like. Merci- 
fully regard, O Lord, these things, and deliver 
us who do now call upon thee ; deliver them 
also, who do not yet call upon thee ; that they 
may call upon thee ; and thou mayest deliver 
them. 



CHAPTER XL 

OF HIS SICKNESS WHEN HE WAS YET A BOY, AND OF HIS 
DESIRING BAPTISM, WHICH, UPON HIS RECOVERY, 
WAS DEFERRED. 

I, For I had heard, when yet a child, of 
life eternal promised to us by the humility of 
thy Son our Lord God, descending to cure our 
pride ; and I was already signed with the sign 
of his cross, and was seasoned with his * salt, 
even from the womb of my mother who had 
much hope in thee. Thou sawest, O Lord, 
when as yet I was a child, and was one day 
ill at my stomach, so that on a sudden I was 
like to die. Thou sawest, my God, (for even 
then thou wast my guardian) with what ear- 

* He alludes to the primitive custom of putting salt 
into the mouths of the Catechumens, as an emblem of 
wisdom, and a preservative from corruption, to intimate 
a spiritual preseasoning of them for bapt.sm; a ceremo- 
ny still used in the Catholic Church. 



Chap. 10. confessions. 31 

nestness, and with what faith I asked for the 
oaptism of thy Christ, my God and Lord, from 
the piety of my mother and that of thy church, 
the mother of us all : and how the mother of 
my flesh being in a fright, (because she was 
more dearly in labour to bring forth my eter- 
nal salvation in her chaste heart in thy faith) 
was taking care that with all speed I should 
be initiated and washed by the wholesome 
sacraments, confessing thee, O Lord Jesus, for 
the remission of sins, had I not immediately 
recovered. Upon which my cleansing was 
put off, as if it were necessary that I should be 
yet more filthy, if I lived longer ; because the 
guilt of sins contracted after that laver would 
be more filthy and more dangerous. 

2. Thus then at that time I believed, and 
my mother, and all the family, excepting my 
father, who yet could not oversway in me the 
just power of my mother's piety, to make me 
not believe in Christ, as he at that time did not 
believe in him ; for she made it her care that 
thou, my God, shouldst be my father more 
than he ; and herein thou didst assist her to 
overcome her husband, to whom otherwise 
she, though better, yielded all obedience, be- 
cause in so doing she obeyed thee. For what 
reason, O my God, I would willingly know, if 
it be thy will, was my baptism at that time 
put off? And whether it were for my good 
that the reins of sinning were, as it were, left 
loose ? Or were they not left loose! Whence 
comes it then that on every side we hear it 



32 st. augustin's Book I 

said of this or that person, let him alone, let him 
do what he will, he is not yet baptized ? And 
yet with regard to the welfare of the body, we 
do not say, let him be still more wounded, for he 
is not yet healed. How much better then had 
it been for me to have been quickly healed, 
that care might have been taken by my friends 
and my own diligence, that the health of my 
soul thus recovered might be preserved under 
thy protection, who gavest it? This surely 
had been much the better. But how many 
and how great billows of temptations were like 
to beset me after my childhood ? This my 
mother very well knew, and chose rather to 
expose to them the lump of earth, which 
might afterwards be formed into something, 
than the image already formed. 



CHAPTER XII. 

HE IS COMPELLED TO HIS STUDIES AGAINST HIS WILL. 
HE CONFESSES HIS FAULT THEREIN, AND THE FAULT 
OF THEM THAT COMPELLED HIM TO IT, THROUGH 
VAIN AND WORLDLY MOTIVES ; BUT GOD DREW GOOD 
OUT OF ALL. 

1. Yet in this my childhood, were less dan- 
ger was apprehended for me than in my youth, 
I did not love to study, and I hated to be forced 
to it ; and yet I was forced to it, and it was 
well for me that it was so. But I did not do 
well ; for I only learned by constraint ; and 
none doth well what he doth against his will ? 
though the thing be good which he is doing 



Chap. lb. confessions. 33 

Neither did they do well who forced me ; but 
it was thou, my God, that didst well to me : 
for they that pressed me to learn had no other 
end in view, to which I should refer this learn- 
ing than to satisfy the insatiable desires of penu- 
rious riches and ignominious glory. 

2. But thou, by whom the very hairs of our 
head are numbered, didst make good use of 
their error, who forced me to learn, to my pro- 
fit ; and of my error, in being unwilling to learn, 
to my punishment ; for I well deserved to be 
punished, being so little a boy and so great a 
sinner. Thus didst thou do well to me by 
those that did not well ; and didst justly turn 
my sin to my own punishment ; for thou hadst 
decreed it, and so it always happens, that every 
disordered soul shall be to itself its own pun- 
ishment. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

HE PREFERS POETICAL FABLES TO MORE USEFUL 
STUDIES. 

1. But what should be the reason why I 
hated Greek, which I was taught when I was a 
little boy, I don't as yet well understand. For 
Latin I liked very well ; I mean not that which 
the first masters teach, but that which is taught 
by those who are called grammarians. For 
that first learning to read, and to write, and to 
cast up an account, I thought no less trouble- 
some and vexatious than the Greek. And 
from whence was this also, but from sin and 



34 st Augustus's Book I. 

the vanity of life ? because I was flesh and a 
spirit going and not returning. Psalm 77. For 
that first learning was indeed the better, be- 
cause more certain (by which I acquired, and 
still retain the facility of reading whatever I 
find written, and writing myself what I have a 
mind) than that which filled my head with the 
wanderings of one JEneas, whilst I forgot my 
own wanderings ; and made me shed tears for 
the death of Dido, who killed herself for love, 
when in the mean while, wretched creature as 
I was, I passed by with dry eyes myself, dying 
in these things from thee, O God, my life. For 
what more miserable than for one that is in 
misery to have no commiseration on himself? 
and to weep for the death of Dido caused by 
the love of JEneas, and not to bewail his own 
death caused by not loving thee ? 

2. O God, the light of my heart, and the 
bread of the inward mouth of my soul, and the 
power espousing my mind and the bosom of 
my thought, I did not then love thee, and I 
went after impurit} r from thee, and on every side 
of me was echoed, well done, well done, for the 
friendship of this world is fornication from thee. 
James 4. And they cry out, well done, well 
done, that a man may be ashamed not to be 
such. And these things I lamented not ; but 
I wept for Dido, indulging her passion of love 
to the extremity of despair, whilst I myself 
was following extremities, that is, the lowest of 
thy creatures forsaking thee, earth tending 
towards earth ; and if I was hindered from 



Chap. 13. confessions. 35 

reading these things, I grieved because I did 
hot read that which might make me grieve. 
Such fooleries as these were accounted a more 
honourable and better study than that by which 
I learned to read and write. 

-3. But now let my God speak within my 
soul, and let thy truth say to me, it is not so, 
it is not so, that former learning is far the bet- 
ter. For I had rather forget JEneas's travels, 
and all such like toys, than to write and read. 
They hang up veils, it is true, before the doors 
of the grammar-schools ; but these may as well 
signify a cover for their error, as the honour of 
secrecy. Let not these men cry out against me, 
of whom I stand now in no fear, whilst I am 
confessing to thee, my God, what my soul has a 
mind, and am pleased with the accusing of my 
own evil ways, that I may love thy good ways. 
Let not the sellers or buyers ol grammar cry 
out against me ; for if I should ask them the 
question whether it be true, that JEneas ever 
came to Carthage, as the poet affirms ? the 
unlearned will answer that they do not know ; 
and the learned will say that it is not true. 
But if I should ask how JEneash name is 
spelt, all they who have learned to read and 
write will answer what is true, according to 
that agreement and law by which men have 
among themselves established these signs. 

4. If again I should ask which of the two it 
would be a greater inconvenience to forget, to 
read and write, or those poetical fables, who 
does not see what every man must answer who 



36 arr. Augustus's Book I. 

does not quite forget himself? I sinned there- 
fore when a boy, in having a greater love for 
those empty things, than those that were more 
profitable ; or rather in hating the latter, and 
loving the former. In like manner, one and 
one make two, and two and two make four, was 
an odious repetition to me, whilst the wooden 
horse full of armed men, and the ghost of 
Creusa afforded to my vanity a most agreeable 
spectacle. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

HE IS LESS PLEASED WITH THE GREEK POETRY THAU 
WITH THE LATIN. 

1. But why then did I hate the grammar 
learning of the Greeks, fuH of the like fictions ? 
For Homer also with great art has woven 
together such like tales, and is most agreeably 
vain ; and yet he was disagreable to me when 
a boy. And so, I believe, would Virgil be to 
the boys of Greece, if they were forced to learn 
him with difficulty, as I did the other: for the 
difficulty of learning a strange tongue did, as it 
were, sprinkle with gall all the sweets of the 
fabulous Greek narrations ; for I knew none of 
the words, and cruel terrors and stripes were 
employed to force me to learn them. It is 
true, there was a time, (viz. when I was an 
infant) when I knew no Latin neither : but 
this tongue I learned by observing others, 
without being frightened into it, or forced by 
the rod, amidst the flatterings of my nurses, 



Chap. 15. confessions. 37 

and the dalliances of such as smiled upon me, 
and the mirth of those that played with me. 
And I learned then without a penal constraint 
from others, being urged by m} T own heart to 
bring forth its thoughts, which I could not do 
without learning words, not from masters that 
taught me, but from such as talked with me, 
in whose ears I also did bring forth what my 
mind conceived. Whence it appears, that free 
curiosity has a greater force to learn such 
things than timorous necessity. But the one 
restrains the over eager course of the other, by 
thy laws, God, by thy laws, from the mas- 
ter's ferula to the trials of the martyrs ; thy 
!aw r s, that know how to mix together whole- 
some bitternesses, w r hich may call us back to 
thee from that pestiferous sweetness which al- 
lured us to depart from thee. 



CHAPTER XV. 

HE PRAYS TO GOD, AND OFFERS TO HIM THE FRUITS 
OF HIS LEARNING. 

1. O Lord, hear my prayer; let not my 
soul ever faint under thy discipline ; neither let 
me ever be weary in confessing to thee thy 
mercies, by which thou hast drawn me out of 
all my wicked ways, that thou mayest become 
sweet to me above all the delusions that I have 
followed, that I may love thee most earnestly 
and may embrace thy hand with all the affec- 
tion of my soul, that thou mayest deliver me 
from all temptations to the end. 

4 



38 st augustin's Book I. 

2. For behold thou, O Lord, art my king; 
may every useful thing I learned when a child 
be referred to thy service : may it be for thy 
service that I speak, and write, and read, and 
cast accounts; because when I was learning 
vain things, thou didst instruct me; and the 
sins that I committed by taking delight in 
them, thou hast forgiven me ; for I learned in 
them many useful words ; but these also may 
be as well learned in things not vain, and that 
would be a safer way for children to walk in. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

HE INVEIGHS AGAINST LASCIVIOUS FABLES. 

1. But woe be to thee, O torrent of human 
custom ! Who shall stop thy course ? how 
long will it be ere thou art dried up ? How 
long wilt thou carry down the children of Eve 
into that great and frightful sea which they 
that are the best embarked shall hardly pass 
over ? Have I not read in thee both of a thun- 
dering and of an adulterating Jove ? and cer- 
tainly he could not do both these things : but 
so it was feigned, that men might be autho- 
rized to imitate true adultery, thus counte- 
nanced by false thunder. Now which of 
these cloaked masters will hearken with a 
sober ear to a man of the like profession, cry- 
ing out and saying, Homer feigned these things, 
and transferred to the gods the passions of 
men : how much better had it been to have trans- 
ferred divine things to us ? But it is more true 



Chap. 16. confessions. 39 

to say, that he feigned these things indeed; 
but by attributing divinity to flagitious men, 
that such crimes might not be. esteemed crimes, 
and that whosoever committed them might not 
seem to have imitated wicked men, but hea- 
venly deities. 

2. And yet, Oh ! hellish stream, the chil- 
dren of men are daily cast into tl\ee, paying 
dearly that they may learn these things ; and 
a great bustle there is when this is done pub- 
licly in the Forum, in the sight of the laws, 
ordering salaries for the reward of the actors : 
and thou dashest thy waves upon thy rocks 
and makest a roaring noise, saying, here pure 
learning is learned, here eloquence is acquired, 
which is so necessary to bring over men to your 
opinion, and explain your thoughts to advantage. 
As if we should not have known those elegant 
words, the golden shower, and the lap, and the 
deceit, and the temples of heaven, and the rest 
which are written in the same place, unless 
Terence had introduced a wicked young man 
proposing to himself Jove for a pattern of lewd- 
ness, whilst he looks on a picture upon the 
wall, in which was described, how they say, 
Jupiter once upon a time poured into Danae^s 
lap a golden shower, by which the woman was 
deceived. Now see how he excites himself 
to lust, as if taught from heaven. 

3. And what God was it ? says he, was U 
not he that with his thunder shakes the temples 
of heaven ? And should I poor mortal scruple 
to do it ? Iudeed I did it, and that willingly. 



40 st. augustin's Book I, 

It is not true that these words are better learn- 
ed by being employed to express this unclean- 
ness ; but this uncleanness is more confidently 
attempted, being recommended by these words. 
I do not blame the words, which are, as it 
were, choice and precious vessels ; but the 
wine of error, which in them was presented to 
us to dr 1 *- 1 - hj our masters, who were already 
drun^ ^na it ; and were beaten, if we did not 
drink, nor could we appeal to any sober judge. 
But I, my God, in whose presence my 
remembrance is now without fear, learned 
these things willingly, and wretch as I was, 
took delight in them, and for this was called a 
hopeful boy. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

HE LAMENTS THE MISUSE OF HIS WIT EMPLOYED 
IN VAIN EXERCISES. 

1. Permit me, O my God, to say something 
also of my wit, thy gift, in what fooleries I 
was then employed. A task was set me, trou- 
blesome enough to my spirit, for which I was 
either to be rewarded with praise, or punished 
with disgrace and stripes, that I should render 
the words of Juno [JEneid 1.] raging and 
grieving that she could not divert the Trojan 
prince from Italy, which I had never heard 
Juno utter ; but we were forced tracing error 
to follow the footsteps of poetical fictions, and 
io deliver something in prose like that which 
the poet had expressed in verse. And he 



Chap. 18. confessions. 41 

spoke with most applause, who, agreeably to 
the dignity of the person represented, most 
perfectly expressed the like passions of rage 
and grief in proper words and sentences. 

2. And what did it avail me, O thou my 
true life, my God, that my performance was 
applauded beyond that of many others of my 
age, and my school-fellows ? Behold ape not 
all such things smoke and wind? And was 
there not something else in which my wit and 
my tongue might have been better exercised ? 
thy praises, O Lord, yea, thy praises in thy 
scriptures might have held up the tender 
branch of my heart, that it might not be trailed 
upon the ground amongst such empty trifles, 
a filthy prey to birds. For there are more 
ways than one of sacrificing to the fallen 
angels. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

HE COMPLAINS THAT HE WAS MISGUIDED BY MEN THAT 
WERE MORE ASHAMED OF THE BREACH OF GRAMMAR 
RULES THAN OF THE LAW OF GOD. 

1. But what wonder was it that I was thus 
carried away after vanities, and went abroad 
from thee, O my God ; when such men were 
proposed to my imitation, who if they should 
relate any of their actions, though not ill, with; 
a barbarism or solecism, being censured for it 
were ashamed and confounded ; but if they 
should declare their lusts in proper and well; 
connected words, with a copious and florid^ 

4* 



42 st. augustin's Book I. 

style, they were applauded and puffed up with 
pride. Thou seest these things, Lord, and 
holdest thy peace, being long suffering, and 
very merciful, and true. And wilt thou always 
hold thy peace ? And now thou drawest out 
from this exceeding deep pit the soul that 
seeketh thee, and that thirsteth after thy de- 
lights, and whose heart saith to thee, I have 
sought thy face, thy face, O Lord, I will still 
seek, Psalm 26. But I was then gone far from 
the light of thy face by my dark affections. 
For it is not by the feet, nor by motion from 
place to place that men go from thee ; or return 
to thee ; or did thy prodigal son (Luke 15,) 
procure himself horses, or chariots, or ships, 
or did he fly away with visible wings, or make 
his journey by the motion of his feet, when 
living in a far country he riotously wasted 
away what thou gavest him at his setting forth ? 
A kind father for giving him so much, and 
more kind in receiving him when he returned 
so poor to thee ! But his going from thee was 
by lustful affections ; for these are dark, and 
therefore far from the light of thy counte- 
nance. 

2. Behold, O Lord God, and behold with 
thy accustomed patience, how carefully the 
sons of men observe the laws of letters and 
syllables received from those who have deli- 
vered their language to them, and neglect the 
eternal laws of their everlasting welfare receiv- 
ed from thee ; insomuch that if he, who holds 
.or teaches the old rules of pronunciation^ 



Chap. 19. confessions. 43 

should, contrary to the laws of grammar, with- 
out the aspiration, say [Ominem] to express a 
man, he would displease men more than if, 
contrary to thy commandments, he should hate 
a man ; being himself a man. As if the hatred 
which he bears to any one was not a more per- 
nicious enemy than he whom he hates ; or as 
if another by persecuting him could do him 
more mischief, than his own heart does by 
bearing malice. And certainly no learning is 
more deeply imprinted in the soul, than that 
law written in our conscience, not to do by 
another what we would not he willing to suffer 
from another. 

3. O God, who alone art great, how secret 
art thou, who dwellest on high in silence, with 
an unwearied hand sprinkling penal blindnesses 
upon unlawful lusts 1 When a man is ambi- 
tious to be counted eloquent, standing before a 
mortal judge, surrounded with a crowd of men, 
declaring against his enemy with implacable 
hatred, he takes extreme care lest by a slip of 
tongue, he chance to say [inter Hominibus,~\ to 
signify amongst men r but takes no care lest by 
the fury of his mind he happens to destroy a 
man from amongst men. 



44 ST. Augustus's Book I. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

OF HIS LIES TO HIS GOVERNORS, THEFTS FROM HIS 
PARENTS, AND CHEATING OF HIS PLAY-FELLOWS. 

1. In the first entry of such customs as 
these, wretch as I was, did I lie when as yet 
a boy ; and this was that stage upon which I 
was more afraid to let fall a solecism, than I 
was if I had made any, to envy such as made 
none. These things I now declare and confess 
to thee, O my God, for which I was com- 
mended by them whom I thought it a virtue 
to please. For I discerned not that gulph of 
filthiness wherein I then lay cast forth from 
thy eyes. For in thy eyes what could be 
more filthy than I then was ; who even many 
ways displeased such eyes as theirs, whilst 
with innumerable lies I deceived my tutor and 
masters, and parents through love of play, de- 
sire to see vain shows, and restlessness to imi- 
tate such fooleries ? 

2. I also was guilt} 1 - of stealing out of my 
parent's cellar, and from their table, either 
to satisfy my gluttony, or have something to 
give to other boys, who for it sold their play 
to me, with which they were delighted no less 
than I : in which play I also often sought to 
overcome by cheating, whilst I myself was mi- 
serably overcome by the vain desire of excel- 
ling ; and what was there I was more unwil- 
ling to suffer, and more sharply taxed when I 
discovered it in others, than that which I did 



Chap. 20. confessions. 45 

to others ? And when I was caught doing it 
and reprehended for it, I would rather quarrel 
than yield. 

3. Is this that innocence of children ? It is 
not, O Lord : O Lord, it is not : I implore thy 
mercy, O my God. For these same things are 
but acted over again from our first subjection 
to pedagogues and masters, and our playing 
with nuts, and balls, and sparrows, to our sub- 
jection afterwards to magistrates and kings, 
and gaining gold, and manors, and slaves. 
The same as we grow older pass into greater 
toys, as our ferulas are succeeded by greater 
punishments. It was then the emblem of 
humility in the stature of children that thou, 
our king, didst approve when thou saidst, 
of such is the kingdom of Heaven, St. Matt. 
19, 14. 



CHAPTER XX. 

HE PRAISES GOD FOR THE MANY GOOD ENDOWMENTS 
OF HIS CHILDHOOD. 

1. And yet, O Lord, thanks be to thee, the 
most excellent and best maker and ruler of all 
the universe, our God, although thou hadst 
never made me any thing more than a child. 
For I had a being at that time, and I had life 
and sense, and a care for the maintaining of 
this my individual, an impression and foot-step 
of that most sacred unity of thine from which 
1 had my being : I watched over the integrity 
of my senses with an interior sense : and in 



/ 



46 8T. augustin's Bbok I. 

little things, and in the thoughts of little things 
I was delighted with truth, and was unwilling 
to be deceived ; I had strength of memory, a 
facility of speech, and a pleasure in friendship ; 
I fled from pain, and abjection, and ignorance ; 
what was there in such a creature that was 
not wonderful and praise-worthy ? 

2. But all these things are the gifts of my 
God: I gave not these things to myself; and 
they are good things, and they are myself. 
He therefore is good that made me, and he is 
my Good) and in him I rejoice in all those good 
things, in which I was when a child; for my 
sin was in this, that not in him, but in his 
creatures, I sought myself and other pleasures, 
honours and truths, and so fell upon sorrows, 
confusion, and errors. Thanks be to thee, my 
God, my sweet delight, my glory, and all my 
trust ; thanks be to thee, for thy gift ; but be 
thou pleased to keep them for me ; for by so 
doing thou wilt keep me ; and the things which 
thou hast given me will grow and be perfected, 
and I shall be with thee, because my being 
also is thy gift. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS. 

BOOK II. 

CHAPTER I. 

AN ACCOUNT OF HIS YOUTH. 

1. I will now call to mind the unclean- 
nesses of my former life, and the carnal cor- 
ruptions of my soul, not that I love them, but 
that I may love thee, my God. For the love 
of thy love I do this, reviewing my most wick- 
ed ways in the bitterness of my remembrance, 
that thou mayest become sweet to me, who art 
a sweetness without deceit, a sw r eetness happy 
and secure ; recollecting me from that disper- 
sion in which I was rent, as it were, piecemeal, 
whilst departing from one [i. e. from the one 
Sovereign Good] I was lost in the pursuit of 
many [i. e. of multiplicity of creatures.] 

2. For there was a time when I was all on 
fire in my youth to be satiated with the things 
below, and I ventured to spread and branch 
out into various and shady loves; and the 
beauty of my soul was consumed away, and I 
was quite putrified in thy sight, whilst I was 
pleasing myself and desiring to please the eyes 
of men. 



48 st. augustin's Book II. 



CHAPTER II 

OF HIS UNRULY LUSTS IN THE SIXTEENTH TEAR 
OF HIS AGE. 

1. And what was it that delighted me but 
to love and to be loved 1 But in this love the 
due manner was not observed betwixt soul 
and soul, as far as the bounds of friendship go 
without fault, but black vapours were exhaled 
from the muddy concupiscence of the flesh, 
and the bubbling source of my luxuriant age, 
which so overclouded and darkened my heart, 
as not to discern the serenity of love from 
the obscurity of lust. Both boiled together 
within me, and hurried my unsettled age down 
the cliffs of unlawful desires, and plunged me 
into the gulph of criminal actions. Thy wrath 
was grown strong against me, and I knew it 
not. I was deafened with the noise of the 
chain of my mortalit} r , the punishment of the 
pride of my soul, and I went still further from 
thee, and thou didst let me alone ; and I was 
tossed hither and thither, and poured out, and 
was shed abroad, and boiled over by my forni- 
cations, and thpu wast silent. Oh ! my Joy, 
which was so long deferred ! thou wast silent 
then, and I departed still farthei from thee, 
after more and more barren seeds of sorrows, 
by a proud dejection and an unquiet weariness, 
[i. e. sinking down the more by how much the 
more my pride aspired to raise me up ; and 
ever weary yet never quiet.] 



Chap. 2. confessions. 49 

2. Oh ! who was there then to restrain my 
misery ? and render useful the fleeting beauties 
of these lowest things, and set bounds to their 
allurements, that those billows of that age of 
mine might have broken themselves upon the 
shore of lawful marriage ; and if they could 
not otherwise be calmed, be contented at least 
with the end of bringing children into the 
world, as thy law prescribes, O Lord, who 
framest the stock of our mortality, being able 
with a gentle hand to moderate the sharpness 
of these thorns [of concupiscence] shut out 
from thy Paradise? For thy omnipotence is 
not far from us> even then when we are far 
from thee. Or else I myself might have more 
vigilantly attended to the voice of thy clouds 
sounding to me from above, such shall have 
tribulation of the flesh; but I spare you, 1 Cor. 
7. And it is good for a man not to touch a wo- 
man And again, he that is unmarried thinketh 
of the things that are of God, how he may please 
God, but he that is married thinketh of the things 
that are of the luorld, how he may please his 
wife. 

3. I might therefore have heard these words 
with more attention, and so making mj-self an 
Eunuch for the Kingdom of Heaven, look for 
thy more happy embraces : but I broke out, 
wretch as I was ; following the violent bent 
of my loose inclinations, leaving thee : and I 
passed all the bounds set by thy laws : nor did 
I escape thy scourges : for what mortal could 
ever pretend lo this ? for thou wert always 

5 



60 st. augustin's Book II. 

upon my back, mercifully severe, and be- 
sprinkling with most bitter disquiets all my 
unlawful pleasures, that so I might seek out 
for a pleasure without disgust, and not being 
able to find it any where else, might seek it in 
thee, who makest labour in the precept^ Psalm 
93, v. 20, and who woundest that thou mayest 
heal, and killest us that we may not die from 
thee. 

4. Where was I, and at how great a distance 
was I banished from the delight of thy house 
in that sixteenth year of the age of my flesh ; 
when the fury of lust, licensed by the shame- 
less practice of men, but ever prohibited by 
thy holy laws, has received the sceptre in me, 
and I wholly yielded myself up to it ? In the 
mean time my friends took no care to prevent 
my ruin by lawful marriage ; but were only 
careful that I should learn to make fine 
speeches, and become a great orator. 



CHAPTER III. 

HIS LIVING IDLE AT HOME CONTRIBUTED TO HIS SINS, 
FROM WHICH HIS HOLY MOTHER ENDEAVOURED TO 
DIVERT HIM. 

1. Now for that year my studies were inter- 
mitted, I being called home from Madaura, in 
which neighbouring city I had been for a while 
applied to learning and oratory, and the ex- 
pences of my studying farther from home at 
Carthage, being in the mean time providing by 
the resolutk ti of my father which went beyond 



Chap. 3 confessions. 51 

his wealth, he being a citizen of Tagaste, of a 
very small estate. To whom am I relating 
these things ? Not to thee, O my God, but in 
thy presence, to my fellow mortals, of the same 
human kind as I am, how small soever a part 
of them it may be which shall light upon these 
my writings : and to what end do I do this ? 
But that both I and they who read this may 
reflect from how profound a depth we must 
still be crying to thee. And what is nearer to 
thy ears than a confessing heart and a life of 
faith ? For who did not then highly commend 
my father, for laying out in behalf of his son, 
even beyond the strength of his estate, which 
was necessary for the carrying on his studies at 
that great distance from home ; whereas many 
citizens, far more wealthy than he, did no such 
thing for their children ; whilst in the mean 
time this same father took no care of my grow- 
ing up to thee, or by my being chaste, provi- 
ded I was but eloquent [disertus] or rather 
[desertus] forsaken and uncultivated of thee, 
who art the one true and good Lord of thy 
field my heart. 

2. But when in that sixteenth year of my 
age I began to live idly at home with my pa- 
rents, whilst domestic necessities caused a va- 
cation from school, the briars of lust grew over 
my head, and there was no hand to root them 
up. Nay, when that father of mine saw me 
in the Bagnio now growing towards man, and 
perceived in me the unquiet motions of youth, 
as if from hence he were big with hopes of 



52 st. augustin's Book II 

grand-children, he related it to my mother with 
joy ; intoxicated with the generality of the 
world, by the fumes of the invisible wine of 
their own perverse will, whilst forgetting thee 
their Creator, and loving thy creature instead 
of thee, thej stoop down to rejoice in these 
lowest of things. But in my mother's breast 
thou hadst already begun thy temple, and the 
foundation of thy holy habitation ; for my 
father was as yet only a Catechumen, and that 
but of late. She therefore upon hearing it, 
was seized with fear and trembling ; being 
concerned for me, though I was not baptized, 
lest I should stray into those crooked ways in 
which worldlings walk, who turn not their 
face but their back upon thee. 

3. Alas ! and dare I say that thou wert 
silent, O my God, when I was wandering still 
farther from thee ? And wast thou silent 
indeed ? And whose then but thine were 
those words, which, by my mother, thy faith- 
ful servant, thou didst sing in my ears, though 
no part of it descended into my heart to per- 
form it ? For she desired, and I remember 
how she secretly admonished me with great 
solicitude, to keep myself pure from women, 
and above all to take care of defiling any one's 
wife ; which seemed to me to be but the ad- 
monitions of a woman, which I should be 
ashamed to obey ; but they were thy admoni- 
tions, and I knew it not ; and I supposed thee 
to be silent whilst she spoke, whereas by her 
thou didst speak to me and in her wast despi* 



Chap. 3. confessions. 53 

Bed by me, by me her son, the son of thy hand' 
maid thy servant. Psalm 115. But 1 knew it 
not, and rushed on headlong with so much 
blindness, that amongst my equals I was asha- 
med of being less filthy than others ; and when 
I heard them bragging of their flagitious ac- 
tions, and boasting so much the more by how 
much the more beastly they were, I had a 
mind to do the like, not only for the pleasure 
of it, but that I might be praised for it. 

4. Is there any thing but vice that is worthy 
of reproach ? Yet I became more vicious to 
avoid reproach ; and when nothing came in my 
way, by committing which I might equal the 
most wicked, I pretended to have done- what I 
had not done, lest I should be esteemed more 
vile by how much I was more chaste. Behold 
with what companions I was walking in the 
streets of Babylon ; and I wallowed in the 
mire thereof, as if it were spices and precious 
perfumes, and that in the very midst of it, the 
invisible enemy trod me down and seduced 
me, because I w T as willing to be seduced : 
neither did that mother of my flesh, (who 
was escaped out of the midst of Babylon, but 
walked yet with a slow pace in the skirts 
thereof) as she admonished me to be chaste, 
so take care to restrain that lust (which her 
husband had discovered to aer in me, and 
which she knew to be so infectious for the pre- 
sent and dangerous for the future) within the 
bounds of conjugal affection, if it could not 
otherwise be cured : she did not care for this 

5* 



54 st. augustin's Book II. 

method, for fear my hope should be spoiled by 
the fetters of a wife ; not that hope of the 
world to come which my mother had in thee, 
but the hope of my proficiency in learning, 
upon which both my parents were too much 
intent : he because he scarce thought at all of 
thee ; and of me nothing but mere empty vani- 
ties ; and she, because she supposed that those 
usual studies of sciences would be no hin- 
drance, but rather some help towards the 
coming to thee. For so I conjecture, recol- 
lecting as well as I can the manners of my 
parents. Then also were the reins let loose 
to spend my time in play, beyond what a due 
severity would allow, which gave occasion to 
my being more dissolute in various inclina- 
tions ; and in them all there was a mist inter- 
cepting, O my God, from me the serenity of thy 
truth, and my iniquities proceeded, as it were, 
from the fat , Psalm 72. v. 7. 



CHAPTER IV. 

HE CONFESSES A THEFT OF HIS YOUTH DONE OUT OF 

MERE WANTONNESS. 

1. Thy law, O Lord, punisheth theft, and a 
law written in the hearts of men, which even 
iniquity itself cannot blot out. For what thief 
is willing to have another steal from him ? For 
even he that is rich will not endure another 
stealing for want. Yet I had a mind to com- 
mit theft, and I committed it, not for want or 
need, but loathing to be honest and longing to 



Chap. 4. confessions. 55 

sin ; for I stole that of which I had plenty, and 
much better. Neither was I fond of enjoying 
the things that I stole, but only fond of the 
theft and the sin. There wag a pear-tree near 
our vineyard, loaded with fruit, which were 
neither tempting for their beauty nor their 
taste. To shake off and carry away the fruit 
of this tree, a company of wiched youths of 
us went late at night, having, according to a 
vicious custom, being playing till then in the 
yards ; and thence we carried great loads, not 
for our eating, but even to be cast to the hogs ; 
and if we tasted any of them, the only pleasure 
therein was, because we were doing what we 
should not do. 

2. Behold my heart, O my God, behold my 
heart, of which thou hast had pity when it was 
in the midst of the bottomless pit. Behold, 
let my heart now tell thee what it was it then 
sought. That I might even be wicked without 
cause, and have nothing to tempt me to evil, 
but the ugly evil itself. And this I loved ; I 
loved to perish, I loved to be faulty ; not the 
thing in which I was faulty, but the very fault- 
iness I loved. Oh ! filthy soul, and falling from 
thy firmament to its utter ruin ; affecting not 
something disgraceful, but disgrace itself. 

N. B. — After his return home to Africa he 
made ample ^restitution for those pears he had 
stolen. 



66 ST. Augustus's Book II. 



CHAPTER V. 

THAT MEN SIN NOT WITHOUT SOME APPEARANCE OB 
PRETENCE OF GOOD. 

1. There is a tempting appearance in beau- 
tiful bodies, in gold, and silver, and the rest 
And in the sense of the touch there is an 
agreeableness that is taking ; and in like man- 
ner the other senses find their pleasures in 
their respective objects. So temporal honour, 
and the power of commanding and excelling 
hath something in it that is attractive ; hence 
also arises the desire of revenge. And yet we 
must not, for the gaining of all or any of these 
things, depart from thee, O Lord, nor turn 
aside from thy law. The life also which we 
live here, hath its allurement, by reason of a 
certain kind of beauty in it, and the proportion 
which it hath to all the rest of these lower 
beauties. Likewise the friendship of men is 
dearly sweet by the union of many souls 
together. 

2. Upon occasion of all these and the like 
things sin is committed, when by an immode- 
rate inclination to them, which have but the 
lowest place amongst good things, men forsake 
the best and highest goods, viz. thee, Lord 
our God, and thy truth, and thy law. For 
these lowest things have indeed their delights, 
but not like my God who made all things ; 
because in him doth the just delight, and he is 
the joy of the upright of heart. Therefore 



Chap. 5. confessions. 57 

when the question is for what cause any crime 
was done, it is not usually believed but where 
it appears that there might be some desire of 
acquiring some of these lowest of goods, or 
fear of losing them : for they are fair and beau- 
tiful ; though in comparison of those superior 
goods and beatific joys they are mean and con- 
temptible. 

3 A man hath murdered another. Why 
did he do it ? He was in love with his wife, 
or his estate ; or he did it that he might rob 
him to support his own life ; or he was afraid 
of suffering the like from him ; or he had 
been injured, and sought to be revenged. 
Would he commit a murder without a cause, 
merely for the sake of the murder ; who can 
imagine this ? For as for that furious and 
exceeding cruel man [Cataline] of whom a 
certain author has written that he chose to be 
wicked and cruel gratis ; the cause is assigned 
in the same place, lest, sa} T s he, his hand or his 
mind should be weakened for want of exercise. 
And to what end did he refer this also ? That 
being thus exercised in wickedness, he might 
be enabled to surprise the city [Rome~] and 
obtain honours, power, riches, and be deliver- 
ed from the fear of the laws, and the difficulties 
he laboured under through want of an estate, 
and a guilty conscience. Therefore even Ca- 
taline himself was not in love with his crimes, 
but with something else, for the sake of which 
he committed them. 



58 ST. augustin's Book II. 



CHAPTER VI. * 

THAT THE GOOD WHICH MEN PRETEND TO IN SIJI 
IS NOT TO BE FOUND BUT IN GOD. 

1. What was it then, my theft, wicked 
nocturnal exploit of the sixteenth year of my 
age, what was it that wretched I loved in thee? 
For beautiful thou wast not, since thou weft a 
theft. Or art thou any thing at all, that I 
should thus speak to thee ? Those pears 
indeed were beautiful which we stole because 
they were the work of thy hands, O most beau- 
tiful of all, creator of all, my good God, my 
sovereign good, and my true good ; they were 
beautiful indeed ; but it was not after them 
that my poor soul lusted, for I had plenty of 
better at home : but those I took only for the 
sake of stealing ; for after I had taken them, 
my appetite being satisfied, I flung them away, 
enjoying nothing thereof but the iniquity in 
which I was delighted. For if any of that fruit 
entered into my mouth, nothing made it agree- 
able to me but the sin. 

2. And now, O Lord my God, I am seeking 
what it was that delighted me in that theft. 
And behold, I can find no beauty in it. Not 
only no such beauty as is found in justice and 
prudence, or in the mind of man, and his me- 
mory and senses, and vegetable life ; nor such 
as is found in the stars, which are glorious and 
beautiful in their orbs ; nor such as is found in 
so many kinds of creatures in the earth and sea, 



Chap. 6. confessions. 59 

which by a constant course of generation suc- 
ceed one another ; but not even that faint and 
imperfect shadow of beauty which often impo- 
ses upon us in cheating vices. For thus pride 
aims at highness ; whereas thou alone art the 
most high God above all things. And what 
does ambition pretend to, but honours and glo- 
ry 1 whereas thou alone art sovereignly honour- 
able and eternally glorious. And the cruelty of 
men in power seeks to be feared, and who 
indeed is to be feared but God alone, from 
whose power what, or when, or where, or how, 
or by whom can any thing be, either by force 
or fraud, withdrawn ? And the caresses of the 
lascivious seek to be loved; whereas nothing is 
so dearly sweet as thy love, nor is any thing so 
savingly loved as that charming truth of thine, 
infinitely exceeding all beauties and brightness. 
And curiosity pretends a desire of knowledge; 
whereas it is thou that most perfectly knowest 
all things. Even ignorance itself, and folly 
affect the name of simplicity and innocence, 
because nothing can be found more truly sim- 
ple than thee ; and what can be more innocent, 
since thy works hurt none but the evil ? Sloth 
also seeks, as it where, to be at rest; and 
what sure rest can there be but in the Lord ; 
luxury desires to be called satiety and abun- 
dance ; now it is thou that art the fulness and 
inexhaustible store of incorruptible sweetness. 
Prodigality hides itself under the shadow of 
liberality; but the most exceedingly liberal 
bestower of all good things is no other than thy- 



60 st. augustin's Book II. 

self. Avarice seeks to possess much ; and thou 
possessest all things. *Envy quarrels about 
being preferred before others ; and what is so 
excellent as thyself? Anger seeks revenge; 
and who executes revenge justly like thee , 
fear has a horror of unusual and sudden acci- 
dents, enemies to the things which are loved, 
in which she seeks to be safe ; now to thee 
only it is that nothing can happen sudden or 
unusual ; or who can take from thee what thou 
lovest ? Or where is any settled safety but 
with thee 1 Sadness pines away for the loss 
of those things, in the enjoyment of which 
cupidity was delighted ; because she would not 
have any thing be taken away ; as nothing can 
be taken away from thee. Thus the poor soul 
goes astray when she turns aside from thee, 
and seeks out of thee those things, which she 
can no where find pure and clear till she 
returns to thee. Perversely and in a wrong 
way all those imitate thee, who depart fai 
from thee, and raise themselves against thee , 
yet even in this perverse way of imitating thee, 
they show that thou art the creator of all 
nature, and therefore that there is no room 
therein, whither they can retire, so as to depart 
quite from thee. 

3. What then was it that I loved in that 
theft ? Or in what did I there, though viciously 
and perversely, imitate my Lord ? Was it 
that I w r as pleased to act against the law, by 
deceit at least, since I could not by power ; and 
thus beins: a slave indeed sought to imitate a 



Chap. 7. confessions. 61 

lame kind of liberty , in doing that in which I 
might be free from punishment, though not free 
from guilt, by a dark resemblance of thy Om- 
nipotence. 



CHAPTER VII. 

HE GIVES THANKS TO GOD FOR THE REMISSION OF HIS 
SINS, AND FOR HAVING BEEN PRESERVED FROM 
MANY OTHER OFFENCES. 

Behold here is that slave flying from his 
Lord, and embracing a shadow. O corrup- 
tion ! O monster of life, and depth of death ! 
Was it possible that I should lust after that 
which was not lawful, barely because it was 
not lawful ? What return shall I make to the 
Lord, that my memory now reflects on these 
things, and my soul is not in fear about them ? 
May I love thee, Lord, and give thee thanks, 
and confess to thy name, because thou hast 
forgiven me such and so great sins and wicked 
actions. It is owing to thy grace, and to thy 
mercy, that thou hast dissolved like ice the 
sins that I committed. I impute it also to thy 
grace, whatever other sins I have not commit- 
ted ; for what evil was there that I was not 
capable of acting, who loved such a crime for 
the crime's sake ? And I confess that all have 
been forgiven me [by baptism] as well the 
evils I committed by my own will, as those 
which by thy providence I committed not. 

2. What man is there, who, weighing his 
own weakness, dares to attribute his chastity 

6 



62 st. augustin's Book II. 

or his innocence to his own strength ; and so 
love thee less, as if he were less obliged to 
thy mercy, by which thou remittest sins to 
those that are converted to thee ? For who- 
ever he is who, being called by thee, hath fol- 
lowed thy voice, and hath avoided these things 
which he here readeth me recounting, and 
confessing my guilt ; let him not scorn me, 
because, being sick, I received my cure from 
that same physician who preserved him from 
being sick, or rather from being so sick. And 
therefore let him love thee as much, yea, 
rather more ; because by that same hand by 
which he sees me recovered from so great ma- 
ladies of my sins, he sees himself preserved 
from being involved in evils as great. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

HE STILL INQUIRES WHAT IT WAS THAT HE LOVED IN 
THIS THEFT, AND FINDS THAT HE SHOULD NOT 
HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT COMPANY. 

1. WHAT fruit had I then, poor soul, in 
these things which, now remembering, / am 
ashamed of Rom. 6, especially in that theft, in 
which I loved the theft itself, and nothing 
else ? And this itself was nothing, and there- 
fore the more wretched I that loved it. And 
yet if I had been alone I should not have done 
it, for such I remember was my disposition at 
that time, that if I had been alone I should 
certainly not have done it. Therefore I loved 
therein the company of those with whom I did 



Chap. 9 confessions. 63 

it ; and so loved something besides the theft, 
though this something is still nothing. 

2. For what is it in reality? Who shall 
here teach me, but he that enlightens m} 
Heart, and discerns the shades thereof 1 Whai 
is this that comes now into my mind to seek 
and examine, and consider 1 For if I ha<5 
loved the fruit which I stole, and only desired 
to enjoy the same ; I might, if this were 
enough, have executed the sin alone, and so 
compassed my pleasure, without inflaming the 
itch of my inordinate desire, by the mutual 
rubbings of other conscious minds ; but as I 
hjad no delight in the fruit, the whole pleasure 
was in the wicked action, and was made by 
the company of others, who were partners in 
the sin. 



CHAPTER IX. 

WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE HIM COMMIT THAT THEFT. 

1. What was then that disposition of my 
mind ? For indeed it was exceedingly filthy, 
and wretched was I under it. But yet what 
was it ? Who can understand sins, Ps. 18. It 
was a laughter, as if the heart was tickled, 
that we were deceiving those who little ima- 
gined we were doing any such thing, and 
would by no means have had. us do it. Why 4 
then did it delight me not to do it alone 1 
Was it because one seldom laughs by one's 
self? Though sometimes laughter overcomes 
persons when they are all alone, when something 



64 st. augustin's Book II. 

very ridiculous presents itself to their senses or 
imaginations. But this I should never have 
done alone, I certainly shoutd not. 

2. Behold the lively remembrance of my 
soul is before thee, my God, that I should 
not have done that theft alone, in which it was 
not that which I stole delighted me, but the 
stealing, which I should have had no pleasure 
in if I had done it alone. friendship, too 
great an enemy ! seduction of the mind, 

and unaccountable greediness of doing; mischief 

© © 

out of play and wantonness ; and an appetite 
of another's loss, without any gain to myself, 
or desire of revenge ! but only because it is 
said, let us go, let us do it, and one is ashamed 
not to be shameless. 



CHAPTER X. 

HE ASPIRES TO GOD, THE SOVEREIGN REST. 

Who can untie this knot, that is so involved 
and entangled ? It is very foul, I will look no 
longer upon it, I will turn away my eyes. I 
will look after thee, justice and innocence, 
ever fair and beautiful, with chaste eyes and 
insatiable satisfaction. With thee is true rest 
and life undisturbed, he that enters into thee 
enters into the joy of his Lord, St. Matt. 25, and 
he shall have nothing to fear, but shall be 
exceedingly well in the sovereign good. From 
thee, my God, I was fallen off, and from 
thy stabilit}^ I was gone too much astray in my 
youth, and so became to myself a land d 
misery and want. 



ST. AUGUSTUS'S 

CONFESSIONS 



BOOK III. 

CHAPTER I. 

OF HIS JOURNEY TO CARTHAGE, AND THE SINFU1 
INCLINATIONS HE HAD THERE. 

1. I came to Carthage, and there the frying- 
pan of vicious loves was crackling on every 
side of me. 1 was not yet in love, and I longed 
to be in love, and out of a more secret want I 
hated myself because I wanted less. I sought 
out for one to love, in love with being loved, 
and I hated safety and a way without snares. 
Because there was a famine within me of that 
interior food, which is no other than thyself, O 
my God ; and that famine did not cause a hun- 
ger in me, but I was without an} r appetite for 
incorruptible aliments ; not because I was full, 
but because the more empty I was, the more I 
loathed this kind of nourishment. And for that 
reason my soul was sick, and being full of 
ulcers miserably broke out, greedy of being 
scratched by the touch of sensible things. Yet 
if they had not a soul too, they would not be 
loved. For to love and to be loved, affected 

6* 



66 st. augustin's Book III 

me most, if I could enjoy the person that 
loved me. 

3. Thus I defiled the vein of friendship with 
the filth of concupiscence, and obscured its 
brightness with clouds sent up from the lowest 
hell of lust : and yet filthy and nasty as I <vas, 
I pretended to be fine and well-bred by an 
excess of vanity. And I quickly overtook 
love, whose prisoner I desired to be. O my 
God, my mercy, with how much gall didst 
thou besprinkle those sweets unto me, and how 
good wast thou in so doing ? for I was loved, 
and was in secret admitted to the band of frui- 
tion ; and I pleased myself with being fettered 
with those wretched chains, in which I was to 
be scourged with the red hot iron rods of 
jealousy and suspicion, and fears, and angers, 
and quarrels. About this time I was much 
carried away with the shows of the theatre, 
full of the representations of my miseries, and 
affording fuel to my fire. 



CHAPTER II. 

IN WHAT MANNER HE WAS AFFECTED BY THE SIGHT 
OF TRAGEDIES. 

1. What is the meaning, that here a man 
seeks to grieve in beholding doleful and tragi- 
cal things, which he himself would not be wil- 
ling to suffer ? And yet he is willing to suffer 
grief in beholding them, and this grief is his 
pleasure. What is this but a wretched mad- 
ness ? For so much more is a man affected by 



Chap. 2 confessions. 67 

these things, by how much less he is free from 
the like passions. Though when a man suf- 
fers such things himself it is called misery^ 
when he is grieved at others suffering them, it 
is styled pity. But what kind of pity is this in 
fabulous and theatrical representations f For 
here the spectator is not encouraged to succour 
a person in distress, but only invited to grieve, 
and the more he is made to grieve, the more 
he applauds the actor of these representations. 
And if these calamities of men, either of ancient 
date, or only feigned, are so acted as not to 
move the spectator to grieve, he goes away 
discontented, and blaming the performance : 
but if he is moved to grief, he stays attentive 
and weeps with satisfaction. Do we then love 
tears and sorrow? Surely every one rather 
desires joy. Or it is that whilst no one has a 
mind to be miserable, yet he is willing to be 
compassionate ; and as compassion cannot be 
without some grief, therefore grief for this 
cause alone is loved ? And this proceeds from 
that vein of friendship. 

2. But whither does this go ? whither does 
it run ? why does it fall into the torrent of 
boiling pitch, the vast whirlpools of filthy 
lusts? into which it is wilfully changed and 
turned, degenerating and cast down from its 
heavenly serenity. Must compassion then be 
condemned ? — by no means. Sorrow then may 
sometimes be loved. But beware of unclean- 
ness, my soul, under the tuition of my God, 
the God of our fathers praised and extolled for 



68 st. augcstin's Book IIL 

evermore, beware of uncleanness, my soul. 
For I am not now without compassion ; but 
then in the theatres I rejoiced together with 
lovers, when they succeeded in their criminal 
intrigues, though only imaginary in the play ; 
and when they lost one another, I was grieved 
as it were out of pity ; and in both these affec- 
tions I took delight : now I much rather pity 
him that rejoices in his crime, than imagine 
him to undergo a hardship who is deprived of 
that pernicious pleasure, and has lost that 
wretched felicity. 

3. This certainly is the truer compassion, 
Out the heart is not delighted in it. For though 
ne is to be commended for his charitable dispo- 
sition who grieves at another's misery, yet he 
had rather there should be no such subject for 
his grief if he be compassionate indeed. For 
unless you suppose well-wishing can be ill- 
wishing, (which indeed cannot be) you cannot 
suppose that he who truly and sincerely com- 
passionates another is desirous to have him 
miserable that he may have compassion for 
him. Some grief then is to be approved, none 
to be loved. Hence thou, Lord God, who 
loves t souls, art far more pure and more incor- 
ruptible in thy mercy than we, i because no 
grief can wound thee. And who besides thee 
can attain to this ? But I then, poor wretch, 
loved to grieve, and sought for something to 
grieve at ; when in another man's disaster, and 
that false, and only personated upon the stage, 
that action of the player delighted me more^ 



Chap. 3. confessions. 69 

and more strongly allured me, which drew 
tears from me. But what wonder, seeing then 
I was an unhappy sheep strayed from thy 
flock, and impatient of thy discipline, covered 
all over with a nasty scab ? And hence was 
my love of sorrow not such as might sink deep 
into my soul, (for I had no mind to suffer such 
things, as I was pleased to see) but such 
as proceeding from things heard and feigned 
might, as it were, only raise the skin, whence 
nevertheless, as from the scratching of enve- 
nomed nails, followed an inflamed humour, 
and an imposthumation, and filthy corruption. 
Such a life as this of mine could it be called 
life, O my God ? 

CHAPTER III. 

BIS CONCUPISCENCE IN THE CHURCH. THE AMBITION 
OF HIS STUDIES, AND HIS CONVERSATION AMONGST 
THE JEERING AND ABUSIVE WITS. 

1. And yet thy mercy, ever faithful to me, 
was all this while hovering over my head, 
though at a distance. Into what iniquities in 
the mean time did I run out ? And I pursued 
a sacrilegious curiosity, which brought me, 
having forsaken thee, to the treacherous depths 
below, and the deceitful service of devils, to 
whom I sacrificed my wicked actions ; and in 
all these things I was scourged by thee. I 
also dared in the celebration of thy solemni- 
ties, within the walls of thy church to give way 
to concupiscence, and to drive on even there the 



70 st. augustin's Book III 

trade of procuring the fruits of death, for which 
thou didst inflict on me grievous punishments, 
but nothing comparable to my crime, O thou 
my exceeding great mercy, my God, my 
refuge from the terrible wicked ones, amongst 
whom I wandered about with an outstretched 
neck, a run-away from thee, loving my own 
ways and not thine, in love with a fugitive 
liberty. 

2. Those studies also, which were called 
honourable, led me away, having an eye upon 
the litigious courts of justice, that I might excel 
in them, and become so much the more famous, 
by how much the more I could deceive men 
by my eloquence. So great is the blindness 
of men, that they even glory in their blindness. 
And by this time I was became a head scholar 
in the school of rhetoric, and I was pleased 
with pride, and swelled with self-conceit ; 
though much more modest, O Lord, thou 
knowest it, and far remote from the ways of 
those whom they call eversores, [the abusive 
wits of the School] for this cruel and diaboli- 
cal name is, as it were, the badge of their 
urbanity. Amongst these I lived with a shame- 
less bashfulness, because I was not like them ; 
with these I conversed, and was delighted 
sometimes with their friendship, but always 
abhorred their doings ; I mean their eversions, 
as they call them, by which they imprudently 
fell upon bashful strangers, and gave them 
uneasiness, making their game of them with- 
out cause, only to gratify a malicious mirth. 



Chap. 4. confessions. 71 

Nothing sure can more resemble the actions 
of the devils than this way of acting. It is 
with justice they are then called eiersores } 
being themselves first everted and perverted by 
those deceitful spirits, who are secretly deri- 
ding and seducing them, in this very thing of 
their delighting to deride and deceive others. 



CHAPTER IV. 

IN THE NINETEENTH YEAR OF HIS AGE, UPON THE 
READING OF CICERO'S HORTENSIUS, HE IS INFLAMED 
WITH THE LOVE OF WISDOM. 

1. Amongst these I, then a youth, was 
learning the books of eloquence, in which I 
desired to be eminent, out of a faulty ambi- 
tious motive which looked no farther than the 
pleasures of human vanity. And now by the 
usual course of learning I was come to a cer- 
tain book of one Cicero, whose tongue almost 
all admire, not so his breast. This book con- 
tains his exhortation to philosophy, and is 
called Hortensius. Now the reading of this 
book changed my disposition, and turned my 
address to thee, O Lord, and quite altered my 
inclinations and desires. All my vain hopes 
immediately appeared contemptible ; and I 
longed after the immortality of wisdom with an 
incredible ardour of heart. And I had now 
begun to arise that I might return to thee. 
For it was not now to sharpen the tongue 
(which I seemed to be purchasing at my mo- 
ther's charges, I being now nineteen years old, 



72 8T. Augustus's Book III 

and my father being dead two years before) it 
was not, I say, to sharpen the tongue that I 
referred the reading of that book; nor was it 
the fine language that there affected me, but 
the things that were said. 

2. How was I all on fire, O my God, how 
was I all on fire with a desire to fly up from 
these earthly things to thee, and I did not 
know what thou wert doing with me ? For 
with thee is Wisdom ; and the love of wisdom 
by a Greek name is called Philosophy, with the 
desire of which these writings inflamed me. 
Some there are that seduce by Philosophy , pali- 
ating and colouring over their errors with this 
great, pleasing, and honourable name ; and 
almost all who in those or former times were 
such, are in that book noted and set down ; 
and therein is manifested that wholesome admo- 
nition of thy spirit, by thy good and pious ser- 
vant. Col. 2. Beware lest any one deceive you 
through Philosophy and vain seductions after the 
tradition of men, after the elements of this world, 
and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all 
the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 

3. And I at that time (for thou knowest the 
light of my heart, that as yet I knew nothing 
of these words of the Apostle) was for this one 
reason so particularly pleased with that exhort- 
ation of Cicero, that it strongly excited and 
enkindled and enflamed me, not after this or 
that sect, but to love, seek and pursue, and lay 
hold on and embrace wisdom itself, whatever 
it was. And in this so great ardour one thing 



Chap. 5. confessions. , 73 

only displeased me, that I found not there the 
name of Christ. For this name according to 
thy mercy, O Lord, this name of my Saviour 
thy son, my tender heart had piously imbibed 
with my mother's milk, and deeply retained. 
And whatsoever wanted this name, how learned 
soever or polite or instructive it might be, did 
not perfectly take with me. 



CHAPTER V. 

HE TAKES THE SCRIPTURES IN HAND, AND IS OFFENDED 
WITH THE LOWNESS OF THE STYLE. 

Therefore I proposed to turn my mind to 
the holy Scriptures, to see what they were. 
And behold I met with a thing not understood 
by the proud, nor laid open to children ; but 
low in its appearance, high in its sense, and 
veiled with mysteries ; nor was I such as could 
enter into, or bend down my neck to its hum- 
ble pace. For I had not those thoughts then, 
which I express now, when I first looked upon 
that sacred book; but to me it then seemed 
unworthy to be compared to Tully^s writings. 
For the swelling of my pride could not bear its 
humility ; and the weakness of my sight did 
not penetrate into the inside thereof. Yet it 
was indeed such as would have grown up with 
little ones, but I disdained to be a little one, 
and being puffed up with pride took myself to 
be a great one. 



74 $t. augustin's Book III. 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE FAILS INTO THE SOCIETY AND ERRORS OF THE 
MANICHSEANS. 

Therefore I fell amongst men proudly doat- 
ing, exceedingly carnal, and great talkers, [the 
ManichcBans] in whose mouths were the snares 
of Satan and a bird-lime made up of a mixture 
of the syllables of thy name, and of that of our 
Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Paraclete the 
Holy Ghost the Comforter. All these names 
were ever in their mouths, but as to the sound 
only a*nd the noise of the tongue, their heart 
being void of all that is true. And they said 
to me ; The truth, the truth ; and many there 
were that repeated this to me, arid the truth 
was no where amongst them ; but they spoke 
false things, not only of thee, who art the truth 
indeed, but also of these elements of 'this world, 
thy creatures, concerning which the philoso- 
phers have spoken true things, whom never- 
theless I ought to pass by for the love of thee, 
O my father, sovereignly good, the beauty of 
all beauties. O truth.! truth ! how entirely 
even then did the very centre of my soul sigh 
after thee ? when they were often repeating 
thy name to me many ways, not by word of 
mouth only, but also in many and large vo- 
lumes. And those were the dishes in which 
they served up to me, who was hungry after 
thee, instead of thee, the sun and moon, thy 
beautiful works indeed, but thy works only, 



Chap. 6. confessions. 75 

not thyself, nor they thy chief and first produc- 
tions ; for thy spiritual works are before those 
corporal ones, though glorious and celestial. 

2. But it was not after these, nor those, but 
after thyself, O truth, in whom there is no 
change nor shadow of a moment, that I was hun- 
gry and thirsty ; and they presented me still in 
those dishes with glittering phantoms (a corpo- 
real divinity) less worthy of thy love than this 
sun which is true to these eyes, whereas those 
others were mere impositions upon a deluded 
mind. And yet taking them to be thee, I fed 
upon them, though with no great appetite, for 
I had there no relish of thee as thou art in 
thyself; for these empty fictions were nothing 
of thee ; neither was I filled by them, but 
rather became more empty. Eating in a dream 
seems like to eating when awake ; but the 
person that is asleep is not nourished by it, for 
'tis only a dream. But those fictions had no 
resemblance at all of thee, as thou hast now 
declared thyself to me; for they were only 
corporeal phantoms, false bodies, better than 
which are these true bodies, whether heavenly 
or earthly, which we discern with the fleshy 
sight. The sight of these is common to us 
with beasts and birds ; and being thus seen 
they are more certain than when they are only 
represented to our imagination : and again, we 
have a more certain imagination of them, than 
when from them we represent to ourselves 
others more great and infinite, which indeed 
have no being at all ; and such were th :>se 



76 •, st. augustin's Book III, 

empty things with which I then was fed and 
was not fed. 

3. But thou, my love, for whom I faint 
away, that I may become strong, art neither 
those bodies which we see, though of Heaven, 
nor yet those which we see not there ; for thou 
hast made them all ; nor dost thou count them 
amongst the chief of thy works. How remote 
then art thou from those imaginations of mine, 
those phantoms of bodies, which have no 
being ; more certain than which are the repre- 
sentations of those bodies that are real, and 
the bodies themselves more certain than their 
representations, and yet thou art not these 
bodies. Neither art thou the soul, which is 
the life of bodies. And better and more cer- 
tain is the life of bodies than the bodies. But 
thou art the life of souls, the life of lives, living 
of thyself, and thou art never changed. life 
of my soul, where wast thou then and at how 
great a distance from me ? And I was in a far 
country from thee 5 not allowed even the husks 
of swine, which I fed with husks. For how 
much better were the fables of the gramma- 
rians and poets, than those cheats ? For verses 
and * poems and Medea flying, are certainly 
more to the purpose than the five elements 
(fictions of the Manichceans) diversely, colour- 
ed up to suit the five caverns of darkness, 
which have no being at all, and are pernicious 
to them that believe them. For verses and 
poems I may employ on good subjects : and as 
for Medea' } s flying, I neither sung it to be 



Chap. 7. confessions. 77 

believed, nor believed it when I heard it sung ; 
but those other things I believed. 

4. Alas ! alas I by what steps was I led 
down into the depths of hell ? For labouring 
and restless in cmest of truth, whilst I sought 
thee, my Goct, (for to thee I now confess, 
who hadst pity on me even when as yet I did 
not confess) whilst I sought thee, not accord- 
ing to the understanding of the mind, in which 
thou wast pleased that I should excel beasts, 
but according to the sense of the flesh, whereas 
thou wast more interior than what was the 
most intimate in me, and higher than what 
was highest in me ; I light upon that im- 
pudent woman, void of wisdom, the riddle 
of Solomon, Prov. 9. Sitting upon a stool at 
the door, and saying, come eat willingly the 
bread that is hidden, and drink of the sweet sto- 
len water. And she led me astray, because 
she found me dwelling abroad in the eye of my 
flesh, and ruminating within me upon sucL 
things only as I had taken in by that avenue,, 



CHAPTER VII. 

THE QUESTIONS THAT STAGGERED HIM, AND THE" 
SOLUTION OF THEM. 

1. For I knew not that which truly is, and' 
was easily moved to assent to those foolish 
deceivers, wittily, as they thought, putting 
such questions as these to me : whence came 
evil? And whether God were 'included in a. 

bodily shape ; and had hair and nails ? And 1 

7# 



78 st. augjstin's Book III. 

whether they were to be accounted just men 
who had many wives at once, and who killed 
men, and offered up living creatures in sacri- 
fice ? with which things, ignorant as I was, I 
was much disturbed, and going away from 
truth, thought I was going towards it, for I did 
not then. know that evil is nothing but the pri- 
vation of good, and that what is nothing good 
is indeed nothing at all. For how should I 
discern this, whose sight as to the eyes, could 
only reach to a body, and as to the mind, 
to a phantom ? 

2. Again, I did not know that God was a 
spirit, without length and breadth of limbs, 
whose being was not any corporeal bulk or big- 
ness, for all such bigness is less in a part than 
in the whole ; and, though you suppose it infi- 
nite, is still less in some portion of it included 
within a certain space, than its infinitude, and 
is not all of it every where as a spirit, as God 
is. And what there was in us, according to 
which we were like to God ; and how we 
were rightly said in the scriptures to be made 
after the image of God, I was altogether igno- 
rant. And I did not know true interior justice, 
which judgeth not by custom, but by the most 
righteous law of an omnipotent God ; accord- 
ing to which were fashioned the manners of 
countries and times, suitably to those countries 
and times ; whereas itself is still the same in 
all places and in all times ; and thus were 
Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob just, and Moses 
and David and all they that have been praised 



Chap. 7. confessions. 79 

by the mouth of God: however silly men have 
deemed them ungodly, who judge according 
to man's day, and measure by the short span 
of their own custom, all the manners of man- 
kind. As if one in an armory not knowing 
for what part each piece was designed, would 
be for covering his head with greaves, and his 
feet with an helmet, and then complain that 
they did not fit ; or as if when upon some day 
traffic is forbidden in the afternoon, a person 
should murmur that he is not then allowed to 
sell what he might in the morning ; or seeing 
in any house some servant taking a thing in 
hand, which perhaps another servant is not 
suffered to meddle with ; or something done 
behind the stable, which is not permitted in 
the dining room ; should take it ill, that in one 
dwelling, and the same family, the same thing 
should not be allowed to every one in everyplace. 
3. Even such are they, who are angry when 
they hear, that some things in that age were 
lawful to just men, which are not now allowed ; 
and that God commanded one thing to them ; 
another thing to us, for reasons suitable to the 
times, whilst both the one and the other served 
the same justice ; whereas they see, that in one 
and the same man, and on one day, and in one 
family, several things suit to the several mem- 
bers, and that what is allowed in one hour is 
not allowed in another ; and that what is per- 
mitted, or even commanded to be done in one 
place, is justly forbidden and punished if done 
in another. Is justice then itself various and 



80 st. augustin's Book IIL 

changeable ? no ; but the times, over which it 
presides, run not constant and even ; for they 
are (fleeting) times. And men, whose life is 
short upon earth, being unable by their weak 
sense to connect and reconcile the causes of 
past ages, and of sovereign nations, wherein 
they have no experience, with those where- 
with they are acquainted, though they can well 
discern in one body, or day, or house, what 
becomes each part, hour, room or person ; are 
offended in the one case, and well satisfied in 
the other. 

4. These things at that time I knew not, and 
I took no notice of them : and on every side 
they beat upon my eyes, and I did not see 
them. And in the verses that I made I was 
not to place every foot every where, but in 
different kinds of verses, in different manner ; 
and in any one verse not the same foot in 
every place ; yet the art itself of poetry was 
not therefore different, but comprehended at 
once all these varieties. And I did not see 
that that Justice, which good and holy men 
obeyed, did far more excellently and sublimely 
comprehend at once all these things which 
God commanded, and in itself never varied, 
though in various times it distributed and com- 
manded what was proper to each time, and not 
all at one. Hence, blind as I was, I censured 
those holy patriarchs, not only using things 
present according as God had commanded, and 
inspired, but also foreshowing thereby things 
to come, according as God had revealed. 



Ihap, 8. confessions. 81 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE LAW OF GOD, BY WHICH CRIMES AGAINST NATURE 
ARE PROHIBITED, IS ETERNAL AND UNCHANGEABLE.' 

1. Is it then at any time, or in any place, 
unjust to love God with all our heart, with all 
our soul, and with all our mind, and to love 
our neighbour as ourselves ? No. And there- 
fore those vicious actions that are against 
nature, are in all places and at all times to be 
detested and punished ; such as those of the 
Sodomites were, which, if all nations were to 
commit, they would incur the same criminal 
guilt by God's law, which made not men to use 
themselves in that manner. For that society 
is violated which we ought to have with God, 
when the nature of which he, is the author, is 
defiled by unnatural lust. But those things 
that are only crimes against the civil society 
of men, are, according to the diversity of their 
several customs and practices, to be avoided ; 
so that a mutual covenant in an} T city or na- 
tion, ratified by custom or law, ought not to be 
violated at the pleasure of any one, whether 
native or stranger : for that part is justly 
deemed shameful and deformed, which does 
not agree with its whole. But when God at 
any time commandeth a thing contrary to any 
such custom or covenant, though it was never 
there done before, it must now be done ; or if 
intermitted, it must be restored ; or if not for- 
merly instituted, it is then to be enacted For 



82 st. augustin's Book III 

if a king may in the city, over which he 
reigns, command something, which never any 
one before him, nor he himself before had com- 
manded, and is obeyed in such cases without 
any prejudice to civil society ; nay, it would 
be against civil society not to obey him, it 
being a general agreement of human society to 
obey their kings ; how much more ought we 
without hesitation to obey God, the king of the 
whole creation, in whatever he commands ? 
For as amongst the powers of human society, 
the higher power, in point of obedience, is to 
be preferred to the lower, so must God be- 
fore all. 

2. And what is said of vicious excesses 
against nature and their perpetual unlawful- 
ness, must be said also of crimes where there 
is a desire of hurting others, whether by con- 
tumely or injury; and this, either out of 
revenge, as when done by an enemy to his ene- 
my ; or for some temporal interest, as by a 
highwayman to a traveller ; or to avoid some 
evil apprehended, as when done to one we fear ; 
or through envy, as in the case of one that is 
unfortunate with regard to one that is more 
happy, or of one that is in prosperity with 
regard to one who he fears should grow to be 
his equal, or is grieved that he is so already ; 
or in fine, merely to take pleasure in others 
evils, as when persons are spectators of the 
gladiators, or delight in deriding and scoffing at 
others. These are the heads of iniquity which 
spring from the pride of life, and lust of the 



Chap. 8. confessions. 83 

eyes, and lust of the flesh ; either from one, or 
from two of them, or from all three : and thus 
men live wickedly against the two tables of 
three, and seven cc mmandments, the instru- 
ment of ten strings, thy decalogue, O God, 
most high and most sweet. 

3. But what lewd actions can reach thee, 
who canst not be corrupted or defiled? Or 
what crimes can touch thee, who canst not be 
hurt ? But thou revengest that which men 
commit against themselves; for when they 
also sin against thee, they do wickedly against 
their own souls ; and iniquity lieth to itself; 
either by corrupting or perverting their own 
nature ; which thou hast created and regula- 
ted ; or by the immoderate use of things 
allowed ; or by lusting in things not allowed 
after that use=, which is against nature : or they 
are guilty in mind or words of raging against 
thee and kicking against the goad ; or break- 
ing down the pales of human society, they 
audaciously delight in private combinations or 
rapines, according to the dictates of their plea- 
sure or passion. 

4. And such things are done when thou art 
forsaken, who are the fountain of life, the true 
creator and ruler of the Universe ; and by pri- 
vate pride some one thing that is false in some 
little part thereof is loved before thee. There- 
fore it must be by an humble piety that we 
must return to thee, and then thou cleansest 
us from our evil customs, and showest mercy 
to them that confess their sins, and hear est the 



84 st. aitgustin's Book III 

groans of them that are fettered, and loosest 
those bands which we have made to our- 
selves ; provided that we now no longer ad- 
vance against thee the horns of a false liberty, 
by the covetousness of having more, and so 
incur the loss of all, by loving more a private 
good of our own, than thee, the universal good 
of all. 



CHAPTER IX. 

OF THE SINS OF BEGINNERS, AND THAT WHAT GOD 
COMMANDS IS ALWAYS TO BE DONE. 

1. Amongst these crimes of lewdness and 
malice, and so many sorts of iniquities, there 
are also to be considered the sins of proficient l s, 
which by them that judge right are blamed for 
falling short of the rule of perfection, and yet 
are valued for the hopes of future progress as 
the green blade from which corn may come. 
And there are some things again that have 
some resemblance with crimes and yet are no 
sins, because they neither offend thee, our Lord 
God, nor are contrary to human society ; as 
when things are procured for the service of life 
according to the exigence of the time, and oth- 
ers know not whether it may not be out of covet- 
ousness ; or when persons are punished by a 
lawful authority with a good intention of a chari- 
table correction, and to others it is uncertain 
whether it be not out of malice. Hence many 
actions, which to men might have appeared 
blameabie, have been approved by thy testi- 



Chap. 9. confessicns. 8S 

mony ; and many that have been praised by 
men are condemned in thy eyes ; there being 
often a great difference between the appear- 
ance of the action, and the intention of the 
actor, together with the exigence of the secret 
circumstance of the time wherein it is acted. 

2. When therefore thou suddenly command- 
est some unusual and unexpected thing, al- 
though it be what thou hast before prohibited, 
and although thou hides t for the present the 
cause of thy command, and it be withal against 
the covenant of some human society ; who 
doubts but that what thou commandest ought 
to be obeyed ; Since that human society only 
is truly just which serveth thee ? But happy 
are they that know these thy commands. For 
all those extraordinary things (in the old testa- 
ment (that have been done by them that ser- 
ved thee, were either to exhibit something 
requisite for the present, or to foretell some- 
thing to come. 



CHAPTER X. 

THE OPINION OF THE MANICHjEANS OF PARTICLES OF 
GOD IMPRISONED IN THE FRUITS OF THE EARTH. 

These things I not knowing, derided thy 
holy servants and Prophets, and in deriding 
them deserved, myself to be derided by thee. 
Being brought by insensible degrees to such 
fooleries as to believe, when a fig is gathered, 
that both it and its mother tree weep with 
milky tears : which fig notwithstanding, if 

8 



86 sr. augustin's Book III. 

some Manichcean saint should eat (after it had 
been plucked by the crime forsooth of another 
and not his own) his bowels enclosed, and 
from thence sent out angels, nay, rather parti- 
cles of the deity, by groaning in prayer and 
belching ; which particles of the sovereign 
and true God were imprisoned in that fruit, 
till they were restored to liberty by the teeth 
and bowels of some elect saint. And wretch 
as I was I believed more mercy was to be 
shown to the fruits of the earth than to men 
for whom they were made : for if any one that 
was hungry, that was not a ManichcBan, should 
have begged for any, I should have looked 
upon the morsel as condemned to a capital 
punishment, if it were given to him. 

CHAPTER XI. 

HIS mother's vision concerning his conversion. 

1 . AND thou didst send thy hand from an 
high, and hast delivered my soul out of this 
profound darkness, whilst my mother, one of 
thy faithful, was weeping for me unto thee, 
much more than mothers weep for the corpo- 
ral death of their children. For she looked 
upon me as dead, by the faith and the spirit 
which she had from thee, and thou wast 
pleased graciously to hear her, O Lord. 
Thou didst hear her, and despisedst not her 
tears, when flowing from her they watered 
the ground under her eyes, in every place 
where she prayed, and thou wast pleased to 



Chap. 11. confessions. 87 

hear her. For whence but from thee was that 
dream, with which thou didst comfort her, 
assuring her that I should again live with her, 
and have the same table in the house with her, 
which she had begun to be averse from, as 
detesting the blasphemies of my errors ? For 
she saw herself standing upon a certain rule 
of wood, and a beautiful young man coming 
towards her, cheerful and smiling upon her, 
whereat she was sorrowful and spent with 
grief, who having asked her the cause of her 
sorrow and of her daily tears, with intention 
to instruct her, not to learn of her ; and she 
having answered that she bewailed the loss of 
me ; he bid her be easy, and to look and see 
that ivhere she was I was also : upon which 
looking she perceived me standing by her upon 
the same rule. From whence was all this, 
but from thy ears being open to the cry of 
her heart ? 

2. Oh ! thou good Almighty ! who hast as 
much care of each one of us, as if thou hadst 
no one else to take care of ; and as much care 
of all as of each one ; whence also was it, 
that when she related this vision to me, and I 
was endeavouring to draw it to this sense, that 
she rather should not despair of being one day 
what I was, she readily without any hesitation 
answered, iVo, not so, for it was not said to me, 
where he, there also you ; but where you, there 
he also ? I confess to thee, O Lord, as much 
as I remember, (and I have often spoke of it) 
*that this thy answer given by my mother when 



88 st augustin's Book HI 

awake, (no ways put to a stand by that false 
though plausible interpretation, and so readily 
discerning the truth, which I before she spoke 
had not observed) struck me at that time more 
than her dream, by which that pious woman 
had her joy, which was to come so long after, 
foretold her for the comfort of her present 
uneasiness so long beforehand. 

3. For there succeeded yet almost nine 
years in which I still lay wallowing in that 
mire of the deep and in the darkness of error, 
often making efforts to rise, and falling back 
into a worse state, whilst that chaste, devout, 
and sober widow (such as thou lovest) more 
cheerful indeed now in her hopes, yet no way 
slacker in her sighs and tears, ceased not in all 
the hours of her prayers to bewail me in thy 
sight. And her prayers were admitted into 
thy presence, and yet thou sufferedst me to go 
on still and to be involved in that darkness. 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE ANSWER OF A HOLY BISHOP CONCERNING HIS 
CONVERSION. 

1. In the mean time thou gavest her also 
another answer, which I call to my remem- 
brance ; for I pass over many things, because 
I make haste to those which press me more to 
confess to thee ; and many things I have for- 
got. Thou gavest her therefore yet another 
answer, by a Priest of thine, a certain Bishop 
nursed in thy church, and well read in thy 



Chap. 12. confessions. 89 

books: whom when she solicited to vouch- 
safe to confer with me, to confute my errors, 
to un teach me that which was evil, and teach 
me that which was good, (an office which he 
used willingly to perform when he met with 
persons that were tractable) he desired to be 
excused ; and that very prudently, as I since 
have understood ; alledging that I was as yet 
indocile, because I was puffed up with the 
novelty of that heresy, the more because as 
she had also told him, I had already puzzled 
many unexperienced persons with certain quib- 
bles. But let him alone,* said he, only pray 
to our Lord for him ; he will at length by 
reading discover what that error is, and how 
great its impiety. 

2. At the same time he told her how he 
himself when a little one was by his deceived 
mother given to the Manichaans, and had not 
only read but also copied out almost all their 
books, and had of himself found out, without 
any one's disputing with him, or convincing 
him, how much that sect was to be abhorred, 
and had therefore forsaken it. When he had 
told her this and she Was not yet satisfied, but 
persisted still importuning him with many 
tears, that he would see me and discourse with 
me : he being now a little disgusted with her 
importunity, said to her, go your way, God 
bless you j for it cannot be that a child of those 
tears should perish. Which words, as she hath 
since many times told me,, she received as an 
oracle from Heaven. 

8* 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS. 

BOOK IV. 

CHAPTER I 

FROM THE NINETEENTH TO THE TWENTY-EIGHTH 
YEAR OF HIS AGE HE CONTINUES ADDICTED TO THE 
MANICH^ANS. 

1. For this space of nine years, from the 
nineteenth to the twenty-eighth year of my age, 
we were seduced and did seduce, being de- 
ceived and deceiving others in various inordi- 
nate desires ; openly by what they call the 
liberal sciences, secretly by the false name of 
religion ; proud in the one, superstitious in the 
other, in both vain. Following the emptiness 
of popular glory, as far as the applauses of the 
theatre, and contentions, disputes, and strifes 
for crowns of hay, and the fooleries of shews, 
and the intemperance of lusts ; and seeking in 
that false religion to be purged from these 
uncleannesses, by carrying food to those who 
are called the Elect and- the Saints, which in 
the shop of their stomach was to be moulded 
into angels and gods, by whom we were to be 
delivered. Such things I followed and prac- 
tised with my friends, deceived with me and 
by me. 



Chap. 2. confessions. 91 

2. The proud, and such as are not yet sav- 
ingly cast down and broken by thee, my God, 
may laugh at me if they please, but I confess 
to thee my disgraces in thy praise. Suffer me, 
I beseech thee, and enable me to go through 
with my present memory all the past rounds 
of my error, and sacrifice to thee a victim of 
joy. For what am I to myself without thee 
but a guide to a precipice ? Or what am I 
when it is well with me, but one sucking thy 
milk, and enjoying thee, the food that perish- 
eth not ? or what is any man, since he is but 
man ? but let the strong and the mighty laugh 
at us ; we that are weak and poor will con- 
fess to thee. 



CHAPTER II. 

HE TEACHETH RHETORIC; KEEPS A CONCUBINE; REFU- 
SES THE ASSISTANCE OF A MAGICIAN, PROMISING 
HIM VICTORY IN A PRIZE OF POETRY UPON THE 
THEATRE. 

1. In those years I taught in rhetoric, and 
sold to others the art of overcoming by elo- 
quence, whilst I myself was overcome by inor- 
dinate desires. Yet I rather wished, Lord, 
thou knowest, to have good scholars, as they 
are commonly called good ; and without deceit 
I taught them deceits ; not to use them against 
the life of the innocent, but sometimes in 
defence of the guilty. And thou, O God, 
didst behold from afar off that faith stagger- 
ing as it were in a slippery place, and send- 



92 st. augustin's Book IV. 

ing out some few sparks in the midst of a 
cloud of smoke, which in that station I exhi- 
bited towards those that were in love with van- 
ity, and sought after lying, Psalm 4, being no 
better myself. 

2. In those years I had conversation with 
one, not joined to me by lawful marriage, but 
chosen by the wandering heat of imprudent 
passion. Yet I had but one, and kept faith- 
ful to her : that I might experience by myself 
the distance there is between the right way of 
the matrimonial contract made for the sake of 
issue, and the covenant of a lewd love, where 
children are born undesired, though when once 
born they oblige us to love them. 

3. I remember also that when I had under- 
taken to try upon the theatre for a prize in 
poetry, a certain soothsa} T er sent to me to 
know what reward I would give him, that by 
his help I might overcome ; and that I, detest- 
ing and abominating such filthy mysteries, 
answered, that if the crown that was to be 
obtained were even of immortal gold, I would 
not permit a fly to be sacrificed to give me the 
victory. For his purpose was to sacrifice 
some living creature, and by those honours he 
pretended to invite some demons to my assis- 
tance. But this evil I did not reject for the 
chaste love of thee, O God of my heart ; for I 
did not know how to love thee, since I could 
think of nothing but corporeal brightnesses, 
which I mistook for thee. And does not a 
soul that gives way to such fictions go a whor- 



Chap. 3. confessions. 93 

ing from thee, and trust in false things, and 
feed the winds ! But I would not forsooth that 
any sacrifice should be offered to the devils for 
me, whilst I sacrificed myself to them by my 
superstition. And what is it else to feed the 
winds, but to feed those wicked spirits, that is, 
by error to become their sport and their laugh- 
ing-stock ? 



CHAPTER III. 

HE IS ADDICTED TO JUDICIAL ASTROLOGY, FROM WHICH 
A LEARNED PHYSICIAN STRIVES TO DISSUADE HIM. 

1. Therefore I made no scruple of con- 
sulting those planet-gazers, whom they call 
astrologers, as if they made no sacrifice, nor 
directed any prayers to any spirit in their divi- 
nations, which yet christian and true piety 
rejects and condemns. For it is good to con- 
fess to thee, Lord, and to say, have mercy 
on me, heal my soul, for I have sinned against 
thee, Psalm 40. And then not to abuse thy 
indulgence by taking liberty to sin again ; but 
to remember that saying of our Lord, St. John 
5. v. 14. Behold thou art made whole, sin now 
no more, lest something worse befall thee. But 
these men seek* to destroy those wholesome 
precepts, when they say, from Heaven is the 
inevitable cause of thy sin ; and Venus has 
done this, or Saturn, or Mars : that man, for- 
sooth, who is but flesh and blood, and proud 
rottenness might be without faith, and the 
blame might be cast upon the Creator and 



94 st. augustin's Book IV. 

Ruler of the Heavens and the stars. And 
who is this but our God, the sweetness and 
origin of justice, who render est to every one 
according to his works , Matt. 16, and despisest 
not a contrite and humble heart , Psalm 50. 

2. There was at that time an ingenious man, 
most skilful in the art of physic, and very 
famous in that profession ; who as Proconsul 
had with his own hand set that agonistical 
crown on my sick head, but not as my phy- 
sician. For thou alone canst cure such dis- 
eases ; who resistest the proud, and givest grace 
to the humble, St. James 4. 1. St. Peter 5. 
Yet even by this old man thou wast not want- 
ing to offer me thy helping hand, and didst not 
forbear to administer physic to my soul. For 
after that I was become familiar with him, and 
was an assiduous and attentive hearer of his 
discourses, (which, without ornament of words, 
were agreeable and grave for the vivacity of 
his sentences) he understood by my talk that I 
was addicted to the books of the Casters of 
Nativities ; and he kindly and fatherly advised 
me to throw them away, and not idly to bestow 
upon that empty study my care and pains 
necessary for more useful things ; telling me 
that himself in his younger days had applied 
himself to that study, so far as to intend to 
make a profession of it for his livelihood ; and 
if he could understand Hippocrates, he cer- 
tainly was not incapable of understanding also 
that kind of learning ; yet that he had quitted 
it, to betake himself to the study of physic, for 



Chap. 3. confessions. 95 

no other reason but that he had plainly dis- 
covered the falsity of that pretended science, 
and was unwilling to owe his maintenance to 
tricks and deceit. But you, said he, have the 
profession of rhetoric, whereby to subsist, and 
follow this fallacious study, not out of neces- 
sity, but free choice ; so that you ought so 
much the sooner to give credit to me, who 
have laboured to attain perfection in it, with a 
design to get my living by it. 

3. Of whom when I had demanded how 
then it came to pass that so many things were 
told true in that profession ? He answered, as 
he could (being no christian) that this was to 
be attributed to the power of chance, every 
where diffused through the whole body of 
nature. For if by dipping at hap-hazard into 
the pages of a poet, treating and intending 
quite another thing, the consulter often lights 
upon a verse strangely consonant to the busi- 
ness in hand; he said it was not to be admi- 
red, if out of the soul of man, not knowing 
what it was doing (from some superior in- 
stinct) by chance, not by art, something should 
be delivered agreeable to the condition and 
actions of the enquirer. And this thou pro- 
curedst for me from that man, or through him, 
and imprintedst in my memory, what I should 
afterwards by myself farther enquire into. Yet 
at that time, neither he, nor my dearest Nebri- 
dius, a very good young man, and very pru- 
dent, laughing at all this sort of divination, 
could persuade me to lay aside these things ; 



96 st. Augustus's Book IV 

for I was more moved by the authority of 
those writers, and could as yet discover no 
certain demonstrations, such as I was in quest 
of, whereby it might without any ambiguity 
appear to me, that the things which were truly 
foretold by these men when consulted, were 
delivered by hap-hazard, and not by any art or 
knowledge which they had from considering 
the stars. 



CHAPTER IV. 

HIS GREAT GRIEF AT THE DEATH OF A DEAR FRIEND 
WHOM HE HAD ENGAGED IN HIS ERRORS, BUT WHO 
WAS BAPTIZED BEFORE HIS DEATH. 

1. In those years, when I first began to teach 
in the town where I was first born (Tagasie) I 
had a friend, whom the society of the same 
studies had made exceedingly dear to me ; one 
of the same age, and equally flourishing in the 
bloom of his youth. We had grown up 
together from children, and went to school 
together, and played together : though at that 
time he was not so great a friend as afterwards; 
nor indeed was he so afterwards, according to 
the rule of true friendship ; for that friendship 
only is true, by which such as adhere to thee 
are united together by thee, by Charity shed 
abroad in our hearts, by the Holy Ghost who is 
given unto us, Rom. 5. 5. But yet that amity 
was exceedingly sweet, formed by the eager 
pursuit of the like studies. For I had also per- 
verted him from the true faith, of which he had 



Chap. 4. confessions. 97 

but an imperfect knowledge, to those super- 
stitious and pernicious fables, for which my 
mother was bewailing me. And in his mind 
he was going astray with me, nor could my 
soul be any where easy without him. And lo 
thou pursuing close upon the backs of us thy 
fugitives, at once both the God of revenge and 
the fountain of mercy, who by wonderful ways 
convertest us to thee, didst take that man out 
of this life when he had scarce completed one 
year in that friendship sweet to me beyond all 
the sweets of that my life. 

2. Where is the man that can enumerate thy 
ptaises, which he hath experienced in himself 
alone ? What didst thou do at that time, my 
God ; and how unsearchable was the abyss of 
thy judgments ? For he being ill of a burning 
fever, lay a long time without sense in a mortal 
sweat ; so that his recovery being despaired of 
he was baptized in that condition : whilst I did 
not care what they did ; presuming that his 
soul would rather retain what he had received 
from me, than what was done to his body with- 
out his knowledge. But it proved far other- 
wise, for he was relieved, and recovered. And 
presently, as soon as I could speak with him 
(which was as soon as he could speak, for 1 
departed not from him, and our intimacy was 
too great to prohibit me) I offered to make a 
jest to him, expecting that he would do the 
same, of the baptism he had received, when 
he was quite out of his senses, the ugh by this 
time he had been acquainted that he had re- 





98 st augustin's Book IV. 

ceived it. But he had an horror of me as of an 
enemy, and with a wonderful and unexpected 
liberty admonished me, that if I meant to con- 
tinue a friend, I should speak no more to him 
in that manner. At which I, being astonished 
and troubled, thought it best nevertheless to 
defer the giving scope to the motions of my 
breast, till he had recovered strength, and was 
in a more proper condition for me to deal with 
him as I had a mind. But he, happily snatch- 
ed out of the hands of my madness, that with 
thee he might be reserved for my comfort, 
within a few days, when I was absent, was 
again seized by the fever, and died. 

3. With what grief was my heart then dark- 
ened, and how did every thing that I saw look 
like death ? My own country became a pun- 
ishment to me, and my father's house a won- 
derful misery, and all places or things in which 
I had communicated with him, were turned 
into a bitter torment to me, being now without 
him. My eyes every where wanted him, and 
he was no where presented to me ; and I hated 
all things, because they had him not, nor could 
they now tell me behold he will come, as before 
in his life-time when he was absent. And I 
was become a great rack to myself: and I 
asked my soul, why she was sad, and why she 
disturbed me so ? Psalm 42. And she knew not 
what to answer me. And if I said to her, 
hope in God, she had good reason not to obey 
me, for the dear man she had lost was a far 
better and truer thing than the phantom of a 



Chap. 5. confessions. 99 

God in which I bid her hope. Weeping was 
then the only thing that was sweet to me, and 
had succeeded my friend in the dearest place 
of my affection 



CHAPTER V. 

WHY MOURNING IS SO PLEASANT TO THE AFFLICTED. 

And now, O Lord, those things are long since 
past, and my wound has been healed by time. 
May I learn from thee, who art the truth, and 
apply the ear of my heart to thy mouth that 
thou mayest tell me, why weeping is pleasant 
to them that are in misery. Hast thou, though 
thou art present every where, cast away our 
misery at a distance from thee? And thou 
remainest in thyself, whilst we are rolled about 
in various experiments : and yet, if we were 
not to bemoan ourselves in thy ears, no spark 
of hope would remain. From whence then is 
a sweet fruit gathered, from the bitterness of 
life, in groaning, and weeping, and sighing, and 
bemoaning ourselves ? Is this sweetness from 
the hope that thy ears are there to hear us ? 
This would be right in the case of prayers, 
where there is a desire of obtaining. But is it 
so in the grief for a thing lost, and in the 
mourning with which I was ther overwhelmed ? 
For I had no hopes of his returning to life, 
neither did I petition for this by my tears, but 
I only grieved and lamented, because I was 
miserable and had lost my joy. Or is weeping 
indeed in itself a bitter thing, and yet in these 



100 st. Augustus's Book IV 

cases gives us a pleasure, by reason of the 
loathing we have for the things we delighted in 
before, which we now abhor 1 

CHAPTER VI. 

THE HORROR HE HAD FOR DEATH, WHICH HAD 
SNATCHED AWAY HIS FRIEND. 

1. But why do I speak of these things ? for 
'tis not now time to ask questions, but to con- 
fess to thee. I was miserable, and every soul 
is miserable, that is tied down by love to 
perishable things, and she is torn in pieces 
when she is separated from them, and then she 
feels that misery, by w T hich she was also mise- 
rable before she lost them. It was so with me 
at that time, and I wept most bitterly, and in 
that bitterness I placed my repose. Thus was 
I miserable, and yet I loved that life, miserable 
as it was, more dearfy than my friend ; for 
though I would fain have changed it, yet I was 
unwilling to lose it any more than him ; and I 
know not whether I should have been willing 
to lose it even for him : as they tell of Orestes 
and Pylades, if it be not a fable, that they 
strove to die for each other, or at least together ; 
because it was to them worse than death not to 
live together. But for my part, there was, I 
know not what, quite contrary dispositions at 
that time in me ; for I loathed life exceedingly, 
and yet feared to die. I believe the more 1 
loved him, the more I hated and feared death 
as a most cruel enemv, that had taken hin? 



Chap. 7. confessions. 101 

away from me, and thought that she would 
suddenly devour all other men, because she 
had that power over him. Such, I remember, 
was my disposition at that time. 

2. Behold my heart, O my God, behold and 
see within me, that I remember this, thou 
my hope, that cleansest me from the impurity 
of such affections, directing my eyes to thee, 
and plucking my feet out of the snare. For I 
wondered that the rest of mortals could live, 
because he was dead whom I had loved, as if 
he were never to die ; and I much more won- 
dered, that. I myself, who was another Ae, could 
live when he was gone. Well did one say of 
his friend animce dimidium mea* that he was 
one half of his soul; for I thought that my soul 
and his was but one soul in two bodies : and 
therefore I loathed life, because I was unwil- 
ling to live by halves ; and therefore perhaps I 
am afraid to die, lest whole he should perish 
whom I had loved so much.| 

CHAPTER VII. 

UNABLE TO BEAR THE SIGHT OF THE PLACE WHERE 
THEY HAD LIVED TOGETHER, HE LEAVES TAGASTE, 
AND GOES TO CARTHAGE. 

1. O madness, that knows not how to love 
men like men ! O foolish man that I then was, 

* Horace speaking of Virgil, 
f St Augustin in his Retractions, 1. 2. c. 6, censures 
this expression as light and unworthy the gravity of a 
confession made to God. 

9* 



102 st. Augustus's Book IV. 

so immoderately to take to heart human acci- 
dents ! therefore I was restless, and sighed, 
and wept, and was distracted, and bereft both 
of ease and counsel. For I carried about with 
me a soul all wounded and bleeding, impatient 
to be any longer carried by me, and where to 
lay it down to rest I did not find. It could 
take no delight in pleasant groves, nor in plays 
and music, nor in fragrant odours, nor in ele- 
gant banquets, nor in the pleasures of the 
chamber and the bed, nor in fine books and 
poems. All things looked ghastly, even the 
very light, and whatever was not he, was 
loathsome and distasteful to me except sighs 
and tears, for in these alone I found some 
small ease. 

2. But when my soul was taken off from 
thence, I was weighed down by the grievous 
burthen of my misery, which by thee, O Lord, 
was to be lightened and cured. I knew it, 
but had neither will nor ability to redress my 
misery by apptying to thee : the less because 
thou wast not to me any thing solid or stable, 
when I essayed to think of thee. For it was 
not thou but a vain phantom and my own 
error that was my God. And if I endeavoured 
to place my soul there that it might rest, it 
came tumbling down for want of a stay through 
the empty air, and fell back upon me, and I 
still remained to myself an unhappy place, 
where I could neither be, nor yet get away. 
For whither could my heart fly from my 
heart? whither could I fly from myself? and 



Chap. 8. confessions. 103 

where would not myself follow me ? however, 
I fled from my own Country, for my eyes 
missed him less where they were not used to 
see him ; and from Tagaste I came to Car- 
thage. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

HIS GRIEF IS ALLAYED BY TIME AND BY NEW 
FRIENDSHIPS. 

1. Times are not idle, but as they roll away 
by these our senses they produce wonderful 
effects in the soul. Behold they came and 
passed day after day, and in coming and pass- 
ing they imprinted in me other images, and 
other remembrances, and by degrees renewed 
in me my former kinds of delights, to which 
that grief of mine gave place. But there suc- 
ceeded to it, not indeed other sorrows, yet the 
causes of other sorrows. For whence had late 
great grief so easily and so deeply wounded me, 
but because I had poured out my soul upon the 
sand, by loving one that was to die, as if he 
had never been to die : and what now most of 
all repaired and diverted me was the comforts 
of other friends, with whom I loved something 
else instead of thee. And this was that grand 
fable and long-spun lye (of Manichceism) which 
through the ears corrupted our itching minds 
by its adulterous rubbings : nor did this fable 
die to me, when any of my friends died. 

2. There were other things also in my 
friends which more affected my mind ? as to 



104 st. augusiin's Book IV. 

chat together, and to laugh together, and to do 
mutual friendly services to one another ; to read 
pleasant books together ; to jest together, and 
then to be grave together ; to dissent from one 
another sometimes without ill will, as a man 
would do from himself, and by this disagreeing 
in some few things to season, as it were, and bet- 
ter relish our agreeing in many others ; to teach 
one another something, or to learn something 
from one another ; to wish for one another 
when absent with uneasiness, and to receive 
one another with joy when returned home : by 
these and such like signs proceeding from the 
heart of such as mutually love one another, 
through the countenance, through the tongue, 
through the eyes, and through a thousand 
agreeable motions, as it were by so much fuel, 
to melt down souls, and of many to make them 
one. 



CHAPTER IX. 

ALL HUMAN FRIENDSHIP DEFECTIVE IN COMPARISON 
WITH DIVINE CHARITY. 

This it is that is loved in a friend, and so 
loved that a man's conscience accuses itself, if 
he loves not him that loves him again, or loves 
not that man again that loves him first ; seeking 
nothing from him in the carnal way, but only 
demonstrations of his benevolence. Hence is 
that mourning when a friend dies, and that 
darkness of sorrow, and a heart lamenting at 
its sweetness being turned to bitterness, and 



Onap. 10. confessions. 105 

from the loss of the life of the dead even the 
death of the living. Ah ! blessed is he that 
loveth thee, O Lord, and his friend in thee, and 
his enemy for thee : for he alone never loseth 
an} T thing that is dear, to whom all are dear 
only in him whom he never loseth: and who 
is this but our God, the God that made Heaven 
and Earth, and filleth Heaven and Earth, 
and who made them by filling them ? no one 
loseth thee, but he that leaveth thee. And 
whither doth he go that leaveth thee, or whither 
doth he fly but from thee pleased to the offend- 
ed ? For where can he be where he does not 
find thy law in his punishment ? and thy law 
is truth, and truth is thyself. 

CHAPTER X 

ALL THINGS LOVED, BESIDES GOD, PASS AWAY, AND 
LEAVE THE LOVER TO EMBRACE SORROWS. 

1. O God of Powers , convert us to thee, and 
show us thy countenance, and we shall he saved. 
Psalm 79. For which way soever the soul of 
man turneth itself, it lights upon sorrow, 
excepting only when it turns to thee : although 
it fastens upon beautiful things abroad from 
thee, and from itself; which yet could have no 
being, if they were not from thee. All these 
have their rising and their setting ; and in their 
rising they begin (as it were) to be, and they 
grow up towards their perfection ; which when 
they have attained, they fade away and they 
perish, for all things fale away, and all die. 



106 8T. August in's Book IV 

So that when they rise and tend towards their 
being, the more speedily they advance to be, 
the more haste they make not to be. Such is 
their condition ; and more than this thou hast 
not given them, because they are but parts of 
things, which subsist not altogether, but by 
one going off and another coming on, make up 
by this succession the whole of which they are 
the parts. As it is with regard to our speech, 
which is in like manner compounded of a suc- 
cession of significant sounds; for the whole 
speech cannot be perfected, unless each w r ord 
give way when it hath sounded its part, and 
make room for another to succeed it. 

3. May my soul from these things take occa- 
sion to praise thee, O God, the Creator of all 
things ; but suffer her not to cleave to them by 
the glue of love through the senses of the body, 
For they go on the way they were going 
towards their not being, and leave the soul 
wounded with pestilent desires because she 
would feign have them still be, and would feign 
take her rest in the things she loves : and there 
is no room for her to rest in them ; for they 
never stand still, but run away, and who can 
follow them with the sense of the flesh when 
they are gone, or hold them fast while they are 
at hand ? for the sense of the flesh is slow, be- 
cause it is but the sense of the flesh, and such 
is the condition of it. It is sufficient for the 
ends for which it was made ; but it is not able 
to detain and hold fast things that never stand 
still, but are always running from their appoint- 



Chap. 11. confessions 107 

ed beginning to their appointed end. For in 
thy word, by which they were created, they all 
bear their appointed race, from hence you shall 
set outy and hitherto you shall run, 

CHAPTER XI. 

HE ENCOURAGES HIS SOUL TO RUN TO GOD, THE ONLY 
PERFECT AND UNCHANGEALE GOOD. 

1 . Be not vain, O my soul, so as to let the 
ear of thy heart be deafened with the noise of 
thy vanity. Hearken thou also to this word 
which calls upon thee to return, and that with 
it is the place of undisturbed rest, where love 
is never forsaken, if it forsake not. Behold 
those things all pass away that others ma} T suc- 
ceed, and that this lower world may thus be 
completed in all its parts. But do I any where 
depart, saith the word of God ? there then fix 
thy dwelling, O my soul, there recommend all 
that thou hast from thence, now at least after 
having been wearied out with delusions. Re- 
commend over to truth all that thou hast 
from truth, and thou shalt lose nothing ; and 
what has been corrupted in thee shall flourish 
again, and all thy diseases shall be healed, and 
these inconstant perishable things of thine shall 
be- reformed, and renewed, and fixed with 
thee ; nor shall they sway thee down whither 
they naturally tend, but shall stand with thee, 
and remain with thee, with that God who ever 
stands and ever remains : (or to the ever -** t<! 
ing and remaining God.) 



108 st. augustin's Book IV. 

2. Why dost thou suffer thyself to be per- 
verted, and to follow thy flesh ? let it now be 
converted and follow thee. Whatever thou 
perceivest by it is but in part, and thou know 
est not the whole, of which these are parts, and 
yet it delighteth thee. But if the sense of thy 
flesh were capable to comprehend the whole^ 
and had not itself also been justly confined for 
thy punishment to the prospect only of some 
small part ; thou wouldst have wished for a 
speedy passing away of all that which for the 
present exists, that thou mightest receive more 
pleasure from the succession of all the rest. 
For by the same sense of the flesh thou near- 
est all that which we speak, and yet wouldst 
not have any one syllable to stand still, but to 
fly away, that others may succeed, and so thou 
mayest hear the whole : so it always is with 
things that make up one whole ; yet so that 
those things are never altogether of which that 
whole is made. All together would delight 
more than each apart, if they could be per- 
ceived altogether. But far better than all 
these is he that made all, and he is our God : 
and he never passeth away, because he has 
nothing to succeed in his place. If then bodies 
(the objects of thy corporeal senses) please 
thee, take occasion from them to praise God, 
and turn thy love from them upon him that 
made them, lest in these things that please 
thee, thou displease him. 



Chap. 12. confessions. 109 



CHAPTER XII. 

THAT SOULS ARE TO BE LOVED IN GOD, AND TO BE 
CARRIED WITH US TO GOD. 

1. Or if souls please thee, let them be loved 
in God, because they also are subject to change, 
and being fixed in him stand steady ; otherwise 
they would go and pass away. Jn him then let 
them be loved, and take along with thee to him 
as many of them as thou canst, and say to 
them, this is he whom we must love; 'tis he that 
made all these things, and he is not far off: for 
he did not make them, and then go away from 
them ; but they are from him and in him. Be- 
hold where he is, even where truth is relished, 
he is in the most inward part of the heart ; but 
the heart has strayed away from him. Sinners 
return to your heart, Isaiah 46, and be united to 
him that made you. Stand with him, and you 
will stand indeed ; rest in him, and you will be 
at rest. Whither are you going into craggy 
ways ? Whither are you going ? The good 
that you love is from him, but what is it in 
comparison with him ? It is good and sweet ; 
but it will justly be made bitter, because it is 
unjustly loved, when for it he is forsaken who 
made it. 

2. To what purpose is it for you to be still 
treading those hard and toilsome paths ? rest 
is not there where you seek it. Seek what 
you are seeking, but it is not to be found where 
you are seeking it. You seek for a happy life 

10 - 



110 st. Augustus's Book IV 

in the region of death : it is not there. For 
how should there be happy life where there is 
no life ? And our life itself came down hither, 
and underwent our death, and so slew death out 
of the abundance of his life : and he thundered 
calling out unto us, that we should return 
hence to him, to that secret place, from whence 
he at first came forth to us into the Virgin's 
womb (where he espoused to himself this hu- 
man creature our mortal flesh, to the end that 
it might not be ever mortal) and thence like a 
bridegroom going forth of his bedchamber, he 
rejoiced as a giant to run his course. Psalm 18, 
for he was not slow-paced, but he ran all the 
way, calling upon us by his words, by his 
deeds, by his death, by his life, by his descend- 
ing, by his ascending, calling out unto us to 
return to him. And he withdrew himself from 
our eyes, that we might return into our heart, 
and might find him there. 

3. He is gone away, and behold he is here. 
He would not stay along with us, and yet he 
hath not left us. For he has gone thither from 
whence he never departed because the world 
was made by him, and he was in this world ; 
and he came into this world to save sinners, to 
whom my soul now confesseth, that he may 
heal her, because she has sinned against him. 
O ye sons of men how long will you be so heavy 
hearted? Psalm 4. Is it possible, that after 
life has come down to you, you will not ascend 
and live ? But whither did you then ascend 
when you set up yourselves on high, and turn- 



Chap. 13. CONFESSIONS. Ill 

ed your face against Heaven ? you must descend 
(by humility) if you would ascend, and ascend 
to God. For you fell by ascending (by pride) 
against him. Tell these things to the souls 
thou lovest, that they may weep in this vale of 
tears, and so carry them with thee to God ; for 
'tis from this spirit thou tellest them these 
things, if thou speakest inflamed with the fire 
of charity. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

HE WRITES HIS BOOKS DE PULCHRO AND APTO. 

These things I did not then know ; and I 
was in love with these lower beauties, and was 
going into the deep ; and I used to be saying to 
my friends, do we love any thing but what is 
fair and beautiful ? what then is that which is 
fair, and what is this beauty ? What is it that 
attracts us, and attaches us to the things we 
love ? For if there were not in them a grace- 
fulness and beauty, they would not attract us. 
And I observed and perceived, that in the 
bodies themselves their whole composition was 
one thing, from which they were called fair 
and beautiful ; and another thing that decency 
which is found in things, by which they are fit 
or aptly suited to one another, as a part of the 
body is to the whole, or a shoe to the foot, and 
the like. And these speculations of mine, from 
the multiplicity of my thoughts, sprung up, so 
as to compose upon this occasion certain books, 
De Pulchro and Apto } of fair and fit ; I think 



112 st. augustin's Book IV. 

two or three ; God, thou knowest, for I have 
forgot, and I have them not at present, but they 
are strayed from me I know not whither. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

HE DICTATES THESE BOOKS TO HIERIUS THE ROMAN 
ORATOR, AND WHY. 

1. But what was it that moved me, Lord 
my God, to address these books to Hierius the 
Orator of Rome, whom I had never seen ; but 
I loved the man for the fame of his learning, 
which was much renowned ; and I had heard 
of some of his sayings, and I was taken with 
them ; but 1 was pleased the more, because 
others were pleased with them ; and they cried 
him up, admiring, that being a Syrian by birth, 
and trained up first in the Grecian eloquence, 
he had become so great a master also in the 
Latin, and was most knowing in all things ap- 
pertaining to the study of wisdom. A man is 
praised, and though absent is loved. Does 
then this love enter into the heart of the hearer 
from the mouth of the praiser ? No, certainly : 
but from one lover, another is enkindled with 
love. For hence is love conceived for a per- 
son that is praised, when he that praiseth him 
is supposed to commend him with an undis- 
sembling heart, that is, when one that loves 
him commends him. For in this manner did 
I love men at that time, according to the judg- 
ment of men, not according to thy judgment, 
O my God, which deceives no man. But why 



Chap. 14. confessions. 113 

then was I not affected with his praise, as with 
that of some famous charioteer, or huntsman, 
that is cried up by the people, but with a far 
different and more serious affection, and so as I 
xiyself also would have been glad to have 
^en praised ? For I should not have been 
willing to be praised or loved, as stage players 
are, (though I also at that time praised them 
and loved them) but should rather have cho- 
sen to be unknown, than to be known in that 
manner, and even to be hated, rather than to 
be loved in such a manner. Where are distri- 
buted the weights of such various and different 
loves in the same soul ? How is it that I love 
that in another man which same thing if I did 
not hate, I would not detest in myself, and 
reject it from me, whereas we are both equally 
men ! For we may not say the same of a stage- 
player, who is partaker of the same nature with 
us, as of a good horse, who is loved by a man, 
who yet would not, if he could, be the thing 
he loves. Do I then love in a man, what I 
hate to be, though I am a man ? Man himself 
is a great deep, of whose very hairs, O Lord,, 
thou keepest an account, and not one is want- 
ing in thee ; and yet his hairs are more easily 
numbered than his affections and the motions 
of his heart. 

2. But this Orator was of the number of 
those whom I loved in such manner, that I 
would have been glad to be the like : and I 
went astray through pride, and was carried 
about with every wind, and yet was steered by 

10* 



114 st. augustin's Book IV. 

thee, though exceeding secretly. But whence 
do I know, and whence do I so confidently con- 
fess to thee, that I loved him more from the 
love of those that praised him, than from the 
things themselves for which he was praised ? 
Because if the same men, instead of praising 
him had disparaged him, and related those 
same things of him with contempt and scorn, 
I should not have been so taken with him. 
Yet certainly those things would not have been 
otherwise, nor the man himself another, but 
only different the affection of the relaters. See 
where a weak soul lies, that is not yet fixed 
upon the solidity of truth. As the gales of 
tongues blow from the breasts of fallible men, 
so is she carried and turned and whirled about, 
and her light is intercepted by clouds, and she 
:sees not the truth ; and yet behold it stands be- 
fore us. And it seemed to me a great matter, 
if my style and my studies were known to such 
a man : which if he approved, I should be still 
more inflamed ; but if he disapproved them, it 
would have wounded my vain heart that was 
void and empty of thy solidity. And yet that 
fair and jit, concerning which I wrote to him, 
I turned over with delight in my mind under 
the eye of my contemplation, and admired it by 
myself alone where I had no erne to praise it 
•with me. 



Chap. 15. ccnfessions. 115 

CHAPTER XV. 

HIS FALSE IMAGINATIONS CONCERNING THESE THINGS. 

1. But I did not as yet see the hinge of so 
great a matter in thy art, thou Almighty, 
who alone workest wonderful things ; and my soul 
ranged through corporeal forms ; and I defined 
that to be fair which is absolutely graceful of 
itself, and that to be fit, which is graceful by 
its application to another ; both which I main- 
tained by corporeal instances. And I turned 
myself to the nature of the soul ; and the false 
opinion which I had of spiritual beings did not 
suffer me to discern the truth. And such was 
the power of truth, that it was still flashing 
upon my eyes ; and turned away my winking 
mind from things incorporeal to lineaments, 
and colours, and swelling magnitudes. And 
because I could not see these things in my 
soul, I thought I could not see my soul. And 
whereas in virtue I loved peace, and in vice 
hated discord, I remarked a certain unity in the 
one, and a division in the other: and I imagined 
that the rational mind, and the nature of truth, 
and the sovereign good [summum honum~\ con- 
sisted in that unity ; and in that division. I 
know not what substance of irrational life and 
the nature of the sovereign evil [summum ma- 
lum] which, wretch as I was, I took to be not 
only a substance, but also a life, and yet not to 
have its being from thee, my God, from 
whom are all things : and the one I called 



116 st. augustin's Book IV. 

Monade or Unity, as it were a mind without 
any sex; the other a Dyade or Duality, viz.* 
Wrath in crimes of malice, and lust in impuri- 
ties ; not knowing what I said. 

2. For I did not then know, nor had I learnt, 
that evil was no substance at all ; and that our 
mind itself was not the sovereign and unchange- 
able good. For as crimes of malice are then 
committed, when that motion of the soul, in 
which force is seated, is faulty, and behaveth 
itself insolently and turbulently ; and impurities 
then, when that affection of the soul, wherein 
carnal pleasures are received, is intemperate ; 
so also errors and false opinions are stains in 
life, if the rational mind itself be vicious, as it 
was then in me, not knowing that it was to be 
enlightened with another light, in order to be 
partaker of the truth, because itself is not the 
very nature of truth. Because it is thou that 
shall enlighten my light, O Lord my God, thou 
shalt enlighten my darkness, Psalm 71, and of 
thy fulness we have all received ; for thou art the 
true light which enlighteneth every man thai 
cometh into this world, St. John 1. v. 9. 16, for 
in thee there is no change nor shadow of a mo- 
ment, St. James 1. v. 17. But I pretended to 
aspire to thee, and was driven back from 
thee, to taste death, because thou resisteth the 
proud. 

3. And what could be prouder than for me 
to affirm with strange madness, that myself 
was naturally what thou art. And whereas I 
was mutable, which was plain to me, since I 



Chap. 15. confessions. 117 

desired to be wise, that from being worse I 
might become better, I chose rather to believe 
thee also to be mutable, than not to think that 
I was that same thing which thou art. There- 
fore was I repelled by thee, and thou didst 
resist my puffed up neck ; and I could only 
imagine corporeal forms, and being flesh I ac- 
cused the flesh, and being a spirit going for- 
ward I returned not as yet to thee, but going on 
I passed to those things which have no being 
neither in me, nor in thee, nor in any body. 
Neither were they created for me by thy truth, 
but were devised by my vanity from the body. 
And I would be saying to the little ones thy 
faithful, my fellow-citizens, from whom I lived 
an exile without knowing it, I would be saying 
to them, talkative and empty as i was, why 
does that soul err which God has made ? And 
I was not willing that it should be said to me, 
why then does God err? And I rather con- 
tended that thy immutable substance had .been 
necessitated to err, sooner than I would confess 
that mine, which is mutable, had, by its free- 
will, gone astray, and was liable to error. 

4. And I was about six or seven and twenty 
years of age, when I wrote those books, revolv- 
ing within myself the corporeal fancies that 
continually buzzed about the ears of my heart, 
with which ears, O sweet truth, I desired to 
attend to thy interior melody, meditating on 
this fair and jit, and longing to stand and hear 
thee, and with joy to rejoice at the voice of the 
bridegroom, St. John 3, and I could not, because 



118 8T. augustin's Book IV. 

I was called abroad by the voice of my error ; 
and by the weight of my pride I fell down to 
the bottom ; for thou didst not give joy and 
gladness to my hearing, neither did the hones 
rejoice that were not yet humbled, Psalm 50. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

HIS GREAT WIT, ACQUIRING ALL THE LIBERAL SCIENCES 
WITHOUT A TEACHER, YET GROSSLY ERRING IN 
RELIGION. 

1. And what did it profit me, that when I 
was scarce twenty years old a piece of im- 
totle, called his ten Categories, or Predicaments, 
having fallen into my hands (which my master, 
that taught rhetoric at Carthage, and others 
that were a accounted learned, spoke of with 
their cheeks almost bursting with pride, and 
1 upon that account greedily gaped after, as 
I know not what profound and divine piece) 
I read it alone by myself and understood it ? 
Upon which when I had conferred with others, 
who said they had much ado to understand 
those things, even with the help of the best 
masters, not only expounding them in words, 
but also for the better explaining them, draw- 
ing many figures in the dust ; I did not find 
they could give me any better account of these 
ten predicaments than what I knew by my own 
private reading. And they seemed to me to 
speak plain enough of substances, such as a 
man is ; and of the things that are in these sub- 
stances, such as the figure (quality) of a man, 
what sort of a man he is ; his stature (quantity) 



Chap. 16. confessions. 119 

how many foot high he is , his kindred (rela- 
tion) whose brother he is ; or where he is 
placed ; or ivhen he was born ; or whether he 
sit or stand; or whether he be shod or armed; 
or whether he do or suffer any thing; and 
whatsoever else is found in these nine kinds 
(of accidents) whereof I have given these 
examples, or in the kind of substance of which 
there are innumerable species. 

2. What did this profit me, when indeed it 
did me harm ? Since I, thinking that whatever 
had a being was comprehended in those ten 
predicaments, endeavoured also to conceive 
thee, O my God (who art without any compo- 
sition and unchangeable) in such manner as if 
thou also wert the subject to thy greatness to 
thy beauty, so that they were inherent in thee, 
as they are in bodies ; whereas thy very being 
is thy greatness and thy beauty ; but as for 
bodies, their being great or beautiful is not the 
same as their bodies, for if they were less great 
or less beautiful, they would nevertheless be 
bodies : for what I imagined of thee was a fal- 
sity, and not the truth ; the fiction of my error, 
not the solid foundation of thy blessedness. 
For thou hast commanded, Gen. 3, and so it 
came to pass unto me that the earth should 
bring forth thorns and briars unto me, and that 
with labour I should come to my bread. 

3. And again what did it profit me, that I 
read and understood by myself all the books 
that I could procure of those which they call 
the liberal arts, whilst I myself was all the 
while a wretched slave to my wicked lusts ? 



120 st. augustin's Book IV. 

And I rejoiced in them ; and did not know 
whence all that was which was true and certain 
in them. For I had my back turned to the light, 
and my face upon the things enlightened, and 
so my face with which I saw the things that 
were illustrated by the light, was not illumi- 
nated. Whatsoever was there taught concern- 
ing the art of speaking, and of reasoning, what- 
soever concerning the dimensions of figures, 
and of music, and of numbers, I understood 
with no great difficulty, without any master. 
Thou knowest it, O Lord my God ; for both 
quickness of apprehension, and sharpness of 
wit for learning, are thy gifts, though I did 
not from thence offer sacrifice to thee. There- 
fore it was not to my profit, but rather to my pre- 
judice, that I desired to have so good a part of 
my portion (St. Luke 15.) in my own hands ; 
and I did not keep my strength for thee but 
went away from thee into a far country, that 1 
might waste it upon the harlots of wicked 
desires. For what did a good thing profit me, 
who did not make good use of it ? For I per- 
ceived not that those arts were not understood 
even by the studious and ingenious, without 
great difficulty, till afterwards when I endea- 
voured to explain them to them ; and he was 
accounted the most excellent amongst them, 
that was the least slow in apprehending what 
I expounded to him. 

4. But yet what did this profit me, who was 
thinking all this while that thou, O Lord my 
God the truth, wert only a lucid and immense 
body, and I myself a little piece from that body. 



Chap. 16. confessions. 121 

Oh, exceeding great perverseness ! But so it 
was with me, nor am I ashamed now to confess 
to thee thy mercies towards me, and to call 
upon thee, who was not ashamed then to pro- 
fess my blasphemies to men, and to bark 
against thee. What then did my wit profit me, 
which was so quick in acquiring those sciences, 
and without any man's help understood so 
many knotty books, when I so foully and sacri- 
legiously erred in the doctrine of piety ? Or 
what disadvantage was a much slower capa- 
city to thy little ones, who never strayed far 
from thee, that so they might be safely feathered 
in the nest of thy church, and have the wings 
of Charity advanced to their due perfection by 
the aliment of sound faith. 

5. O Lord our God* let us even hope in the 
covert of thy wings, and do thou protect us, 
and bear us up, Thou shalt bear up when we 
are little ones y and even to our old age, thou 
shalt bear us up, Isaiah 46. Because when 
thou art our strength, it is strength indeed, 
but when 'tis our own, 'tis all weakness ; with 
thee always liveth our good, and because we 
were averted from thee we were perverted. 
Let us now return to thee, O Lord, that we 
may not be overturned ; for with thee liveth 
without any decay our good, which is thyself. 
And we need not fear lest at our return there 
should not be a place to receive us, for though 
we indeed fell by departing from thence, yet in 
our absence our house or home did not fail, 
which is thy eternity. 

11 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 

BOOK V. 

CHAPTER I. 

HE OFFERS HIS CONFESSIONS AND PRAISES TO GOD. 

Receive, Lord, the sacrifice of those my 
confessions from the hand of my tongue, which 
thou hast formed and excited to confess to thy 
name ; and do thou heal all my bones, that they 
may say, O Lord, who is like unto thee, Psalm 
34. For he that confesseth to thee does not 
teach thee what is done within him, for no 
heart is so close as to shut out thy eye; nor 
does the hardness of men repel thy hand, but 
thou dost soften it when thou wilt, either in 
thy mercy, or in thy vengeance ; and there is 
no one that can hide himself from thy heat, 
Psalm 18. But let my soul praise thee, that 
she may love thee ; and confess thy mercies to 
thee, that she may praise thee. Thy whole 
creation never ceaseth, nor is ever silent in thy 
praises : every spirit praiseth thee by the 
mouth converted to thee, and all living crea- 
tures and corporeal things by the mouth of such 
as contemplate thy wisdom in them ; that this 
soul of ours may ascend from its weariness 
towards thee, by the steps of the things thou 



Chap. 2. confessions. 123 

hast made, and may pass on to thee who hast 
wonderfully made them, and there is its refec- 
tion and true strength. 



CHAPTER II. 

THAT GOD IS EVERY WHERE PRESENT, TO WHOM HE 
EXHORTS SINNERS TO RETURN. 

1. Sinners ever restless and unjust go and 
fly away from thee, and thou seest them, and 
distinguishest the shades, and behold all things 
with them are beautiful, and they themselves 
are deformed. And wherein have they been 
able to hurt thee, or in what have they preju- 
diced thy empire, which from the highest 
Heavens to the lowest abyss is ever just and 
entire ? For whither did they fly when they 
fled from thy face : or where dost thou not find 
them out : but they fled away, that they might 
not see thee ; who always seest them ; and 
being blinded might stumble upon thee, who 
never departest from any of the things thou 
hast made. Unjust as they were they ran 
against thee, and met with a just punishment : 
withdrawing themselves from thy lenity, and 
stumbling upon thy righteousness, and falling 
on thy severity : not thinking that thou art 
every where t whom no place can circumscribe, 
and alone art present even to those who are far 
from thee. 

2. Let them be converted then, and seek 
thee, for though they have forsaken thee their 
Creator, yet thou hast riot forsaken thy crea- 



124 st. augustin's Book V. 

ture. Let them return and seek thee, and lo 
thou art there in their heart, in the heart of 
them that confess to thee, and that cast them- 
selves upon thee, and : n thy bosom bewail the 
craggy ways in which they have walked : and 
thou in thy mercy wilt wipe away their tears, 
that they may weep the more, and find their 
comfort in weeping ; for thou, Lord, and not 
man, flesh and blood, but thou, O Lord, who 
madest them, dost refresh and comfort them. 
And where was I when I did seek thee ? And 
thou wast before me, but I was strayed away 
from myself, and did not find myself, how 
much less could I find thee ? 



CHAPTER III. 

FAUSTUS, A MANICH-EAN BISHOP COMES TO CARTHAGE ! 
THE PHILOSOPHERS 5 TENETS, IN REGARD TO THE 
SCIENCES, ARE FOUND MUCH MORE PROBABLE THAN 
THE MANICHJEANS. 

1 . I will now recount in the presence of my 
God, the twenty-ninth year of my age. There 
was then come to Carthage a certain Bishop of 
the llanichceanS) named Faustus, a great snare 
of the devil, and many were caught therein by 
the bait of his sweet language ; which I, though 

•IT' 

I praised, distinguished nevertheless from the 
truth of the things, which I was desirous to 
learn ; neither did I consider in what kind of dish 
of language, but what kind of food of science 
was set before me by this Faustus, who was so 
much talked of amongst them. For fame had 



Chap. 3. confessions. 125 

before represented him to me as one most 
knowing in all good learning, and perfectly 
skilled in the liberal sciences. And as I had 
read and remembered much of the philosophers' 
tenets, I had compared some of them with 
those long fables of the Manichceans, and those 
things seemed to me of the two to be the more 
probable, which they (the philosophers) had 
said, who arrived so far as to estimate the world, 
though they did not find out the Lord thereof, 
Wisdom 13. Because thou art great, O Lord, 
and regardest the things that are low, hut those 
that are high thou knowest afar off, Psalm 137, 
neither dost thou draw near to any but the con- 
trite in heart, nor art thou found by the proud, 
though by their curious skill they number the 
stars and the sand, and measure out the celes- 
tial regions, and discover the courses of the 
planets. These things they search into by their 
mind and the wit which thou hast given them, 
and many things they have discovered, and 
foretold long beforehand, the eclipses of the 
sun and moon, what day, what hour, and in 
how many digits they should happen, and their 
calculation has been found true, and it has come 
to pass as they foretold : and the} 7 have left in 
writing rules which the} r have found out by 
their study, and they are read to this day ; and 
by them men still foretell what year, what 
month of the year, what day of the month, 
what hour of the day, and for what part of its 
light the sun or moon shall be eclipsed, and it 
happens punctually as it is foretold. And these 

11* 



126 st. augustin's Book V. 

things the ignorant admire and stand amazed 
at, whilst they that know them rejoice, and 
are puffed up with them, and by their impious 
pride departing from thee, and hiding thy light 
from themselves, they foresee the eclipses of 
the sun so long before, and see not their own 
which at present they suffer. 

2. For they do not religiously search from 
whence they have this wit, by which they 
search out these things : and if they find that 
thou hast made them, they don't give them- 
selves to thee, that thou mayest keep what 
thou hast made : nor do they slay and sacrifice 
to thee that which they have made themselves, 
killing their proud imaginations as fowls of the 
air ; and their curiosities, with which they dive 
into the secret paths of the deep, as fishes of 
the sea ; and their luxuries as beasts of the 
field ; that thou, O God, who art a consuming 
fire, mayest consume their dead cares, and 
renew them to immortality. 

3. But they did not know the way, which is 
*iiy word, by which thou hast made all those 
things that they number, and themselves who 
number them, and the sense by which they see 
the things they number, and the understanding 
by which they know how to number, and of 
*hy wisdom there is no number. Psalm 147. 
This word thy only begotten Son was made to 
us wisdom, and justice, and sanctijication, 1 Cor. 
1. And he was numbered amongst us, and 
paid tribute to Ccesar. This way then they did 
not know, by which they were to go down from 



Chap 3. confessions. 127 

themselves to him, and so through him go up 
to him. They knew not this way, and they 
take themselves to be high and bright like the 
stars ; and lo they are fallen down to the earth, 
and their foolish heart is darkened, Rom. 1. 
And, they say many true things concerning the 
creature, but the true Maker, thereof they do 
not piously seek, and therefore they do not find : 
or if they find him, knowing God they honour 
him not as God, or give him thanks, hut are vain 
in their thoughts, and say they are wise, Rom. 1, 
by attributing to themselves what is thine ; and 
so study by a most perverse blindness to attri- 
bute also to thee what is their own, that is, 
making lies of thee who art the truth, and 
changing the glory of the incorruptible God into 
the likeness of the image of a corruptible man, 
and of birds, and of four-footed beasts, and of 
serpents ; and they turn thy truth into a lie, and 
they worship and serve the creature rather than 
the Creator. $ 

4. Yet many true things did I retain in my 
memory, which they had delivered concerning 
the creature ; and reason confirmed these things 
to me from the calculations and the course of 
times, and the visible attestations of the stars ; 
and I compared them with what Manichceus 
had said f who has written much of these things, 
being most copious in his dotages ; and I could 
discover therein no reason, neither of Solstices, 
and Equinoxes, nor of the eclipses, nor any 
of those things which I had learned in the 
books of secular wisdom ; only there I was 



128 st. augustin's Book V. 

commanded to believe, and what I was to 
believe, did not agree with those accounts 
which my calculations and my eyes discovered, 
but was far different from it. 



CHAPTER IV. 

'tis not the knowledge of human sciences, but 
of god alone, that can make us happy. 

1. Is then, Lord, the God of truth, such a 
one as knows these things pleasing to thee ? 
unhappy is the man who knows all these things, 
and knows not thee : and he is happy who 
knows thee, although he knows not these 
things. And whosoever knows both thee and 
them, is not more happy for knowing them, 
but only happy for knowing thee, provided 
that knowing thee he glorify thee as God, and 
give thee thanks, and become not vain in his 
own thoughts. 

2. For as he is better that knows how to 
possess a tree, and gives thee thanks for the use 
of it, though he knows not how many cubits 
high it is, nor what is its breadth, than he who 
takes the dimensions of it and numbers all its 
branches, but neither is the owner of it, nor 
knows or loves its maker : even so the Faith- 
ful (to whom the whole world of riches belongs, 
and who, as it wer§, having nothing possesseth 
all things, by adhering to thee who art the Lord 
of all things) though he knows not so much as 
the short revolution of Charles's Wain, yet it 
would be a folly to call in question his being 



Chap. 5. confessions. 129 

better than he that measures the Heavens and 
numbers the stars, and weighs the elements, 
and in the mean while neglects thee, who hast 
ordered all things in measure, number and 
weight. 



CHAPTER V. 

THE VANITY OF MANICHJEUS IN PRETENDING TO WRITE 
ON THOSE THINGS WHICH HE KNEW NOTHING OF. 

1. But who required of this Manichceus (I 
know not who) to write upon these things, 
without the knowledge of which piety might 
well be learnt ? For thou hast said to man, 
behold piety is Wisdom, Job 2S, which he might 
still be ignorant of, though he had known these 
things ever so perfectly. Whereas not know- 
ing these things, and yet most impudently 
taking upon him to teach them, he could not 
but be a stranger to it. [i. e. to piety] For it 
is a vanity to profess these worldly things 
when known, but piety to confess to thee, but 
he Manichceus being gone out of the way of 
piety, spoke much of these worldly things, that 
being in these things convinced of error by 
those that had truly learnt them, men might 
know what judgment to make of his opinions 
in things more hidden and obscure. For he 
was not willing to be looked upon as any mean 
person, but endeavoured to persuade men that 
the Holy Ghost the comforter and enricher of 
thy faithful, with full authority personally resi- 
ded in him. So that he being found to have 



130 st. augustin's Book V. 

delivered false things concerning the Heavens 
and the stars, and the motions of the sun and 
moon, though these things belong not to the 
doctrine of religion, yet it must be evident, that 
his pretensions were sacrilegious, who gave out 
these things, of which he not only was igno- 
rant, but which indeed were false, with such 
an extravagant vanity of pride, as to strive to 
attribute them to himself as to a divine person. 
For when I hear this or that christian brother 
who knows not these things, and takes one 
thing for another, I regard the man with 
patience, and overlook his mistake ; and I see it 
does him no harm, provided he believes nothing 
amiss of thee, Lord, the creator of all things, 
though perhaps he is ignorant of the situation 
and order of the corporeal creation. Yet it 
does harm if he takes this to belong to the very 
form of the doctrine of piety, and presumes 
stiffly to affirm what he knows not ; though 
this weakness also in a faith that is but in its 
infancy, is borne withal by charity a tender 
mother, till the new man grow up into a per- 
fect man, so as not to be carried about with 
every wind of doctrine, Eph. 4. But for him 
who presumed to make himself the teacher, 
the author, the leader, and chief of those to 
whom he persuaded these things, in such a 
manner as to make them believe who followed 
him that they followed not any man, but thy 
holy spirit, for such a one, I say, as this to be 
convicted of having taught any thing that was 
false, must make the extravagance of the man 



Chap. 6. confessions. 131 

both visible and odious to every one. How- 
ever, I had not yet certainly discovered wheth- 
er the vicissitudes of the longer and shorter 
days and nights, and of the night itself and the 
day, and the eclipses, and what else of this kind 
I had read in other books, might not also be 
explained according to his words ; for if it 
could, it would become indeed uncertain to 
me whether it were so or not ; but I should 
have proposed to myself his authority for a mo- 
tive of my belief, for the opinion I had of his 
sanctity. 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE FINDS FAUSTUS NATURALLY ELOQUENT, BUT IGNO- 
RANT OF THE LIBERAL SCIENCES, AND UNABLE TO 
GIVE HIM SATISFACTION IN HIS DOUBTS. 

1 . And for almost all those nine years in 
which with an unsettled mind I had given ear 
to them (the Manichaans) I had with a long- 
ing desire looked for the coming of this Faus- 
tus : for the rest I had met with, unable to 
solve my doubts, still promised him to me, as 
one by whose coming and conferring with me 
not only those but any harder queries would be 
easily cleared up. When he came therefore I 
found him a man pleasant and agreeable in his 
discourse and giving out the same things as 
they are accustomed to say, but much more 
gracefully : but what ! was my thirst relieved 
by having these precious (but empty) cups set 
before me by so graceful a waiter? My ears 



132 st. augustin's Book V. 

were already cloyed with such things ; neither 
did they now seem any better to me, because 
they were better delivered ; nor therefore true 
because elegant ; nor the soul therefore wiser 
because the countenance was agreeable, and 
the utterance graceful. And those who had 
promised him to me did not make a right esti- 
mation of things, when they took him to be 
prudent and wise, because his speech delighted 
them. On the other side, I have also met with 
another kind of men, who even suspect truth 
itself, and will not assent to it, when delivered 
in polite and elegant speech. But thou hadst 
then already taught me, O my God, by won- 
derful and secret ways, (and I therefore believe 
that thou hadst taughl it to me because it ^s 
true, and thou alone art the teacher of troth 
wheresoever and whensoever it shines upon 
us) thou hadst, I say," already taught me, that 
neither any thing should be therefore esteemed 
true, because it is eloquently delivered, nor 
therefore false, because it is couched in words 
ill put together; nor again therefore true, 
because unpolite, nor therefore false, because 
elegant ; but that wisdom and folly (truth and 
falsehood) are like wholesome and hurtful 
meats, both of which may be served up in good 
or mean language, as in fine or plain dishes. 

2. Therefore my great desire with which I 
had so long looked for this man was indeed 
pleased with the motion and affection of his dis- 
course, and his words so well adapted to his 
subject, and occurring with great facility to 



Chap. 6. confessions, l33 

dress up his thoughts withal : and I was de- 
lighted, and with many others, and more than 
many others 1 praised and extolled him. But 
I was uneasy that in the multitude of his audi- 
tors I was not permitted to have him to myself, 
and to communicate to him the queries that 
gave me trouble, by conferring familiarly 
together in mutual conversation. Which as 
soon as I had an opportunity of, and began to 
have his ears at leisure to hear me in the com- 
pany of my friends, at a time when it was not 
improper to discourse matters over together ; I 
produced some of those things that gave me 
pain : when 1 quickly found that the man was 
a stranger to all the liberal sciences, excepting 
grammar, of which he had but an ordinary 
knowledge: and that having read some of 
Tully's orations, and a few books of Seneca 
and some of the poets, and as many of the 
books of his own sect as had been written po- 
litely and in good Latin, and having improved 
himself by daily exercising his talent, in speak- 
ing, he had by this means acquired that elo- 
quence, which became more agreeable and 
more apt to impose upon the hearers by the 
management of his wit, and a certain natural 
gracefulness of speech. Is it not thus as I 
remember, O Lord, my God, the witness of 
my conscience ? my heart and my remem- 
brance is in thy sight, who in the hidden secret 
of thy providenee wast then moving me, and 
wast beginning to bring my shameful errors 
before my face, that I might see and detest them. 

12 



134 st. augustin's Book V. 



CHAPTER VII. 

HIS AFFECTION TO THE MANICHJEAN DOCTRINE IS MUCH 
ABATED UPON DISCOVERY OF FAUSTUS'S IGNORANCE. 

1 . For after this I was sufficiently convinced 
of his being ignorant of those arts, in which I 
had thought he excelled, I began to despair of 
receiving from him any solution of those doubts 
which perplexed me : in which a man, though 
ignorant, might nevertheless retain the truth 
of piety, supposing he were not a Manichsean. 
For their books are full of tedious fables of the 
Heavens, and the stars, and the Sun and Moon, 
which now I no longer thought that he could 
clearly explain to me (which was what 1 
wanted) by comparing the calculations which 
I had read in other books with what Mani- 
chreus had written, and giving me better or as 
good reasons for those things in the Manichsean 
system. Which when I proposed to be consi- 
dered and discussed, he modestly excused him- 
self from undertaking the task, for he was sen- 
sible of his being ignorant of these things, and 
was not ashamed to acknowledge it. He was 
not like those talkative ones whom I had met 
with before, who undertook to teach me these 
things, and said nothing to the purpose. But 
he had a heart, though not right towards thee, 
yet not unweary with regard to himself: he 
was not altogether ignorant of his own igno- 
rance, and therefore was not willing rashly to 
engage limself in a controversy which might 



Chap. 7. confessions. 135 

drive him into those straights out of which he 
could neither find any issue nor a fair retreat. 
And this carriage of his gave me a greater 
liking to him : for the modesty of a soul con- 
fessing its defect is something more beautiful 
than the knowledge of those things which I 
desired to learn of him. And in all harder and 
more subtle questions I found him the same. 

2. The affection therefore which I had for 
the doctrine of Manichceus being now much 
abated, and despairing of their other doctors, 
when he who was so much cried up amongst 
them appeared so ignorant of so many things 
which moved me ; I began to turn my con- 
versation with him upon those studies which 
he much affected, which I, being then master 
of rhetoric, taught the youth of Carthage, and 
to read with him such books as he desired to 
hear, or I thought would be suitable for such a 
wit. But all my pretensions of making further 
progress in that sect, upon my acquaintance 
with this man, quite fell to the ground : riot 
that I quite forsook them : but as not finding 
any thing better, I determined to remain con- 
tent with what I had stumbled upon, till I 
could discover something more worthy of my 
choice. 

3. Thus this Faustus, who was to many the 
snare of death, began to lose that in which I 
was taken, neither willing nor knowing it. For 
thy hand, O my God, in the secret of thy pro- 
vidence, never let go my soul ; whilst my mo- 
ther offered to thee day and night for me the 



136 st. augustin's Book V 

sacrifice of a bleeding heart by her continual 
tears ; and thou didst deal with me by won- 
derful and secret ways. 'Twas thou didst this, 
O my God; for by the Lord shall the steps 
of man he directed, and he shall order his way. 
Psalm 36. Or what other cause can procure 
our safety but thy hand, repairing that which 
thou hast made. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

BEING OFFENDED WITH THE WAYS OF THE SCHOLARS 
OF CARTHAGE, HE REMOVES FROM THENCE TO ROME, 
MUCH AGAINST HIS MOTHER'S WILL. 

1. Thou didst deal therefore with me that 1 
should be persuaded to go to Rome, and rather 
to teach there what I taught at Carthage. And 
how I came to be persuaded to this, I will not 
omit to confess to thee ; because in these things 
also thy most secret workings, and thy mercy 
ever most present to us, deserve to be consi- 
dered and published with praise. My design 
of going to Rome was not for the sake of the 
greater profits and greater honour which were 
promised by my friends who persuaded me to 
it ; though this sort of things at that time 
swayed my inclinations: but the chief, and 
almost only cause was, that I heard that the 
youth there studied more quietly, and were kept 
under more orderly discipline ; and that the Scho- 
lars of one school were not suffered impudently 
to rush into the school of another master, nor 
were admitted at all without his leave. Where- 



Chap. 8. confessions. 137 

as the liberty which the students take at Car- 
thage is shameful and intolerable. They break 
into other schools, and with an impudence ap- 
proaching to rudeness, disturb the order which 
each master has uppointed for the proficiency 
of his scholars ; and commit many outrages 
with strange blindness, which would be punish- 
ed by the laws, were they not patronized by 
custom ; which makes them by so much the 
more miserable, by how much the less scruple 
they now make of doing that which by thy 
eternal law will never be tolerated ; and they 
think that they do it with impunity, when 
indeed their blindness with which they commit 
these things is itself a great punishment, and 
the mischief they suffer from so doing is incom- 
parably worse than that which they cause to 
others. Therefore these wicked ways which, 
when I was a student myself, I hated to follow, 
I was now forced when a master to suffer from 
others, and upon this account I determined to 
remove to a place where all knowing persons 
assured me no such things were done. 

2. Bat thou, my hope and myjportion in the 
land of the living ^ Psalm 141, that I might 
change my earthly dwelling for the welfare of 
my soul, didst both administer a spur to drive 
me from Carthage, and propose to me allure- 
ments to draw me to Rome, by the means of 
men who loved this dying life, on the one side 
acting mad things, on the other side promising 
vain things. And for the correcting of my 
steps, thou secretly madest use of both their 

12* 



138 st. augustin's Book V. 

and my own perversity. For both they that 
disturbed my quiet were blind with a shameful 
madness, and they that invited me to remove 
relished nothing but the earth : and I myself, 
who loathed here my true misery, coveted a 
false happiness there 

3. But the true reason why I should go 
from this place to the other, thou knowest, O 
my God, and didst not discover it, neither to 
me, nor to my mother, who grievously lamented 
my departure, and followed me jto the sea-side. 
And I finding that she stuck close to me, 
resolved either to bring me back, or go with 
me, deceived her, and feigned that my design 
was only to accompany a friend, whom I would 
not leave till he had a fair wind to set sail. 
Thus I told a lie to my mother, and to such a 
mother, and got away. And this sin also thou 
hast mercifully forgiven me, saving me from 
the waters of the sea, full as I was of execra- 
ble filth, to bring me to the healing waters of 
thy grace, in which I being washed, the floods 
of my mother's eyes might be dried up, with 
which she daily watered the ground, pouring 
them forth to thee in my behalf. And when 
she still refused to return without me, I per- 
suaded her with much ado, to remain for that 
night in a place hard by, which was a memo- 
rial (i. e. a chapel or oratory) of St. Cyprian. 
But that same night I stole away, and she was 
left there praying and weeping. And what 
was it that with so many tears she begged of 
thee, b at that thou wouldst not suffer me to sail 



Chap. 8. confessions. 139 

away ? But thou, in the depth of thy counsel 
hearing the sum qf her desires, didst not regard 
what she in particular then requested, for that 
thou mightest accomplish the main thing which 
she always requested for. 

4. The wind blew fair and swelled our sails, 
and carried us out of sight of the shore, where 
she in the morning was overwhelmed with 
grief, and with her complaints and sighs filled 
the ears which slighted these things, whilst 
thou wast making use of my irregularities to 
hurry me thither, where these irregularities 
might have an end ; and wast punishing by a 
just scourge of sorrow her carnal affection to 
me : for as a mother, she loved to have me 
with her, and this jnuch more than many mo- 
thers ; and she did not know how much joy 
thou wast preparing for her by my going from 
her. She knew it not, and therefore she wept 
and lamented, and in these her sufferings 
showed the relics of Eve, seeking with sorrow 
what she had brought forth with sorrow. 
However, after having accused me of deceit 
and cruelty, she turned herself to thee to pray 
for me, and went about her accustomed affairs, 
and I arrived at Rome. * 



140 ST. augustin's Book V, 



CHAPTER IX. 

HE FALLS SICK AT ROME OF A DANGEROUS FEVER, THE 
RECOVERY FROM WHICH HE ATTRIBUTES TO HIS 
MOTHER'S PRAYERS. 

1. And behold I was there presently struck 
with the scourge of corporeal sickness, and was 
going down to hell, carrying with me all the 
evils I had committed against thee, against 
myself or against my neighbours, many and 
grievous, besides the band of original sin, by 
which we all die in Adam. For as yet thou 
hadst remitted nothing unto me in Christ, nor 
had he in his flesh taken away that enmity 
with thee, which I had incurred by my sins. 
For how should he take it away for me, by 
that phantastical cross, which was all that I 
believed ? As false then as the death of his 
flesh seemed to me, so true was the death of 
my soul, and as true as the death of his flesh 
indeed was, so false was the life of my soul, 
which believed it not. And thus my fever 
increasing upon me, I was upon the point of 
going and perishing for ever. For whither 
could I have gone, if I had died at that time, 
but into that fire and torments, which my deeds 
had deserved in the truth of thy order ? And 
my mother knew nothing of this, and yet 
though absent, was praying for me : and thou 
who art every where present, where she was 
didst hear her, and where I was hadst pity on 
me, so that I recovered tho health of my body, 
though as yet very much distempered in my 



Chap. 9. confessions. 141 

sacrilegious heart. For neither did I so much 
as desire thy baptism in that my great danger ; 
and I was better when I was a boy, when I 
earnestly requested it of my mother's piety, as 
I have before recited and confessed. 

2. But now to my shame I was grown up 
worse ; and, fool as I was, derided the pre- 
scriptions of thy medicine ; and thou didst not 
suffer me, being in such a case, to die a double 
death ; which would have been such a wound 
to my mother's heart as could never be cured : 
for I cannot sufficiently express the affection 
she had for me, and with how much greater 
pain she travailed of me to bring me forth to a 
spiritual life, than she had suffered before at 
my carnal birth. I see not therefore how she 
would ever have been cured, if such a sad 
death as mine had pierced the bowels of her 
love. And what would then have become of 
her so many prayers, and so frequent, without 
intermission ever addressed to thee 1 Or couldst 
thou, O God of mercy, despise the contrite 
and humble heart of so chaste and sober a 
widow, giving frequent alms, ever obsequious 
and dutiful to thy saints, never omitting one 
day the oblation at thy altar ; twice a day 
morning and evening coming to thy church 
without failing, not for vain gossipping and idle 
chat, but that she might hear thee in thy 
words, and thou mightest hear her in her 
prayers ? Couldst thou by whose grace she 
was such, despise and reject her tears with 
which she did not beg of thee for gold or sil- 



142 st. augustin's Book V. 

ver, or any fading and perishable good, but the 
salvation of the soul of her son ? no, certainly, 
O Lord. But thou wast present and didst hear 
her, and didst accomplish her request, accord- 
ing to the order which thou hadst designed. 
Far was it from thee that thou shouldst deceive 
her in those visions and answers of thine, some 
of which I have mentioned, others I have 
omitted, which she retained in her faithful 
breast, and in her prayers ever represented to 
thee as thy own hand-writings. For thou 
vouchsafedst, because thy mercy is everlasting, 
by thy promises, to make thyself a debtor to 
those whose debts thou remittest. 



CHAPTER X. 

BEING RECOVERED, HE STILL KEEPS COMPANY WITH 
THE MANICH^ANS, RETAINING MANY OF THEIR 
ERRORS, BUT WITH MUCH MORE REMISSNESS THAN 
FORMERLY. 

1. Thou wast pleased therefore to recover 
me from that sickness, and to save the son of 
thy handmaid at that time, as to the body, that 
thou mightest afterwards give him a better and 
more certain salvation. And I consorted then 
also at Rome with those deceived and deceiving 
saints ; not only with their auditors or hearers, 
of which number he was one, in whose house 
I had been ill and recovered, but also with 
those whom they call the Elect. And I still 
conceited that it was not we that sinned ; but 
I know not what other nature within us. And 



Chap. 10. confessions. 143 

it pleased my pride to be thus without fault; 
and when I had committed any evil not to con- 
fess that I had done it, that so thou mightest 
heal my soul, which had sinned to thee ; but I 
loved to excuse myself, and to accuse I know 
not what which was with me, and yet was not 
me. Whereas in truth the whole was nothing 
but me, and it was my impiety that had divided 
me against myself. And my sin was so much 
the more incurable, because I did not think 
myself to be the sinner ; and my iniquity most 
execrable, in this that I had rather have thee, 
God omnipotent, to be overcome by me to 
my destruction, than me to be overcome by 
thee to my salvation. 

2. Thou hadst not then as yet set a watch 
before my mouthy and a door of caution about my 
lips, that my heart might not decline after wicked 
speeches to excuse excuses in sin with men that 
work iniquity, Psalm 140, and therefore I still 
kept a communication with their Elect. Yet 
so as to despair of making any further progress 
in that false doctrine, and to be more remiss 
and negligent in the opinions which I retained, 
with which I designed to be content, till I 
could discover something better. For I also 
began to think that those philosophers, whom 
they called the Academics were wiser than the 
rest, because they were of opinion that we 
ought to doubt of all things, and contended 
that nothing of truth could be comprehended 
by man : for such I took their sentiments to 



144 ST. ATJGUSTIN ? S Book V. 

be, as they are commonly represented, not un« 
derstanding as yet their true meaning. 

3. And I did not dissemble to give a check 
to that excessive confidence, which I found my 
host had in the fabulous things with which the 
books of Manichceus are full. Yet I had a 
more familiar friendship for them than for other 
men, who were not of that sect. And though 
I did not maintain their doctrine with that ear- 
nestness as formerly, yet my familiarity with 
them (for there are many that lie hidden at 
Rome) made me more remiss in seeking else- 
where. Especially because I despaired to find 
in thy church, O Lord of Heaven and Earth, 
Creator of all things, visible and invisible, the 
truth from which they had debauched me. 
And it seemed to me very gross to believe (as 
they made me think thy church did teach) 
that thou hast the figure of human flesh, and 
art circumscribed by the corporeal lineaments 
of members like ours. And as when I went to 
think of my God, I could fancy nothing but 
corporeal extension (for I conceited that what- 
ever had not such extension was nothing) 
hence was the greatest and almost only cause 
of my incurable error. 

4. For from hence I imagined also that 
there was a certain substance of evil with its 
corporeal bulk, dark and deformed ; and this 
either more gross, which they called earth, or 
more thin and subtle (as the body of the air is) 
which they conceit to be a malignant mind 
insinuating itself through that earth. And be 



Chap. 10. confessions. 145 ; 

cause the least degree of piety obliged me to 
believe that the good God had created no evil 
nature, therefore I imagined two opposite sub- 
stances, the one good, the other evil, both infi- 
nite, yet the evil lesser, the good larger, and 
from this pestiferous principle followed the rest 
of my sscrilegious opinions. And when at any 
time my soul would have made an effort to re- 
turn to the Catholic Faith, I was drove back 
again, because what I took for the Catholic 
Faith was not so indeed. And I looked upon 
it more agreeable to piety, to believe thee, my 
God (to whom I now confess thy mercies to 
me) to be infinite on all other sides, though I 
was forced to acknowledge thee bounded on 
one side on which the substance of evil stood 
opposite to thee, than to think thee to be on 
every side confined within the form of human 
body. 

5. Again, I thought I did better to believe 
that thou hadst not created any evil, which my 
ignorance took to be a certain substance, and 
that corporeal (for I knew not how to con- 
ceive even a mind or soul otherwise than 
as a subtle body spread from thee, and by its 
extension taking up place) than to believe 
that such a nature of evil, as I supposed it to 
be, was from thee. And as for our Saviour, 
thy only begotten Son, I thought that he was 
sent forth for our salvation as a stream from 
the most lucid mass of thy substance, believing 
nothing else of him than in my vanity I could 
fancy : and supposing him to be of such a 

13 



146 st. Augustus's Book V 

nature. I did not think he could be born of 
the Virgin Mary without being mingled with 
flesh. And how that which I figured to my- 
self could be mingled, and not defiled, I could 
not see : and therefore I was afraid to believe 
him born in the flesh, lest I should be obliged 
to think him defiled by the flesh. Thy spirit- 
ual ones, if they read these my confessions, 
will kindly and lovingly laugh at my folly, yet 
such I then was. 



CHAPTER XI. 

HE FINDS THE MANICH\EANS UNABLE TO GIVE A SAT- 
ISFACTORY ANSWER TO THE OBJECTIONS OF THE 
CATHOLICS FROM SCRIPTURE. 

Again, I thought that those things could 
not be defended which these men reprehended 
in thy Scriptures. But sometimes I had a 
desire to confer upon every particular with 
some person well read in those books, and to 
see what he could say. For already the dis- 
courses of one Helpidius, disputing in public 
with the Manichceans at Carthage, had began 
to move me, who had pressed many things out 
of the Scriptures against them, to which little 
could be said : and their answer seemed to me 
very weak (which they did not often give in 
public, but in private to us (namely, that the 
Scriptures of the New Testament were falsi- 
fied, by I know not who, that had a mind to 
insert the Jewish law into the Christian Faith : 
yet themselves did not produce any other 



Chap. 12. confessions. 147 

copies that were not thus corrupted. But all 
this while that which most oppressed me, and 
kept me in darkness, was that I could think of 
nothing but corporeal magnitudes under the 
weight of which I lay gasping after the air of 
thy truth, and could not yet breathe it in its 
purity and simplicity. 



CHAPTER XII. 

HE BEGINS TO OPEN A SCHOOL OF RHETORIC AT ROME, 
AND IS INFORMED OF THE FRAUDULENT PRACTICES 
OF STUDENTS THERE. 

1. I began now diligently to set about that 
for which 1 came to Rome, viz. the teaching 
of rhetoric ; and first to gather some to my 
lodging, to whom and by whom I began to be 
known. And behold I am informed of some 
practices at Rome, which I suffered not in 
Africa. For I was assured indeed that there 
were no such tumultuous disorders of wicked 
young men here as there : but then, said they, 
many of them, to avoid paying their master, 
are used on a sudden to conspire together, and 
to depart to another school, deserters of their 
word, and despising honesty for the love of 
money. Such as these also my heart hated, 
though not with a perfect hate : for perhaps I 
hated more the damage I should suffer from 
them, than the crime they committed. 

2. Yet certainly such as these are very 
base, and go a whoring from thee^ by loving 
these transitory things the sport of time, and 



148 st. augus tin's Book V. 

dirty lucre, which defiles the hand of him that 
catches at it ; and by embracing this world, 
that is ever flying away, and slighting thee, 
who always remainest, and callest after them, 
and art ready to pardon the poor soul that from 
her fornications returneth to thee. And now 
indeed I hate such as these, as wicked and 
deformed, yet so as to love their amendment, 
that they may prefer the doctrine they learn 
before money, and before their learning may 
prefer thee, O God, the truth, and the abun- 
dance of all assured good, and the most pure 
peace. But at that time I rather was unwil- 
ling to do them evil for my own sake, than 
wished them good for thine. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

HE REMOVES FROM ROME TO TEACH RHETORIC A7 
MILAN, AND IS KINDLY RECEIVED BY ST. AMBROSE. 

1. When therefore an order was sent from 
Milan to Rome to the Prefect of the city, to 
provide a professor of Rhetoric for that town, 
and to send him thither upon the public 
charges, I made suit to Symmachus the pre- 
fect, by those same persons who were intox- 
icated with the Manichcean vanities (which I 
was going to be delivered from, though neither 
they nor I knew any thing of that) that upon 
making trial of my ability upon some subject 
of oratory, he would send me thither. And 
thus I came to Milian, to Ambrose the Bishop, 
known among the most excellent to the whole 



Chap 13. confessions. 149 

world, a devout servant of thine, whose dis- 
courses plentifully administered to thy people 
there the pure flour of thy wheat, and the glad- 
ness of thy oil, and the sober inebriation of thy 
wine. To him was I brought by thee, not 
knowing it, that by him I might be brought to 
thee, knowing it. That man of God received 
me with a fatherly affection, and with a charity 
worthy of a Bishop entertained my peregri- 
nation. 

2. And I began to love him, not at first as a 
doctor of truth, which I had no hopes of meet- 
ing with in thy Church, but as a man that was 
kind to me. And I diligently heard him when 
he preached to the people ; not with a right 
intention, but as it were to make trial of his 
eloquence, whether it were answerable to the 
fame thereof, or whether it were greater or 
less than was reported : and I stood very 
intent upon his words, though taking no notice 
of, and despising the things he treated. And 
I was delighted with the elegance of his dis- 
course, which was more learned than that of 
Faustus, yet not so pleasing and winning as to 
the manner of delivering himself. But as to 
the matter there was no comparison: for the 
one wandered out of the way through the de- 
ceitful paths of Manichseism ; the other taught 
the sound doctrine of salvation. But Salva- 
tion is far from sinners, Psalm 1 18, such as I then 
stood before him, and yet I was insensibly 
drawn nigher, and I knew it not. 



13 J 



150 st. augustin's Book V. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

HE IS BY LITTLE AND LITTLE RECONCILED TO THE 
CATHOLIC DOCTRINE, BY THE PREACHING OF ST. 
AMBROSE, 

1. For whilst I minded not to learn what he 
said, but only to hear how he said it, (for this 
vain care only remained in me, who despaired 
of rinding my way to thee) there came into my 
soul together with the words which I valued, 
the things which I slighted ; for I could not 
separate them. And whilst I opened my heart 
to entertain the eloquence of his sayings, there 
came in at the same time the truth of what he 
said ; though this by gentle degrees. For first 
it began to seem to me that the things he 
said might be defended ; and so I began to 
think, that the Catholic faith, for which I had 
before supposed nothing could be said in an- 
swer to the objections of the Manichceans, 
might be plausibly obtained. Especially, after 
I had heard several of the obscure places of the 
Old Testament explained and cleared up; 
which when I understood literally I was killed 
spiritually. 

2. When therefore very many places of 
those books had been thus explained ; I began 
to reprehend my despair, yet thus far only, 
that I should think that no reply could be 
made to those that rejected and derided the 
law and the prophets. Neither did 1 think 
that the Catholic way was therefore now to be 
taken by me, because it could have learned 
patrons, who were able to give copious an- 



Chap. 14. confessions. 151 

swers, and those not absurd to their adversa- 
ries objections ; nor yet that what I held was 
to be condemned, because both were defensi- 
ble. For the Catholic cause in such manner 
seemed to me not conquered, as yet not to 
appear the conqueror. I began then diligently 
to apply my mind to consider if I could upon 
any certain grounds convince the Manichceans 
of falsehood. And could I but once have con- 
ceived a spiritual substance, I had quickly de- 
molished and cast out of my soul the whole 
structure of their system, but I could not. 

3. Yet concerning the system of this corpo- 
real world, and all nature which our carnal 
sense can reach to, the more I considered on 
it, the more I was convinced by comparing 
them together, that the Philosophers-had come 
nigher the truth than the Manicheeans. There- 
fore, after the way of the Academics (as they 
are commonly represented) doubting of all 
things and wavering between all things, I 
resolved however to quit the Manichseans, 
thinking that I ought not even for that time of 
my doubt, to remain any longer in that sect, 
before which I now preferred some of the Phi- 
losophers ; to which Philosophers, notwith- 
standing, I refused to commit the cure of the 
sickness of my soul, because they were void 
of the saving name of Christ. Upon this I 
determined to continue a Catechumen in the 
Catholic Church, recommended to me by my 
parents, till something of certainty should ap- 
pear, to which I might steer my course. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 

BOOK VI. 

CHAPTER I. 

HIS MOTHER MONICA COMES AFTER HIM TO MILAN. 

1. O thou, my hope from my youth, where 
wast thou then to me, or whither hadst thou 
withdrawn thyself? Was it not thou that 
hadst made me, and distinguished me from the 
beasts and the fowls of the air ? wiser than 
they, and I was walking in darkness and in 
slippery paths, and was seeking thee abroad in 
things without me, and 1 did not find the God 
of my heart ; and I was now sunk into the 
bottom of the deep, and desponded and des- 
paired of rinding truth. And now my mother 
was come to me, following me over land and 
sea, courageous through her piety, and in all 
perils relying on thee. For when they were 
in danger at sea, she comforted the mariners 
themselves (by whom the passengers that are 
unaccustomed to the deep use to be comforted 
in their frights) assuring them of a safe arri- 
val, because thou hadst promised this to her 
in a vision. 

2. And here she found me in a dangerous 



Chap. 1. confessions. 153 

way, in despair of finding out the truth. And 
when I told her that I was not now a Mani- 
chsean, nor as yet a Catholic Christian, she 
expressed no extraordinary joy as at a thing 
unexpected, though by this she had her wish 
as to one great part of my misery, wherein 
she had long bewailed me as dead, but to be 
raised up again by thee, and had carried me 
forth upon the bier of her thoughts, that thou 
mighest be pleased to say to the son of the 
widow, Young man, I say to thee arise, Luke 
7, and that he might return to life, and begin 
to speak, and thou mighest restore him to his 
mother. But I say her heart was not moved 
with any turbulent transport of joy, when she 
heard that what she daily begged with her 
tears, was so far brought about, that though I 
was not as yet arrived at truth yet I was now 
delivered from error. But rather as being 
sure that in due time thou wouldst give the 
rest who hadst promised her the 'whole, she 
calmly answered with a breast full of divine 
confidence, that she trusted in Christ that 
before she died, she should see me a faithful 
Catholic. 

3. And this to me ; but to thee, Fountain 
of Mercies, she redoubled her prayers and 
tears that thou wouldst hasten thine aid, and 
enlighten my darkness : and she ran more 
zealously to the church, and was there ever 
intent upon the words of Ambrose, and that 
fountain of living water which springeth up 
unto eternal life. For she loTed that man as 



154 st. augustin's Book VI. 

an Angel of God, because she knew that by 
his means I had been brought to that doubtful 
wavering in which I then was ; and she cer- 
tainly presumed that my disease being now 
brought to its crisis, as the Physicians call it, 
I should through him pass from sickness to 
perfect health. 

CHAPTER II. 

HER READY OBEDIENCE TO ST. AMBROSE, PROHIBITING 
THE CHARITY FEASTS AT THE TOMBS OF THE MAR- 
TYRS. 

1. Therefore when, according to the cus- 
tom of Africa, she had brought with her to the 
memorials of the saints, food and bread and 
wine, and was stopped by the doorkeeper ; as 
soon as ever she understood that the Bishop 
had prohibited these things, she piously and 
obediently conformed to his orders, that I 
admired she should so suddenly become rather 
an accuser of her former practice, than a dis- 
puter of the present prohibition. For her 
spirit was free from any inclination to intem- 
perance, and she was not like so many men 
and women, whom the love of wine provoketh 
to the hate of truth, and who loath a lesson of 
sobriety, as men in drink loath a cup of water. 
But she, when she had brought her basket fur- 
nished with the accustomed provisions, of 
which she first tasted, and then distributed the 
rest, put only one small cup of wine, tempered 
with water, for her sober palate to take a little 



Chap. 2. confessions. 155 

taste thereof. And if there were more memo- 
rials of the dead that it was thought proper to 
honour in this manner, the same cup served her 
for them all, which being now not only much 
diluted with water, but also hot with carriage, 
was by small sippings divided between her and 
her companions, for it was devotion she sought 
there, not pleasure. 

2. When therefore she found that this illus- 
trious preacher and pious prelate had com- 
manded that no such thing should be practised 
even by the sober, lest others should take oc- 
casion from thence of intemperance ; and be- 
cause these things much resembled the super- 
stitious parentalia of the Pagans, she most 
willingly abstained from them : and instead of 
a basket full of the fruits of the earth, she 
learned to carry to the memories of the mar- 
tyrs a heart full of more purified vows ; and to 
give what she could to the poor ; and there to 
celebrate the communion of the Lord's Body, 
by the imitation of whose passion the martyrs 
were immolated and crowned. 

3. However, it seems to me, O Lord my 
God, and it is the thought of my heart in thy 
sight, that my mother perhaps would not so 
easily have yielded to the retrenching of that 
custom, if it had been prohibited by another 
man, whom she had not so much regard for, 
as she had for Ambrose, whom for the sake of 
my salvation she very much loved ; as he also 
loved her for her most religious conversation, 
by which in her good works she so fervent in 



156 st. augustin's Book VI. 

spirit frequented the Church ; so that many 
times when he saw me he would break forth 
in her praise, congratulating with me that I had 
such a mother, not knowing what a son she 
had in me, who doubted of all things, and 
thought that the way of life could not be found 
out. 



CHAPTER III. 

ST. AMBROSE'S EMPLOYMENTS DO NOT ALLOW ST. AU- 
GUSTIN AN OPPORTUNITY OF PRIVATE DISCOURSE 
WITH him; YET HE LEARNS FROM HIS SERMONS 
THAT THE CATHOLICS DO NOT HOLD WHAT THE 
MANICH JEANS CHARGED THEM WITH. 

1. Neither did I now sigh in prayer that 
thou mightest show mercy to me ; but my 
soul was intent to make queries, and restless 
to dispute. And as for Ambrose himself, I 
looked upon him as a man happy according to 
the world, in being so much honoured by the 
great ones; only his celibacy or single life 
seemed to me painful. But what hope he en- 
tertained in his soul, and what a conflict he had 
against the temptations of that eminency, and 
what comfort he felt in his adversities, and 
what savoury joys he tasted in the inward 
mouth of his heart in ruminating upon thy 
bread, these I had no notion of, nor had expe- 
enced ; neither did he know my doubts, nor 
the depth of my danger. — For I could not 
confer him with upon what I had a mind, in the 
manner that I desired, by reason of the many 
businesses of others, whose infirmities he 



Chap. 3. confessions. 157 

served, which hept me from his speech. And 
the time that he was not with them, which 
was but little, was either taken up in the ne- 
cessary refection of his body by its daily food, 
or of his soul by reading. And when he read, 
his eyes ran over the pages, and his heart 
sought understanding, but his voice and tongue 
were silent. Often when I have been there 
(for no one was refused entrance, nor was it 
the custom to give him notice of any one's 
coming) I have seen him reading in this man- 
ner in silence, and never otherwise : and I 
have sat down, and after a long silence (for 
who could find in his heart to be troublesome 
to one so intent ?) I have gone away ; conjec- 
turing that for that short time which he had 
for the repairing of his mind, free from the 
noise of other men's business, he was loth to 
be taken off from what he was about. And 
perhaps for this reason did not read aloud, lest 
his auditor being attentive to the reading, might 
desire his exposition where the author seemed 
obscure, or his entering into a discussion of 
difficult questions ; and by this means his time 
might be abridged, and he hindered from read- 
ing so much as he had a mind. Though per- 
haps his chief cause for reading in silence 
might be to save his voice, which was easily 
weakened. But whatever his reason was the 
intention of that man was certainly good. 

2. But indeed I had no opportunity of con- 
sulting about the things I desired that oracle 
of thine his holy breast, unless it were when 

14 



158 st. augustin's Book VI. 

the audience could be but short ; whereas my 
perplexities required one perfectly disengaged, 
to whom they might be represented, and I 
could never find him so much at leisure. How- 
ever, I heard him amongst the people rightly 
handling the word of truth on every Lord's-day, 
and I was more and more convinced that all 
these knots of artificial calumnies, which my 
deceivers [the Manichseans] had tied so fast to 
the prejudice of the divine books [of the Old 
Testament] might be dissolved. 

3. And when I also came to discover, that 
thy having made man after thy own image, was 
not understood by thy spiritual children, (whom 
by grace thou hast regenerated of their Catho- 
lic Mother) in such manner as to believe or 
imagine thee to be bounded or limited by the 
form of a human body ; (though as yet I could 
not in the least apprehend what a spiritual 
substance could be) I was both glad and 
ashamed to find that for so many years I had 
been barking, not at that which was indeed the 
Catholic faith, but at the fictions of carnal 
conceits. For I was so rash and wicked all 
that time, as to be more ready to impose false- 
hoods upon them, than by inquiry of them to 
be informed of the truth. For thou, O most 
high and yet most near, most hidden and yet 
most present, who art not composed of several 
members or parts, some greater and some less, 
but art every vvhere whole, and yet within no 
place at all, art not indeed this corporeal form, 
and yet hast made man after thy image, and lo 
he from head to foot is comprised in place. 



Chap. 4. confessions. 159 



CHAPTER IV. 

HE IS STILL MORE ALIENATED FROM THE MANICHJEANS 
BUT FEARFUL TO YIELD ASSENT TO THE CATHOLIC 
TRUTHS. 

1 . When therefore I did not know how this 
thy image could be, I ought knocking to have 
inquired in what manner this was to be be- 
lieved, and not insulting to have opposed it, as 
if it were believed in the manner I imagined. 
Hence my interior was gripped with so much 
greater solicitude, what I should now hold for 
certain, by how much the more I was ashamed 
to have been so long deluded and deceived 
with the promise of certitude, and to have all 
the while with childish error and heat, prated 
upon so many uncertainties, as if they had 
been things most certain. For that they were 
absolutely false, I did not fully know till after- 
wards ; but I was now sure that they were 
incertain, and that I had formerly taken them 
for certain, when with blind contentions, I 
accused thy Catholic Church, which though I 
had not yet fully discovered to be the teacher 
of truth, yet I found that she taught not those 
things which I so vehemently had charged her 
with. Therefore I was confounded, and con- 
verted, and rejoiced, O my God, that thy only 
church the body of thy only Son, in which 
when a Child I had received the name of 
Christ, held no such childish fopperies ; and 
that her sound doctrine did not shut up thee, 
the Creator of all things, within a space oi 



160 st. augustin's Book VI, 

place, though ever so high and large, yet ter* 
minated on every side by the figure of a hu- 
man body. 

2. I rejoiced also that those ancient writings 
of the law and the prophets were not now 
proposed to me to be perused with that eye, to 
which they formerly seemed absurd ; when 1 
charged thy saints with sentiments which were 
not really theirs : and I often heard with plea- 
sure thy servant Ambrose in his sermons to the 
people, repeating and most diligently recom- 
mending as a rule that text the letter killeth, but 
the spirit giveth life, 2 Cor. 3- When drawing 
aside the mystical veil, he opened the spiritual 
sense of many things, which, according to the 
letter, seemed to teach something that was 
wrong ; treating them in such a manner as 
gave me no offence, though I did not yet know 
whether the things he said were true. For I 
withheld my heart from giving any assent, 
fearing a precipice, and my supense was no 
less pernicious. For I wanted to have the 
same evidence of things invisible, as I had 
that seven and three make ten : for I was not 
so mad as to think that even this could not be 
certainty known ; but I desired to have all 
other things equally demonstrable, whether 
corporeal, which were not present to my sen- 
ses ; or spiritual, of which I knew not how to 
think otherwise than in a corporeal manner. 

3. And I might have been cured by believ- 
ing, that so the eye-sight of my mind being bet- 
ter cleared, might in some manner have been 



Chap. 5. confessions. 161 

directed towards thy truth which remaineth for 
ever, and is in nothing deficient ; but as it often 
happens, that he who has fallen into the hands 
of a bad physician, is afterwards afraid to ven- 
ture himself with a good one ; so it was with 
the malady of my soul, which could not be 
healed but by believing; and for fear of again 
believing things that were false, refused to be 
cured ; resisting thy hands who hast made up 
the medicines of faith, and distributed them 
abroad for the diseases of the whole world, and 
given them so great an authority. 



CHAPTER V. 

OF THE DIVINE AUTHORITY OF THE SACRED SCRIP- 
TURES, DELIVERED BY THE CHURCH. 

1. And in this thing also I could not but 
prefer the Catholic doctrine, that I found it 
x was with more modesty and without deceit, 
men w T ere there commanded to believe what 
was not yet demonstrated (whether it were 
really demonstrable, though to some it might 
not be so, or whether it were not) whereas 
amongst the Manichceans believing was ridicu- 
led, and evidence was rashly promised ; and 
yet after all, many things most fabulous and 
absurd, which could never be demonstrated, 
were imposed to be believed. Afterwards by 
little and little, thou, Lord, with a most gen- 
tle and merciful hand, touching and composing 
my heart, didst thoroughly persuade me by my 
considering, h^wmany things I believed which 

14* 



162 st. augustin's Book VI. 

I had never seen, nor was present when they 
were transacted, as well in history, and in the 
accounts of places and cities where I had never 
been, as in daily occurrences where I took up 
so many things upon the woid of my friends, 
or of physicians, or of other men, where if I 
was to suspend my belief, an end must be put 
to all human commerce ; and in particular how 
firmly I believed that 1 was born of such pa- 
rents, a thing which I could not possibly know 
but by believing those from whom I had heard 
it ; thou didst, I say, thoroughly persuade me 
that they were not to be blamed that believed 
thy books, to which thou hast given so great 
authority almost throughout all nations, but 
they that believed them not. 

2. Nor were any such to be hearkened to 
who should say, whence dost thou know that 
these books were delivered to mankind by the 
spirit of the one true God, who cannot deceive ? 
For this very thing is of all the most credible. 
Because no conflict of cavilling questions in 
the many opposite systems that I had read in 
the philosophers could ever extort from me a 
disbelief of thy being ; though I knew not 
what thou wert : or that the government of 
human affairs was in thy hands ; but though 
my faith of these things was sometimes indeed 
stronger, and sometimes weaker, yet I always 
believed thy being and thy providence over us ; 
though I neither knew what to think of thy 
substance, nor the way that led or brought us 
back to thee. Hence, whereas we were too 



Chap. 5. confessions. 163 

weak to find out thy truth by clear and evi- 
dent reason, and therefore stood in need of the 
authority of holy Scriptures, I now began to 
believe, that thou wouldst by no means have 
given such a swaying authority throughout the 
whole world to those Scriptures, if it had not 
been thy good pleasure that we should believe 
thee in them, and seek thee by them. 

3. For now the seeming absurdities which 
had formerly offended me in Scripture, after I 
had heard many of them probably expounded, 
I attributed to the depth of its mysteries ; and 
its authority appeared to me so much the 
more venerable and worthy of a religious as- 
sent, in that it was easily to be read in all, and 
yet preserved the dignity of secrecy in its more 
profound meaning : stooping down to every 
one by the plainness of its words and a most 
humble stile ; and yet exercising the best atten- 
tion of those who are not light of heart ; thus with 
open bosom receiving all, though the passages 
being narrow it transmits but few to thee ; yet 
many more are thus transmitted than would be, 
if it either were not so eminent in its authority, 
or did not invite such multitudes into the lap 
of its holy humility. These were my thoughts, 
and thou wast with me : I sighed unto thee, 
and thou didst hear me : I was tossed about by 
the waves, and thou didst steer my course ; 1 
walked in the broad way of the world, and 
thou didst not leave me. 



164 st. augustin's Book \L 



CHAPTER VI. 

HIS AMBITION, AND THE CARES ATTENDING IT. HIS 
GREAT SOLICITUDE BEING TO SPEAK A PANEGYRIC 
BEFORE THE EMPEROR I AND HIS ENVYING THE 
SECURE MIRTH OF A POOR BEGGAR SEEN IN THE 
STREETS. 

1. I pursued after honours, riches, marriage, 
and thou didst mock at me. I underwent in 
these my desires, most bitter anxieties, thou 
being by so much the more merciful to me, by 
how much the less thou sufferedst any thing 
to be sweet to me that was not thyself. See 
thou my heart, O Lord, who art pleased 
that I should now remember this and confess 
it to thee. Let my soul now cleave fast to 
thee, which thou hast rescued from that tena- 
cious birdlime of death, how miserable was 
she, and thou wast still pricking the most sen- 
sible part of her wound, that leaving all other 
things she might be converted to thee, who art 
above all things, and without whom all things 
would be nothing at all ; that she might be con- 
verted, and so be healed. How miserable was 
I then, and how didst thou bring it about that I 
should have a feeling of my misery, upon that 
day when, having prepared a panegyric in 
praise of the Emperor, in which I was to tell 
many lies, and yet be applauded by those who 
knew them to be lies ; and my heart w T as anx- 
ious for the success of the undertaking, and 
burning in a fever of consuming thoughts. I 
passed through a certain street in Milan, and 



Chap. 6. confessions. 165 

there took notice of a poor beggar, who had 
got his belly full, I suppose, and was very 
jocund and full of mirth. And I fetched a 
great sigh, and spoke to my friends that were 
with me of the many sorrows of our own fol- 
lies ; for with all our endeavours (such as I 
was then labouring under, pricked forward by 
the goad of restless desires, and dragging after 
me the heavy load of my own infelicity, which 
the more I drew it grew still the heavier) we 
fought for nothing else but to arrive at a secure 
joy, at which this poor beggar had arrived be- 
fore us, and at which perhaps we should never 
arrive. For what he had already procured by 
a few pence, got by begging, was what I was 
still toiling for through so many winding and 
difficult paths, viz. the pleasure of a temporal 
felicity. 

2. His joy indeed was no true joy, but that 
which my ambition was pursuing after was 
much more false. And certainly he was mer- 
ry, whilst I was perplexed ; he was secure, 
whilst I was in fear. And if any one should 
have asked me, whether I had rather rejoice 
or be in fear ? I should have answered, I had 
rather rejoice. But if he should have asked 
me again, whether I had rather chuse to be in 
his condition or in my own ? I should have 
preferred my own, notwithstanding all my 
cares and fears. But by a perverse choice ; 
for what true reason could there be for it ? For 
as for my bekig more learned, this was no rea- 
son why I should prefer myself to him, since I 



166 st. Augustus's Book VI 

did not rejoice in this, but only sought thereby 
to please men ; not for the sake of teaching 
them, but merely to please them. And there- 
fore thou didst most justly stand against me, 
and didst break my bones with the staff of thy 
discipline. 

3. Away with those therefore from my soul, 
that say unto it, there is a great difference 
between the subjects of joy: the beggar was 
merry with drink; thou desiredst (a more noble) 
joy from glory. What glory was this, Lord, 
which was not in thee ? For as his mirth was 
no true joy, so neither was this true glory, and 
had a worse effect upon my mind. And for 
his part that very night he would digest his 
drunkenness ; but I had slept and rose again 
with mine, and was like to sleep and rise again 
with it, thou knowest for how many days. 
But there is a difference upon what ground a 
man rejoiceth : I know it, for the joy of a 
Christian's hope is incomparably beyond that 
of vain glory : and there was a difference also 
between me and him ; and the advantage was 
on his side ; for he was the happier of the two ; 
not only in being full of mirth, whilst I was 
racked with cares ; but that he, by begging 
God's blessing upon people, had got some 
good wine, and I by telling lies was hunting 
after empty glory. I said then many things to 
this purpose to my friends, and often observed 
how it was with me ; and I found it was ill 
with me, and I grieved, and made my burthen 
greater. And if I met with any prosperity, I 



Chap. 7. confessions. 167 

was loth to take any notice of it, because be- 
fore I could take hold of it, i flew away. 



CHAPTER VII. 

OF HIS FRIEND ALIPIUS, WHO HAD BEEN FORMERLY 
HIS SCHOLAR ; AND HOW HE RECLAIMED HIM FROM 
THE VAIN SPORTS OF THE CIRCUS, WHICH WERE 
CHIEFLY ALL MANNER OF RACES. 

1. I bemoaned myself in these • things 
together with my friends with whom I lived ; 
but chiefly and more familiarly I communicated 
my thoughts upon these matters to Alipius and 
Nebridius. Alipius was a native of the same 
town with me, and his parents of the best rank 
there. He was younger than I, and had been 
my scholar, both when I first set up school in 
our own town, and afterwards at Carthage : 
and he loved me much, because he thought me 
to be learned and good ; as I also loved him for 
his great inclination to virtue, which consider- 
ing his age was very eminent. Yet the stream 
of the evil customs of Carthage, where all sorts 
of vain shows are extremely affected, had car- 
ried him away to the follies of the Circus. 
Now whilst he was miserably hurried away 
with these sports, I was teaching rhetoric at 
Carthage, and kept a public school ; but by 
reason of some disagreement between me and 
his father, he at that time was none of my au- 
ditors. I had found out that he was miserably 
bewitched with the Circus. And it grieved 
me much, that so great a hopefulness would 



168 st. augustin's Book VI. 

now be lost, or rather, to my thinking, was lost 
already. Nor had I any means of admonish- 
ing him, or reclaiming him by any restraint, 
either by the benevolence of a friend, or the 
authority of a master. For I imagined he had 
the like dispositions in my regard as his father 
had ; but it was not so. Therefore neglecting 
his father's quarrel, he began kindly to salute 
me, and to come sometimes into my auditory, 
hearing some part of my lecture, and then de- 
parting. But I still forgot to speak to him not 
to suffer so good a wit to be ruined by a blind 
and headstrong affection to such vain sports. 

2 But thou, O Lord, whose over-ruling 
Providence presideth over all things that thou 
hast created, didst not forget him, who was to 
be one day amongst thy children a Prelate and 
dispenser of thy Sacrament. And that his 
reformation in this matter might evidently be 
thy work, thou wast pleased to effect it by me 
without my knowing it. For one day when I 
was sitting in my place, and my scholars were 
about me, he came in, and saluted me, and sat 
down and attended to my lecture. Now it 
happened that in expounding the subject which 
I had in hand, to make it both more agreeable 
and more plain, 1 borrowed a similitude, which 
seemed to me very proper, from the shows of 
the Circus, not without a smart derision of 
those who were slaves to that folly. Thou 
knowest, God, that I had no thought at that 
time of curing Alipius of that malady. But he 
presently applied it to himself, and thought I 



Chap. 7. confessions. 169 

spoke it purely for him. And whereas anoth- 
er would have taken occasion from hence to 
have been angry with me, he being a well- 
disposed youth, made it an occasion of being 
angry with himself, and of loving me the more 
dearly. For thou hadst said it long ago, and 
inserted it in thy holy Books, Rebuke a wise 
man, and he will love thee, Prov. 9. v. 8. 

3. Yet had I then no thought of rebuking 
him ; but thou, who makest use of all, wheth- 
er they know it or know it noj:, according to 
the order which thou knowest, and that order 
is ever just, from my heart and tongue didst 
form burning coals, with which thou wast 
pleased to set on fire that hopeful soul, which 
was then in a dangerous way, that so thou 
mightest cure it. May he be silent in thy 
praises, who considereth not thy mercies, 
which I from the bottom of my soul confess to 
thee. For Alipias after those words imme- 
diately recovered himself out of that deep pit, 
in which he had been willingly sunk, blinded 
with a wretched pleasure, and shook his soul 
with a resolute forbearance, and all the dirt of 
the Circus fell off from him, and he returned 
thither no more. And after this he prevailed 
with his unwilling father, that he might be my 
scholar, who yielded and consented to it. So 
he again becoming my auditor, was with me 
involved in that superstition, being much taken 
with the boasted continency of the Manchse- 
ans, which he supposed to be true and sincere ; 
but it was indeed senseless and deceitful, in- 

15 



170 st. augustin's Book VL 

veigling precious souls, who as yet knew not 
how to reach the height of true virtue, and 
therefore were easily deceived by a superficial 
appearance of that which had but the shadow 
of it, and was counterfeit. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

HOW ALIPIUS STUDYING THE LAW AT ROME, WAS 
BROUGHT TO BEHOLD AND TO DELIGHT IN THE 
BLOODY SHOWS OF THE GLADIATORS. 

1. He not forsaking the way of this world, 
which his parents inculcated to him, was gone 
to Rome before me to study the law ; and there 
was again carried away with an incredible pas- 
sion to the shows of the gladiators, and after 
an incredible manner. For whereas he was 
very much averse from, and detested these 
sports, some of his friends and school-fellows 
meeting him in the streets, after dinner, with a 
familiar violence, led him along with them, 
much against his will, to the amphitheatre, 
upon a day when those cruel and tragical 
sports were exhibited, he resisting all the while, 
and telling them, if you drag my body along 
with you thither, and place it there, can you 
force me to turn my mind or my eyes upon those 
shows ? I shall be absent therefore, though 
present in body, and so overcome both you und 
them. They hearing this did not desist from 
drawing him along with them, having a mind 
perhaps to try whether he had power to do as 
he said. Whither so soon as they came, and 



Chap. 8. confessions. 171 

had gotten such places as they could, presently 
those cruel sports began. 

2. But Alipius, shutting the door of his 
eyes, forbid his soul to go out after such wick- 
ed objects. And would to God he had shut 
his ears too ! For upon a certain accident in 
the fight, hearing a great shout of all the people, 
he was overcome by curiosity, and opened his 
eyes, designing only to see what was the mat- 
ter, and whatever it was, to despise it, and 
overcome it. And he was immediately struck 
with a more grievous wound in the soul, than 
the Gladiator whom he desired to behold, was 
in the body ; and he felt himself in a far more 
deplorable state, than he at whose fall this 
shout was raised, which entering in at his ears 
had opened his eyes, and through them had 
given a mortal wound to his soul, which was 
more bold than strong, and indeed so much 
the weaker, because he presumed of himself, 
who should have confided only in thee. For 
no sooner did he see that blood, but he also 
drank down the savage cruelty of it ; nor did 
he turn away his eyes, but fixed them upon 
it ; and he sucked in those furies, and knew it 
not, and became delighted with the crime of 
the combat, and was made drunk with that 
cruel pleasure. And he was not now the 
man that he came, but one of the multitude to 
which he came, and a true companion of those 
who brought him thither. What shall I say 
more? He looked on, he shouted, he took 
fire, he carried away with him a madness, by 



172 st. augustin's Book VI 

which he was incited to return again, not only 
with them who had dragged him thither before, 
but before them, and drawing others with him. 
And yet from hence also, with a most strong 
and merciful hand, thou didst deliver him, and 
didst teach him to presume no more of him- 
self, but to trust in thee. But this was long 
afterwards. 



CHAPTER IX. 

HOW ALIPIUS, WHEN A STUDENT AT CARTHAGE, WAS 
APPREHENDED FOR A THIEF. 

1. And this was laid up in his memory for 
a caution for the future. And that also which 
happened to him at Carthage, when he studied 
there and was my scholar, and at mid-day in 
the Forum was meditating upon the scholastic 
exercise that he was afterwards to recite, when 
thou sufTeredst him to be apprehended as a 
thief, (by the officers of the Forum, was, I be- 
lieve, permitted by thee, my God, for no other 
reason but that he who was so great a man, 
might begin to learn by this, how cautious a 
man ought to be in taking cognizance of caus- 
es, not to condemn another by a rash credu- 
lity. For as he was then walking alone with 
his table-book and stile in his hand before 
the tribunal, another young man, of the num- 
number of the scholars, who was the true 
thief, carrying secretly with him a hatchet, 
went in, without his perceiving it, to the lead- 
en rails that are over the silversmiths-street, 



Chap. 9. confessions. 173 

and began to cut off the lead. The silver- 
smiths underneath, hearing the noise of the 
hatchet began to murmur among themselves, 
and sent some to apprehend any one they 
should find there. The young man overhear- 
ing their voices, went off immediately, leaving 
his instrument for fear he should be taken with 
it. Alipius, who had not seen him go in, took 
notice of his coming out and making haste 
away, and desirous to know the cause, went 
into the place, and finding the hatchet, stood 
wondering what should be the meaning of it. 
In the mean time they that were sent came in, 
and finding him holding in his hand the hatch- 
et, the noise of which had brought them thith- 
er, they apprehended him, and dragged him 
along ; and calling together the shop-keepers 
of the Forum, congratulated with them that 
now they had taken the thief in the fact ; and 
from thence they led him to be presented be- 
fore the judge. And hitherto he was to be 
instructed. For thou, O Lord, didst imme- 
diately come in to vindicate his innocence, of 
which thou alone wast witness. For as they 
were leading him along either to prison or to 
punishment, an architect, who had the chief 
care of the public buildings, met them ; and 
glad they were to meet him, who used to sus- 
pect some of them of having taken away such 
things as were lost from the Forum, that he 
might now at length see who it was that had 
committed all these thefts. But it happened 
that this man had often seen Alipius, at the 

15* 



174 st. augustin's Book VI. 

house of a certain senator whom he used to 
visit, and presently knowing him, took him by 
the hand aside from the crowd, and asked him 
how it was that so great a misfortune had be- 
fallen him ; who told him the w T hole story ; 
upon which he desired the people, who were 
in a great tumult and rage, to go along with 
him. And so they went to the house of the 
young man who had done the fact ; where 
at the door they met a servant-boy, who was 
so little as that he might tell the whole matter 
without suspecting any hurt to his master, 
whom he had waited upon in the Forum. 
Alipius knowing him again, intimated it to the 
architect ; and he presently showing him the 
hatchet, asked him if he knew whose it was. 
Who presently answered, 'tis ours ; and being 
further examined told all the rest. So the 
crime was devolved upon another, the mob 
which had begun to triumph over him was 
confounded ; and he that was to be a dispenser 
of thy word, and an examiner of many causes 
in thy Church, departed with more experience 
and instruction. 

N.B. Alipius was afterwards Bishop of Ta- 
gaste, and in his time one of the most illustrious 
prelates of the African Church. 



Chap. 10. confessions. 175 



CHAPTER X. 

&LIPIUS FOLLOWS ST. AUGUSTIN TO MILAN. A MEMO- 
RABLE EXAMPLE OF HIS INTEGRITY. OF HIS OTHER 
FRIEND NEBRIDIUS. 

1. Him therefore I found at Rome, and he 
stuck close to me with a most strong bond of 
friendship ; and he went with me to Milan, 
that he might have my company, and might 
there ^practise in the law, which he followed 
according to the inclinations of his parents 
more than his own. In which he had been 
already an assessor of justice, admired by the 
rest for his disinterestedness, whilst for his part 
he much more wondered at those who valued 
God above virtue. His disposition in this re- 
gard was also tried not only by the allurement 
of interest, but also by the temptation of fear. 
He was assessor at Rome to the Count that 
had the charge of the Italian contributions. 
There was at that time a Senator, a man of 
great power, by whose favours many had been 
obliged, and many dreaded his displeasure ; he 
according to the way of his power would 
needs have I know not what usurpation al- 
lowed him, which was prohibited by the laws ; 
Alipius withstood him. A reward was prom- 
ised him ; he scorned it : he was assaulted 
with threats ; he despised them. All admired 
such an extraordinary spirit as neither wished 
a man his friend, nor feared him his enemy, 
who was so great and renowed for the innu- 
merable ways he had of doing good or harm to 



176 st augustin's Book VI. 

many. And the judge himself, whose assessor 
and counsellor he was, though he also had no 
mind the thing should be done, yet did not 
openly declare against it, but casting the whole 
matter upon Alipius, said that he would not 
suffer him to consent to it. For indeed had 
the judge passed it, Alipius would have gone 
off the bench. This one thing only in the 
way of his studies had almost overswayed him, 
viz : — a desire of procuring himself books with 
the I*rcetor J s* fees. But consulting justice in 
this, he concluded upon the better part, valuing 
more that equity which prohibited this, than 
the power and opportunity he had of doing it. 

2. This is indeed a lesser matter ; But he 
that is faithful in that which is little, is faithful 
also in that which is great, St. Luke 16. Neith- 
er can that by any means be vain, which has 
proceeded from the mouth of thy truth, If in 
the unjust mammon you have not been faithful^ 
who will trust you with that which is true ? and, 
if in that which is another } s you have not been 
faithful, who will give you that which is yours ? 
Such was the man who was then closely united 
to me, and laboured no less than myself, under 
an uncertainty what course of life we were to 
take. 

3. Nebridius also, who had left his native 
place, which was not far from Carthage, and 
Carthage also itself where he most frequently 
was, had left his father's fine estate and coun* 

* Pretiis Prsetorianis. 



Chap. 11. confessions. 177 

try house, and his mother, who was not like 
to follow him, and had come to Milan for no 
other cause, but that he might live with me in 
a most ardent search after truth and wisdom, 
joined his sighs with ours, and was under the 
same perplexity, being a most fervent seeker 
after a happy life, and a most earnest inquisi- 
tor into the most difficult questions. And so 
there were together three famished mouths, 
bewailing to one another their wants, and 
waiting for thee to give them their food in 
seasonable time; and in all that bitterness 
which by thy merciful appointment attended 
our wordly employments, when we considered 
to what end we underwent those sufferings, we 
discovered nothing but darkness, and we turned 
away our eyes with a sigh, and we said, how 
long will it be so ? And this we often said, and 
yet saying so, we did not quit these things, 
because we could not discover any thing cer- 
tain, which leaving these we might embrace. 

CHAPTER XI. 

HE DESCRIBES THE COURSE OF HIS VARIOUS THOUGHTS, 
WHICH SUCCESSIVELY POSSESSED HIS MIND, FROM 
THE 19TH TO THE 30TH YEAR OF HIS AGE. 

1. And I wondered exceedingly, when I 
considered and called to my remembrance, 
what a long time it was since the nineteenth 
year of my age, when I first began to be infla- 
med with the desire of wisdom, proposing 
upon the finding thereof to quit all empty hopes 



178 st. augustin's Book VL 

of vain desires and deceitful follies ; and now 
behold me thirty years old, still sticking in the 
same mire, greedy of enjoying present things, 
which fly away and dissipate my soul. In the 
mean time this was the course of my thoughts, 
" To-morrow I shall find it out ; behold it will 
clearly discover itself, and I shall have it ; and 
behold Faustus will come and explain all. 
Then, wise Academics ! nothing can be cer- 
tainly known for the regulating of life. Nay, 
but let us not despair, but seek with greater 
diligence. Behold those things, which seemed 
absurd in the Church's books, are not absurd, 
but may be understood in another way, and 
that rationally. I will remain then there where 
my parents fixed me when a child, till clear truth 
be found out. But where or when shall we 
seek it ? Ambrose has no leisure ; nor have 
we leisure to read. Where shall we seek pro- 
per books ? With what, or in what time, pro- 
cure them ? Upon whose recommendations 
shall we take them ? Nay, but let us set 
some time apart, let us allow certain hours of 
the day for the salvation of our soul. Great 
hope appears : the Catholic faith does not teach 
that which we thought, and vainly charged her 
with. Her learned look upon it as a crime to 
believe that God is terminated with the figure 
of a human body : and why don't we knock, 
that the rest may be opened ? My scholars 
take up the forenoon ; but what do we do with 
the rest of our hours ; and why not this ? But 
when then must we wait upon our greater 



Chap. 11 confessions. 179 

friends, whose favour we depend upon ? What 
time must we take to prepare the matter we 
sell to our scholars ? What time to repair 
ourselves by relaxing our mind from the bent 
of cares ? Let all things perish ; let us lay 
aside these vain and empty things, and set 
about the inquiry after truth alone. This life 
is miserable ; death is uncertain ; if it should 
come upon us of a sudden, in what a case shall 
we go hence ? And where shall we learn 
what we have here neglected ? And shall we 
not be punished for this neglect ? But what if 
death put an end to all care, together with 
sense ? This then also must be examined into. 
But God forbid it should be so. Sure 'tis no 
vain, no empty matter, that the authority of the 
Christian faith should have obtained this emi- 
nent height all over the world. Never would 
God have done such and so great things for us, 
if the death of the body were to put an end to the 
life of the soul. Why then do we delay, forsa- 
king the hopes of this world, to give ourselves 
up wholly to seek after God and true beatitude ? 
But stay a little, these things are also pleasant, 
and have in them no small sweetness ; we must 
not part with them too hastily, for it would be 
of greater shame to return to them again. See 
how little we want of obtaining some honour- 
able post ; and then we may be easy ; we have 
good store of friends, that are men in power ; 
if nothing else be got, and we are not willing 
to wait for something better, a presidentship 
may soon be given us : and we may marry a 



180 st. augustin's Book VI. 

wife with some fortune, that she may not be a 
charge, and here shall be the limits of my de- 
sires. Many great men, worthy of imitation, 
have been married, and yet have given them- 
selves up to the study of wisdom. ' ? 

2. Whilst I was saying these things, and 
these contrary winds by turns drove my heart 
to and fro, the time ran on, and I delayed being 
converted to the Lord God, and put off from 
day to day to live in thee, and I did not put off 
daily dying in myself. I was in love with a 
happy life, and yet was afraid to seek it where 
it was to be found ; and flying from it,- sought 
after it. For I thought I should be exceedingly 
miserable, if I were to be deprived of carnal 
pleasures, and I reflected not of the medicine 
of thy mercy to cure this infirmity, because I 
had not tried it ; and I supposed continency to 
be a thing of our own strength, which I knew 
I had not ; and was so foolish as not to know 
as it is written, Wisdom 8. That no one can 
be continent, except thou give it. And thou 
indeed wouldst give it, if with hearty sighs I 
did but knock at thy ears, and with a sound 
faith cast my care upon thee. 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE DISPUTES BETWEEN HIM AND ALIPIUS, CON- 
CERNING MARRIAGE AND SINGLE LIFE. 

1. Alipius was indeed much against my 
taking a wife, alleging that we could no way 
with any secure leisure live together in the love 



Chap. 12. confessions. 181 

of wisdom, as we had long desired, if I were to 
marry. For as to his part he was then very 
chaste, even to a wonder ; and having in the 
beginning of his youth unhappily tasted of 
those pleasures, he stuck not in the mire, but 
rather was sorry for what he had done, and 
despising those enjoyments lived ever after 
most continently. But I opposed against him 
the examples of those who being married, had 
studied wisdom, and pleased God, and had; 
faithfully kept and loved their friends. But 
alas ! I was far off from their greatness of soul r 
and being delighted with the disease of the 
flesh, and a pestiferous pleasure, drew my 
chain still after me, being afraid to be loosed 
from it ; and, as if the wound were touched, 
rejecting the words of him that so well advised 
me, as the hand that would unchain me. 

2. Moreover, the serpent also by me spoke 
to Alipius, and by my tongue wove and spread 
in his way his tempting nets, to entangle those 
virtuous feet which were then at liberty. For 
when he much wondered at me, for whom he 
had no small esteem, that I should stick so fast 
in the birdlime of that pleasure, as to declare, 
as often as we discoursed upon that subject, 
that 1 could not possibly live a single life : I to 
defend myself against his admiration would be 
telling him that there was a vast difference be- 
tween his short stolen pleasures, of which he 
had now scarce any remembrance, and there- 
fore easily contemned them, and the delights 
of my long custom, which being also now to 

16 



182 st. augustin's Book VI. 

be qualified and rendered honest by marriage, 
he could have no reason to wonder at my 
choice of that kind of life. Upon this he also 
began to desire a married state, not that he 
was overcome with a desire of that pleasure, 
but out of curiosity. For he said he desired 
to know, what that was which I was so taken 
with, that my very life which he loved so 
much, would seem to me no life but a pain 
without it. 

3. For his soul which was free from that 
chain, wondered at my slavery, and from this 
wondering proceeded to a desire of trying, 
ready to go to the trial itself, and from thence 
perhaps to fall into that slavery which he won- 
dered at ; because he had a mind to make a 
covenant with death^ Isaiah, 28, and because He 
that loveth the danger shall fall into it, Eccles. 
3. For as to whatever there is of good in 
marriage in the office of ruling a family, and of 
educating children, neither he nor I had much 
thought of that ; but the custom that I had of 
satisfying an insatiable concupiscence was that 
chiefly and most vehemently tortured me, who 
was already enslaved ; and it was his admira- 
tion at me what drew him on towards the same 
slavery. In this way we were till thou, the 
most high, not forsaking this low earth of ours, 
but commiserating our misery, didst relieve us 
by wonderful and secret ways. 



Chap. 13. CONFESSIONS. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

A WIFE IS SOUGHT OUT FOR HIM ; HIS MOTHER CAN- 
NOT OBTAIN ANY ANSWER FROM GOD CONCERNING 
THIS INTENDED MARRIAGE. 

1. And now earnest endeavours were used 
for the hastening of my marriage. I was now 
become a suitor, and the party was already 
promised to me ; my mother chiefly promoting 
the business, that so my unlawful lusts being 
reformed by matrimony, I might be cleansed 
from my sins by the saving water of baptism, 
for which she was pleased to see that I was 
daily better and better disposed, and took no- 
tice that her prayers and thy promises began to 
be fulfilled by my faith. Yet when both by my 
entreaty and her own inclinations she daily im- 
portuned thee with a loud cry of her heart, that 
thou wouldst be pleased to show her by vision 
something concerning my future marriage, thou 
never wouldst do it. And she saw some vain 
and fantastical appearances, the products of 
her own spirit and imagination vehemently 
bent upon that subject, and she related them to 
me; but not with that confidence with which 
she used, when thou hadst showed her any 
thing, but rather as slighting them. For she 
said, she discerned by I know not what kind 
of relish, which she knew not how to express, 
the difference between thy revelations and her 
own dreams. Yet the business was carried on, 
and a maid was sued to, though not yet mar- 
riageable by almost two years, but because I 
liksd the match, I was willing to stay for her. 



;84 st. augustin's Book VI. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

A PROPOSAL IS MADE FOR MANY OF THEM LIVING TO- 
GETHER IN COMMON; BUT IT IS FOUND INCONSIST- 
ENT WITH A MARRIED LIFE. 

1. And man)' friends of us together had 
often meditated, discoursing to one another, 
and detesting the vexatious troubles of a world- 
ly life, and were now almost come to a resolu- 
tion to quit the noise of the wjorld and live in 
quiet. Forming to ourselves a scheme for our 
retirement, that every one should bring in what 
he had, and one common stock be made of all ; 
where by sincerity of friendship one should not 
claim this, and the other that ; but the whole 
should belong to every one, and every thing to 
all. And there were about ten of us that were 
ready to join in this society, amongst whom 
some were very rich, especially Romanianus, 
my fellow townsman, and familiar friend from 
my childhood, who had come the Emperor's 
court (then at Milan) upon some troublesome 
concerns of his own ; he was the most earnest 
upon this business, and having a much better 
estate than any of the rest, had most power to 
persuade it. And we had agreed that two of 
yearly, like magistrates, should take care of all 
necessaries, the rest being quiet and without 
trouble. But when we began to consider 
whether the wives would admit of this, which 
some of us already had, and I proposed to 
have, this whole design so well formed, fell in 
pieces in our hands, and was broken and cast 






Chap. 15. confessions. 185 

away. Thence we returned again to sighs and 
groans, and our steps to follow the broad and 
beaten paths of this world. For many cogi- 
tations were in our hearts, but it is thy counsel 

hat remaineth for ever. From this thy coun- 
sel thou didst then deride our projects, and 
didst make way for thy own ; ready to give us 

hod in due season, and to open thy hand, and 
lo fill our souls with thy benediction, Psalm 144. 



CHAPTER XV. 

HIS CONCUBINE LEAVES HIM, AND VOWS CONTINENCY. 
HE HAS NOT THE COURAGE TO IMITATE HER. 

1 . In the mean time my sins were still mul- 
tiplied, and she being removed from my side, 
(as an impediment to my marriage) whom I 
formerly accompanied with, my heart which 
had cleaved to her being now torn away, as it 
were, from her, was wounded and bled. And 
she returned to Africa, making a vow to thee, 
never to know any other man, and leaving with 
me the natural son I had by her. But unhappy 
1, not imitating the woman, impatient of delay 
(it being two years before I was to have her 
whom 1 made suit to) because I was not a lover 
of marriage, but a slave of lust, procured me 
another, though no wife, to sustain and keep up 
by the continuance of custom that disease of 
my soul entire or augmented, till it might arrive 
at the realm of matrimony. Neither was that 
wound of mine healed which was made by the 
cutting off my former concubine, but after the 

16* 



186 st. augustin's Book VL 

heat and most acute pains it had caused in me, 
it putrifled, and under a colder pain became a 
more desperate sore. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

THE FEAR OF DEATH AND THE FUTURE JUDGMENT 
WAS SOME RESTRAINT TO HIS LUSTS. 

1. To thee be praise, and to thee be glory, 
Fountain of mercies : I became more mise- 
rable, and thou drewest nearer to me, and even 
just now was thy right hand ready to draw me 
out of the mire and to wash me clean, and I 
knew nothing of it. Nor was there any thing 
that restrained me from sinking still deeper 
into the pit of carnal pleasures, but the fear of 
death and of thy judgment to come, which in 
all the variety of my opinions never quite de- 
parted from my breast. And I often reasoned 
with my friends Alipius and Nebridius, of the 
ends of the good and the evil ; and that Epi- 
curus above all men with me should carry 
away the prize, but that I believed the soul 

survived after death, and was treated accord- 
ing to its merits ; which Epicurus did not be- 
lieve. 

2. And I asked whether if we were not to 
die at all, and might live in the perpetual en- 
joyment of the pleasures of the body without 
any fear of losing them, whether, I say, this 
might not be enough to make us happy ? Or 
what else we should want ? Not knowing it 
^was a great misery in me that being so deeply 



Chap. 16. confessions. 187 

plunged and blind I could not arise my thoughts 
to the light of virtue, and of that sovereign 
beauty, which for its own sake is to be embra- 
ced, which the eye of the flesh has not seen, 
but it is discovered in the interior. Neither 
did I consider, being so miserable, from what 
vein it flowed, that it was a pleasure to me to 
confer with my friends about these things, filthy 
as they were : nor did I even then think that I 
could be happy without friends, though I were 
to have ever so great affluence of carnal 
delight ; which friends I loved gratis, and per- 
ceived that I was also loved by them gratis, 
{i. e. without any prospect of interest or corpo- 
real pleasure.) 

3. O crooked ways! woe to the audacious 
soul that vainly hoped to find something better 
after she had departed from thee ! She turned 
and returned herself on back and sides and 
belly, and all was hard and uneasy, and thou 
alone her rest. And lo thou art with us ; and 
dost deliver us from our miserable wanderings ; 
and puttest us into thy way, and encouragest 
us, saying, run on, I will carry you, and I will 
bring you to the end of your race, and even 
there I will continue to carry you. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 



BOOK VII. 

CHAPTER I. 

HIS ENTRANCE NOW, BEING THIRTY YEARS OLD, INTO 
MAN'S ESTATE ; HE APPREHENDS GOD TO BE INVIO- 
LABLE, INCORRUPTIBLE, IMMUTABLE, AND EVERY 
WAY INFINITE ; BUT YET CORPOREAL. 

1 My wicked youth was now dead and 
gone, and I was entering into the state of man- 
hood ; and the older I was, the more shameful 
was my vanity, which could conceive no sub- 
stance but such as we usually behold with 
these our eyes. I did not indeed imagine thee, 
O my God, to bear the shape of a human 
body ; for from the time I had heard any thing 
of wisdom I always abhorred that ; and I was 
rejoiced to find that the faith of our spiritual 
mother thy Catholic Church also abhorred it. 
But then I was at a loss to know what other 
idea I was to form of thee. And being a man 
and such a man I endeavoured to conceive and 
apprehend thee, the supreme and the only and 
the true God. And from the bottom of my 
soul I believed thee to be incorruptible, and 
inviolable, and immutable ; because though I 
know not how, nor whence, I plainly saw and 



Chap. 1. confessions. 189 

was convinced that that which cannot be cor- 
rupted, nor hurt, nor changed, is better and 
more perfect than that which is capable of 
corruption, or violation, or mutation. 

2. My heart strongly cried out against all 
my phantoms, and with this one effort I strove 
to drive away from the eyes of my mind the 
crowd of uncleanness that hovered round me ; 
and it was scarce removed for the twinkling 
of an eye, before it gathered again upon me, 
and rushed in upon my sight, and overclouded 
it ; so that though I did not represent to my- 
self the figure of a human body, yet I was still 
forced to imagine something corporeal through 
spaces of place infused into the world, or also 
diffused through infinite spaces beyond the 
world ; yet this same incorruptible, and invio- 
lable, and immutable ; which J preferred to 
that which is corruptible, or violable, or muta- 
ble. Because whatsoever I extracted from all 
such spaces seemed to me to be nothing ; yea, 
not to be at all, not so much as a vacuum, as if 
a body were taken out of a place, and the 
place should remain void without any body at 
all in it, either earthly, or watery, or airy, or 
heavenly, and yet remain an empty place like 
a spacious nothing. 

3. I therefore being dull of heart, and my- 
self not seeing my own self, thought all that to 
be nothing which was not extended through 
some space, or spread forth, or had dimension or 
magnitude ; or contained or was capable of con- 
taining such things : for such as the forms were 



190 ST. AtTGUSTIN's Book VII. 

that my eyes were used to behold, such were 
the images my heart represented. Neither did 
I reflect that this very application of mind by 
which I formed these images, was no such 
thing as they : which yet would not form them 
if it were not something great. In this manner 
also I imagined thee, O Life of my Life, to be 
extended through infinite space, and to pene- 
trate on every side the whole mass of the 
world, and to be diffused beyond the world 
on all sides to an immensity without any 
limit, so that the earth had thee, and the hea- 
vens had thee, and all things had thee, and 
they were bounded in thee, but thou no where. 
4. And as this body of the air which is above 
the earth does not hinder the light of the sun 
from passing through it, penetrating it in such 
manner as not to break or divide it, but to fill 
the whole ; so I thought that not only the 
bodies of the Heavens and air, and sea, but of 
the earth also, were passable to thee, and in 
all their least as well as greatest parts penetra- 
ble to receive every where thy presence, by a 
6ecret inspiration both interiorly and exteriorly, 
administering all things which thou hast crea- 
ted. Such was my notion, because I could 
conceive nothing else : But this was a false no- 
tion ; for thus a greater part of the earth would 
have a greater part of thee, and a lesser would 
have a lesser part, and in such a manner would 
all things be full of thee, that the body of an 
elephant would hold so much more of thee 
than the body of a sparrow, by how much it is 






Chap. 2. confessions. 191 

bigger, and takes up a greater space. And 
thus thou wouldst be present but by pai ts to 
the parts of the world, by bigger pieces of 
thee to the greater parts of tk-c * ^rid, and by 
lesser to the lesser parts. But thou art not so 
but as yet thou hadst not enlightened my 
darkness. 



CHAPTER II. 

NEPRIDIUS'S ARGUMENT AGAINST THE MANICH-EANS. 

1. It was enough for me, O Lord, against 
those deceived and deceivers (the Manichseans) 
who talked much and yet were dumb, because 
thy word did not sound from their mouths ; it 
was enough I say for the confuting of them, 
which long before, even from the time that we 
were at Carthage, used to be proposed by Ne- 
bridius, and all we that heard it were much 
moved with it, viz : what that nation of dark- 
ness, which they talk of, which they make to 
stand with its malignant bulk opposite to thee, 
could do to thee, if thou wouldst not have 
fought with it? For if they would answer 
that it would have any ways hurt thee, it 
would follow that thou wert capable of viola- 
tion and corruption. But if they should say 
that it could not have done thee any harm, no 
reason could be given for thy fighting, and 
fighting in such a manner, that some part of 
thee, and a member of thine, or an offspring 
from thy own substance should be mingled 
with the opposite powers, and those natures 



192 st. augustin's Book VII. 

that were not created by thee ; and be so far 
corrupted by them, and change for the worse 
as to have fallen from happiness to misery, and 
to stand in need of health to be disengaged and 
purified : and that our soul should be this part 
of thy substance ; to the aid of w T hich being 
enslaved, defiled, and corrupted, came thy 
word that was free, and pure, and sound, which 
nevertheless was also itself liable to corruption, 
as being of the same substance. Wherefore 
if they affirmed thee, whatever thou art, that 
is, thy substance by which thou existest, to be 
incorruptible, then all those things were false 
and execrable ; but if corruptible, this very 
thing at the fiist hearing, is false and abomina- 
ble. This then was enough against them to 
cast off their load from my breast, because they 
had no way to get out of this dilemma without 
a horrid sacrilege of the heart and tongue, by 
thinking such things of thee and speaking 
them. 



CHAPTER III. 

HE IS UNSATISFIED CONCERNING THE CAUSE OF EVIL, 
WHICH IS MAN'S FREE WILL. 

1. But although I thus maintained and 
firmly believed thee our Lord, the true God, 
(who hast made not only our souls but our bo- 
dies also, and not only our souls and bodies, 
but all persons and all things,) to be incapable 
of being defiled or altered, or in any part 
changed ; I did n ot as yet apprehend, clearly 



Chap. 3. confessions. 193 

and without scruples, the caise of evil; yet 
whatever it might be, I saw that in the seeking 
of it, I was not to look for such a thing as 
might oblige me to believe the immutable God 
to be liable to suffer change ; lest I myself 
should become the thing that I sought for. 
Therefore I sought it so as to be secure and 
certain that what they (the Manichseans) said 
was not true ; whom I fled from with my 
whole soul ; for I saw that in seeking for the 
origin of evil, they were themselves filled with 
evil ; because they chose rather to think that 
thy substance suffered evil than that their own 
did evil. And I strained hard to see and dis- 
cern what I had heard that our free will was 
the cause that we did evil, and thy just judg- 
ment that we suffered evil ; and I could not 
clearly see it. 

2. I endeavoured to draw forth the sight of 
my mind from the deep, and I sunk back 
again, and I often endeavoured it, and still 
sunk back again and again. What raised me 
up towards thy light was that 1 knew that I 
had a will, as well as I knew that I had a life ; 
therefore when I willed, or willed not any 
thing, I was very certain that it was not any 
other thing but myself that willed, or willed 
not, and that there was the cause of my sin, I 
was just upon the point of perceiving. And 
then as to what I did against my will, I saw I 
rather suffered than did it, and I judged that 
not to be a fault, but a punishment, with 

17 



194 st. augustin's Book VII. 

which, considering thee to be just, I readily 
confessed that I was not unjustly afflicted. 

3. But then again I argued, who made me ? 
Was it not my God, who is not only good, but 
goodness itself? Whence therefore have I this 
will to evil, and repugnance to good, which 
gives occasion to that for which I may be justly 
punished ? Who has put this in me, and en- 
grafted in me this plant of bitterness, when a?! 
rf me was made by my most sweet God ? If 
the devil be the author of it, whence then was 
the devil ? But if he also by his perverse will 
from a good angel was made a devil, whence 
came in him this evil will, by which he was 
made a devil, since the whole angel was made 
good by the Creator who is all good ? By 
such thoughts as these I was plunged back 
again and stifled ; and yet I sunk not so low 
as that hell of error, where no one will confess 
to thee, as to believe thee rather to suffer evil, 
than man to do it. 



CHAPTER IV. 

NOTHING CAN BE CONCEIVED BETTER THAN GOD ; AKD 
THEREFORE HE IS CERTAINLY INCORRUPTIBLE. 

3. For I strove to find out all the rest in 
such manner I had already found that what 
is incorruptible is better than that which is 
liable to corruption ; for which reason I con- 
fessed thee, whatever thou wert, to be incor- 
ruptible. For never any soul was able or 
will be able to conceive any thing that is bet- 



Chap. 4. confessions. 195 

ter than thee the supreme and most excellent 
good ; since therefore that which is incorrupt- 
ible is most truly and most certainly preferred 
to that which is corruptible, as I also then pre- 
ferred it ; if thou wert not incorruptible my 
thoughts, could have conceived something bet- 
ter than my God. Therefore where I saw 
that the incorruptible is to be preferred to the 
corruptible, there I ought to have sought thee, 
and from thence to take notice, whence evil 
comes, that is to say, whence courruption itself 
comes, by which thy substance can by no 
means be violated. 

2. For in no way at all does corruption vio- 
late our God ; by no will, by no necessity, by 
no unforeseen accident, because he is God ; 
and whatever he wills for himself is good, and 
he is that same good. But to be corrupted is 
not good : neither art thou forced to any thing 
against thy will; for thy will is not greater 
than thy power ; for if it were greater, thou 
wouldst be greater than thyself. For the will 
and power of God is God himself. And what 
can be unforseen to thee who knowest all 
things ; and there is no nature that has a being 
but because thou knowest it ? But what need 
saying so many things to show that the sub- 
stance which is God is not corruptible ; sine* 
if it were so, it would not be God. 



196 st. augustin's Book VU. 



CHAPTER V. 

HE IS STILL IN QUEST AFTER THE ORIGIN OF EVIL. 
HIS FAITH IN CHRIST AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH 
DAILY GROWS STRONGER. 

1. And I sought from whence evil could 
come ; and I sought evilly ; and I did not see 
the evil that there was in this my search. 
And I placed before the eyes of my soul the 
whole creation, both as to the things that we 
can see, such as the earth, and the sea, and 
the air, and the stars, and the trees, and all 
mortal creatures \ and also as to the things that 
we see not, as the firmament of Heaven, and 
all the Angels and spiritual things thereof; to 
which also, as if they had been bodies my 
imagination appointed their several places : 
and of all together I framed one great mass of 
thy creation, distinguished by various kinds of 
bodies, which either were true bodies indeed, or 
which I had feigned to myself in place of spir- 
its : and this mass I imagined to be very great, 
not according to what it truly was, which I 
could not know ; but according to my fancy, 
vastly extended on all sides, but yet finite. 
After this I considered thee, O Lord, as encom- 
passing on all sides, and penetrating this vast 
mass , but every way infinite : as if the sea 
were every where, and were on all sides 
boundless and infinite and should have within 
it a sponge of great, but finite magnitude; 
which sponge would be in every part full of 
the boundless sea : so I conceived the finite 



Chap. 5. confessions. 197 

creature to be full of the infinite Creator. And 
I said behold God, and behold all the things 
that God hath created ; and God is good, and 
most excellently and incomparably better than 
any of these things ; yet being good he has 
created good things ; and behold how he en- 
compasses and fills all things. 

2. Where then is evil, or from whence or 
what way has it stolen in hither ? What is the 
root of it, and what is its seed ? Or is it not 
at all ? Why then do we fear, and fly from 
that which is not ? Or if we vainly fear it, 
then surely this fear itself is an evil, by which 
our heart is pricked and tortured without cause ; 
and so much the greater is this evil, by how 
much the less cause we have to fear a thing 
that is not. Therefore either there is an evil 
which we fear, or our very fear is an evil. 
Whence then is it, since God made all these 
things, a good God, all things good? he the 
greater and the sovereign good, made these 
lesser goods ; but yet both the maker and the 
things made by him, are all good. From 
whence then is evil ? or out of what did God 
make these things? Was there some matter 
before that was bad, which he formed and put 
in order, yet so as to leave something in it, 
which he did not convert to good ? But then 
why this ? Was he not able to convert and 
change it all, so as to leave no evil in it, he 
that is Omnipotent ? In fine, why would he 
make any thing at all of it, and not rather by 
that same omnipotence of his reduce it to no- 

17* 



198 st. Augustus's Book VII. 

thing, or could it ever have a being against his 
will? Or if it was eternal, why did he for 
infinite ages suffer it to be in that manner, and 
after so long a time chose to make something 
of it ? 

3. Or if he now on a sudden would be doing 
something, he that was Omnipotent should 
rather have employed himself in abolishing 
that evil matter, that he alone might be the 
whole, true, and supreme and infinite good. 
Or if it were not well for him that was good, 
not to make something of good, he might have 
quite taken away and annihilated that matter, 
which was evil, and made another that was 
good, out of which he might produce all 
things, for he would not be Omnipotent, if he 
could not make something that was good with- 
out the help of a matter which himself had not 
made. Such things as these I turned over in 
my wretched breast, loaded with perplexing 
cares from the fear of death. And though I 
had not found out the truth, yet the faith of 
thy Christ our Lord and Saviour in the Catho- 
lic Church, w r as strongly fixed in my heart ; in 
many things indeed as yet unformed, and float- 
ing beside the rule of sound doctrine, but my 
mind did not forsake it, yea rather daily more 
and more imbibed it. 



Chap. 6. confessions. 199 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE IS CONVINCED OF THE VANITY OF JUDICIARl 
ASTROLOGY, PRETENDING TO FORETELL FUTURE 
EVENTS FROM THE STARS. 

1. I had also now cast away from me the 
lying divinations, and the impious dotages of 
the Astrologers. Forthis also may thy mercies, 
O my God, from the bottom of my soul confess 
to thee. For it was thou, it was thou most 
certainly, that effectedst this. For what otheT 
can recal us from the death of any error, but 
the life that never dies, and the wisdom that 
enlightens our needy minds, whilst itself need- 
eth no light, by which the whole world is or- 
dered and governed, even to the flying leaves 
of the trees. It was thou that procurest a 
remedy for my obstinacy, by which I had be- 
fore resisted both Vendicianus, an old man of 
great wit, and Nebridius, a youth of wonder- 
ful parts, the one strongly affirming, the other, 
somewhat doubtfully, yet often repeating, that 
there was no such art by which men could 
foretell things to come ; but that their conjec- 
tures often chanced to hit upon the matter; 
and that in many things which they said were 
spoken several things which afterwards came 
to pass ; not that they had a foreknowledge of 
them, but that they stumbled upon them, by 
resolving to say something. 

2. Thou procuredst me therefore a friend, 
who was a curious consulter of these astrolo- 
gers, though himself had no great insight into 



200 st. augustin's Book Vll. 

that study, who related to me something that 
he knew from his father, which without re» 
fleeting on it, served very much for the over- 
throw of the vain esteem of that art. This 
man therefore, by name, Firminus, a person 
liberally educated and eloquent, having con- 
sulted me, as an intimate friend, concerning 
some affairs of his to which his worldly hopes 
aspired, what I thought might be the success 
according to his constellations, as they call 
them ; I who began now to be inclined to Ne- 
bridius's opinion, did not refuse to give my con- 
jecture according to what occurred to my doubt- 
ing mind, but withal told him, that I was now 
almost convinced, that those things were ridic- 
ulous and vain. Upon which he proceeded to 
tell me how his father had been a most curi- 
ous searcher into those books, and had a friend 
no less attached to them than himself; who 
joining in the same studies, and conferring to- 
gether, followed those fooleries with so much 
ardour, as to observe even the moments of the 
birth, even of dumb creatures, as often as any 
such were brought forth in their houses ; and 
to set down the positions of the heavens at that 
time, from which they might take, as it were, 
some experiments of that art. And he said, 
he had heard from his father, than when his 
mother was big with child of the same Firmi- 
nus, a certain maid-servant of his friend's was 
was also big with child, which could not but 
be observed by her master, who was so solici- 
tous to examine even into the puppying of his 



Chap. 6. confessions. 201 

bitches. And so it happened that as they 
most exactly counted, the one, the days, 
hours, and minutes of his wife's, the other of 
his servant's being brought to bed, both were 
delivered at the same instant, so that they 
were forced to set down the same calcu- 
lations of the stars to a minute, the one for 
his son, the other for his servant ; for as soon 
as the women fell in labour they gave mutual 
notice, and had one ready to send to each other 
as soon as the child was born, which they took 
care to be informed of at that very instant ; and 
he said, that they that w r ere sent met so justly 
in the midway, that neither of them could 
possibly observe any position of the stars or 
moment of time different from the other. And 
yet Firminus, being honourably descended, 
prospered in this world, increased in wealth, 
was advanced in dignities ; but the servant, 
having the yoke of his condition no way eased, 
continued in his servile state, as he told me, 
who very well knew him. # 

3. Having heard this, and believed it, as 
coming from such a man, all my former reluc- 
tance was now quite overcome. And first, I 
endeavoured to disengage Firminus himself 
from this curiosity, telling him, that from the 
inspection of his constellations, if in them I 
were to discover the truth, I must find that his 
parents were of the first rank, his family noble 
in the city where they lived, his birth and ed- 
ucation honourable, and his studies ingenuous. 
But if afterwards the servant should consult 



202 st. Augustus's Book VII. 

me concerning the same constellations, which 
were likewise his ; to tell him the truth also, 
I must discover in them a most abject family, 
a servile condition, and all other things far dif- 
fering and quite opposite to the former. So 
that from the same aspect of the stars, I must 
gather two most opposite fortunes to tell the 
truth ? Or if I were to read therein the same 
fortune, I must say what was false. And 
hence I gathered for certain, that what was 
spoken true from the observation of such con- 
stellations, was by guess and not by art ; and 
what was spoken false was not from any un- 
skilfulness in the art, but from the error of the 
guess. 

4. Having taken occasion from hence of 
further consideration of these things, lest any 
of these vain men, who live by this trade 
(whom I now much desired to attack and ren- 
der ridiculous) should reply that what Firmi- 
nus had related to me, or his father to him, 
was an untruth. I reflected on those who are 
born twins, who commonly come so quickly into 
the world one after the other, that the small 
interval of time (whatever effect they pretend 
it may have in nature) cannot be collected by 
human observation, or expressed in the compo- 
sition of any figure, out of which the astrolo- 
ger is to make his prognostication. His pre- 
dictions therefore either cannot be true, if 
from perusing the same figure, he should say 
the same things, (for example of Esau and 
Jacob, to whom the same things did not hap- 



Chap. 7. confessions. 203 

pen) or if true, he must not say the same of 
both, though their horoscope be the same. 
Therefore it must be by chance, and not by 
art, that he speaketh truth. For thou, O Lord, 
the most just Ruler of the Universe, when 
neither the consulter nor the consulted know 
any thing of it, by a sacred instinct orderest 
matters so, that he that consulteth should hear 
what is fit he should hear, according to the 
hidden merits of souls, from the abyss of thy 
just judgment ; to whom let not man say, what 
is this, or to what end is this ? Let him not 
say it, for he is but man. 



CHAPTER VII. 

HE IS STILL PERPLEXED ABOUT THE ORIGIN OF EVIL. 

1. Thou hast therefore now freed me from 
those bonds ; and I was still seeking from 
whence was evil, and could find no way to ac- 
count for it. Yet thou didst not suffer me by 
any of those waves of my thoughts to be car- 
ried away from that Faith, by which I believed 
both thy being, and that thy substance was im- 
mutable, and that thou hadst a providence over 
us, and that there was a judgment to come ; 
and that in Christ thy Son our Lord, and in 
the holy Scriptures, which the authority of 
the Catholic Church recommended to us, thou 
hast appointed a way for man's salvation, in 
order to that life which is to come after this 
death. These points therefore being safe, and 
strongly settled in my mind, I inquired anx- 



204 st. augustin's Book VII. 

iously whence evil could be ? What pangs did 
my heart then suffer in this labour ? What 
groans did it send forth, O my God? And thy 
ears were there, and I knew it not. And when 
in silence I earnestly sought the secret anguish 
of my soul was a loud cry to thy mercy. 

2. Thou knowest what I then suffered, and 
not any man. For how small a part was it 
which passed from my heart to my tongue, 
and so to the ears of my most intimate friends. 
Not the whole tumult of my soul, for the 
expressing of which neither my time nor my 
tongue was sufficient. But all was heard by 
thee, which I roared out from the groaning of 
my heart, Psalm 37. And my desire was before 
thee ; and the light of my eyes was not with me. 
For it was within, and I was abroad: and 
it was not in place, and I was only intent 
upon things contained in place: and I found 
there no place for my rest : neither did these 
things receive me so, that I could say, His 
enough, and it is well; nor did they let me 
return thither where it might be with me 
well enough. For I was superior to them, but 
inferior to thee ; and thou wast the true joy to 
me thy subject ; and thou hast made subject 
to me the things which thou hast created 
below me. 

3. And this was the right temperament, and 
the middle region of my well-being, that I 
should remain according to thy image, and 
serving thee, should have the command of the 
body. But when I proudly rose up against 



Chap. 8. confessions. 205 

thee, and ran against my Lord and master, 
with the shield of a stiff neck, even these low- 
est of things got above me, and pressed me 
down, and I could take neither ease nor breath. 
These bodies offered themselves in crowds on 
all sides to my eyes, and their images to my 
thoughts ; these way-laid me and opposed my 
return to thee, as if they had said, whither art 
thou going so unworthy and filthy as thou art ? 
And these had grown from my wound, because 
thou hast humbled the proud like him that is 
wounded , Psalm 88, and by the swelling of my 
pride I was separated from thee, and my face 
that was swelled exceedingly shut up my 
eyes. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

HE ACKNOWLEDGES THE MERCY OF GOD WHICH CAME 
IN TO HIS SUCCOUR. 

But thou, O Lord, remainest for ever, and 
art not for ever angry with us ; for thou hast 
had compassion upon this dirt and ashes ; and 
it seemed good in thy sight to reform my 
deformities ; and with secret goads thou didst 
stir me up, that I might be uneasy, until thou 
wast by a more inward sight clearly discovered 
to me. And my swelling [of pride] abated by 
the secret touch of thy healing hand ; and the 
sight of my soul, which was troubled and 
darkened, by the help of the sharp eye-salve 
of my inward pains, advanced daily towards a 
cure. 

IS 



206 st. augustin's Book VII. 



CHAPTER IX 

HE LIGHTS UPON SOME BOOKS OF THE PLATONIC PHILO- 
SOPHERS, IN WHICH HE FINDS A GREAT DEAL CON- 
CERNING THE DIVINITY OF THE ETERNAL WORD.; 
BUT NOTHING OF THE HUMILITY OF HIS INCAR- 
NATION. 

1. And first to show me how thou resistest 
the proud and givest grace to the humble, and how 
great a mercy of thine it was that the way of 
humility was demonstrated to men, by thy 
Word's being made flesh and dwelling amongst 
men : thou procuredst me by the means of a 
man that was much puffed up with the conceit 
of his own science, some books of the Plato- 
nics, which had been translated out of Greek 
into Latin, And in these I read not indeed in 
the same words, but the very same thing, and 
that confirmed with great variety of reasons. 
That in the beginning was the Word, and the 
Word was with God, and the Word was God. 
The same was in the beginning with God. All 
things were made by him, and without him was not 
any thing made that was made. In him was Life, 
and the Life was the Light of men. And the 
Light shineth in Darkness, and the Darkness 
comprehendeth it not, St. John, 1. And that 
the soul of man, though it bear testimony of the 
Light, yet is not itself the Light, but the Word 
of God is it. For God is the true Light, that 
enlighteneth every man coming into the world. 
And that he was in this world, and the icorld 
was made by him, and the world knew him 



Chap. 9. confessions. 207 

not. But that he came unto his own, and 
his own received him not ; hut as many as 
received him, to them he gave power to become 
the Sons of God, believing in his name ; I did 
not find there. 

2. Again, I read there that God the Word 
was born not of Flesh, not of Blood, not of the 
Will of Man, neither of the Will of the Fleshy 
but of God. But that this Word was made 
flesh and dwelt among us, I did not read there. 
For I discovered in those books, and that fre- 
quently repeated, and divers ways expressed, 
that the Son is in the form of the Father, and 
thinks it no robbery to be equal with God, Phil. 
2, because he naturally is the same thing. But 
then, that he emptied himself, taking the form 
of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, 
and found in fashion as a man ; and humbled 
himself, becoming obedient unto death, even the 
death of the Cross. Wherefore God hath ex- 
alted him from the dead, and given him a name 
which is above every name ; that at the name of 
Jesus every knee should bow, of things in Hea- 
ven, and things on Earth, and things in Hell, 
and every tongue should confess, that the Lord 
Jesus Christ is in the glory of God the Father ; 
these books do not say. 

3. For that thy only begotten Son before all 
times, remains unchangeably co-eternal to 
thee : and that from his fullness souls receive, 
that they may be happy, and by the participa 
tion of his self-subsisting wisdom, are renewed, 
that they may be wise, is to be found there 



210 st. augustin's Book VII. 

greater in the same kind, as if this should be 
much more clear and bright, and with its great- 
ness fill the whole universe ; it was not such 
a light as this, but quite another thing, very 
different from all these things. Neither was it 
in such manner above my mind, as oil is above 
water, or Heaven above the Earth ; but it was 
superior, because it made me, and I inferior, 
because I was made by it. He that knoweth 
the truth knoweth this light, and he that 
knoweth it knoweth eternity. And it is Charity 
that knoweth it. 

2. eternal truth, and true Charity, and 
lovely Eternity ! Thou art my God, for 
thee I sigh day and night. And when I first 
began to know thee, thou liftedst me up, that 
I might see that there was something to be 
seen, but that I was not yet one that could see 
it. And thou didst strike back the weakness 
to my sight, shining upon me with an exces- 
sive brightness, and I trembled all over with 
love and fear, and I found that I was at a vast 
distance from thee, in the land of unlikeness, 
as if I heard thy voice from on high, " I am 
the meat of those that are grown up ; grow 
thou up and thou shalt feed upon me, neither 
shalt thou convert me into thee, like thy cor- 
poreal food ; but thou shalt be changed into 
me." And I knew that it was by reason of 
iniquity that thou hast corrected man, and has i 
made my soul to consume like a spider, Psalm 38. 

3. And I said, is the truth then nothing, be- 
cause it is not spread by extension through any 



Chap. 11. CONFESSIONS. 211 

spaces of place finite or infinite ? And thou 
criedst out to me, from afar off, yes surely, I 
am who am, Exod. 3. And I heard this after 
the manner of the hearing of the heart ; and 
there was no room left for doubt. And I could 
with more ease call in question my own being 
alive, than the being of the truth, which is 
clearly seen, being understood by the things that 
are made, Rom. 1. 



CHAPTER XI. 

THAT CREATED THINGS MAY BE SAID IN SOME SENSE 
TO HAVE A BEING, AND IN ANOTHER SENSE TO HAVE 
NONE. 

1. And I looked into the rest of things that 
are below thee ; and 1 saw that they neither 
altogether had a being, nor altogether had no 
being. That they had a being indeed because 
they are from thee ; and that they had no 
being because they are not what thou art ; for 
that truly is, which unchangeable remains. But 
*tis good for me to adhere to God, Psalm 72. 
For if I remain not in him, neither can I in 
myself ; but he remaining in himself maketh all 
things new, Wisdom 7. And thou art the Lord 
my God, for thou standest not in need of my 
goods, Psalm 15. 



212 st. augustin's Book VII. 

CHAPTER XII. 

THAT ALL NATURE'S, EVEN THE CORRUPTIBLE, ARE 
GOOD, THOUGH NOT THE SUPREME GOOD. 

1. And it became clear to me that those 
things also are good which are liable to corrup- 
tion, which indeed could not be corrupted if 
they were the supreme good, nor again be lia- 
ble to corruption, if they were not good ; for 
if they were the supreme good, they would be 
incorruptible ; and if they were not good at 
all, there would be nothing in them to be cor- 
rupted. For corruption doth some hurt to 
things, which it would not do if it did not dimi- 
nish some good in them. Either therefore cor- 
ruption hurteth them not all, which cannot 
be said, or (which indeed is most certain) 
all those things that corrupt are deprived of 
some good. But if they are deprived of all 
good, they will no longer be at all ; for if they 
have a being still, and cannot now be corrupted, 
they will be better than they were, because 
they will subsist incorruptibly. And what can 
be more monstrously absurd than to say that 
things become better, when they have lost all 
that was good in them. Therefore if they be 
deprived of all good, they will be nothing at 
all. Therefore as long as they have a being 
they are good. Therefore all things that have 
a being are good ; and that evil the origin of 
which I have been so long seeking for, is no 
substance. For if it were a substance it would 
be good ; fcr it would either be an incorrupt!- 



Chap. 13 confessions. 213 

ble substance, a great good indeed ; or it would 
be a corruptible substance, which if it were 
not good could not be corrupted. Thus I say, 
and it was most manifest to me, that thou hast 
made all things good ; and that there is no sub- 
stance at all which thou didst not make. And 
because thou hast not made all things equal, 
therefore all things taken severally good, and 
all things together are very good, because thou 
our God hast made all things very good) Gen. 1. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THE CREATION ABSO- 
LUTELY EVIL. 

1 . And to thee there is not any evil at all , 
and as there is none to thee, so neither is there 
any to thy whole Creation ; because there is 
not any thing without thee, that can break in 
and corrupt the order thou hast established in 
it. But in the parts thereof there are some 
things, which because they are inconvenient to 
some other things, are esteemed evil ; and yet 
these same are convenient to other things, and 
consequently good, and in themselves are 
good. And all these things, which are not 
convenient to one another, are most proper 
and convenient to this lower part of nature 
which we call the Earth, which has its Hea- 
ven around it, cloudy indeed and stormy, yet 
proper for it. 

2. And far be it from me to say that I wish 
these things were not ; for although, if I should 



214 st. augustin's Book VII 

see these things alone, I should wish for things 
better, yet were there no other things I still 
ought to praise thee for these. Because from 
the Earth show forth thy praise the Dragons and 
all the deeps ; fire, hail, snow, ice, and the 
stormy winds which fulfil thy word ; the moun- 
tains and all the hills : fruit-bearing trees and all 
cedars : beasts and all cattle, creeping things 
and flying fowls: the kings of the earth and all 
people, princes and all judges of the earth; 
young men and virgins, old men with the younger, 
let them all praise thy name, Psalm 148. But 
as from the Heavens also thy praises are pub- 
lished, let all the Angels praise thee, our God 
on high, and all thy powers, the Sun and Moon, 
all the Stars and light, the Heavens of Heavens, 
and the waters that are above the Heavens, let 
them praise thy name, Psalm 148. I now could 
not wish for any better things, when I thought 
of all together ; and although by a sound judg- 
ment I looked upon those higher things as bet- 
ter than these below, yet I was no less convin- 
ced that both together were better than the 
higher alone. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

THAT TO SOUND REASON NOT ONE OF THE WORKS OF 
GOD CAN APPEAR OTHERWISE THAN GOOD. 

1. There is no soundness in them who are 
displeased with any thing of thy creation, as 
in me there was none, when many things dis- 
pleased me which thou hadst made. And be- 



Chap. 15 confessions. 215 

cause my soul did not dare to be displeased 
with my God, she would not have that which 
displeased her to be thy work. And hence 
she went into the opinion of two opposite sub- 
stances ; and she found no rest there, and she 
spoke things wide from the truth. And return- 
ing from thence she had made to herself a God 
extended through infinite spaces of all places, 
and took him for thee, and him she placed in 
her heart, and again was become the temple 
of an idol of her own making, abominable in 
thy sight. But after that thou hadst applied 
thy cure to my head, when I knew it not, and 
hadst shut my eyes that they might not, see vani- 
ty ^ Psalm 188. 1 got out of myself a little, 
and my frenzy was removed, and I awakened 
to behold thee, and I saw thee infinite in quite 
another manner, and this sight was not drawn 
from the flesh. 



CHAPTER XV. 

THAT ALL THINGS HAVE THEIR BEING FROM GOD ; THAT 
THERE IS A TRUTH IN ALL THINGS ; AND THAT ALL 
TIMES ARE OF GOD'S CREATION. 

And I cast my eye upon other things, and I 
saw that they owed their being to thee, and 
that in thee they all had their bounds ; yet not in 
such manner as to be circumscribed by thee as 
by a place ; but because thou holdest them all 
by thy hand thy truth. And all things inso- 
much as they have a being are true ; neither 
is falsity any thing else, but when that is 



216 st. Augustus's Book VI!. 

thought to be which is not. And I saw that 
all things are not only suitable and agreeing to 
their proper places, but also to their proper 
times. And that thou, who alone art eternal, 
didst not begin to work after innumerable spa- 
ces of time were run out ; because no spaces 
of time either have passed or shall pass, eithei 
have gone or come, but what is thy work, who 
abidest always the same. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

THAT THINGS WHICH ARE EVIL RELATIVELY TO SOME 
OTHER THINGS, HAVE NEVERTHELESS THErR GOOD 
IN THEM ; AND THAT SIN IS NO SUBSTANCE, BUT THE 
PERVERSITY OF OUR FREE-WILL. 

And I perceived and experienced that it was 
no wonder that bread which is agreeable to a 
sound palate, was disagreeable to the diseased ; 
and light which is amiable to clear eyes, was 
grievous to weak ones. And thy justice itself 
displeases the wicked, how much more may a 
viper or a worm, which nevertheless thou hast 
created good, and befitting their rank in these 
lower parts of thy creation ? For which lower 
regions sinners themselves also are so much 
the more fit by how much the more unlike 
they are to thee ; but so much the more fit for 
the regions above, by how much the more they 
become like to thee. And I sought what this 
evil of sin was ; and I found it not to be a sub- 
stance, but the perversity of the will turning 
away from thee, God, the sovereign sub- 



Chap. 17. confessions. 217 

stance, to the lowest of things casting forth 

what was most inward to her, and swelling 
outwardly. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

THAT HE BEGAN NOW TO HAVE A TRUE NOTION OF 
THE DIVINITY. 

1. And I wondered that I now loved thee, 
and not a phantom instead of thee. And I did 
not stand still to enjoy my God ; but I was one 
while strongly drawn to thee by thy beauty, 
and then presently hurried away from thee by 
my own weight ; and I fell down not without 
sighs amongst these things below thee, and this 
weight was my carnal custom. But I lost not 
the remembrance of thee, neither did I in the 
least doubt that there was one most worthy to 
be adhered to, but I was not as yet in that 
state, in which I could adhere to him. For the 
body which is corrupted weigheth down the soul, 
and the earthly dwelling presseth down the mind 
which museth on many things, Wisdom 9. And 
I was now most certain that thy invisible things 
from the creation of the World are clearly dis- 
covered, being understood by the things that are 
made, even thy eternal Power and Godhead, 
Rom. 1. 

2. For seeking whence it was that I appro- 
ved of the beauty of bodies, whether heavenly 
or earthly ; and what was present to my mind, 
when I made a right judgment concerning 
changeable things, and said, this ought to be so } 

19 



218 st. augustin's Book VII. 

and that should not be so : seeking, I say, from 
what it was that I made this judgment, when I 
so judged, I had found that there was above 
my changeable mind the unchangeable and 
true eternity of truth. And I ascended, as it 
were, by steps from bodies to the soul, which 
is the principle of sensation in the body ; then 
to the more inward power thereof, to which 
the bodily senses bring in their informations 
concerning external objects, as far as the know- 
ledge of beasts reacheth to ; and from thence 
again to the reasoning faculty, to which the 
things received through the avenues of the 
senses are referred, to be considered and judged 
of. Which rational faculty in me well per- 
ceiving itself also to be changeable, got up in 
the highest turret of its understanding, and ab- 
stracted its thought from accustomed objects, 
and withdrew from the crowd of contracting 
phantoms, that so it might find what that light 
was by wjiich it was enlightened, when with- 
out the least doubt it cried out, that the un- 
changeable is to be preferred before the change- 
able; (from whence also it had a notion of 
something unchangeable, which if it had some 
knowledge of, it could not so certainly have 
preferred it before that which is changeable) 
and so might come to that which is discerned 
only in the twinkling glance of a trembling 
sight. Then it was that I discerned in my un- 
derstanding thy invisible things understood by the 
things which are made. But I could not fix my 
eye ; and my weakness being beat back, and 



Chap. 18. confessions. 219 

relapsing to accustomed objects, I carried 
nothing away with me, but only a memory 
enamoured with thee, and longing after that 
which I had, as it were, smelt at, but was not 
yet able to feed upon. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY TO 
SALVATION. 

And I sought for the way by which I might 
acquire so much strength as might enable me 
to enjoy thee ; and I found not any, till I em- 
braced the Mediator of God and Man, the Man 
Christ Jesus, 1 Tim. 2, who is above all, God 
blessed for ever, Rom. 9, calling unto me, and 
saying, St. John 14. I am the Way, and the 
Truth, and the Life; and mingling with our 
flesh that food which I was not strong enough 
to take : for the Word was made Flesh, St. 
John 1, that thy wisdom, by which thou hast 
created all things, might become milk for our 
infancy. For I did not then as yet apprehend 
my Lord Jesus Christ as I ought, humbly em- 
bracing my humble Saviour; neither did I 
know the lesson which he came to teach me 
by his weakness. For thy word, the eternal 
truth, which is super-eminent above the most 
eminent parts of thy creation, raiseth up to 
himser those that are subject to him; and in 
these lower regions has made to himself an 
humble house of our clay, by which he might 
cast down from themselves such as would be- 



220 st. Augustus's Book VII. 

come his subjects, and bring them over to him- 
self, healing them of the swelling of pride, and 
nourishing their love : to the end they might 
not offer to go farther by self-confidence, but 
rather become weak in their own eyes, seeing 
before their feet the Divinity made weak by 
the participation of our coat of skin, and being 
wearied might cast themselves down upon him, 
that so he arising might raise them up. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

HIS ERRORS CONCERNING CHRIST. 

1. But I at that time imagined quite another 
thing, and esteemed my Lord Jesus Christ only 
as a man of excellent wisdom, and no way to 
be equalled ; more particularly, because being 
wonderfully born of a Virgin, he seemed to 
have attained to that great authority of master- 
ship, by the divine care over us, to give us an 
example of despising temporal things for the 
obtaining of a happy immortality. But I could 
not in the least apprehend the meaning of the 
mystery of the word's being made flesh. Only 
I knew from what was written of his eating, 
drinking, sleeping, walking, rejoicing, grieving, 
discoursing, &c, that this flesh was not so 
united to thy word, as to be void of a human 
soul and a mind. And every one must know 
this, who knows that thy word is unchangea- 
ole, as I then knew it, and without any ques- 
tion believed it. For to move sometimes by 
the will the parts of the body, at other times 



Chap. 19. " confessions. 221 

not to move them ; sometimes to be affected 
one way, at other times another ; sometimes by 
outward signs to give out wise sentences, at 
other times to be in silence, are the properties 
of the mutability of the soul and the mind. 
Which if they had been untruly written of him, 
all the rest might in like manner be untrue ; 
neither would there remain in those writings 
any health of Faith for the salvation of man- 
kind. 

2. But as they are written, and written with 
truth, I acknowledged in Christ the whole 
man, and not only the body of a man, nor with 
the body of a soul without the mind : but this 
man I thought was to be preferred before all 
others, not from being the person of Truth, but 
from a certain exceeding great excellence of 
his human nature, and a more perfect partici- 
pation of the Divine Wisdom. But Alipius 
imagined, that the Catholics believed God to 
be clothed with flesh in such manner, as not to- 
acknowledge in Christ besides the Godhead and 
human flesh, any soul or mind of a man : and 
because he was fully persuaded, that the things^ 
recorded of him could not be performed but by 
a living and rational creature, this made him 
more slack in embracing the christian faith. 
But afterwards finding that this was the con- 
demned error of the Apolinarian heretics, he 
much congratulated with and readily enter- 
tained the Catholic Belief. And for myself, I 
own it was not till some time after, that I 
learnt to distinguish in the Word's being made* 

19* 



222 st. augustin's ' Book VII. 

Flesh, between the error of Photinus and the 
Catholic Truth. For the condemning of here- 
tics makes the tenets of the Church and its 
sound doctrine more illustrious and better 
known. For Heresies are to be, that they who 
are approved may be made manifest among the 
weak, 1. Cor. ii. 



CHAPTER XX. 

THE WRITINGS OF THE PLATONIC PHILOSOPHERS, 
THOUGH THEY INFORMED HIM OF MANY DIVINE 
TRUTHS, BRED PRIDE IN HIM, AND NOT HUMILITY. 

But then having read those books of the 
Platonics, and being thereby instructed to seek 
after an incorporeal truth, I beheld thy invisi- 
ble things, understood by the things which are 
made ; and though struck back, had a percep- 
tion of that, which by reason of the darkness 
of my soul, I could not more fully contemplate. 
Being thus far assured that thou art, and art 
infinite, yet without any extension of thyself 
either through finite or infinite space ; and that 
thou, art truly, who always art the very same, 
in no part and by no motion alterable or 
changeable ; and that all other things are from 
thee, by this one most certain argument, be- 
cause they have a being. These things I was 
then assured of, and yet was too weak to 
enjoy thee. And I talked vainly as one that 
had knowledge, whereas if I had not sought 
out the way to thee, which is in Christ our 
Saviour, I should have been lost with all this 



Chap. 20. confessions. 223 

knowledge. For now I began to have a mind 
to seem wise, full of my punishment, and I 
bewailed not my misery, but was puffed up 
with science 7 1. Cor. 8. But where was all 
this while that edifying charity, raised upon 
the foundation of humility, which is Christ 
Jesus ? Or when could those books have taught 
me this ? Which writings thou wast pleased, 
I believe, I should meet with, before I studied 
thy Scriptures, that it might be imprinted in 
my memory in what manner I had been affect- 
ed by them ; and that when afterwards I had 
been humbled in thy books, and my wounds 
had been dressed by thy healing hands, I 
might well discern and distinguish the differ- 
ence between proud presumption and humble 
confession ; between those that saw the place 
they were to go to, but did not see the way to 
it, and that way itself, that leadeth not only to 
the seeing, but to the inhabiting of that blessed 
country. For if I had first been instructed in 
thy sacred books, and in the familiar use of 
them, thou hadst become sweet to me, and I 
had afterwards happened to light on those 
other writings, they might perhaps either have 
taken me off from the foundation of piety ; or 
if I continued steadfast in the wholesome affec- 
tions I had imbibed from thence, yet I might 
have thought that those other books, if one had 
read them alone, might have produced the like 
affections. 



224 st. augustin's Book VII 



CHAPTER XXI. 

HE BETAKES HIMSELF TO THE READING OF THE HOLY 
SCRIPTURES, ESPECIALLY ST. PAUL'S EPISTLES ; AND 
WITH WHAT FRUIT. 

1. Therefore with great eagerness of mind 
I betook myself to the venerable style of thy 
Spirit, and above the rest to the Apostle Paul. 
And those scruples vanished wherein his dis- 
course had formerly seemed to me to contra- 
dict itself, and not to agree with the testimo- 
nies of the Law and the Prophets. And now 
it appeared to me one uniform piece of chaste 
and pure doctrine, and I learnt therein to re- 
joice with trembling. And I tried, and I found 
that whatever I had read of truth in those other 
books was here said also, but with the recom- 
mendation of thy grace ; that he that sees 
should not glory as if he had not received; not 
only that which he sees, but also his very see- 
ing : for what hath he that he hath not received? 
1 Cor. 4. And that by thee, who art always 
the same, he must not only be admonished, 
that he may see, but also healed that he may 
possess. And that he who from afar off cannot 
see, must however walk in the way by which 
he may come to see and possess. Because 
though a man be delighted with the Law of God 
according to the inward man, yet what shall he 
do as to the other law in his members, warring 
against the law of his mind, and leading him 
away captive in the law of sin which is in his 
members, Rom. 7. For thou art just, O Lord 



Chap. 21. confessions. 225 

but we have sinned, and done wickedly , and &e- 
haved ourselves impiously, Dan. 9, and thy hand 
has fallen heavy upon us ; and we have been 
justly delivered over to that old sinner the 
governor of death ; because he persuaded our 
will to become like to his will, which stood 
not in thy truth. 

2. What now shall wretched man do ? Who 
shall deliver him from the body of this death, 
but thy grace through Jesus Christ our Lord ? 
Rom. 7, whom thou hast begotten co-eternal 
to thyself, and created in the beginning of thy 
ways, Prov. 8. In whom the Prince of this 
world found nothing worthy of death, and yet 
slew him ; and so the hand- writing was can- 
celled that was against us, Col. 2. Those other 
books have nothing of this. Those writings 
have not the countenance of this piety, the 
tears of confession, thy sacrifice, a troubled 
spirit, a contrite and humbled heart, Psalm 50. 
Nothing of the salvation of the people ; nothing 
of the heavenly city, the bride of the Lamb ; 
nothing of the earnest of the spirit, nor of the 
cup of our redemption. No one there sings, 
shall not my soul be subject to the Lord, for 
from him is my salvation ? For he is my God 
and my Saviour, my Protector, no more shall 
I be moved, Psalm 61. No one there hears 
him calling, Come to me you that labour, St. 
Matt. 11, for they disdain to learn of him, be- 
cause he is meek and humble of heart. For 
thou hast hidden these things from the wise 
and prudent, and hast revealed them to little 



226 st. augustin's Book VII. 

ones. And *tis one thing from a woody emi- 
nence to see at a distance the happy country 
of peace, and not to find any way to it ; and to 
make vain efforts towards it through places 
unpassable ; besieged on every side and way- 
laid by fugitive deserters, with their Prince the 
Lion and the Dragon. And 'tis another thing 
to possess the way that conducteth thither [viz. 
the humility of Jesus Christ] safe guarded by 
the care of our heavenly Emperor, where the 
deserters of the celestial militia presume not to 
rob ; for they shun it as a punishment. These 
things, by wonderful ways, were imprinted in 
my soul, whilst I was reading the least of thy 
Apostles, 1 Cor. 15. And I considered thy 
works, and I was struck with fear. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS. 



BOOK VIII. 

CHAPTER I. 

HE TAKES A RESOLUTION TO CONSULT THE HOLY PRIEST 
SIMPLICIANUS ABOUT THE FUTURE ORDERING OF HIS 
LIFE, REMAINING STILL PASSIONATELY BENT ON 
MARRIAGE. 

1. O my God, let me remember in thy sight, 
with thanksgiving, and confess thy mercies 
upon me : let my bones be pierced with thy 
love, and let them say, O Lord, who is like to 
thee ? Thou hast broken my bonds asunder, I 
will sacrifice to thee the sacrifice of praise, 
Psalm 115. I will now relate in what manner 
thou didst break them ; and all that worship 
thee, hearing it shall say, blessed be the Lord 
in Heaven and on Earth, great and wonderful 
is Jiis name. Thy words stuck fast in my 
breast, and thou didst encompass me on every 
side. Of thy life eternal I was very certain, 
though I had only seen it in a dark manner, 
and as it were through a glass ; however, I 
had no doubt at all of thy incorruptible sub- 
stance, from which all substances have their 
being ; neither did 1 wish to be more certain ot' 



22S st. augustin's Book VIII. 

thee, but to be better fixed in thee. But as to 
my temporal life all was unsettled, and my 
heart was yet to be cleansed from the old 
leaven ; and the way, which is our Saviour 
himself, pleased me, but I had not the heart to 
venture as yet upon so strait a path. 

2. And thou didst put it into my mind, and 
it seemed good to me to go to Simplicianus, 
who appeared to me to be a good servant of 
thine, and thy grace shone in him. And I had 
heard that from his youth he had most devoutly 
served thee ; and now he was grown old, and 
I thought that in so long a time spent in thy 
service, he must have experienced many things, 
and learned many things ; and so it was with 
him. Whereupon I had a mind to lay open to 
him my uneasinesses, that he should direct me 
what course of life was fittest for one so 
affected as I then was to walk in thy way. 
For I saw the Church full ; and in it some fol- 
lowed one course of life, and some another. 
And I was displeased with the business I fol- 
lowed in the world, and it was become very 
burthensome to me ; my former desires not 
now inflaming me, as they were accustomed, 
to bear that heavy servitude in hopes of honour 
and riches. For now these things did not yield 
me any delight, in comparison of thy sweet- 
ness, and the beauty of thy house, with which 
I was in love. But my passion for a woman 
still kept fast hold of me : neither did the 
Apostle prohibit the marriage, though he ex- 
horted me to what was better, much wishing 



Chap. 1. confessions. 229 

that all men were even as he himself was, 1 
Cor. 7. 

3. But I that was weaker was for chusing 
an easy state : and upon this one account I 
was kept low in other things, languishing and 
pining away with consumptive cares, being 
forced to conform to those things which I was 
otherwise unwilling to suffer, for the sake of a 
conjugal life, to which I had so strong an incli- 
nation. I had heard from the mouth of truth, 
St. Matt. 19, that there were eunuchs who had 
made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of 
Heaven. But then he said, he that can receive 
it, let him receive it. 

4. Those men are certainly all vain, who 
have not the knowledge of God in them, and 
who cannot from these things, which are good, 
find out that is, Wisdom 13. But I was not 
now under that vanity, but had got beyond it, 
and by the testimony of thy whole creation, 
had found out thee our Creator, and thy word 
God with thee, and with thee and the Holy 
Ghost one God, by which thou createdst all 
things. And there is another kind of wicked 
ones, who, knowing God, have not glorified 
him as God, nor given him thanks, and into 
this kind also I had fallen ; but thy right hand, 
God, received me, and took me away from 
thence, and placed me where I might recover. 
For thou hast said to man, behold godliness is 
wisdom : and again, don't desire to seem wise : 
for they that say, that they are wise, are be- 
come fools, Rom. 1. And I had now found 

20 



230 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

out that good pearl, St. Matt. 13, which was 
to be bought by selling all that I had ; and I 
demurred upon it. 



CHAPTER II. 

SIMPLICIANUS RELATES THE STORY OF THE CONVER- 
SION OF VICTORINUS, THE FAMOUS ROMAN ORATOR. 

1. To Simplicianus therefore I went, *the 
spiritual father in receiving thy grace to Am- 
brose then bishop, and as a father he was loved 
by him. To him I related all the circuits and 
windings of my errors. And when I told him 
that I had read certain books of the Platonics, 
which had been translated into Latin by Victo- 
rinus, formerly professor of rhetoric in Rome, 
who, as I had heard, died a christian ; he con- 
gratulated with me, that I lighted not on the 
writings of other philosophers, full of fallacies 
and lies, according to the elements of this 
world : but rather on these in which God and 
his word were by all means insinuated. And 
then to exhort me to the humility of Christ, 
which is hidden from the wise and revealed to 
little ones, he took occasion to speak of this 
same Victorinus, with whom, when he lived 
at Rome, he was intimately acquainted, and 
told me something of him, which I will not 

* He calls Simplicianus the spiritual father of St. Am- 
brose, in respect to his baptism. This Simplicianus 
was sent from Rome by Pope Damasus to Milan, to be 
an instructor and director of St. Ambrose, and he after- 
wards succeeded him in the Bishoprick. See St. Augus- 
tin's Retract. 1. 2, c 1. 



Chap. 2. confessions. 231 

pass over in silence, because it contains great 
matter of praise and glory to thy grace, which 
ought to be confessed to thee. 

2. He related therefore how this most 
learned old man, and most expert in all the libe- 
ral sciences, who had read, and examined and 
explained so many of the works of the philoso- 
phers, who had taught so many noble senators, 
and who for a monument of his eminency in 
his way, had deserved and obtained an honour 
highly prized by the citizens of this world, viz. 
of having his statue set up in the Roman Fo- 
rum ; having been to that age a worshipper of 
idols, and a partaker of their sacrilegious rites, 
as almost all the nobility of Rome was at that 
time, and the people also honouring a mon- 
strous race of all kinds of Gods and the barking 
Anubis, who had formerly stood in arms against 
Neptune, and Venus, and Minerva, so that 
Rome then worshipped the deities which she 
had formerly conquered; and having for so 
many years defended these things with all his 
eloquence ; he related, I say, in what manner 
this old man, after all, was not ashamed to be- 
come a child of thy Christ, and an infant at thy 
font, submitting his neck to the yoke of thy 
humility, and his forehead to the reproach of 
the Cross. 

3. O Lord, Lord, who bowedst the Heavens, 
and didst come down, who didst touch the 
mountains, and they smoked, Psalm 143, by 
what ways didst thou insinuate thyself into that 
breast? He read, as Simplicianus said, the 



232 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

holy Scripture, and he most diligently sought 
out and examined the Christian writings ■ and 
he said to Simplicianus, not publicly, but 
secretly as to a friend, know that I am now a 
Christian, who answered, I will not believe it, 
nor esteem you as one of us, till I see you in 
the Church of Christ : and he jested at him, 
saying, do the walls then make people Chris- 
tians ? and he would be often saying, that now 
he was a Christian ; and Simplicianus as often 
would be making the same reply; to which 
he always returned the jest of the walls. For 
he was afraid of offending his friends (the 
Roman Senators) those proud worshippers of 
devils, from the high top of whose Babylonish 
dignity, as from the cedars of Libanus, which 
the Lord had not yet broken in pieces, he 
apprehended great storms of malice would fall 
upon him. 

4. But after that, by much reading and me- 
ditating, he gained strength, and began to fear 
being denied by Christ before the holy Angels, 
if he was afraid to confess him before men, and 
appeared to himself guilty of a great crime in 
being ashamed of the Sacrament of the humi- 
lity of thy word, whereas he had not been 
ashamed of the sacrilegious rites of proud 
devils, of which he had been a partaker, imita- 
ting them in their pride ; he flung off that 
shame of vanity, and was ashamed not to fol- 
low truth : and all on a sudden and unexpect- 
edly he said to Simplicianus , as he told me, 
let us go to the Church. I will be made a 



Chap. 2. confessions. 233 

Christian. And, he being transported with 
joy, accompanied him thither. Where when 
he had been initiated in the first instructions, 
he not long after gave in his name, that he 
might be regenetrated by baptism ; to the 
admiration of Rome and the joy of the Church. 
The proud saw and were angry, they gnashed 
their teeth and pined away, Psalm 111. But 
as for thy servant, the Lord God was his hope, 
and he regarded not vanities and lying follies, 
Psalm 39. 

5. Lastly, when the time came of making 
the profession of his faith, which profession is 
wont to be made at Rome by those, who are 
about to receive the grace of thy baptism, in a 
set form of words learnt by heart, from a 
higher place before all the faithful ; he said it 
was offered by the Priests to Victorinus, that 
he should perform it more privately, as the 
custom was to indulge this to some, who 
through bashfulness were afraid of doing it 
so publicly : but that he rather chose to pro- 
fess the faith of his salvation in the presence 
of all the holy congregation. For what he 
taught in his profession of rhetoric was no 
matter of salvation, and yet this he had pub- 
licly professed. How much less then ought 
he to fear thy meek flock in pronouncing thy 
word, who was not afraid, in delivering his 
own words, before whole crowds of world- 
lings ? 

6. As soon therefore as he went up to make 
his profession, every one that knew him (and 

20* 



234 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

who was there that did not know him ?) 
repeated his name to his next neighbour with 
joy and congratulation: and in the joyful 
mouths of all was heard with a low sound, 
Victorinus, Victorinus. They suddenly made 
this noise through the joy of seeing him, and 
as quickly were silent again, that they might 
attend to hear him. He pronounced the true 
faith with a wonderful confidence, and all that 
« were there were desirous to take him into 
their hearts : there they placed him by love 
and joy : these were the hands with which 
they embraced him. 



CHAPTER III. 

WHY THERE IS MORE JOY FOR MEN THAT ARE CON- 
VERTED THAN IF THEY HAD ALWAYS PROFESSED 
THE TRUE FAITH. 

1. Good God ! how comes it to pass in man, 
that he rejoiceth more for the safety of a soul 
that was despaired of, or that is^delivered out 
of a greater danger than if he had always had 
hopes, or if the danger had been less ? Foi 
thou also, our most merciful Father, rejoicest 
more over one penitent than over ninety-nine 
just, who need no penance, St. Luke 15. And 
it is with great delight we hear it, as often as 
we hear in thy word, with how much joy the 
shepherd brought home on his shoulders the 
sheep that was gone astray ; and with what 
congratulations of the neighbours thy groat was 
brought back into thy treasures by the woman 



Chap. 3. confessions. 235 

that found it : and the gladness of the solemnity 
of thy house forceth tears from us, when it is 
read in thy family concerning thy younger son, 
that he had been dead and was returned to 
life, that he had been lost and was found. For 
thou rejoicest in us, and in thy Angels that art 
holy by holy charity ; for in thyself thou art 
always the same, who always knowest all 
things after the same manner, though they 
neither are always, nor in the same manner. 

2. How then comes it to pass in a soul, that 
she is more pleased with the things she loves, 
when they are found or restored, than if she 
had always enjoyed them ? For many things 
bear witness to this, and all places are full of 
testimonies that cry out, it is so. The Empe- 
ror after a victory returns in triumph, but 
would never have gained the victory, if he had 
not fought ; and the greater danger there was 
in the fight, the greater is the joy of the 
triumph. A tempest at sea tosses the ship, 
and threaten j shipwreck ; all grow pale with 
the apprehensions of approaching death : the 
Heavens and Sea become serene and calm, and 
their joy is now as excessive as their fear was 
before. A dear friend falls sick, and his pulse 
indicates danger; all that wish him v/ell are 
sick in mind with him : he recovers ; and 
though he is not yet able to walk with his for- 
mer strength, there is more rejoicing for him, 
than there was before when he went abroad 
sound and strong. 

3. The very pleasures of human life men 



236 st. augustin's Book VIII 

often acquire by preceding pains, and these not 
unforeseen and involuntary, but purposely pro- 
cured. The pleasure of eating and drinking is 
only then found when the uneasiness of hunger 
and thirst has gone before ; and drunkards eat 
salt things on purpose that they may after- 
wards find more pleasure in allaying by drink- 
ing that painful heat which they have procured. 
And it is usually so ordered that some time 
should pass between the promise of marriage 
and the wedding, lest the husband should have 
less value for his spouse when given him, 
whom he had not first longed for whilst she 
was deferred. This is always found even in 
filthy and wicked delights ; this same holds 
good in joys that are lawful and allowed ; this 
is to be met with in the most pure honesty of 
friendship ; this same is seen in him, who had 
been dead and was returned to life, had been 
lost and was found : every where greater unea- 
siness is followed by greater joy. 

4. How is this, O Lord my God, that 
whereas thou art to thyself thy own eternal 
joy, and those that are about thee always rejoice 
in thee ; how is this, I say, that this inferior 
part of thy creation thus alternately ebbs and 
flows with pains and pleasures ? Is it that this 
is the measure of their being, and what thou 
hast allotted them when from the highest Hea- 
ven to the lowest parts of the earth, from the 
beginning to the end of time, from the angel to 
the worm, from the first motion to the last, all 
the sorts of thy good things, and all thy just 



Chap. 4. confessions. 237 

works were ordered by thee in their proper 
places, and acted in their proper times ? Ah ! 
how high art thou in the highest, and how 
deep art thou in the deepest and lowest things ! 
And thou departest no where, and yet we 
hardly return to thee. 



CHAPTER IV. 

WHY THERE IS MORE JOY IN THE CONVERSION OF MEN 
MORE EMINENT OR NOBLE. 

1. Act, O Lord, and do stir us up and call 
us back ; inflame us and ravish us ; breathe 
forth thy fragrancy and become sweet to us : 
oh ! let us now love and run after thee. Are 
there not many that return to thee out of a 
deeper hell of blindness, than Victorinus ? and 
they approach to thee and are illuminated, 
receiving thy light, which whosoever receive, 
receive from thee the power to become thy 
sons. Yet if they are less known among the 
people, even those who know them rejoice less 
for them. For when we rejoice with many, 
the joy of each one is greater, because we take 
more fire and are inflamed by one another. 
Besides, those converts that are known to 
many, have greater influence upon many in 
order to their salvation, and give an example 
that many will follow ; and therefore even they 
that came in before them, rejoice the more, 
because they rejoice not for them alone, but 
for many. — Otherwise far be it from us that in 
thy House the persons of the rich should be 



238 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

accepted before the poor, or the noble before 
the ignoble ; when rather thou hast chosen the 
weak things of the world to confound the 
strong, and hast chosen the ignoble things of 
this world, and the contemptible things, and 
the things that are not, as the things that are ; 
that thou mightest bring to naught the things 
that are, 1 Cor. 15. And yet this same least 
of thine Apostles, by whose tongue thou didst 
publish these words, when the Proconsul Paul 
having his pride overcome, was by his arms 
brought under the gentle yoke of thy Christ, 
and became a subject of the great King ; he 
himself, as a monument of so great a victory, 
from his former name Saul, chose to be called 
Paul. For the enemy is much more con- 
quered in one whom he more strongly pos- 
sesseth, and by whom he possesseth more : 
now he hath a stronger hold of the proud from 
the title of their nobility, and by them he pos- 
sesseth many others upon account of their 
authority. By how much therefore Victori- 
nus's breast was the more esteemed, which the 
devil had so long held as an impregnable fort ; 
and Victorinus's tongue, with which, as with a 
great and sharp weapon, he had killed many ; 
so much the greater ought to be the joy of thy 
children, for that our king had bound the strong 
man, St. Matt. 12, and for that they now saw 
his vessels taken away and cleansed, and made 
fit for thy honour, and serviceable to the Lord 
for every good work, 2 Tim. 2. 



Chap. 5. confessions. 239 



CHAPTER V. 

THE STORY OF VICTORINUS PRODUCES IN HIM A DESIRE 
OF IMITATING HIS CONVERSION; BUT HE IS KEPT 
BACK BY THE FORCE OF HIS EVIL HABITS. 

1. But when thy servant Simplicianus had 
related these things to me concerning Victori- 
nus, I was inflamed with a desire to imitate 
him ; for which end also he had related them. 
But when he added moreover that in the days 
of the Emperor Julian, a law was enacted by 
which the Christians were prohibited to teach 
the sciences or oratory, in consequence of 
which law Victorinus chose rather to quit his 
school of rhetoric, than thy word, which makes 
the tongues of infants eloquent : I did not so 
much admire his fortitude as envy his felicity, 
because by this means he found opportunity of 
employing himself wholly in thy service ; 
which was the thing I sighed after and longed 
for : but was kept fast bound, not with any 
other irons, but my own iron will. The enemy 
held my will, and of it he had made a chain, 
with which he had bound me fast. For from 
a perverse will proceeded lust or strong desire, 
and the serving this lust produced custom, and 
custom not resisted became (a moral) neces- 
sity ; with which, as with certain links fastened 
one to another (for which reason I called it a 
chain) I was kept close shackled by this cruel 
slavery. And the new will which I began to 
have to serve thee freely, and to enjoy thee, 
O God, the only sure delight, was not yet 



240 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

strong enough to overcome the former, which 
had been strengthened by long continuance ; so 
these two wills of mine, the one old, the other 
new, the one carnal, the other spiritual, were 
in a conflict with one another, and by their 
jars rent and divided my soul. 

2. Thus I understood by experiencing it in 
myself, what I had read ; how the flesh lusteth 
against the spirit, and the spirit against the 
flesh, Gal. 5. And it was I in them both, but 
more I in that which I approved of in myself, 
than in that which I disapproved of; for in this 
it was now no more I, because in a great part I 
rather suffered it against my will, than acted 
it willingly. But yet the custom which war- 
red against me, was contracted by my own 
fault ; and it was willingly that I came where 
now I wished I had never come. And who 
can deny but that it is right that so just a pun- 
ishment should follow sin ? neither had I now 
any excuse, such as I formerly pretended, 
when I delayed to forsake the world, and to 
serve thee, because I had not yet certainly dis- 
covered thy truth ; for now I was certain of 
this truth, and yet I was still fettered, and refu- 
sed to fight under thy colours ; being as much 
afraid of being disengaged from all impedi- 
ments, as I ought to have feared the being 
entangled in them. The load of the world, as 
it happens in sleep, agreeably kept me down ; 
and the thoughts by which I meditated to arise 
to thee, were but like the struggling of such as 
would awake, who nevertheless are still over- 



Chap. 5. confessions. 241 

come with drowsiness, and fall back into their 
former slumber. And as there is no man that 
would always sleep, but every one's sound 
judgment prefers being awake, and yet many 
times a man delays the shaking off his sleep, 
when a heavy laziness benumbs his limbs, 
and more willingly entertains it, though his 
reason tells him it is wrong, when 'tis now 
high time for him to get up ; so it was with 
me, for I was satisfied that it was better for 
me to give myself up to thy charity, than to 
yield to my own lusts ; but though I was 
pleased and convinced by the one, I was still 
strongly affected and captivated by the other. 

3. I had nothing now to reply to thee when 
thou saidst to me, arise thou that sleekest, and 
rise up from the dead, and Christ will enlighten 
thee, Eph. 5. And when on every side thou 
showedst me, that thou didst speak the truth ; 
I had nothing, I say, at all to reply, being now 
convinced by the truth, to some lazy and 
drowsy words, presently, by and by, stay a 
little ; but this presently did not come pre- 
sently, and this stay a little, ran out to a long 
time. In vain did I delight in thy law accord- 
ing to the inward man, when another law in 
my members resisted that law of my mind, and 
led me captive to the law of sin, which was in 
my members, Rom. 7. For the law of sin is 
the violence of custom, with which the mind 
is dragged along, and held against its will, but 
by its own desert, because it willingly fell into 
it Who then should deliver me, wretched 

21 



242 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

man as I was, from the body of this death, 
but thy grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, 
Rom. 7. 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE IS VISITED BY PONTITIANUS, A COURTIER, WHO 
RELATES TO HIM THE LIFE OF ST. ANTHONY; AND 
HOW TWO OF HIS FELLOW-COURTIERS, UPON THE 
READING THEREOF, HAD RENOUNCED THE WORLD. 

1. And now I will declare and confess to 
thy name Lord, my helper and my Redeemer, 
in what manner thou didst disengage me from 
that bond of lustful inclinations which tied me 
so very strait, and from the slavery of worldly 
business. I went on in my accustomed exer- 
cises with an anxiety growing upon me, and 
I daily sighed after thee. I frequented thy 
Church, as much as my business would permit, 
under the load of which I then groaned. Ali- 
pius was with me, having a vacation from his 
law employments, it being now after the third 
term (or sessions) and was expecting to whom 
he might again sell his counsels, as I also sold 
eloquence and the faculty of pleading, as far as 
it can be communicated by teaching. As for 
Nebridius, he had condescended to the impor- 
tunity of our friendship, to teach under Vere- 
cunclus, a citizen and grammarian of Milan, a 
most intimate friend to us all, who much 
wanted a faithful assistant, and earnestly beg- 
ged, and by the law of friendship required, that 
it might be one out of our number. It was no 



Chap. 6. confessions. 243 

desire of gain that drew Nebridius to that em- 
ployment, whose learning would have entitled 
him to a higher post ; but being of a sweet and 
complying temper, his good nature would not 
suffer him to despise the petition of his friends. 
And he behaved himself most prudently in this 
employ, shunning the being known by the 
great ones of this world, that he might the 
easier avoid all disquiet of mind, which he 
desired to have free, and for as many hours as 
he could at leisure to meditate or read, or hear 
something concerning wisdom. 

2. It happened therefore upon a certain day 
when Nebridius was absent, I know not upon 
what occasion, there came to our house, to me 
and Alipius, Pontitianus, a countryman of ours, 
inasmuch as he was an African, who had an 
honourable employment in the Emperor's 
Court. I know not what his business was ; 
but we sat down to talk together ; and it 
chanced that he took notice of a book that was 
lying upon a billiard-table which stood before 
us ; and he took it up and opened it, and found 
it to be the Epistles of St. Paul ; contrary to 
his expectations indeed, for he imagined it to 
be some of the books belonging to my pro- 
fession, which was now so uneasy to me. 
Whereupon smiling, and looking upon me in a 
way of congratulation, he expressed his won- 
der, that he found those and only those writings 
before me. For he was a Christian and one 
of the faithful, and often prostrated himself 
before thee, our God, in Church, by frequent 



244 st. augustin's Book VIII 

and long continued prayers. To whom, when 
he had replied, that those writings were now 
my chief study, he began a discourse concern- 
ing Anthony, a solitary of Egypt, whose name 
was exceedingly illustrious amongst thy ser- 
vants, but to that hour unknown to us ; which 
he perceiving, staid the longer upon that sub- 
ject, informing us of the life of so great a man, 
and wondering that we had heard nothing of 
him. 

3 We were astonished to hear of thy mira- 
cles so very well attested, done so lately, and 
almost in our own days, in the true Faith and 
the Catholic Church : and indeed all of us 
wondered, we that they were so great, and he 
that they were unknown to us. Thence he 
turned his discourse to the societies of monas- 
teries, and their manner of life yielding a sweet 
odour to thee, and the fruitful breasts of those 
barren deserts, of all which we had heard 
nothing. And there was at Milan, without 
the walls of the city, a monastery full of good 
brothers, under the care of Ambrose, and we 
knew it not. He went on further with his dis- 
course, and we in silence were attentive to him, 
and he related to us how upon a certain time 
when the Court was at Triers and the Emperor 
one afternoon was entertained with the sports 
of the Circus, he and three others of his com- 
panions went out walking among the gardens 
near the walls of the city ; and there as it hap- 
pened going two and two together, one with 
him took one way and the other two another 



Chap. 6. confessions 245 

And that these two, as they were wandering 
about, lighted upon a certain cottage where 
some servants of thine dwelt, poor in spirit, of 
whom is the Kingdom of Heaven, St. Matt. 5. 
And there they found a book in which was 
written the life of Anthony. 

4. This life one of them began to read, and 
to admire, and to be inflamed with it ; and as 
he was reading, to think of embracing the same 
kind of life, and quitting his worldly office, to 
become thy servant. For he was one of those 
whom they call (Agentes in rebus) Agents in 
the Emperor's affairs. Then suddenly rilled 
with a holy love, and a sober flame, and angry 
at himself, he cast his eyes upon his friend, and 
said to him, u tell me, I pray thee, with all 
these pains we take in the world, whither 
would our ambition aspire to ? What do we 
seek ? What is it we purpose to ourselves in 
this employment ? Can we have any greater 
hopes in the Court than to arrive to be friends 
and favourites of the Emperor ? And there, 
what is there, that is not brittle and full of dan- 
gers 1 And through how many dangers must 
we ascend to this greater danger ? And how 
long will this last 1 But the friend and favour- 
ite of God, if I please, 1 may become now pre- 
sently, and so for ever." 

5. He said this, and labouring in travail of 
a new life, returned his eyes to the pages and 
read, and was changed within, where thou 
sawest ; and his mind was stripped of the 
world, as soon appeared. For whilst he was 

21* 



246 si augustin's Book VIII 

reading and rolling to and fro the waves of his 
heart, he cast out some sighs and groans, and 
at last concluded and resolved upon better 
things, and now wholly thine, he said to his 
friend : " I have now entirely bid adieu to that 
former hope of ours, and am fully resolved 
upon serving God, and to begin from this hour 
in this place. If thou art not willing to do the 
same, at least don't offer to oppose my resolu- 
tion." The other replied that he would stick 
by him as a companion to serve so great a 
master, and for so great pay. And thus being 
now both thine, they laid out proper charges 
for building that tower, St. Luke 14, by leav- 
ing all and following thee. 

6. By this time Pontitianus and the other 
that walked with him through other parts of 
the garden, seeking after them came to the 
same place, and having found them, minded 
them of returning home, because the day 
was far spent. But they acquainting them 
with their purpose and determination, and in 
what manner they had taken this resolution, 
and were confirmed in it, requested of them, 
that if they pleased not to join with them, they 
would give them no disturbance : whereupon 
they being nothing altered from what they 
were before, bewailed themselves nevertheless, 
as he said, and piously congratulated with 
them, and recommended themselves to their 
prayers ; and so with a heart weighed down- 
wards towards the earth, returned to the 
palace, whilst the other two, with a heart ele- 



Chap. 7. confessions. 247 

vated to Heaven, continued in that cottage. 
And both of them had young ladies to whom 
they were contracted, who, as soon as they 
heard these things, consecrated in like manner 
their virginity to thee. These things Pontiti- 
anus related to us. 



CHAPTER VII. 

THE OPERATION THAT PONTITIANUS'S DISCOURSE HAD 
UPON HIM. 

1. But thou, Lord, whilst he was speak- 
ing, didst turn me upon myself, and didst take 
me from behind my own back, where I had 
placed me, whilst I had no mind to take notice 
of myself, and didst set me before my face ) 
that I might see how ugly I was, and how 
deformed and filthy, and all full of spots and 
ulcers. And I saw, and I abhorred myself; 
and there was no way for me to fly from my- 
self. And if I endeavoured to turn away my 
sight from myself, he was going on with his 
narration, and thou broughtest me back again, 
and didst set me before my eyes, that I might 
discover my iniquity, and hate it. I knew it 
indeed, but I dissembled it, and winked at it, 
and forgot it. But now the more ardently I 
loved these persons, of whom I heard these 
saving resolutions, by which they had given 
themselves up without reserve to be cured by 
thee ; the more bitterly I hated myself when 
compared with them. For many years had 
passed with me (I think about twelve years) 



248 st. Augustus's Book VIII. 

since I had been stirred up in the nineteenth 
year of my age, upon reading Cicero's Horten- 
sius, to the study of wisdom ; and all this time 
I had delayed, by despising worldly felicity, to 
appl} T myself wholly to search after it ; the 
very search after which, and not the rinding it 
only, was to be preferred to the finding of all 
the treasures and kingdoms of the world, and 
all the pleasures of the body, however freely 
and abundantly they might be enjoyed. 

2. But I, when I was a youth, miserable 
wretch as I was, yea, very miserable, in the 
first dawning of that age, had begged of thee 
for chastity, and said give me chastity and con- 
tinency, but not yet a while. For I was afraid 
lest thou shouldst hear me too soon, and heal 
me of the disease of concupiscence, which I 
rather wished to have satiated than extin- 
guished. And I had gone through wicked 
ways in a sacrilegious superstition [the Mani- 
chsean heresy] not as being fully assured in it, 
but as preferring it to other things which I did 
not inquire into as a religious seeker, but im- 
pugned as an enemy. And I imagined that 
therefore I deferred from day to day to follow 
thee alone, despising all worldly hopes, because 
as yet there appeared not to me any certain 
truth, to which I might steer my course. And 
now was the day come in which I was laid 
naked before my own eyes, and thus my con- 
science began to reproach- me. u Where art 
thou, tongue ? Thou wast used to say, that 
thou wouldst not cast off the load of vanity, fof 



Chap. 8. confessions. 249 

truth as yet uncertain. Lo, now it is certain , 
and yet this load oppresseth thee stiJL Whilst 
others disengaging their shoulders from the 
burthen, take wing and fly upwards, who have 
neither been so worn out as thou hast been in 
the search of truth, nor have spent ten years 
and more in the study of it." 

3. Thus was I inwardly corroded, and ex- 
tremely confounded with an horrible shame, 
all the while Pontitianus was relating these 
things : who, having ended his discourse, and 
finished his business, for which he came, went 
his way. And I being turned now upon my- 
self, what did I not say against myself? With 
what lashes of words and sentences did I not 
endeavour to whip on my soul, that it might 
follow me, desiring now to go after thee ? And 
it still hung back and refused, though not able 
to make any excuse. All its pretexts were now 
spent and confuted, and there only remained a 
dumb fear and apprehension, dreading no less 
than death to be restrained from that course 
of custom by which it was wasted to death. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

IN THE ANGUISH OF HIS SOUL HE RETIRES INTO A 
GARDEN, ALIPIUS FOLLOWING HIM. 

1 . Then in this great conflict of my inward 
house, in which I was hotly engaged with my 
soul, in our private chamber my heart, troubled 
as well in countenance as in mind, I set Alipius 
and cried out ( what is this we suffer ? What 



250 st. augustin's Book VIII 

is this thou hast been hearing ? The unlearned 
arise and take Heaven by force, and we with 
all our learning, cowardly and heartless (see) 
how we still wallow in flesh and blood. Are 
we ashamed to follow them because they have 
got the start of us and are gone before us ? 
And ought we not be more ashamed if we 
do not so much as follow?' 7 I said, I know 
not what words, to this purpose, and the tumult 
of my mind hurried me away from him, who 
stood silent, beholding me with astonishment. 
For I spoke not as usual ; and besides my fore- 
head, my cheeks, my eyes, my colour, the 
accent of my voice expressed more the state 
of my mind, than the words which I uttered. 

2. There was a little garden belonging to 
our lodging, which we made use of, as we did 
of the whole house ; for our friend the master 
of the house dwelt not therein. Thither this 
tumult of my breast carried me, where none 
might interrupt the hot conflict, in which I 
was engaged with myself, until it might con- 
clude in that issue, which thou already 
knewest, but not I. For I was as yet only 
wholesomely raging at myself, and dying in 
order to a new life ; well knowing what evil I 
then was, but not knowing what good within a 
little while I was to be. I went away there- 
fore into the garden. Alipius followed close 
after me ; for I counted myself not less private 
for his being there, nor would he leave me 
alone, seeing me in this commotion. We sat 
down as remote as might be from the houses. 



Chap. 8. confessions. 251 

And I groaned in spirit, angry at myself, with 
a most violent indignation, because I did not 
yet enter upon that covenant and league with 
thee, m} r God, which all my bones cried out, 
that I ought to enter upon, and extolled it to 
me to the very Heavens. Neither did I stand 
in need either of ships, or coaches, or of feet to 
go thither ; no not even so much as when I 
came from the house to the place where we 
were sitting ; for not only to go, but also to 
arrive thither, was nothing else but to have a 
will of going ; but this was to be a resolute and 
absolute will ; and not a maimed will, turned 
and tossed this way and that, and whilst it rises 
in one part, is struggling with another part 
that is falling. 

3. And in these very conflicts of my delay 
how many things did I do in my body, which 
men are not always able to do when they will, 
if either they have not those parts, or they be 
bound in chains, or dissolved with sickness, or 
any other way hindered ? If I then tore off 
my hair, or struck my forehead, or clasped my 
hands about my knee, because I had a will to 
do it, I did it. And yet it was possible that I 
might have a will to do such things as those, 
and not be able to do them, if my joints were 
not pliant to obey my will. 1 did then so many 
things, the willing of which was not the same 
as to be able to do them , and yet I did not 
do that, which pleased me incomparably more, 
and which I might be able to do as soon as 
ever I had the will to do it: because as soon 



252 st. Augustus's Book VIII. 

as ever I had the will I should doubtless be 
willing ; and here the ability is the same as the 
will, and the very willing is doing ; and yet it 
was not done : and the body more easily 
obeyed the slenderest will of the soul, by the 
motion of the limbs, according to its beck, than 
the soul obeyed itself in procuring its plea- 
sures, w r hich might be obtained by the only 
willing it. 



CHAPTER IX. 

HE WONDERS AT THE GREAT DIFFICULTY THE WILL 
HATH TO COMMAND HERSELF; WHEREAS SHE SO 
EASILY COMMANDETH ALL THE PARTS OF THE BODY. 

1. From whence is this prodigy? And why 
is this ? Let thy mercy shine forth, that I may 
inquire, if perhaps these lurking holes of the 
punishment of men, and the most dark condi- 
tion of the sons of Adam can furnish me with 
an answer. From whence is this prodigy, and 
why is this ? The soul commands the body, 
and is presently obeyed ; the soul commands 
itself, and is opposed. The soul commands 
that the hand should be moved, and it is so 
quickly executed, that the command can scarce 
be distinguished from the obedience, and yet 
the soul is a spirit, and the hand is a body. 
The soul commands that the soul itself should 
will a thing, and yet though it be the same 
soul, it doth not what is commanded. Whence 
is this prodigy, and ' why is this ? It com- 
mands, I say that it should will a thing, which 



Chap. 10. confessions 253 

if it did not will already, it would never com- 
mand ; and yet that is not done which it com- 
mands. 

2. But it does not entirely will it, and there- 
fore it does not entirely command. For it 
commands so far only as it wills ; and that 
which it commands is not done, insomuch as it 
does not will. For 'tis the will that commands, 
that there should be a will, not any other will 
but itself. 'Tis not then a full will that com- 
mands, and therefore that is not done which it 
commands ; for if there were a full will there 
would be no occasion for commanding that 
that there should be a will, for it would be 
already. 'Tis then no prodigy, that one should 
be partly willing and partly not willing ; but 
'tis a sickness or weakness of the soul, which, 
being weighed down by evil custom, does not 
entirely arise when lifted up by truth. And 
therefore there are two wills, because one of 
them is not entire, and what is wanting to one 
is with the other. 



CHAPTER X. 

A DIGRESSION AGAINST THE MANICHEANS, WHO PRE- 
TENDED THAT THERE WERE TWO SOULS IN MAN. 

1. Let them perish from before thy face, as 
vain babblers and seducers of souls perish, wh© 
observing two wills in our deliberations, affirm 
that there are in man two natures of two 
minds or souls, the one good, the other bad. 
They themselves are bad indeed whilst they 

22 



1254 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

entertain these bad sentiments, and the same 
will be good, if they will entertain true senti- 
ments and consent to things that are true ; that 
i;he Apostle may say to them, You were for 
some time darkness but now light in the Lord, 
Eph. 5. But they will needs be light not in 
the Lord, but in themselves ; thinking that the 
nature of the soul is the same thing that God 
is : Thus they become grosser darkness ; be- 
cause they go farther off from thee, by a hor- 
rid arrogance, from thee the true light that 
enlighteneth every man that cometh into this 
world, St. John 1. Consider what you are 
saying, and be ashamed of yourselves ; and 
draw nigh to him and be enlightened, and your 
countenance will not be confounded, Psalm 33. 
When I was thus deliberating to come now to 
the service of the Lord my God, as I had pro- 
posed for a long time, it was I that was willing, 
and it was I that was unwilling. It was the 
same I, but as yet I neither fully willed it, nor 
fully nilled it ; and therefore I was in a strife 
with myself, and was divided from myself. 
And this same distraction was indeed against 
my will ; but it did not show in me the nature 
of another mind or soul, but the punishment 
of my own. And therefore it was not now I 
that wrought this distraction, but sin that dwelt 
in me, from the punishment of a sin more 
freely committed, because I was a son of 
Adam. 

2. For if there are as many contrary natures 
in us as there are opposite inclinations of the 



Chap. 10. confessions. 255 

will, there will not be two only, but more. If 
any man deliberates whether he shall go to their 
meeting-house, or to the theatre, they cry out, 
Lo ! two natures, the one good, which leads this 
way towards the meeting ; the other bad, which 
draws the other way towards the theatre ! For 
whence should he this demur of wills thus fighting 
against one another ? But I say that both these 
wills are bad, both that which leads to their 
meeting, and that which draws to the theatre. 
But they don't believe that will can be other- 
wise than good which leads to them. Suppose 
then that one of us should deliberate, and by 
reason of the conflict of two wills, should wa- 
ver and doubt, whether he should go to the 
theatre, or to our church ; will not these men 
be at a loss what to answer ? For either they 
must confess, (which they are not willing to 
do) that the will is good by which men go to 
our church, as they go who are instructed in 
our sacraments and hold our communion ; or 
else they must think that there are two evil 
natures and two evil minds that are at strife in 
the same man ; and so that will not be true 
which they are used to say, that there is one 
that is good, another that is bad ; or they will 
he converted to the truth, and confess that 
when any man deliberates, 'tis but one and the 
same soul that is tossed by different wills. 
Let them then no longer say, when they find 
two wills in the same man cpntrary to one 
another, that two contrary minds, of two con- 
trary substances, and from two contrary princi- 



256 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

pies, are upon those occasions in a conflict 
with one another, the one good, the other bad. 
3. For thou, the God of truth, dost disap- 
prove, and rebuke, and convince them. As 
when both the wills are bad ; as they are when 
any one deliberates whether he should make 
away a man by poison or the sword ; whether 
he should invade this or that estate of his 
neighbour when he can't have them both ; 
whether he should indulge his luxury by 
spending his money upon his pleasures, or his 
avarice in keeping it up ; whether he should 
go to the circus, or to the theatre, if both be 
exhibited upon the same day ; I add a third 
thing or commit a theft, if occasion offers ; or 
by way of a fourth thing, commit adultery, if 
there be an opportunity also for this crime ; if 
all these concur upon the same point of time, 
and all be much desired, but cannot all be 
effected at once. For in such cases the soul 
is rent by four wills opposite to one another, or 
even by more in so great a variety of things as 
may be desired ; and yet these men are not 
accustomed to admit such a multitude of dif- 
ferent substances. The like happens also in 
good wills ; for I ask of them whether it be not 
good to be delighted with reading the Apostle ; 
and whether it be not good to be pleased with 
a sober psalm ; and whether again it be not 
good to discourse upon the Gospel? They 
must answer to each of these interrogations, 
that it is good. What then if all these together 
should at one and the same time offer their 



Chap. 11. confessions. 257 

delight? Will not different wills divide the 
heart of man, whilst he is deliberating which 
of these things he shall rather chuse ? And 
all these wills are good, and they struggle 
amongst themselves, till some one thing be 
chosen to which that whole one will may be car- 
ried, which was before divided into many. So 
also when eternity delights us above, and the 
pleasures of a temporal good tempt us below, 
it is the same soul, not having a full and entire 
will either for one or the other ; and therefore 
she is rent and torn, and suffers much whilst 
by truth she prefers the one, and by custom 
and affection cares not to part with the other. 



CHAPTER XI. 

HE DESCRIBES THE CONFLICTS THAT PASSED IN HIS 
SOUL, BEFORE HE COULD COME TO A RESOLUTION. 

1. Thus was I sick and tormented in mind, 
accusing myself much more bitterly than be- 
fore, and rolling and turning myself about in 
my chain, till it might be wholly broken, a 
little only of which now held me ; but yet it 
held me. And thou, O Lord, in my interior 
wast still pressing me on, with a severe mercy 
redoubling the stripes of fear and shame, lest I 
should leave off struggling, and that little that 
only remained, should not be broken off, and 
so might grow again upon me, and bind me 
faster. And I said within myself, come let it 
now be done, let it be done at present. And 
as I said it, I was just going to do i f 

22* 



^ u 



258 st. augustin's Book VIIL 

almost did it, and yet did not do it. Neither 
xxld I go back to where I was before, but stood 
very near, and took breath ; and then set on 
again. And I wanted very little of being 
there, and was within a very little of touching 
and la} T ing hold of it, and yet I was not there, 
nor did I touch or lay hold of it ; still demur- 
ring a while to die unto death, and to live unto 
life ; and the evil that I had been long accus- 
tomed to, being still more prevalent with me 
than that which was better which I had not 
experienced. And the nearer the point of 
time approached in which I was to become 
another man, the more I dreaded it ; yet it did 
not make me recoil, or turn away, but only to 
quite stand in suspense. 

2. Those trifles of trifles and vanities of 
vanities to which I had been too long a friend, 
hung about me, and pulling me by the garment 
of tha flesh, softly whispered to me, wilt thou 
then forsake us ? And from this moment shall 
we no more be with thee for ever ? And from 
this moment shalt thou no more be allowed to 
do this or that for ever ? And what things did 
they suggest to me under what I call this or 
that ; what things did they suggest, O my 
God ! Let thy mercy keep them far from the 
soul of thy servant. What filth, what shame- 
ful things did they suggest ? And I heard 
them now much less than half, not as boldly 
confronting me and opposing me to my face ; 
but as muttering behind me, and secretly pull- 
ing me by the coat (as one going away) that. I 



Chap. 11. confessions. 259 

might look back upon them. Yet they some- 
what retarded me, whilst I delayed to snatch 
myself away, and shake them off, and to spring 
forward whither I was called ; the violence of 
evil custom still saying to me, dost thou think 
that thou canst live without these things ? 

3. But now it said this very faintly. For 
there was discovered to me on that part 
towards which I turned my face, though as yet 
I trembled to pass over, the chaste dignity 
of Continency, serene and modestly cheerful, 
kindly enticing me to come forward, and to 
fear nothing, and stretching forth her loving 
hands to receive and embrace me, full of whole 
crowds of good examples. There were great 
numbers of boys and girls ; there a multitude 
of young men and maidens, and persons of all 
ages ; grave widows, and old women virgins. 
And in all these Continency herself was not 
barren, but a fruitful mother of children, that 
is, of chaste delights from thee, O Lord, her 
heavenly bridegroom. And she laughed at me 
with a kind of derision by way of drawing me 
on, as if she had said, and art not thou able to 
do what these youths and these maidens do ? Or 
are these able in themselves, and not in the Lord 
their God. The Lord their God gave me to 
them. Why standest thou upon thyself, and 
therefore dost not stand ? Throw thyself upon 
him ; fear not, he will not withdraw himself 
to let thee fall. Cast thyself upon him, with- 
out apprehension, he will receive thee and hail 
thee. And I was exceedingly ashamed, that I 



260 st. augustin's Book VIII. 

should still hear the whispers of those toys, 
and hang in suspense. And she began again, 
as if she said, stop thy ears against those 
unclean members of thine, which are upon the 
earth, that they may be mortified ; they tell 
thee of delights, but not as the law of the Lord 
thy God, Psalm 118. Such was the conflict 
within my heart between me alone and myself; 
whilst Alipius, who kept close by me, waited 
in silence for the issue of this my unusual com- 
motion. 



CHAPTER XII. 

HIS TOTAL CONVERSION, UPON HEARING A VOICE FROM 
HEAVEN, AND READING A PASSAGE OF ST. PAUL, 
WHERE THE BOOK FIRST OPENED. 

1. But when deep consideration had gath- 
ered out of its secret fund, and heaped together 
all my misery before the view of my heart, 
there arose in me a mighty storm, bringing 
with it a very great shower of tears ; which, 
that I might more freely pour forth with its 
proper words, I arose from Alipius ; conceiving 
solitude to be more fit for a business of weep- 
ing : and I removed to that distance, where 
even his presence might not be burdensome 
to me. So it was then with me; and he 
perceived something of it (I know not what) 
from my words, I believe, when I arose, in 
which the sound of my voice discovered that 
I was big with tears. So he staid in the 
place where he had been sitting much amazed. 



Chap. 12. confessions. 261 

I threw myself down, I know not how, under 
a certain fig-tree, and there gave free scope to 
my tears ; and floods broke out from my eyes, 
an acceptable sacrifice to thee. And not indeed 
in these same words, but to this purpose I said 
many things to thee. And thou, O Lord, how 
long ? how long, O Lord, wilt thou be angry 
unto the end ? Be not mindful of our old ini- 
quities ? For I perceived myself to be held 
by them. And I cast out lamentable com- 
plaints. How long, how long, to-morrow and 
to-morrow ! Why not now ? Why not this 
very hour an end to my filthiness ? 

2. I spoke these things, and 1 wept with a 
most bitter contrition of my heart. And behold 
I heard a voice from a neighbouring house, as 
of a boy or a girl, I know not whether, saying 
in a singing note, and often repeating, tolle lege, 
tolle lege, take up and read. And presently 
my countenance being altered, I began to be 
very intent to consider, whether in any kind of 
play children were wont to sing any such 
words ; nor could I call to mind, that I had 
any where heard the like. Whereupon the 
course of my tears being suppressed, I got up, 
interpreting it to be nothing less than a divine 
admonition that I should open the Book, and 
read the place I first lit upon. For I had 
heard of Anthony, that he had taken the lesson 
of the gospel, which was reading when he came 
into church, as particularly addressed to him ; 
go sell all thou hast, and give to the poor, and 
thou shalt have a treasure in heaven, and come 



262 st. augusttnV Book VIII. 

follow me, St. Matt. 19, and by this divine 
oracle he was out of hand converted to thee. 

3. Therefore I returned in haste to the place 
where Alipius was sitting, for there I had laid 
down the book of the Apostle, when I arose 
from thence : I catched it up, opened it, and 
read in silence the place on which I first cast 
my eyes, Rom. 13, v. 18. Not in revellings 
and drunkeness, not in chambering s and impuri- 
ties^ not in strifes and envies : but put ye on the 
Lord Jesus Christy and make not provision for 
the flesh in its concupiscences. I would read no 
further, nor was there need : for with the end 
of this sentence, as if a light of confidence and 
security had streamed into my heart, all the 
darkness of my former hesitation was dispelled. 
Then putting my finger, or some other mark 
in the place, I shut the book, and with a coun- 
tenance that was now calm and serene, related 
all to Alipius, who in the manner following, 
discovered what was to be done in him, which 
I did not know. He asked to see what I had 
read ; I showed him the place ; he looked on 
farther than I had read, who knew not what 
followed ; and the next words were, him that 
is weak in the faith take unto you, which he ap- 
plied to himself, and so told me. But by this 
admonition he was strengthened, and without 
any disturbance of mind or hesitation, joined 
himself to me in this good determination and 
resolution, which was very agreeable to his 
manners and virtuous inclinations, in which he 
had long before far surpassed me. 



Chap. 12. confessions. 263 

4. Thence we go in to my mother; we 
relate our resolution to her ; she rejoiceth at it : 
we tell her how it was brought about ; she ex- 
ults and triumphs, and blesses thee, who art abh 
to do above what we ask or understand, Eph. 3. 
For she now saw so much more granted her 
by thee in my regard, than she had been wont 
to ask with all those tears and lamentable 
groans. For thou hadst converted me to thee 
in such manner, as that I neither sought for a 
wife, nor for any hope of this world, standing 
now with her upon that rule of Faith, on which 
thou hadst so many years ago in a vision repre- 
sented me to her. And thou turnedst her mourn- 
ing into a much more plentiful joy, Psalm 29, 
than she had desired ; and much more precious 
and chaste, than what she expected from her 
grand-children of my body. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 



BOOK IX, 

CHAPTER I. 

HE PRAISETH AND GIVETH THANKS TO GOD FOR HIS 
DELIVERY FROM HIS FORMER LUSTS : AND EXPRESS- 
ETH THE GREAT JOY AND CONTENT HE PRESENTLY 
EXPERIENCED. 

1. O Lord, I am thy servant, I am thy ser- 
vant and the son of thy handmaid. Thou hast 
broken my bonds asunder: to thee will I 
offer the sacrifice of praise, Psalm 115. Let 
my heart and my tongue praise thee ; and 
let all my bones say, Lord, who is like unto 
thee ? Psalm 34. Let them say this, and do 
you say again unto me, / am thy salvation. 
Who am I, and what a one am I ? What evil 
has there not been in me, either in my deeds ; 
or if not in my deeds, in my words, if not in 
my words, in my will ? But thou, O Lord, art 
good and merciful, and thy right hand has 
regarded the profundity of my death, and has 
drawn out of the bottom of my heart the abyss 
of corruption ; which was nothing else but 
this, not to will what thou wouldst, and to will 
that which thou wouldst not. 



Chap. 2. confessions. 265 

2. But where for so long a time was my 
free-will, and out of what low and deep recess 
was it called forth in a moment, for me to sub- 
mit my neck to thy sweet yoke, and my shoul- 
ders to thy light burthen, O Jesus Christ, my 
Helper and my Redeemer ? How sweet on a 
sudden was it become to me to be without the 
sweets of those toys ? And what I was before 
so much afraid to lose, I now cast from me 
with joy. For thou didst expel them from me, 
who art the true and sovereign sweetness: 
thou expelledst them, and didst come in thy- 
self instead of them, sweeter than any pleasure 
whatsoever, but not to flesh and blood ; brighter 
than any light whatsoever, but more interior 
than any secret ; higher than any honour or 
dignity whatsoever, but not to those that are 
high in themselves. Now was my mind free 
from the gnawing cares of the ambition of 
honour, of the acquisition of riches, and of 
weltering in pleasures, and scratching the itch 
of lusts : and my infant-tongue began to prat- 
tle with thee, my Lord God, my true honour, 
and my riches, and my salvation. 

CHAPTER II 

HE RESOLVES UPON FORSAKING HIS PROFESSION OF 
RHETORIC AFTER THE VINTAGE VACATION. 

1. And it seemed good to me in thy pre- 
sence not noisily to break off, but gently to 
withdraw the service of my tongue from that 
fair of loquacity ; that the youths who did not 

23 



266 st. augustin's Book IX. 

study thy law, nor thy presence, but lying fol- 
lies and the wars of the Forum, might no lon- 
ger purchase from my mouth the arms of theii 
madness. And it happened well that now 
there remained but very few days to the vin- 
tage vacation, which I resolved patiently to 
endure, that I might quit my school at the 
usual time, and being now ransomed by thee, 
might no more be exposed to sale. And this 
our design was in thy sight, but was not known 
by men, excepting our intimate friends. And 
we had agreed amongst ourselves, that it should 
not be divulged to others abroad. Although 
thou hadst now given unto us, ascending from 
the vale of tears, and (like the Israelites going 
up to thy temple) singing to thee the Gradual 
Psalms. Sharp arrows and consuming coals 
against the deceitful tongue , Psalm Grad. 119, 
which opposes our good under pretence of con- 
sulting it, and (as men use their meat) loves us 
so as to destroy us. For thou hadst pierced 
our heart with thy charity ; and thy words, like 
arrows, were fixed in our inward parts ; and 
the examples of thy servants, whom thou hadst 
brought from darkness to light, and from death 
to life, being laid up together in the bosom of 
our thought, inflamed and consumed our heavy 
numbness, that we should no longer tend 
downwards to the things below ; and enkindled 
in us so strong a flame, that any wind of oppo- 
sition that could blow from a deceitful tongue, 
would but have increased it, instead of extin- 
guishing it. 



Chap. 2. confessions. 267 

2. Nevertheless, as by reason of thy name 
which thou hast sanctified throughout the 
earth, such our vow and resolution would meet 
with many that would praise and commend it, 
it would look like ostentation not to stay for 
the vacation now so near at hand, but to desert 
before the time so public a profession, that was 
under the eyes of all ; so that the mouths of 
all that saw it would be reflecting on this my 
act, for having anticipated the time when the 
breaking up was so near, and would be saying 
many things, as if I had affected to be taken 
notice of, and to seem some great one. And 
what occasion was there for me, that men 
should be passing their opinion and disputing 
about my intentions, and blaspheming our 
good ? 

3. Moreover, that same summer my lungs 
began to fail under the excessive labour of my 
school, and to fetch breath with difficulty, and 
by the pains of my breast to signify that they 
were hurt, and to refuse their concurrence to 
any loud or long discourse. Which at the first 
troubled me, because it would oblige me either 
quite to lay down that burthen of my profes- 
sion, or if I could be cured and recover, at 
least to intermit it. But after I had now taken 
a full resolution to attend at leisure, and to see 
that thou art God, Psalm 45, and I was con- 
firmed in it ; thou knowest, Omy God, I began 
even to be glad, that I had this excuse also, 
which was no ways false, to moderate the dis- 
content of those men, who, for the sake of theii 



268 st. Augustus's Book IX. 

children, were unwilling that I should be at 
liberty 

4. Being full therefore of such joy, I patiently 
endured that interval of time, 'till it should be 
run out : I know not whether it was so much 
as twenty days ; yet fortitude was now neces- 
sary to endure them ; for those irregular desires 
(of ambition or avarice) which had formerly 
helped me to bear so heavy a burden, were 
now departed ; and I remaining without them 
should have been quite overwhelmed by it, 
had not patience succeeded in their place. 
Some of thy servants, my brethren, may say, 
perhaps, that it was a sin in me, having now 
my heart full of devoting myself to thy service, 
to suffer myself, though it were but one hour 
longer, to sit in the chair of lies. And, for my 
part, I will not stand to dispute it. But thou, 
O Lord, most merciful, hast thou not pardoned 
and remitted this sin also unto me, with so 
many others more horrible and deadly, in the 
holy water of baptism. 



CHAPTER III. 

VERECUNDUS OFFERS HIS COUNTRY-HOUSE FOR THEIR 
RETIREMENT. THE DEATH OF VERECUNDUS AND 
NEBRIDIUS, NOT LONG AFTER ST. AUGUSTIN'S CON 
VERSION, BEING BOTH FIRST MADE CHRISTIANS. 

1. Verecundus was not a little anxious for 
this our good ; because he saw that now he 
should be deprived of our company, by reason 
of the bonds wherewith he was so strictly tied 



Chap. 3. confessions. 269 

to the world. He was not yet a Christian, 
though his wife was one of the Faithful ; who 
neverthless was the chief fetter that retarded 
him from following that course of life which we 
proposed to enter upon : and he denied that he 
would be a Christian upon any other terms 
than such as he could not be admitted upon. 
However he very kindly offered us, for the 
time of our abode in those parts, the use of his 
country-house. Thou wilt reward him, O 
Lord, in the resurrection of the just, since thou 
hast already rewarded him with the lot of the 
just. For when we were absent, and were 
gone to Rome, he was seized by a corporeal 
sickness, and in it was made a Christian, and 
one of the Faithful, and so departed this life. 
Thus thou wast pleased to show mercy not to 
him only, but to us ; left thinking on the great 
kindness of this our friend to us, and not num- 
bering him amongst thy flock, we should have 
been tormented with an insupportable grief. 
Thanks be to thee, O God, we are thine ; thy 
exhortations and consolations sufficiently show 
it. Thou art faithful in thy promise ; thou wilt 
return to Verecundus, for his country-house at 
Cassicy, where retired from the tumult of the 
world we repose in thee, the pleasantness of 
thy paradise eternally green ; for thou hast for- 
given hiix his sins here upon earth, in the fat 
mountain (the Church) thy mountain, that fer- 
tile mountain , Psalm 67. 

2. At that time therefore Verecundus was 
very much concerned ; but Nebridius rejoiced 

23* 



270 st. augustin's Book IX. 

with us. For although he also not being yet 
a Christian had fallen into the pit of that most 
pernicious error, to believe the flesh of the 
Truth thy Son to have been no more than a 
phantom ; he was now reclaimed from it, and 
was so to himself; and though not as yet initia- 
ted in any of the Sacraments of the Church, 
was a most earnest inquirer after truth : who 
also not long after our conversion and regene- 
ration by thy baptism, becoming a faithful 
Catholic, and serving thee in perfect chastity 
and continency in Africa, amongst his kin- 
dred, after he had brought over all his family 
to the Christian Faith, was by thee loosed 
from the flesh, and now he lives in Abra- 
ham's bosom. Whatever it is that is signi- 
fied by that bosom, there my Nebridius lives ; 
that dear friend of mine, and adopted son of 
thine, set first at liberty by thee where he now 
lives. For what other place could receive 
such a soul ? There he lives, concerning which 
place he asked so many questions of me a poor 
inexperienced mortal. He now no more lays 
his ears to my mouth, but his spiritual mouth 
to thy fountain, and there drinks to his fill true 
wisdom with a thirst ever fresh, happy with- 
out end. And yet I cannot think that he is so 
inebriated therewith as to forget me, since 
thou, O Lord the fountain at which he drink- 
eth, art pleased to be mindful of us. 

3. Thus therefore it was with us at that 
time ; we endeavoured to comfort Verecundus, 
who was grieved (tho 5 without any diminution 



Chap. 4. confessions, 271 

of friendship) at our conversion ; and we ex- 
horted him to the faith of his station, viz. of a 
married life. And we waited for Nebridius, to 
follow us, which he was so well disposed to 
do, and was just upon the point of doing, when 
behold those days at last were run out : for 
they seemed long and many to me, by reason 
of the longing desire that I had to be at liberty, 
that I might sing to thee with my whole soul, 
Psalm 26, My heart hath said unto thee, I have 
sought thy countenance; thy countenance, O 
Lord, I will still seek. 

CHAPTER IV. 

HIS RETIRING IN THE VACATION TO THE COUNTRY- 
HOUSE OF VERECUNDUS ; HIS MEDITATIONS ON THE 
FOURTH PSALM, AND ON THE MIRACULOUS CURE OF 
HIS VIOLENT TOOTH-ACHE, WHICH HAD RENDERED 
HIM SPEECHLESS. 

1. And now the day was come wherein I 
was in effect released from my professorship 
of rhetoric, from which I had already been re- 
leased in affection. And it was done ; and 
thou deliveredst my tongue from what thou 
hadst before delivered my heart : and rejoicing 
I blessed thee, going into the country with all 
my nearest friends ; where what 1 did in my 
writings (now indeed dedicated to thy service, 
but still something relishing of the school of 
pride so lately left) may be seen in the books* 

* He wrote there his books, Contra Academicos, De 
Vita Beata, De Ordine, and his Soliloquia. 



272 st. augustin's Book IX. 

composed there, partly by way of dialogue, 
with those who were with me ; and partly with 
myself alone in thy presence : and what passed 
partly betwixt me and Nebridius, who was 
absent, appears by my epistles : and when 
shall I find time enough to commemorate all 
thy great benefits bestowed upon u$ at that 
time, especially being hastening now to other 
still greater things ? For my remembrance 
calls me back to those times, and it becomes 
very sweet to me to confess to thee, O Lord, 
with what inward pricks thou didst then break 
and tame me ; and in what manner thou didst 
make me plain and level, taking down the 
mountains and hills of my thoughts, and how 
thou madest straight what was crooked in me, 
and smooth what was rough. In what manner 
also thou didst subdue Alipius the brother of 
my heart, to the name of thy only begotten 
Son our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ : which 
name at first he was unwilling to have inserted 
in our writings : for he had rather they should 
relish of the cedars of the schools, which the 
Lord hath now broken in pieces , Psalm 28, than 
of the low wholesome herbs of the Church, 
which are sovereign against serpents. 

2. what voices did I send up to thee, my 
God, when I read the Psalms of David, those 
faithful canticles, those airs of piety, which ex- 
clude a proud spirit ; when I was as yet but a 
novice in thy sincere love, a Catechumen only 
in the country, at leisure from worldly busi- 
ness, with Alipius equally a Catechumen. My 



Chap. 4. confessions. 273 

mother being also with us, in a woman's habit, 
but with a manly faith, with the security of 
old age, the charity of a mother, and the piety 
of a christian. What affectionate words did I 
utter to thee in those Psalms ; and how much 
was I inflamed by them with the love of thee ; 
and burned with a desire of reciting them if I 
could, all the world over, to abate the swelling 
pride of mankind ? and indeed they are sung 
all the world over, neither is there any one that 
can hide himself from thy heat, Psalm 18. With 
what a vehement and sharp indignation was I 
incensed against the Manichseans ; and how 
again did I pity them, that they were ignorant 
of these mysterious hymns, these sovereign 
medicines, and were mad at the antidote which 
might have cured them of their madness ? I 
could have wished that they had been some- 
where near me, without my knowing of their 
being there, or of their hearing me ; and could 
have seen my countenance, and heard my ex- 
pressions when I read the fourth Psalm in that 
retirement of mine, and observed the effects it 
wrought upon me. 

3. Cum invocarem. When I called upon 
thee j thou didst hear me, O God of my justice, in 
tribulation thou hast enlarged me. Have mercy 
on me, O Lord, and hear my prayer, v. 1. 2. 
I could have wished that they might have 
heard (without my knowing that they heard 
me, that they might not think I spoke upon 
their account) what things I said upon those 
words. For indeed I should not have said 



274 st. augustin's Book IX. 

the same things, nor in the same manner, if I 
had perceived that I was heard and seen by 
them. Nor if I should have said the same, 
would they take it in such manner as when 
spoken with myself and to myself in thy pre- 
sence, from the familiar affection of my soul. 
I trembled with fear, and again I was inflamed 
with hope and with exultation in thy mercy, 

Father ! and all these things issued forth by 
my eyes, and by my voice, when thy good Spi- 
rit turning unto us, saith in the following 
words, ye sons of men, how long are you dull of 
heart ? Why do you love vanity, and seek after 
a lie? v. 3. For I had loved vanity, and 
sought a lie : and thou, Lord, hadst now 
magnified thy Holy One, v. 4, raising him from 
the dead, and placing him at th} T right hand ; 
from whence he should send from on high his 
promise, the Paraclete, the Spirit of Truth; 
and he had already sent him, and I knew it 
not. He had sent him, because he was now 
magnified, rising from the dead and ascending 
into Heaven. For 'till then the Spirit was not 
given, because Jesus was not yet glorified, St. 
John 7. And the Prophet cries out, how long 
will you be dull in heart ? Why do you love 
vanity and seek after a lie ? And know ye thai 
the Lord hath glorified his Holy one. He cries 
out, how long? And he cries out, know ye; 
and I so long not knowing had loved vanity and 
sought after a lie. And therefore I heard and 
trembled ; because this was spoken to such as, 

1 remembered, I had been. For in those phan- 



Chap. 4. concessions. 275 

toms which I had held for truth, there was 
vanity and a lie. And I broke forth into many 
strong and vehement expressions in the bitter- 
ness of my remembrance ; which I wish they 
might have heard, who still love vanity, and 
seek after a lie ; perhaps they would have 
been troubled, and would have cast it away, 
and so thou wouldst hear them, when they would 
cry to thee, v. 4, because he has died for us a 
true and real death of the flesh, who intercedes 
to thee for us. 

4. I read there, Be angry and sin not, v. 5, 
And how was I moved therewith, my God, 
who by this time had learnt to be angry with 
myself for my past sins, that for the time to 
come I might sin no more ; and with good rea- 
son to be angry with myself, because it was 
not any other nature of the nation of darkness, 
that sinned in me, as they say, who will not be 
angry with themselves, and so treasure up 
anger against the day of anger, and of the reve- 
lation of thy just judgment, Rom. 2. Neither 
were my good things now placed abroad with- 
out me, nor sought for in this sun by the eyes 
of the flesh : For they who seek their joy in 
something abroad do easily become vain, and 
are poured forth upon those things which are 
seen, and which are temporal, and lick their 
images with hungry thought: and would to 
God, that they were weary of this hunger, and 
would say— who will show us good things ? v. 
6. that we might answer them again, and they 
might hearken to it— The light of thy counte- 



276 st. Augustus's Book IX 

nance Lord, is signed upon us, v. 7. For we 
ourselves are not that light, which enlighteneth 
every man, but we are enlightened by thee that 
so we who were sometimes darkness, may now be 
light in thee, Eph. 5. Oh ! that they could see 
that internal eternal light, which I having had 
a taste of, was so much moved because I could 
not show it to them, as long as they brought 
me their heart in their eyes abroad from thee, 
and said — who will show us good things ? For 
there it was where I was angry with myself, 
viz. : within my bedchamber, where I had com- 
punction, v. 5., and where I had sacrificed to 
thee, slaying my old life, and had begun to 
meditate upon a new one, hoping in thee, v. 5. 
There it was that thou hadst now begun to 
grow sweet unto me, and hadst given a glad- 
ness in my heart, v. 7. And I was transported 
into an exclamation, reading these things out- 
wardly, and experiencing them within me. 
Neither did I now desire to be multiplied with 
earthly goods, consuming time, and myself 
consumed by the things of time ; whereas I had 
in an eternal simplicity, another sort of corn, 
wine and oil, v. 8. 

5. And I cried out in the following verse 9, 
with the loud cry of my heart, O in peace, O 
in the selfsame, O what is that he saith ? I will 
sleep and I will take my rest, for who shall dis- 
turb us, when that word is come to pass which 
is written, death is swallowed up in victory, 1 
Cor. 15. And thou art that self-same (id ip- 
sum) indeed who art never changed ; and in 



Chap. 4. confessions. 277 

thee is this rest, forgetting all labours, for there 
is none with thee. Nor is it worth the while 
to labour to get many other things, which are 
not what thou art ; But thou O Lord, singu~ 
larly hast established me in hope, v. 10. I read 
this, and I was all on fire, and I found not what 
to do to those that were deaf and dead, one of 
whom I had been, as pestilent as any of them, 
a bitter and blind barker against those writings, 
all sweet with the honey of Heaven ; and all 
lightsome from thy light ; and I perfectly pined 
away by reason of the enemies of this Scrip- 
ture. 

6. When shall I be able to call to mind all 
the passages of that our country retirement ? 
But amongst them I have not forgot, neither 
will I pass over in silence the sharp scourge 
with which thou didst visit me there, and the 
wonderful celerity of thy mercy. Thou didst 
then greatly torment me with the tooth-ache : 
and when it had increased to that degree that 
I could not speak ; it came into my mind to 
request of all my friends that were there to join 
in prayer for me to thee, the God of all manner 
of health. And I wrote this in wax, and gave 
it them to read ; and as soon as we knelt down 
to humble prayer, the pain was gone. But 
what a pain was it ? And how strangely did 
it cease. I was frightened at it, I confess, O 
Lord my God, for I had never felt the like 
from my childhood. And the power of every 
beck of thine in the deepest of our misery was 
thus showed unto me ,* and rejoicing in faith I 

24 



278 st. augustin's Book IX. 

praised thy name. But the same faith suffered 
me not to rest quiet concerning my former 
sins, which were not yet remitted to me by thy 
baptism. 

CHAPTER V. 

HE ACQUAINTS ST. AMBROSE BY LETTERS WITH HIS 
FORMER ERRORS AND PRESENT RESOLUTIONS. 

The vintage vacation being ended I gave 
notice to the Milanese, to provide for their 
scholars another master of rhetoric : for that I 
had resolved to dedicate myself to thy service ; 
and moreover, by reason of my difficulty of 
breathing and pain of my breast, I was no 
longer fit for that profession. And I signified 
by letters to thy prelate, that holy man Am- 
brose, my former errors, and my present de- 
sire ; that he might instruct me what part of 
thy Scriptures it would be most proper for me 
to read, that I might be the better prepared 
and fitted for so great a grace. And he ap- 
pointed to me the Prophet Isaiah ; I believe, 
because he more evidently than any of the rest 
foreshows the Gospel, and the calling of the 
Gentiles. But I not understanding what I first 
read in him, and supposing all the rest would 
be the same, laid him aside to be taken up 
again when I was more expert in the divine 
wore 1 .. 



Chap. 6. confessions. 279 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE RETURNS TO MILAN TO RECEIVE BAPTISM WITH HIS 
FRIEND ALIPIUS, AND HIS SON ADEODATUS. 

1. When the time was come to give in my 
name (for baptism) leaving the country we 
returned to Milan. And it seemed good to 
Alipius to be regenerated in thee with me, he 
having now put on that humility which is suit- 
able to thy sacraments, and being a most 
valiant subduer of his body, even to the walk- 
ing barefoot on the frozen ground of Italy, an 
unusual attempt. We joined with us also the 
boy Adeodatus, carnally born of my sin ; but 
thou hast made him well. He was then about 
fifteen years of age, and he surpassed in wit 
many grave and learned men. I confess thy 
gifts to thee, Lord my God, the Creator of 
all, who art very powerful to reform our defor- 
mities. For there was nothing in that boy that 
was mine, but the sin. For if he was brought 
up in thy discipline, it was what thou hadst 
inspired into us, and no other. To thee there- 
fore I confess thy gift. There is a book of 
mine, entitled De Magistro, by way of dia- 
logue, where he is introduced discoursing with 
me : thou knowest that all those were his own 
thoughts, which are there spoken in person of 
him that holds the dialogue with me, when 
he was but sixteen years old. I experienced 
many other more admirable things in him : and 
was perfectly astonished at that prodigy of wit. 



280 st. augustin's Book IX 

And who but thou could be the maker of such 
wonders ? 

2. Thou didst soon take away his life from 
the earth ; and with more security I now re- 
member him, having no fear either for his child- 
hood, or for his youth, or indeed at all for that 
man. Him we associated to us, to be of equal 
age with us in thy grace and to be educated by 
us in thy discipline. And we were baptised; 
and our solicitude for our former life fled from 
us. Nor was I satiated in those days with the 
wonderful sweetness I enjoyed in my consider- 
ing the depth of thy counsel concerning the 
salvation of mankind. how much did I 
weep in hearing thy hymns and canticles, being 
exceedingly moved by the voices of thy har- 
monious church. Those voices flowed in at 
my ears, and thy truth distilled into my heart ; 
and from thence the affection of devotion boiled 
over, and tears flowed from me, and I found 
much comfort in them. 



CHAPTER VII. 

HE RELATES UPON WHAT OCCASION" THE SINGING OF 
PSALMS AND HYMNS AFTER THE MANNER OF THE 
EASTERN CHURCHES WAS FIRST INTRODUCED IN THE 
CHURCH OF MILAN j AND OF THE MIRACLES WROUGHT 
UPON THE DISCOVERY OF THE BODIES OF THE SAINTS 
GERVASIUS AND PROTASIUS. 

1. The Church of Milan had not long; before 
begun to celebrate that kind of mutual consola- 
tion and exhortation, with great devotion of 



Chap. 7. confessions. 281 

the brethren, singing together with voice and 
heart. It was then about a year, or not much 
more, since Justina, mother of Valentinian, 
the Emperor, a minor, persecuted thy servant 
Ambrose, in favour of her heresy, into which 
she had been seduced by the Arians. The 
pious people watched night and day in the 
Church, ready to die with their Bishop, thy 
servant. There also my mother, thy hand- 
maid, bearing a chief part in the solicitude and 
watchings, lived in prayer. And we, though 
cold as yet with regard to the heat of thy spi- 
rit, were stirred up nevertheless by the con- 
cern and trouble of the whole city. And at this 
time it was instituted, that hymns and psalms 
should be sung after the manner of the eastern 
parts, that the people might not languish with 
weariness and sorrow. And this practice is 
retained there to this day, and followed by 
many or almost all thy congregations in the 
rest of the parts of the world. 

2. Then it was, that by a vision thou didst 
discover to thy Prelate, before named, where 
the bodies of thy martyrs Gervasius and Prota- 
sius lay hid, which for so many years thou 
hadst kept uncorrupted in thy secret treasury, 
opportunely now to bring them forth to restrain 
the rage of a woman, but she an Empress. 
For when they, being discovered and dug up, 
were with beseeming honour translated to 
Ambrose's Church, not only they that were 
troubled with unclean spirits were delivered, 
the same devils confessing what they were ; 

24* 



282 st. augustin's Book IX. 

but also a certain citizen [by name Severus] 
who had been many years blind, and was well 
known in the city, having enquired and learned 
the cause of the joy and concourse of the peo- 
ple, leaped up and desired his guide to conduct 
him thither ; where when he was arrived he 
procured to be admitted to touch with his 
handkerchief the bier of the death of thy Saints 
precious in thy sight. Psalm 115, which when 
he had done and had applied the handkerchief 
to his eyejs, they were immediately opened. 
Hereupon the fame of this miracle was imme- 
diately spread abroad ; and thy praises were 
fervently celebrated, and the mind of that enra- 
ged woman, though it was not brought to the 
health of faith, was repressed from the fury of 
persecution. Thanks be to thee, my God : 
from whence and whither hast thou guided my 
remembrance that I should also confess these 
things unto thee, which being so considerable 
I had forgotten and passed over in their proper 
place ? and yet even then, when the odour of 
thy ointments was so fragrant, we did not run 
after thee, Cantic. 1. And for this reason I 
wept the more at the singing of these hymns 
of thine, as having a long time before sighed 
after thee, and now at last breathing in thee, as 
far as there is room for this kind of respiration 
in this hous-3 of grass. 



Chap. 8. confessions. 283 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE CONVERSION OF EVODIUS. ST. AUGUSTIN RETURNS 
BY ROME TO AFRICA. HIS MOTHER DIES AT OSTIA. 
A DESCRIPTION OF HER PIOUS EDUCATION AND LIFE. 

1. Thou who makest men to live together 
unanimous in one House, Psalm 67, didst add to 
our society Evodius* also, a young man of 
our city ; who being one of the court officers 
whom they called Agents in the emperor's 
affairs, was converted to thee, and baptized 
before us ; and now relinquishing his worldly 
employment, betook himself to thy service. 
We were all together, and we designed to live 
together in our holy purpose : and we were 
seeking what place might be most proper for 
us, wherein to devote ourselves to thee. And 
we were all returning together to Africa ; and 
when we came to Ostia Tiherina my mother 
died. I pass over many things, because I has- 
ten much. Accept, O my God, my confes- 
sions and thanksgivings for innumerable things, 
even in this my silence. But I will not pass 
over what my soul is big with, concerning that 
handmaid of thine, who laboured for me, both 
in the flesh that I might be born into this tem- 
poral light ; and in her heart, that I might be 
born again into light eternal. Not her's but 
thy gifts in her will I here relate ; for she 
neither made herself, nor educated herself, but 
it was thou that createdst her ; neither did her 

* He was afterwards Bishop of Usala in Africa. 



284 st. augustin's Book IX. 

father or mother know what a one she would 
be when born of them, but it was the rod of 
thy Christ, the discipline of thy only Son, that 
educated her in thy fear, in a faithful family, a 
good member of thy church. 

2. And for this her good education she was 
wont to extol not so mueh the diligence of her 
mother, as the care of a certain very old maid- 
servant, one that had carried her father when 
an infant on her back as great girls used to 
carry little children. For which reason, and 
for her old age, and excellent manners, she was 
much respected in that Christian family by her 
master and mistress. Whence also she had 
the care committed to her of her master's 
daughters, which she diligently discharged ; 
using a holy severity when necessary in re- 
straining them, and a sober prudence in direct- 
ing them. For, excepting the set hours of 
their eating and drinking, and that very mode- 
rately, at their parent's table, she would not 
suffer them, however thirsty they might be, to 
drink so much as a little water, preventing, by 
this means, a bad custom ; and adding this 
wholesome saying, " you are for drinking 
water, because wine is not in your power ; but 
when you shall come to be married, and be 
mistress of the store rooms and the cellars, 
water will be despised, but the custom of 
drinking will stick by you." 

3. By this prudent method of directing an 
authority of commanding, she bridled the evil 
inclinations of that tender age, and brought the 



Chap. 8. confessions. 285 

very thirst of the girls to that regular habit, 
that now they had not even an inclination to 
what was not proper for thern. And yet there 
afterwards stole upon her, as thy servant rela- 
ted to me her sonj there stole upon her, I say, 
by little and little, a love of wine. For when 
according to custom, she used to be sent by 
her parents, as a sober girl, to draw wine from 
the vessel, in taking it out with a cup, before 
she poured it into the flaggon, she used to put 
her lips to it and sip a little, because she could 
not take more her palate having a reluctance 
to it ; for she did not do this out of any intem- 
perate lust after drink, but out of certain over- 
flowing excesses usual to that age, which boil 
up into little wanton tricks, and in young maids 
are used to be restrained and kept under by the 
gravity of their elders. Therefore, by adding 
to this little every day a little more, (for he 
that despiseth little things falls by little and lit- 
tle, Eccles. 19,) she had contracted such a 
custom, that now she would eagerly drink off 
little cups almost full of wine. 

4. Where was now the discreet old woman, 
and that vehement prohibition ? Would it 
have been of any efficacy against this secret 
disease, had not thy medicine, O Lord, been 
watchful over us ? At a time when her father 
and mother, and those that had the care of her 
education, were all absent ; thou that art always 
present, who hast created us, who callest us, 
and who, even by those that are wicked, bring- 
est about some good for the salvation of our 



286 st. augustin's Book IX. 

souls, what didst thou tnen do, O my God ? 
How didst thou cure her ? how didst thou heal 
her ? didst thou not draw out a rude and sharp 
reproach from another soul, as a medicinal 
instrument out of thy hidden store, and with 
one stroke thereof cut away all that rotten- 
ness ? 

5. For a maid-servant, with whom she was 
used to go to the cellar, falling out with her 
young mistress, as it often happens, on a time 
when they two were alone, objected this crime 
to her with a most bitter insulting, calling her 
wine-bibber } with which reproach she being 
struck, opened her eyes to see the foulness of 
her fault, and presently condemned it, and for- 
sook it. As flattering friends pervert us, so 
quarrelling enemies many times amend us. 
But thou wilt reward them, not according to 
the good which thou dost by them, but accord- 
ing to the evil that they intended. For this 
servant being angry, intended not to cure her 
young mistress, but only to reproach her and 
give her uneasiness ; and did this secretly, 
either because such was the time and place 
when they happened to fall out, or lest, per- 
haps, she also might have been condemned for 
not having discovered the matter sooner. But 
thou, O Lord, the Ruler of all in Heaven and 
Earth, who turnest to thy uses even the depths 
of the torrent, and disposest the turbulent 
course of the world, so as to make it subser- 
vient to thy designs, didst by the madness of 
one soul reclaim another, that no one who con- 



Chap 9. confessions. 287 

siders this may attribute it to his own power 
if by his words another be amended, whos^ 
amendment he desires. 



CHAPTER IX. 

ST. MONICA'S DUTIFUL DEPORTMENT TOWARDS HER 
HUSBAND, PATRICIUS, WHOM SHE CONYERTS AT 
LENGTH TO THE CHRISTIAN FAITH. 

1. Being therefore chastely and soberly edu- 
cated, and by thee made dutiful to her parents, 
rather than by her parents to thee ; when, being 
now at proper age, she was given in marriage 
to her husband, she served him as her master, 
and laboured to gain him to thee, continually 
preaching thee to him in her virtuous qualities, 
in which thou hadst made her very beautiful, 
and reverendly amiable, and admirable to her 
husband. And as for the injuries done by him 
to her marriage-bed, she tolerated them in such 
manner as never to have any quarrel with her 
husband upon that subject. For she waited for 
thy mercy upon him, that by coming to believe 
in thee he might also become chaste. 

2. He was, moreover, as on the one side 
very good-natured and loving, so on the other 
very hot and passionate. But she would never 
offer to oppose her husband, when he was 
angry, neither in deed, nor yet in word ; but 
when his passion was over, and he was calm, 
when she found a fit opportunity she gave him 
an account of her action, if, perhaps, he had 
been incensed out of reason. And when some 



288 st. augustin'S Book IX. 

other women, though matched to husbands less 
passionate than hers, bore the marks of their 
blows even on their disfigured faces, and would 
in their familiar discourses with her, be blaming 
the lives of their husbands, she, on her part, 
would blame their tongues ; and, as it were in 
a jesting way, would soberly admonish them ? 
that, from the time they had first heard the 
writings of the matrimonial contract read to 
them, they ought to have accounted them as 
indentures, whereby they were made servants ; 
and being mindful of such their condition, they 
ought never to be haughty against their mas- 
ters. And when they would wonder knowing 
what a choleric husband she had, that it was 
never heard, or any other way appeared that 
Patricius had at any time struck his wife, or 
that they had ever, for so much as one day, 
entertained any domestic dissension, and would 
familiarly inquire of her the reason thereof, she 
acquainted them with her method of proceed- 
ing mentioned above . And as many of them 
as followed this method rejoiced in the expe- 
rience of the good of it ; and those that did not 
follow it, continued still in their vexations and 
sufferings. 

3. Her mother-in-law, also, who, by the 
tales and whispers of wicked maid-servants, 
was at first incensed against her, she so over- 
came by her obsequiousness and perseverance 
in patience and meekness, that of her own ac- 
cord she disclosed to her son, by whose tongue 
it was that the peace of the family between 



Chap. 9. confessions. 289 

her and her daughter-in-law had been disturbed, 
and desired he would punish them. And thus, 
after that he, both in obedience to his mother, 
and out of the care of the discipline of the 
family, and of the union and concord of those 
that were so nearly related to him, had cor- 
rected, according to her desire, those she had 
complained of, she professed, that whosoever 
should, for the future, by way of pleasing her, 
speak any evil to her of her daughter-in-law, 
must expect the like reward ; so that none 
thenceforward daring to do it, they ever after 
lived together with a remarkable sweetness 
and benevolence. 

4. Thou hadst also bestowed this excellent 
gift on that good servant of thint, in whose 
womb thou createdst me, O my God, my mer- 
cy, that whenever she could, she rendered her- 
self a peace-maker between any souls that 
were at variance and discord, in such manner, 
as although she heard from each of the parties 
many very bitter things against one another 
such as a swelling and undigested choler is 
used to produce, when the crudities of hatred 
are exhaled by sharp discourses to a friend 
that is present, concerning an absent ene- 
my ; yet she never disclosed any thing of one 
to the other, but what might be serviceable to 
the reconciling them together. This might 
have seemed to me a small matter, if sad expe- 
rience did not show me great multitudes (from 
I know not what contagion of sin, which is ex- 
ceedingly spread) that not only discover to 

25 



290 st. augustin's Book IX 

angry enemies the angry sayings of their ene- 
mies, but also add things which were not said 
whereas to a soul that has any thing of humani- 
ty, it ought not to be enough not to stir up nor 
increase, by evil speaking, the animosities and 
misunderstandings of other men ; but one ought 
to endeavour to allay them, and extinguish 
them by well speaking. Such she was taught 
by thee, her interior master in the school of 
her heart. 

5. She gained over also to thee her husband, 
in the latter end of his temporal life ; and had 
then no longer occasion of lamenting in him, 
now a faithful Christian, those disorders which 
she had so long patiently endured before his 
conversion. She was also a servant of all those 
who were thy servants ; and as many of them 
as knew her, praised thee very much, and 
honoured and loved thee in her ; because they 
discovered thy presence in her, by the testi- 
mony of the fruits of her holy conversation. 
For she had been (1 Tim. 5,) the wife of but one 
husband, she had rendered mutual duty to her 
parents, she had piously managed her own house, 
she had testimony of good works, she had brought 
up children, as often labouring again in birth 
with them, as she perceived them to go astray 
from thee. Lastly, as for all us thy servants, 
! Lord, (for so thou permittest us to call our- 
selves by thy gift) who, before her going to 
rest, lived now together associated in thee, after 
having received the grace of thy baptism, she 
took as much care of us, as if she had been the 



Chap. 10. confessions. 291 

mother of us all, and served us as obsequiously 
as if she had been the daughter of us all. 



CHAPTER X. 

THE DISCOURSE BETWEEN HIM AND HIS MOTHER NOT 
LONG BEFORE HER LAST SICKNESS, CONCERNING THE 
HAPPINESS OF THE NEXT LIFE. 

1. And when the day was near, that she 
was to depart out of this life, which day thou 
knewest, though we were not aware of it, it 
came to pass, (thy Providence I believe bring- 
ing it about by secret ways) that she and I 
were standing alone, leaning upon a window, 
that looked into the garden of the house where 
we were, in that town of Ostia upon Tiber ; 
where, retired from company and noise, after 
the fatigue of a long journey, we were repair- 
ing our spirits for our voyage by sea : and there 
we two alone discoursed together very sweetly, 
and forgetting those things which are behind, 
and stretching ourselves forth to those things that 
are before, Philip 3, we were enquiring between 
ourselves in the presence of Truth, which is 
thyself, what the eternal life of the Saints shall 
be, which neither eye hath seen nor ear hath heard 
nor hath it entered into the heart of man, 1. Cor. 
2. But yet we panted with the mouth of our 
heart after the heavenly streams of thy foun- 
tain, the fountain of life which is with thee, 
Psalm 35, that being sprinkled from thence, 
according to our present capacity, we might, in 
some small measure, conceive so great a thing. 



292 st augustin's Book IX. 

2. And when our discourse had come thus 
far as to conclude that the greatest delights of 
the bodily senses, in any corporeal light, how 
great soever, were not to be compared, or even 
named, in respect to the pleasures of that life 
to come ; arising ourselves yet higher, with a 
more ardent affection, in pursuit of that same, 
we ascended by several steps, through all cor- 
poreal things, and through that Heaven itself, 
from whence the Sun, Moon, and Stars illumi- 
nate the earth. And we went up still higher 
and higher, in our interior, thinking and speak- 
ing of thee, and admiring thy works ; and we 
entered into our own minds, and passed them 
by mounting still higher up, that so we might 
reach that country of never-failing plenty ; 
where thou feedest Israel for ever with the 
food of truth, and where the life is that Wis- 
dom, by which all these things are made, and 
all things that have been, and all that shall be : 
but itself is not made, but so is, as it was, and 
so always will be ; or rather, was and will be, 
agree not to it, but only is, because it is eter- 
nal ; for* to have been heretofore, or hereafter 
to be, is not eternal. And whilst we were 
speaking and panting after it, behold we just 
touched it a little with one whole spring, and 
beat of the heart ; and we sighed, and we left 
the first fruits of the spirit fastened there, and 
so returned to the sound of our mouth, where 
our word hath its beginning and its ending. 
And what is there in this word of ours like to 
thy word, our Lord, which ever remains in 



Chap. 10. confessions. 293 

itself without becoming old, and which renew- 
eth all things 1 

3. And we said to one another : if any soul 
were to be still, and in perfect silence from all 
tumult and noise of the flesh, and from all im- 
pressions or images of the earth, water, or air ; 
if the Heavens also were silent to her, and the 
soul were silent to herself, and should pass be- 
yond herself, by having no thought of herself; 
and if dreams and all imaginary revelations 
were silent, and every tongue, and every sign, 
and whatever hath its being by passing away, 
were also absolutely silent : because if any one 
will hearken to them, they all say we did not 
make ourselves, but he made us who remain- 
eth for ever : if, I say, after having said this, 
they should all be silent, having directed our 
ears to him that made them, and so he should 
speak alone, not by them, but by himself ; that 
we might hear his word, not by the tongue of 
the flesh, nor by the voice of an Angel, nor by 
the sound of a cloud, nor by the obscurity of a 
similitude, but that we should hear his own 
self without any of these things, his own self, 
whom we love in all these things ; as just now 
for a start, we had stretched out ourselves, and^, 
with a swift thought, had touched upon that 
eternal wisdom, which is, above all things, per- 
manent for ever : if such a thing, I say, were 
to be continued to us, and all other sights, of 
a far inferior kind, were to be withdrawn ; and 
this one were totally to ravish, and swallow 
up t and engulph the beholder into its interior 
25* 



294 st. Augustus's Book IX. 

joys, so that our life for ever should be such as 
that moment of intelligence was, for which we 
had sighed, whether this would not be what is 
written, St. Matt. 25, enter into the joy of thy 
Lord. And when this ? Shall it be when we 
shall all rise again, bat shall not all be chang- 
ed? 1. Cor. 13. 

4. Such things as these we spoke ; and if 
not altogether in this manner, nor in these 
words, yet thou knowest, O Lord, that upon 
that day we discoursed upon such things ; and 
whilst, amidst our talk, this world, with all its 
delights, appeared contemptible to us ; she said 
to me, u son, for my part, there is nothing now 
in this life that gives me any delight. What I 
have to do here any longer or why I am here 
I know not, all my hopes of this world being 
now at an end. One thing there was for which 
I did desire to stay a little longer in this life, 
which was that I might see thee a Christian 
Catholic before I died. And my God hath 
granted me this more abundantly, in that I see 
thee now despising all earthly felicity, entirely 
devoted to his service. What have I now to 
do here ? " 



CHAPTER XI. 

HER SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

1. To this what answer I made her, I don't 
well remember. But scarce live days or not 
many more had passed after this, before she 
fell into a fever : and one day being very sick 



Chap. 11. confessions. 295 

she swooned away, and was for a little while 
insensible: We ran in, but she soon came to 
herself again, and looking upon me and my 
brother [Navigius] that were standing by her, 
said to us like one inquiring, where have 1 
been ? then beholding us struck with grief, she 
said, here you shall bury your mother. I held 
my peace, and refrained weeping ; but my 
brother said something by which he signified 
his wish, as of a thing more happy, that she 
might not die abroad, but in her own country. 
Which she hearing, with a concern in her 
countenance, and checking him with her eyes, 
that he should have such notions, then looking 
upon me, said, .Do you hear what he says? then 
to us both, lay this body any where ; be not con- 
cerned about that ; only this I beg of you, that 
wheresoever you be, you make remembrance of 
me at the Lord^s Altar. And when she had 
expressed to us this her mind with such words 
as she could, she said no more ; but lay strug- 
gling with her disease that grew stronger upon 
her. 

2. But I considering thy gifts, my invisi- 
ble God, which thou sowest in the hearts of 
thy faithful, and which bring forth admirable 
fruits, was glad, and gave thanks to thee, call- 
ing to mind what I had formerly known, how 
much concern she had always had about the 
monument which she had provided and prepa- 
red for herself near the body of her husband. 
For because they had lived together in great 
concord, she desired also (as the mind of man 



296 st. augustin's Book IX. 

is less capable of things divine) that this might 
be added to their former happiness, and might 
be commemorated by men, that it was granted 
her after her crossing the seas and living so 
long abroad, to have the same earth to covei 
the earth of her husband and her. And ai 
what time that vanity by the fulness of thy 
goodness had ceased to be in her heart, I know 
not ; but I admired and rejoiced at this change 
that she had now discovered to me. Although 
by that discourse we had before at the win- 
dow, when she said, what have I to do here any 
longer ? she did not seem to desire to die in her 
own country. And I heard afterwards, that 
when we were now at Ostia, she had one day 
been discoursing with some of my friends with 
the confidence of a mother, concerning the 
Contempt of this life, and the Good there was in 
death, at a time when I was absent : and that 
they admiring the virtue and courage of the 
woman, which thou hadst given her, asked 
her if she was not afraid to leave her body so 
far off her own city ? To which she answered, 
Nothing is far off from God : Neither do I need 
to fear that he should not know in the end of 
the world, whence he should raise me again 
Therefore in the ninth day of her illness, the 
56th year of her age and the 33d of mine, that 
religious and pious soul was loosed from the 
body 



Chap. 12. confessions. 297 



CHAPTER XII. 
ST. augustin's inward grief at the death of his 

MOTHER, THOUGH OUTWARDLY REFRAINING FROM 
TEARS, TO WHICH AFTER HER BURIAL HE GIVETH 
SOME WAY. 

1. I closed her eyes, and a very great grief 
came flowing in upon my heart, and thence 
began to flow out into tears ; but my eyes by 
the forcible command of my son drank them 
up again, even unto dryness ; and in this 
inward conflict I suffered much. As soon as 
she had breathed out her last gasp, the boy 
Adeodatus broke out into a loud lamentation, 
but being checked by us all he held his peace. 
In the same manner also something of the 
child in me which was tending towards weep- 
inp, was checked and silenced by the manly 
voice of my heart. For we did not esteem it 
decent to celebrate that funeral with lamenta- 
tions and groans, because these for the most 
part are used by way of bewailing the misery 
of those that die, or as it were their total 
extinction. But as for her part, she neither 
died miserably, nor did she die at all as to her 
soul : this we were assured of from the purity 
of her manners, and the sincerity of her faith, 
and most certain arguments. 

2. What was it then that gave me so much 
pain within, but a fresh wound received from 
the sudden breaking off the custom of our con- 
versation together, which was very sweet and 
very dear to me. It was a pleasure to me 



298 st. augustin's Book IX. 

indeed, that in that same last sickness of her's, 
kindly taking notice of my services then per- 
formed towards her, she called me a dutiful 
son, and related with much tenderness of 
affection, that she had never once heard from 
my mouth any harsh or reproachful word 
towards her. But alas ! O my God, who 
madest us, what comparison could there be 
between the honour 1 showed her, and the 
services she did to me ? As then I was now 
left destitute of that great comfort 1 had in her, 
my soul was wounded and my life as it were 
rent in two which had been in a manner but 
one, made up of mine and her's. 

3. The boy therefore being restrained from 
crying, Evoidius took up the psalter, and began 
to sing the 110th psalm, Mercy and Judgment, 
I will sing to thee, O Lord: and all of us that 
were in the house answered him. And many 
brethren and religious women hearing what 
was doing came to us. And whilst they, 
whose office it was, were after the usual man- 
ner taking care for the funeral, 1 going aside 
where I conveniently might discourse with 
those who thought it not proper to leave me 
then alone, upon such subjects as were suita- 
ble to that occasion. And with this fomenta- 
tion of truth mitigated my pain well known to 
thee ; though they that were there knew 
nothing of it, and heard me with attention, 
thinking me to be without any feeling of sor- 
row. But I in thy ears, O Lord, where none 
of them could hear me, was chiding at the 



Chap. 12. confessions. 299 

softness of my affection, and restraining the 
flood of my grief. And sometimes it yielded 
to me for a little, and then again with violence 
it rushed upon me ; not so far as to discover 
itself by the bursting out into tears, not yet so 
far as to appear in the change of my counte- 
nance, but I well knew what I kept close in 
my heart. And because it displeased me ex- 
tremely that these human things should have 
such power upon me, which in due order, and 
by the lot of our condition must needs fall out ; 
I grieved for this my grief with another grief, 
and so was afflicted with a double sorrow. 

4. And now behold the body is carried out 
to be buried ; and I both go and return with- 
out tears. Neither in those prayers, which 
we poured forth to thee, when the sacrifice 
of our ransom was offered to thee for her, the 
body being set down by the grave, before the 
interment of it, as custom is there, neither in 
those prayers, I say, did I shed any tears ; but 
all the whole day was in secret grievously 
sad, and with a troubled spirit begged of thee, 
as well as I could, that thou wouldst heal my 
sorrow, and thou didst not do it ; I believe, 
because thou wouldst have me ever remem- 
ber by this one experiment, how strong is the 
bond of any custom, even again a mind, which 
now is not fed with any deceitful word. It 
seemed also good to me to go and bathe my- 
self, having heard that a bagnio was called 
Balaneion by the Greeks, from its driving away 
anxiety from the soul. Behold I confess this 



300 st. augustin's Book DC 

also to thy mercy, Father of Orphans, that 
I bathed myself, and was the same as before, 
for I could not thereby sweat out of my heart 
the bitterness of my grief. 

5. After this I slept and awaked, and found 
my sorrow now not a little mitigated. And 
when I was alone in bed, I called to mdnd 
those most true verses of thy servant Ambrose # 
for thou art, 

* God, the World's great Architect, 
Who dost Heaven's rolling Orbs direct, 
Clothing the Day with beauteous Light, 
And with sweet slumber's silent Night : 
When wearied Limbs new vigour gain, 
From rest new labours to sustain : 
When hearts oppress'd do meet relief, 
And anxious minds forget their grief." 

And then by little and little I brought back 
into my mind thy hand-maid, and her conver- 
sation so pious and holy towards thee, so kind 
and obseqious towards us, of which I was so 
suddenly deprived ; and I had a mind to weep 
in thy presence concerning her, and for her, 
concerning myself, and for myself. And I let 
go my tears, which I had kept in before, that 
they might flow as much as they pleased, ma- 
king a bed as it were of them for my heart, 
and I rested upon them, because there were 
thy ears only, and not of any man, who might 
perhaps proudly misconstrue my weeping. 

6. And now, O Lord, I confess all this to 
thee in writing ; let who will read it, and inter- 
pret it as he will. And if any one shall find it 



Chap. 13. concessions. 301 

to have beer) a sin, that I thus wept for my 
mother, some small part of an hour ; for my 
mother so lately dead from my eyes, who for 
so many years had wept for me, that I might 
live to thy eyes ; let him not deride me for it, 
but rather, if his charity be great, let him 
weep also for my sins to thee, the common 
Father of all the brethren of thy Christ. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

HE PRAYS FOR HIS DECEASED MOTHER, AND FOR HIS 
FATHER PATRICIUS. 

1. And now my heart being healed of that 
wound, in which a carnal affection might have 
some share, I pour out to thee, our God, in 
behalf of that servant of thine, a far different 
sort of tears, flowing from a spirit, frighted with 
the consideration of the perils of every soul 
that dies in Adam. For although she, being 
revived in Christ, even before her being set 
loose from the flesh, and lived in such manner, 
as that thy name is much praised in her faith 
and manners : yet I dare not say that from the 
time that thou didst regenerate her by baptism, 
no word came out of her mouth against thy 
command. And it is said by the truth of thy 
Son, St. Matt. 5. If any one shall say to his 
br other ^ thou fool, he shall be guilty of hell fire. 
And woe even to the laudable life of men, if 
thou examinest it, setting aside thy mercy. 
But because thou dost not so vehemently seek 
after our sins, we hope with confidence to find 

26 



302 st. augustin's Book IX. 

some room for pardon with thee. And who- 
soever he be that can reckon up to thee his 
true merits, what else does he reckon up but 
thy gifts? ! that men would but know 
themselves ; and that he that glorieth would 
glory in the Lord, 1 Cor. 10. 

2. I therefore, my praise and my life, the 
God of my heart, setting for a while aside her 
good deeds, for which with joy I give thee 
thanks, entreat thee at present for the sins of 
my mother ; hear me, I beseech thee, through 
that Cure of our Wounds, that hung upon the 
Tree, and that sitting now at thy right hand 
maketh intercession to thee for us. I know 
that she did mercifully, and from her heart, 
forgive to her debtors their trespasses ; do thou 
likewise forgive her her debts, if she hath alsc 
contracted some in those many years she lived 
after the saving water. Forgive them, O 
Lord, forgive them, I beseech thee, enter not 
with her into judgment. Psalm 143, but let thy 
mercy exalt itself above thy judgment, St. James 
2. Because thy words are true, and thou hast 
promised mercy to the merciful ; and by thy 
gift it was that they were such, who wilt have 
mercy on whom thou wilt have mercy ; and wilt 
show mercy to whom thou art pleased to show 
mercy, Rom. 9. And I believe thou hast 
already done what I ask, but these free offer- 
ings of my mouth approve, O Lord. 

3. For she, when the day of her dissolution 
was at hand, had no thought for the sumptu- 
ous covering of her body, or the embalming of 



Chap. 13. confessions. 303 

it, nor had she any desire of a fine monument, 
nor was solicitous about her sepulchre in her 
own country : none of these things did she 
recommend to us ; but only desired that we 
should make a remembrance of her at thy 
altar, at which she had constantly attended 
without one day's intermission ; from whence 
she knew was dispensed that Holy Victim by 
which was cancelled that hand-writing which 
was against us, Colos. 2, by which that enemy 
was triumphed over, who rcckoneth up our 
sins, and seeketh what he may lay to our 
charge, but findeth nothing in him through 
whom we conquer. Who shall refund to him 
that innocent blood he shed for us ? Who 
shall repay him the price with which he bought 
us, that so he may take us away from him ? 
To the sacrament of which price of our re- 
demption thy handrmaid bound fast her soul 
by the bond of faith. 

4. Let no one separate her from thy protec- 
tion. Let not the Lion and the Dragon either 
by fosce or fraud interpose himself. Because 
she will not plead that she owes nothing, lest 
so she should be convicted arid seized upon by 
that crafty accuser ; but she will plead that 
her debts have been 'discharged by him, to 
whom no one can repay what he who owed 
nothing for himself laid down for us. Let her 
therefore rest in peace, together with her hus- 
band, before whom and after whom she was 
known to no man ; whom she dutifully served, 
bringing forth fruit to thee, in much patience, 



304 st. Augustus's Book IX. 

that she might also gain him to thee. And do 
thou inspire, Lord my God, do thou inspire 
thy servants, my brethren, thy children, my 
masters, whom I serve with my voice, and my 
heart and my writings, that as many as shall 
read this may remember at thy altar thy hand- 
maid Monica with Patricius formerly her hus- 
band, by whose flesh thou broughtest me into 
this life, after what manner I know not. Let 
them remember with a pious affection these 
who were my parents in this transitory life, 
my brethren under thee our Father in our 
Catholic mother, and my fellow-citizens in the 
eternal Jerusalem, for which the pilgrimage 
of thy people here below continually sigheth 
from their setting out till their return. That 
so what my mother made her last request to 
me, may be more plentifully performed for her 
by the prayars of many, procured by these my 
confessions and by my prayers. 



ST. AUGUSTIN'S 

CONFESSIONS, 



BOOK X. 

CHAPTER I. 

HE PRAYS THAT HE MAY KNOW GOD. 

Let me know thee, O Lord, who knowest 
me ; let me know thee, as also I am known by 
thee. thou virtue of my soul, enter into it, 
and make it fit for thee, that thou mayest have 
it and possess it without spot or wrinkle. This 
is my hope, and therefore do I speak, and in 
this hope I rejoice when I rejoice as I should 
do. But the other things of this life are so 
much the less to be bewailed, by how much 
the more they are bewailed ; and by so much 
the more to be bewailed, by how much men 
bewail them less. For behold thou hast loved 
truth, Psalm 50. And he that doth the truth 
cometh to the light, St. John 3. I desire to do 
the truth in this my confession, both in my 
heart, in thy presence, and in my stile before 
many witnesses. 

26* 



306 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER II. 

THE END AND FRUIT OF HIS CONFESSING THE REMAIN- 
ING INFIRMITIES OF HIS PRESENT CONDITION TO 
GOD THAT KNOWS THEM. 

1. And as to thee, O Lord, before whose 
eyes the bottomless depth of man's conscience 
lies naked, what could there be concealed in 
me, if I had no mind to confess to thee ? For 
I should only hide thee from me, and not me 
from thee. Bat now when my groans bear 
witness, that I am displeased with myself, thou 
shinest out more bright and pleasant, and art 
loved and desired; that so I may be ashamed 
of myself and may throw away myself, and 
may make choice of thee ; and neither pretend 
to please thee or myself, otherwise than in 
thee. 

2. To thee, therefore, Lord, I am mani- 
fest, whatever I am ; and what fruit there is in 
confessing to thee, I have already showed. 
Neither is this done by the w r ords of the flesh 
and outward sounds, but by the words of the 
soul, and the loud cry of the thought which is 
known to thy ear. For where I am evil, to 
confess to thee is nothing else but to be dis- 
pleased with myself; and where I am good, to 
confess to thee is nothing else than not to attri- 
bute this to myself; for thou, O Lord, dost 
bless the just man, Psalm 4, but first, thou justi- 
fiest him when wicked, Rom. 4. My confess ion 
therefore, O my God, in thy sight is made to 
thee in silence, and yet is not silent. 'Tis 



Chap. 3. confessions. 307 

made in silence, with regard to the sound of 
the voice, but is not silent with regard to the 
affection of the heart. For neither do I speak 
any thing that is right to men, which thou dost 
not first hear from me, nor dost thou hear any- 
such thing from me, which thou dost not first 
speak to me. 



CHAPTER III. 

HE ENQUIRES INTO THE END AND FRUITS OF HIS 
MAKING KNOWN TO MEN IN THIS PUBLIC MANNER 
THE INFIRMITIES OF HIS PRESENT CONDITION. 

1. But then what have I to do with men, 
that they should hear these my confessions v as 
if they were to heal all my infirmities ? #% 
race curious to know the lives of others, but 
careless to amend their own. Alas ! why do 
they seek to hear from thee what a one [ 
am, who will not hear from thee what they are 
themselves ? and how do they know when 
they hear from me concerning myself, whether 
I tell them the truth, seeing no man knows 
what passes in man, but the spirit of man which 
is in him, 1 Cor. 2. But when they hear from 
thee concerning themselves, they cannot say 
the Lord lieth. For what is it to hear from 
thee concerning themselves, but to know 
themselves ? And who can know the truth 
concerning himself, and say, 'tis false, unless 
he lie unto himself? But because charity 
believeth all things, 1 Cor. 13, viz. amongst 
those whom it unites together by a mutua] 



308 st. augustin's Book X. 

bond ; therefore I confess to thee in such man- 
ner as that men also may hear me, to whom I 
cannot demonstrate that I confess the truth, 
but they believe me nevertheless whose ears 
charity opens to me. 

2. But thou that art my most interior Phy- 
sician, be pleased to discover to me what fruit 
there is in this confession of my present condi- 
tion. For as to the confessions of my past 
evils, which thou hast remitted and covered 
that thou mightest make me happy in thee, 
Psalm 31, changing my soul by faith' and thy 
sacrament ; when they are read or heard they 
excite the heart, that it may not sleep on in 
despair, and say, I cannot ; but that it may 
awake in the love of thy mercy, and the sweet- 
ness of thy grace, by which he that is weak 
becomes strong, who by it is made conscious 
to himself of his own weakness. And good 
men are delighted when they hear the past 
evils of those who are now delivered from 
them ; not that they take delight in the evils, 
but only because these evils have been and 
now are not. 

3. But with what fruit, O Lord, my God, to 
whom my conscience maketh confession daily, 
much more secure in the hope of thy mercy 
than in its own innocence, with what fruit, I 
beg of thee, do I now in these my writings 
confess also to men in thy presence, not what 
I have been in times past, but what a one I 
am at present ? For the fruit of confessing my 
past evils, 1 have seen and related. But what 



Chap. 4. confessions. 309 

a one I am now, &t this very time of writing 
my confessions, many desire to know, both of 
those that have known me, and of those that 
have not known me, yet have heard something 
from me, or of me : but their ear is not near 
my heart, where I am whatever I am : and 
therefore they desire to hear me confessing to 
them what I am within, where neither their 
eye, nor their ear, nor their mind can pene- 
trate. And this they desire, as being they 
cannot know. For that charity, by which 
ready to believe me, in those things which 
they are good themselves, persuades them that 
I don't lie in these things I confess of my- 
self, and it is this charity in them gives credit 
to me. 



CHAPTER IV. 

HE DECLARES THE END AND FRUIT WHICH HE PRO- 
POSES TO HIMSELF IN THIS CONFESSION. 

1. But what fruit do they propose in desi- 
ring this ? Is it because they would congratu- 
late with me, when they shall hear how far I 
advance towards thee by thy gift ; and again 
pray for me, when they shall hear how much 
I am still retarded by my own weight ? Tc 
such as are thus affected, I will freely lay my- 
self open. For this is no small fruit, O Lord, 
my God, that many should return thee thanks 
for us, and that many should pray to thee for 
us. Let such a brotherly mind love in me, 
whatever thou teachest ought to be loved, and 



310 st. augustin's Book X. 

again bewail in me whatever thou teachest 
ought to be bewailed. Let that brotherly 
mind do this ; not that of the foreigner, of 
strange children, whose mouth has spoken vanity, 
and whose right hand is the right hand of ini- 
quity, Psalm 143, but that of the brother, 
which where it approves me, rejoices for me, 
and where it dislikes me, is sorry for me, 
because in both cases it loves me. To such I 
will freely discover myself; let them take 
pleasure in my good things, let them sigh in 
my evils. My good things are thy institutions 
and thy gifts ; my evil things are my faults, 
and thy judgments. Let them take pleasure 
in those, and sigh at these ; and let both hymns 
and lamentations ascend up before thy sight 
from their brotherly hearts thy censers. And 
thou, Lord, being delighted with this sweet 
odour of thy holy temple, have mercy on me 
according to thy great mercy, Psalm 50, for 
thy name's sake ; and forsake not what thou 
hast begun, but perfect what is as yet imper- 
fect in me. This is the fruit of my confes- 
sions, not of my past, but present condition ; 
not only to confess this before thee, with a 
secret joy accompanied with fear, and a secret 
grief with hope ; but also in the ears of the 
believing sons of men, the companions ©f my 
joy, and co-partners of my mortality, my fel- 
low-citizens, and my fellow pilgrims travel- 
ling before me, or behind me, or with me in 
this life. 

2. These are thy servants my brethren, 



Chap. 5. confessions. 311 

whom th >u wouldst have to be thy children : 
my masters, whom thou hast commanded me 
to serve, if I would live with thee. And it 
was not enough, that thy word should com- 
mand me this by speaking to me, had it not 
also gone before me by doing it itself. And 
this is what I now endeavour, both by words 
and actions. I endeavour this under thy wings 
with exceeding great danger to myself, were it 
not under thy wings. My soul is subject to 
thee, and my weakness is known to thee. I 
am a little one, but my Father now and always 
liveth, and I have a very sufficient governor ; 
for the same that is my father is my governor, 
and this is thyself who art all good things to 
me. Thyself, the Almighty, who art with 
me, and that before I was with thee. I will 
declare then to such as these, whom thou com- 
mandest me to serve, not what I have been, 
but what I now am, and what only as yet I 
am. Yet I don't hereby pretend perfectly to 
judge and discern myself, nor would I have 
them that hear me take me so. 



CHAPTER V. 

HE ACKNOWLEDGETH HIMSELF UNABLE TO SEE OE 
CONFESS ALL THAT IS IN HIMSELF. 

1. But thou, O Lord, art he that judgeth 
me. For although no man knoweth the things 
that are in man but the spirit of man which is 
in him, 1 Cor. 2, yet there is something in 
man, which even the spirit of man that is in 



312 st. augustin's Book X 

him does not know. But thou, Lord, that 
hast made him knowest all things that are in 
him. But I, though I despise myself in thy 
presence, and esteem myself as dirt and ashes, 
yet know something concerning thee, which I 
know not concerning myself; and yet at pre- 
sent we only see through a glass in a dark man* 
tier, not face to face, 1 Cor. 13. And therefore 
as long as I sojourn here so far from thee, I am 
more present to myself than to thee ; yet I 
know concerning thee, that thou canst in no 
manner be violated, or receive any hurt ; but 
as for myself, what temptations I am able to 
withstand, and what not, I don't know. But 
my hope is, that thou art faithful, who will not 
suffer us to be tempted above our strength, but 
with the temptation will also make a way to 
escape, that we may sustain it, 1 Cor. 10. 
Let me confess then what I know of myself, 
and let me confess what it is that as yet I don't 
know of myself. Because what I know of 
myself, I know by thy light ; and what 1 know 
not, I shall so long be ignorant of, till my dark- 
ness be made as the noon-day from thy coun- 
tenance. 



CHAPTER VI. 

HE KNOWS HE LOVETH GOD ; AND PROCEEDS TO EXAM- 
INE WHAT IT IS HE LOVETH, WHEN HE SAITH HE 
LOVETH GOD. 

1. Not with, a doubting but with a certain 
conscience, O Lord, I love thee. — Thou hast 
wounded my heart with thy word, and I fell in 



Chap. 6. confessions. 313 

love with thee. Moreover, both Heaven and 
Earth, and all things that are in them, behold, 
on every side cry out unto me, that I should 
love thee, nor do they cease to say the same 
to all, that they may be without excuse. But 
yet in a higher way, thou wilt have mercy 
on whom thou wilt have mercy ; and will 
show mercy to whom thou wilt show mercy, 
Rom. 9. Otherwise both Heaven and Earth 
will speak thy praises to the deaf. 

2. But what then is it that I love, when I 
love thee ? Neither the beauty of the body, 
nor the graceful order of time, nor the bright- 
ness of light so agreeable to these eyes, nor 
the sweet melody of all sorts of music, nor the 
fragrant scents of flowers, oils, or spices, nor 
the sweet taste of manna or honey, nor fair 
limbs alluring to carnal embraces. None of 
these things do I love, when I love my God. 
And yet I love a certain light, and a certain 
voice, and a certain fragrancy, and a certain 
food, and a certain embrace, when I love my 
God, the light, the voice, the fragrancy, the 
food, and the embrace of my inward man ; 
where that shines to my soul, which no place 
can contain ; and where that sounds which no 
time can measure ; and where that smells, 
which no blast can disperse ; and where that 
relishes, which no eating can diminish ; and 
where that is embraced, which no satiety can 
separate. This it is that I love, when I love 
my God. 

3. And what is this ? I asked the Earth, 

27 



314 st. augustin's Book X. 

and it said, His not I. And all things therein 
confessed the same. I asked the Sea and the 
deeps and the living things thereof; and they 
answered, we are not thy God, seek higher 
above us. I asked the fleeting air above ; and 
the whole region of it with its inhabitants 
cried out, Anaximens is mistaken, I am not 
God. I asked the Heavens, the Sun, the 
Moon, and the Stars ; neither are we, said 
they, the God whom thou seekest. And I 
said to all these things, which stand around 
the doors of my flesh, you have told me con- 
cerning my God, that you are not he, give me 
at least some tidings of him. And they all 
cried out with a loud voice, it is he that made 
us. My asking was my considering them, and 
their answering was the beauty I discovered 
in them. And I turned my eyes upon myself, 
and I said to myself, and what art thou ! And 
I answered, a man. And behold in this man 
are presented to my consideration the body 
and the soul, the one exterior and the other 
interior. Now which of these it is by which 
(or in which) I ought to seek my God ? w r horr 
I had already sought for by the body from the 
earth even to the Heavens as far as I could 
send my messengers the rays of my eyes. But 
certainly that is the better which is the more 
interior. For to this it was that those corpo- 
real messengers (the senses) brought back 
their intelligence ; to this presiding in me and 
judging of all those answers of Heaven and 
Earth and all tnings in them, when they said } 



Chap. 6. confessions. 315 

we are not GW, but he made us. It was the 
interior man that knew these things by the 
ministry of the exterior. It was I within that 
understood these things ; I the soul by the 
senses of my body. 

4. I asked the whole world concerning my 
God, and it answered me, I am not he, but he 
made me. Doth not the world appear the 
same to all those whose senses are sound? 
Why then doth it not speak the same to all ? 
Living creatures great and small see it: but 
they can ask it no questions, for there is not in 
them reason presiding, as judge of the disco- 
veries of the senses. But men can ask these 
questions, that they may behold the invisible 
things of God, understanding them by the 
things that have been made by him, Rom. 1. 
But they are apt to be subject to them by love, 
and being subject to them cannot judge them ; 
and they make not these answers but to the 
questions of those that judge them ; neither do 
they change their voice, that is their figure, 
when one man sees them only, another both 
sees and put questions to them ; so as to appear 
in one manner to one, and in another manner 
to the other ; but appearing to both in the same 
manner they are dumb to one and speak to 
the other : or rather, they speak to all ; but 
only those understand them who compare the 
voice which is received from without, with 
the truth within. For it is the truth that tells 
me, neither Heaven or Earth is thy God, nor 
any body. And the nature of these things 



316 st. augustin's Book X. 

telleth this to him that seeth them ; for every 
bulk or body is less in the part than in the 
whole. Therefore thou art better, I speak to 
thee, my soul, than any body, for thou anima- 
test the body, giving it life, which one body 
cannot give to another. But thy God is still 
the life of thy life. 



CHAPTER VII. 

HE PROCEEDS IN HIS SEARCH AFTER GOD, WHO IS NOT 
TO BE FOUND EITHER BY THE VEGETATIVE OR SEN- 
SITIVE FACULTY OF THE SOUL. 

1. What is it then that I love when I 
love my God ? Who is this that is above 
the head of my soul ? By this very soul of 
mine I will ascend up to him. I will pass 
by that power by which 1 adhere to this body, 
and give life and motion to the whole fabric 
thereof. For 'tis not by this power I can find 
my God. Else a horse and a mule which 
have no understanding, Psalm 31, would also 
find him, for in them there is the same power, 
by which their bodies also live. 

2. There is another power in me which giv- 
eth not life alone, but sense to my flesh, which 
the Lord hath framed for me ; who hath order- 
ed that the eye should not hear, and that the 
ear should not see ; but that I should see by 
the eye, and hear with the ear; and in like 
manner hath assigned to the rest of the senses 
<vhat is proper to each of them, in their seve- 
ral places and offices ; which however diverse, 



Chap. 8. confessions 317 

I being but one soul, act by them. I will pass 
by this power also, for the horse and mule 
have the same, which likewise are sensitive as 
well as I. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

HE PASSES ON TO CONSIDER THE FACULTY OF THE 
MEMORY, THE MANY WONDERS OF WHICH, TO THE 
GLORY OF ITS MAKER, HE ENLARGES UPON IN THIS 
AND THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS. 

1. I will pass over then this faculty also of 
my nature, and I ascend higher, as it were by 
steps, till I find him that made me. And 
behold I come next into the spacious fields and 
vast palaces of my memory ; where are trea- 
sured up numberless forms and images, con- 
veyed in thither from such things as have been 
perceived by the senses ; there also are repo- 
sited whatever thoughts we have formed, 
either by augmenting in our fancy, or diminish- 
ing, or any other way varying the things which 
our senses have discovered ; and whatever 
other things have entered thither, which have 
not as yet been swallowod up and buried by 
oblivion. When I am here, I call for what- 
soever I have a mind should be brought out; 
and some things appear as soon as they are 
called for ; others are sought a longer time be- 
fore they are found, and are fetched out as it 
were from some more secret repositories ; oth- 
ers again thrust themselves out in crowds, and 
whilst I am calling for and seeking another 
27* 



318 st. augustin's Book X. 

thing, will start up as if they said, is it not 
tis you want ? And I put them by with the 
hand of my heart from before the face of my 
remembrance, until the thing that I desire be 
unclouded, and come forth in my sight from its 
dark and hidden cell. Other things are pre- 
sented, as they are called for, easily and in 
regular order, so that what goes before still 
gives place to what follows, and having given 
place is laid up again to be forth-coming ano- 
ther time when I shall have a mind. All 
which is done when I relate any thing by 
heart. 

2. There all things are kept distinctly, and by 
their several kinds, which have been brought 
in by their several avenues ; as light and all 
colours and forms of bodies, which have come 
in by the eyes ; and all kinds of sounds through 
the ears, and all smells through the passage of 
the nostrils ; and all tastes by the door of the 
mouth ; and by the sense of feeling spread 
through the whole body, what is hard, what is 
soft, what is hot or cold, smooth or rough, 
heavy or light, either within or without the 
body. All these things are taken into the vast 
storehouse of the memory, and I know not 
what secret and inexplicable folds thereof, to 
be brought forth and reviewed, as there shall 
be occasion ; and all of them come in by their 
respective gates, and are laid up in the memo- 
ry. Not that the things themselves enter 
there, but their images are there ready at hand 
to our thought when it remembers them. 



Chap 8. confessions. 319 

3. Which images in what manner they are 
formed who can tell, tho' it is plain enough by 
which of the senses they have been received 
and brought in ? For when I am both in dark- 
ness and in silence, I represent colours in my 
memory, when I please, and distinguish be- 
tween white and black, and what others I 
please ; neither do sounds come in and disturb 
what I am considering on, which has been 
taken in by the eyes ; though they also be 
there all this while, and lie still in their proper 
repository : for I call for them also, if I please, 
and they come forth immediately. And though 
the tongue be quiet, and the throat silent, I 
sing there as much as I will ; and those images 
of colours which are nevertheless there, don't 
intrude themselves nor interrupt me when I 
am surveying that other store which came in 
by the ears. Thus also the other things which 
have been brought in and stored up together 
by the other senses, I recall to mind as I 
please ; and I distinguish the smell of lilies 
from that of violets, when I am smelling 
nothing ; and prefer honey to new wine, and 
smooth to rough, not by tasting or touching 
either at that time, but by remembering only. 
All this I transact within the great hall of my 
memory. 

4. There Heaven, Earth, and Sea are pre- 
sented to me, with all things in them which 
my senses have ever perceived, such only 
excepted as I have forgotten. There I also 
ireet with myself, and take a review of myselfj 



320 st. augustin's Book X. 

what I have done, when, and where, and how 
I was effected when I did it. There are all 
things formerly experienced by me, or believed 
upon the relation of others, so far as I remem- 
ber them. From the same store I form also to 
myself, and add to those that are past, more 
and more things like to such as Ji have expe- 
rienced ; or believed from what I had expe- 
rienced ; and from these again I represent 
future actions, or events, or hopes ; and medi- 
tate on them as if they were present. I will 
do this or that say I, within this vast bosom of 
my mind, full of the images of so many and so 
great things. And the consequence of so doing 
will be this or that. Oh I if such or such a thing 
might he ! And God forbid that this or that 
should happen. Such things I say with my- 
self; and when I say so, the images of all these 
are before me, out of the same treasury of my 
memory : neither should I say any of these 
things at all, if they were wanting. 

5. Great is this power of the memory, ex- 
ceeding great, O my God, an inward room, 
spacious and boundless : who can sound the 
bottom of it ? And this is a power of my soul, 
and belongs to my nature ; and I myself am 
not able to comprehend all that I myself am. 
The soul then is too narrow to contain itself, 
so that where it is, what it is it cannot com- 
prehend. Is it then out of itself? Or is it not 
in itself? How then does it not contain or 
comprehend itself? 

6. This is to me a subject of great wonder. 



Chap. 9. confessions. 321 

I stand astonish sd at it. And men go a great 
way to see and admire the heights of moun- 
tains, and the vast billows of the sea, and the 
courses of great rivers, and the compass of the 
ocean, and the motions of the heavenly bodies ? 
and leave themselves, and wonder not at them- 
selves. Now when I named all these things 
I saw them not with my eyes ; yet I should 
not have named them, if I had not then both 
mountains, and waves, and rivers, and stars 
which I have seen, and the ocean which I have 
heard of, represented in my memory, and that 
with their proper bulk and extension, as if I 
had seen them abroad. And yet when I saw 
them with my eyes, I did not draw in any of 
them, nor are they within me, but their images. 
And I know by which of the senses of the 
body I received their several impressions. 



CHAPTER IX. 

THE MEMORY OF THE RULES OF ARTS AND SCIENCES. 

1. But these are not the only things which 
are lodged in this immense capacity of the 
memory. For here also are all those precepts 
of the liberal arts, which are not as yet forgot- 
ten, removed as it were into a more inward 
place, though indeed there is no place. And 
as for these, I carry about with me not the 
images of them, but the things themselves 
For what learning is, what the skill of dispu- 
ting, how many kinds of questions there are ; 
whatever I know of these things, is in such 



322 st. augustin's Book X. 

manner in tHe memory, as that I have not kept 
only the image, and left the thing without me ; 
or that like a voice it has sounded and then 
passed away, leaving behind it an impression 
made by the ears, by which it may be repre- 
sented again as if it was sounding, when it is 
not sounding ; or like a scent, which, whilst it 
passes and is dispersed in the air, affects the 
smell so as to convey into the memory its 
image, which by remembering, we may again 
call before us ; or like meat which hath now 
no taste in the stomach, and yet still is, as it 
were, tasted in the memory ; or as something 
which by the touch or feeling of the body is 
perceived, which w T hen it is at a distance is 
still imagined as represented by the memory ; 
for these things themselves are not let into the 
memory, but their images only are taken in 
with a wonderful celerity ; and are there laid 
up, as it were, in wonderful cells, and no less 
wonderfully are fetched out again by the re- 
membrance. 



CHAPTER X. 

HOW SUCH THINGS ARE IN THE MEMORY AS DID NOT 
ENTER BY ANY OF THE SENSES. 

1. But when I hear that there are three 
kinds of questions whether a thing be or no ? 
and of what quality it is ? I have indeed within 
me the images of those sounds, by which these 
words were formed, and I know that the 
sounds themselves passed through the air with 



Chap 10. confessions. 323 

a noise, and are now no more ; but as for the 
things themselves which are signified by those 
sounds, 1 did not meet with them by any of 
the senses of my body, nor ever saw them but 
in my own mind ; and I laid up in my memory 
not their images but themselves. Which, how, 
or whence they came in to me, let them tell 
that can. For if I go through all the gates of 
my flesh, I cannot find by which of them they 
entered in. 

2. For the eyes say, if they be clad with 
any colour, we have discovered them ; and the 
ears say, if they made any noise or sound, we 
gave tidings of them: the nostrils say, if they 
had any smell, they passed through us: and 
the sense of the taste says, if they had any 
savour, ask me no questions about them ; and 
the touch says, if they had' no body I could not 
feel them, and therefore could give no notice 
of them. From whence then and by what 
way did these things enter into my memory I 
cannot tell how it was. For when I learnt 
them it was not by giving credit to another's 
judgment, but by acknowledging them in my 
own, and there finding them to be true. And 
so I recommended them to my memory, laying 
them up there, as it were, from whence I 
might call for them when I pleased. They 
were then within me, even before I learnt 
them ; but they were not in my memory. 
Where then were they ? or how did I know 
(when they were first mentioned to me) and 
readily acknowledge. It is so, and it is true, 



824 st. augustin's Book X. 

if they had not also been already in my memo- 
ry 1 but so retired and removed out of the 
way, as it were, in certain hidden caves, that 
unless they had been drawn out by my being 
minded of them by some other man, I could 
never perhaps have thought on them. 



CHAPTER XI. 

WHAT IT IS TO LEARN SUCH THINGS AS ARE NOT 
DISCOVERED BY THE SENSES. 

We find then that to learn such things as 
these (of which we don't take in the images 
through the avenues of the senses, but without 
any images see them within us as they are in 
themselves) is nothing else but to bring, as it 
were, together by thinking on them, and to 
take notice, by the application of one's mind 
to them, of such things as before were indeed 
in the memory, but without union or order; 
that so being now laid up, as it were, at hand 
in the same memory, where before they lay 
scattered and neglected, they may the more 
easily occur to our attention, to which they 
are now grown to be familiar. And how many 
things of this nature does my memory carry 
about, which are already found, and as I said 
laid up, as it were, at hand, which we are said 
to have learnt and to have known ? Which if 
I should forbear for a long time calling them 
to mind, would again sink down in such man- 
ner, and, as it were, slip away into the more 
remote and abstruse apartments of the memo- 



Chap. 12. confessions. 325 

ry ; that I must, in order to know them, think 
them out again, and gather them together 
within the same region (for they have no 
other) from that dispersion in which they lay 
scattered before. From whence thinking in 
latin is called Cogito, from Cogo, to gather or 
assemble, (as Actito is derived from Ago, and 
Factito from Facio) yet so that the mind has 
appropriated this word (Cogito to think) to 
itself, in such manner that no other gathering 
or assembling is called Cogitation^ but that 
which is in the mind. 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE MEMORY OF THE MATHEMATICS NOT BORROWED 
FROM THE SENSES. 

The memory also contains the innumerable 
forms and rules of numbers and dimensions, 
none of which were imprinted by any sense 
of the body. For they have neither any colour, 
or sound, or smell, nor have they been either 
tasted or at any time touched. I have heard 
indeed the sounds of the words, by which they 
are signified, when they have been discoursed 
upon ; but these sounds are one thing, and 
they are quite another ; for the sounds are dif- 
ferent in Greek from what they are in Latin ; 
but the things themselves are neither Greek 
nor Latin, nor any other kind of speech what- 
soever. I have also seen the lines drawn by 
workmen, and even such as have been most 
fine, like those of a spider's web ; but those 

28 



326 st. augustin's Book X. 

are not the same ; nor are they the images of 
these which my corporal eye has discovered to 
me [but far more perfect.] He knows them, 
however without any thought of any kind of 
body, has acknowledged them within himself. 
I have also perceived the numbers which we 
reckon up with all the senses of my body ; but 
those by which we number are quite other 
things, neither are the images of these others, 
and therefore have a more perfect being. He 
may laugh at me whilst I am saying these 
things, who sees them not ; and I may have 
reason to pity him for laughing at me. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

OF THE MEMORY OF THINGS THAT HAVE PASSED IN 
THE MIND, AND OF THE AFFECTIONS OF THE SOUL. 

1. All these things I retain in my memory, 
and how I learnt them I also retain in my 
memory; and many things I have heard, which 
in dispute have been very falsely urged against 
them, which also I retain in my memory ; 
which although they be false, yet my remem- 
bering them is no falsehood. And that I 
distinguished between those truths and these 
falsities which were said against them, this 
also I remember. And I see that I now dis- 
cern these things in another way, than I 
remember myself formerly to have discerned 
them, when I thought upon them. Therefore 
I remember also that I have often thought 
upon these things ; and what I now discern 



Chap. 13. confessions. 327 

and understand I lay up in my memory, that I 
may afterwards remember that now 1 under- 
stood them. Therefore I also remember my 
having remembered. And if afterwards I 
should remember that I could not remember 
them, this also would be by the same faculty 
of the memory. 

2. The same memory contains also the pas- 
sions and affections of my soul, not in the 
same manner as the soul has them when she 
experiences them, but in another very different 
manner, proper to the power of the memory. 
For when I am not joyful I can remember my 
former joy ; and at a time when I am not sor- 
rowful I can remember my past sorrow ; and 
I can reflect without fear upon my former 
fears. And can call to mind my former desires 
without desiring. Nay, sometimes, on the 
contrary, it is with joy I remember my past 
sorrow ; and with sorrow I remember my for- 
mer joys. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

AN INQUIRY HOW WE REMEMBER THE PASSIONS OF 
THE MIND AT A TIME WHEN WE ARE NOT AFFECTED 
WITH THEM, BUT WITH QUITE OPPOSITE PASSIONS. 

1. This would not be to be wondered at 
with regard to the body, for the mind is one 
thing, the body another. And therefore it is 
no such wonder that I should with joy of mind 
remember the past sjrrow, or pain of the body. 
But here the wonder is because the memory 



328 st. augustin's Book X. 

itself is the mind. Hence, when we recom- 
mend any thing to be remembered, we say, 
See you keep it in mind ; and when we have 
forgot a thing, we say, It was in my mind, and 
it has slipt out of my mind, still calling the 
memory the mind. Which being so, what is 
the meaning of this, that when with joy I re- 
member my past sorrow, there should be joy 
in my mind, and sorrow in my memory ? And 
that my mind should be joyful from the joy 
that is there, and yet my memory should not 
be sorrowful from the sorrow that is there ? 
For doth not the memory belong to the mind ? 
Who can say this ? Is then the memory, as it 
were, the stomach of the mind, and joy and 
sorrow like sweet and bitter meat ; which 
when they are committed to the memory, like 
meats which are gone down into the stomach, 
may be reposited there, but cannot be relished 
there I It would be ridiculous to think that 
these things are alike ; and yet they are not 
all together unlike. 

2. But behold I bring it forth out of my 
memory, when I see there are four passions of 
the mind, desire, joy, fear, and sorrow ; and 
whatsoever I can say concerning them by defi- 
ning and dividing each of them into their dif- 
ferent kinds, it is there [in the memory] I find 
it, and thence I fetch it out ; and yet I am not 
disturbed by any of these passions whilst I am 
remembering and speaking of them. And they 
were there even before I was considering and 
surveying them, for otherwise I could not have 



Chap. 14. confessions. 329 

brought them out by remembering them. Per- 
haps then as meat is brought out of the sto- 
mach, by ruminating or chewing the cud, so 
these things are brought up out of the memory 
when they are called to our remembrance ? 
Put why then is not the sweetness of joy, or 
the bitterness of sorrow (in this kind of chew- 
ing the cud) felt in the mouth of the thought 
of him that discourses on them and remembers 
them ? Or is it in this particular that these 
things are unlike, since they are not alike in 
all things ? For who would ever willingly 
mention or speak of such things, if as often as 
we name sorrow or fear, we should be afflicted 
with sorrow or fear? And yet we should 
never speak of them if we did not find in our 
memory, not only the sounds of their names 
according to the images of them imprinted 
through the senses of the body, but also the 
notions of the things themselves, which we did 
not receive in through any of the doors of the 
flesh ; but the mind itself perceiving them by 
the experience it hath of its own passions, 
recommended them to the memory, or the 
memory of itself retained them without theit: 
being recommended by any. 
28* 



330 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER XV. 

SOME THINGS WE REMEMBER BY THEIR IMAGES, 
OTHERS BY THEMSELVES 

But now whether this be by the way of 
images or no, who can easily tell ? For if I 
name a stone, or name the Sun, when the 
things themselves are not present to my senses, 
their images nevertheless are present to my 
memory. I name pain of body ; the thing is 
not present, when I am not in any pain ; and 
yet if the image were not in my memory, I 
should not know what I was speaking of, or 
distinguish it from pleasure. I name health 
of body, and when I am in health, the thing 
itself indeed is with me ; but yet if the image 
<of it was not also in my memory, I could by 
no means remember what the sound of these 
words signified : neither would the sick know 
when they hear health named, what was meant 
by it, unless that same image were retained by 
the power of the memory even when the thing 
itself is absent from the body. I name the 
numbers which we number ; and they are pre- 
sent in my memory ; not their images but 
themselves. I name the image of the Sun, 
and this same image is present in my memory. 
For 'tis not the image of this image which I 
have then before my mind, but this image 
itself. Itself is present to my remembrance 
I name the memory, and I know what I name ; 
and where do I know it but in the same me- 



Chap. 16. confessions. 331 

inory ? Is the memory present to itself by its 
image ; or is it not present by its own self? 



CHAPTER XVI. 

THAT THERE IS a MEMORY ALSO OF OBLIVION OR 
FORGETTING. 

1. What when I name oblivion, and know 
very well what it is that I name ? Whence 
should I know it if I did not remember it ? I 
speak not of remembering the sound of the 
word, but the thing that 'it signifies. Which 
thing if I had forgotten, I should not be able 
to know what that sound meant. Therefore 
when I remember memory, this same memory 
is by itself present to itself; and when I re- 
member at once both oblivion and memory, 
oblivion is also at the same time present ; 
memory, by which I remember, and oblivion, 
by which I do not remember. Yet what is 
oblivion but the privation of memory ? How 
then must it present that I may remember it, 
when if it is present, I cannot remember ? But 
whatever we remember we retain in our me- 
mory, and we certainly remember oblivion, or 
we could not upon hearing that name, know 
the thing signified by it ; therefore oblivion 
also is retained in the memory. It is present 
therefore with us, that we may not forget ; and 
its very being present is forgetting. Or are we 
to gather from hence, that oblivion, when we 
remember it, is not in the memory by itself, 
but by its image ? For if it were there present 



332 st. augustin's Book X. 

by itself, it would make us not remember but 
to forget. 

2. And wbo can find this out ? Who can 
comprehend how it is ? Here, Lord, I 
labour, and I labour in myself. And am become 
to myself a land of hardship and much sweat. 
For I am not now searching into the regions 
of the Heavens, nor measuring i:v> distances 
of the stars ; nor inquiring into the manner of 
the earth's being poised : for 'tis I myself that 
remember, I the soul. It is no such wonder 
that any thing should be far from my appre- 
hensions that is not myself. But what can be 
nearer to me than myself? And behold the 
power of m} T memory is what I cannot compre- 
hend^, without which I cannot so much as 
name myself. For what shall I say, being 
certain as I am, that I do remember oblivion or 
forgetting ? Shall I say, that the thing which I 
remember is not in my memory? Or shall I say, 
that this forgetting is in my memory, to the end 
I should not forget ? Both are highly absurd. 

3. What shall I say to that third thing, viz. : 
is that it is not oblivion itself but the image of 
it that is in my memory, when I remember it ! 
But how can I maintain this, since when the 
image of any thing is imprinted in the memory, 
the thing itself must first be present, from 
whence the image may be imprinted ? For 
r tis in this manner that I remember Carthage, 
and all the places where I have been, and in 
this manner I remember the faces of the men 
whom I have seen, and the objects of the other 



Chap. 17. confessions. 333 

senses ; in this manner I remember the health 
or pain of the body ; when these things were 
present, my memory borrowed from them their 
images, which I might have present with me 
and surv r ey in my mind, as often as I should 
afterwards remember the things themselves 
when absent. If therefore oblivion also be 
retained in the memory, not by itself, but by 
its image ; it certainly must first have been 
present itself, that the image of it might be 
taken. Now when it was present, how could 
it imprint its image in the memory, when the 
nature of oblivion is to raze out by its presence 
what it finds already imprinted there ? and yet 
however it is, though the manner of it be 
incomprehensible and inexplicable, certain 1 
am, that I remember oblivion itself, which is 
that which covers and defaces what we have 
before remembered. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

HE ADMIRES THE POWER OP THE MEMORY, BUT RE- 
SOLVES TO PASS BEYOND IT TO FIND HIS GOD. 

1 . Great is this power of the memory, and 
something very astonishing, O my God ; a 
profound and infinite multiplicity, and this is 
my soul, and this is myself. What a thing 
then am I, O my God ? What a nature am 
I ? A various and multiform life, and very 
incomprehensible. And behold through these 
innumerable fields, and dens and caverns of 
my memory, innumerably full of innumerable 



334 st. augustin's Book X. 

sorts of things, (either by their images, as of 
all bodies ; or by their presence, as of arts ; or 
Dy, I know not what kind of notions or marks, 
as of the affections of the mind which the me- 
mory retains when the mind does not suffer 
them ; whereas whatever is in the memory is 
in the- mind) through all these things, I say, I 
run, I fly this way and that, I dive as far as I 
can, and no where can I find an end. So 
great is the power of the memory ; so great 
the power of life in a man that lives a mortal. 
2. What then shall I do, thou my God, 
my true life ? I will also pass beyond this 
power of mine, which is called the memory ; 
that I may come to thee the sweet light, what 
sayest thou to me ? Behold I am ascending 
by my soul unto thee, who remainest above 
me ; and I will pass beyond this power of 
mine, which is called the memory : desirous to 
come at thee where thou mayest be come at ; 
and to cleave to thee, where one may cleave 
to thee. For as to memory, I find it both in 
beasts and birds ; otherwise they could not 
return to their dens or nests, or do many other 
things which they are accustomed to do ; for 
neither would they be accustomed to any thing, 
but by the memory. I will therefore pass by 
this memory, that so I may arrive at him, who 
hath made me otherwise than the four-footed 
beasts, and wiser than the fowls of the air. 
I will pass beyond the memory. But where 
then shall I find thee, O true good, and secure 
delight, where then shall I find thee ? 



Chap. 18. confessions. 335 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

OF THE MEMORY OF THINGS LOST 

1. If I find thee any where besides, or out 
of my memory, I must then remember thee 
not ; and how then shall I find thee, if I have 
no remembrance of thee ? When the woman 
had lost her groat and sought it with a candle, 
if she had not remembered it, how could she 
have found it ? for when she had found it, how 
could she know that was it, if she had no 
remembrance of it ? I remember my seeking 
after many things that I had lost, and that I 
have found them ; whence do I know this ? 
Because when I was seeking any of them, if 
any one should say to me, is it not this or that ? 
I should answer, no, until that were brought 
forth which I sought after. Which if I had 
not remembered whatever it were, though it 
should be offered to me, I should not find it, 
because I should not know it. And so it 
always happens, when we seek after any thing 
that is lost, and find it. 

2. But when a thing is only lost from the 
eyes, and from the memory, as any visible 
body, the image of it is kept within us, and by 
it the thing is sought till it be restored to our 
sight, and when it is found it is known by that 
image which is within. Neither do we say, 
that we have found what was lost, if we do 
not know the thing to be the same, nor can we 
know it, if we do not remember it. But this 



336 st. augustin's Book X. 

was lost to the eyes, but still preserved in the 
memory . 



CHAPTER XIX. 

OF REMEMBERING AGAIN THINGS THAT WERE FOR- 
GOTTEN. 

1. But what shall I say, when the memory 
itself loseth a thing, as it happens when we 
forget something, and seek to remember it 
again ? and where is it we seek it, but in the 
memory itself? And there if one thing be 
offered for another, we reject it, till that thing 
occurs which we are seeking, and when that 
occurs, we say, this is it ; which we should 
not say, if we did not know it to be the same *, 
neither could we know this, if we had not 
remembered it. Therefore we had not indeed 
forgotten it.- Or shall we say the whole was 
not forgotten ; but by the part which was still 
retained, the other part was sought for ; because 
the memory perceived that she did not repre- 
sent together the things she used to meet 
together, and halting as it were, by the cutting 
off some part of its accustomed object, called 
for that to be restored which was wanting ? as 
when a man whom we know is seen or thought 
on, and we have forgot his name, and endea- 
vour to recollect it, whatever other name 
occurs, it suits not, because it has not been 
used to be joined in our thought with him, and 
therefore it is rejected until that come up, 
which our thought has been used to represent 



Chap. 20. confessions. 337 

with him, and therein it rests without any 
unevenness ; and whence does it come up, but 
out of the memory itself? For when upon 
being reminded of it by another, we again 
acknowledge it, it is from thence we have it. 
For we do not receive and believe it as some- 
thing new, but remembering it, we approve of 
it, as being the thing we sought. But if it be 
utterly effaced out of the memory, we remem- 
ber it not, even when we are told of it. Neither 
have we altogether forgotten a thing, if we can 
but remember that we have forgotten it. But 
what we have utterly forgot we cannot so 
much as seek for as a thing lost. 

CHAPTER XX. 

ALL MEN DESIRE BEATITUDE. THEY MUST THERE- 
FORE HAVE SOME MOTION OF IT; AND CONSEQUENT- 
LY IT MUST HAVE A PLACE IN THEIR MEMORY. 

How then do I seek thee, O Lord.? For 
when I seek thee, my God, I seek a happy 
life. I will seek thee, that my soul may live : 
for my body lives by my soul, and my soul 
lives by thee. How then do I seek a happy 
life ? For it is not with me, till I can say, it 
is enough, there where I ought to say so. How 
then do I seek it ? Is it by the way of remem- 
brance, as if it were a thing that I had forgot, 
but still retain in mind that I had forgotten it ? 
Or is it by the way of desiring to learn a thing 
unknown, which I either never knew, or have 
so absolutely forgot, as not even to remember 

29 



338 st. augustin's Book X. 

that T have forgot it ? But is not this happy 
life the thing that all desire, and there is no 
man that desires it not? Where then have 
they had any knowledge of it, that they should 
so desire it ? Or where have they seen it, that 
they should be so much in love with it? We 
have it then, but after I know not what man- 
ner ; and there is a certain other manner in 
which when any one hath it, he is then happy. 
And there are some that are happy in hope : 
these have it in a lower manner, than they who 
already are happy in deed ; but yet are better 
than they, who are neither happy in deed nor 
in hope. Yet even these, if they had it not in 
some manner, would not be so desirous of 
being happy, which they must certainly desire. 
2. They have got some knowledge of it, I 
know not how ; and therefore they have it by 
I know not what sort of notion ; of which I 
further inquire, whether it be in the memory 
or no r For if it be there, then we must some 
time or other have been happy. Whether 
every one in his own particular, or all in the 
person of him who first sinned, in whom we 
all died, and from whom we all are born with 
misery into this world, I do not examine at 
present. I only seek whether a happy life be 
in our memory ? For we should not love it, if 
we had no knowledge of it. We hear this 
name ; but it is the thing itself that we all pro- 
fess to desire : for it is not the sound of the 
words with which we are delighted. For 
when a Grecian heareth this in Latin, he is 



Chap. 21. confessions. 339 

not affected with it, because he knows not 
what is said ; but we are affected with it : as 
he also is when he hears the same in Greek. 
For the thing itself is neither Greek nor Latin, 
which both Greeks and Latins, and men ot 
all other languages are so eager after. It is 
known therefore to all, because if they could 
all by one word be interrogated, whether they 
desired to be happy, they would all answer 
without the least hesitation, that they desired 
it. Which they would not do, if the thing 
signified by that word was not retained in their 
memory. 



CHAPTER XXI. 

IN WHAT MANNER BEATITUDE, OR A HAPPY LIFE, 
IS IN THE MEMORY. 

1 . Is it then in their memory in such man- 
ner, as when a man remembers Carthage, 
which he has seen ? No. For a happy life is 
not seen by the eyes, because it is no body. 
Or is it in the memory, as we remember num- 
bers ? No. For he that has these in his 
knowledge, seeks no longer for the acquiring of 
them. But we have a happy life in our know- 
ledge, and therefore we love it, and neverthe- 
less we want to acquire it, that we may be 
happy. Is it then in the memory, as we re- 
member eloquence ? No. For although they 
that as yet are not eloquent, upon the hearing 
that name remember the thing itself, and many 
of them desire eloquence, from whence it ap 



340 st. augustin's Book X 

pears, that they have a knowledge of it. Yet 
these men have by the sense of the body 
observed others that were eloquent, and have 
been delighted therewith, and hence desire to 
be such. For were it not for that exterior 
knowledge, they would not have been delight- 
ed ; and if they had not been delighted, they 
would not desire to be such themselves. But 
as for a happy life, we can have no expe- 
rience of it in others by any of the senses of 
the body. 

2. Is it then in the memory, as we remem- 
ber joy ? Perhaps it may be so. For I re- 
member joy, even when I am sorrowful, as I 
do a happy life when miserable. Neither did 
I ever, by any sense of the body, either see, 
or hear, or smell, or taste, or touch my joy ; 
but I have experienced it in my mind, when I 
have been joyful, and the notion of it stuck in 
my memory ; so that I am able to remember 
it sometimes with contempt, sometimes with 
desire, according to the diversity of the things 
in which I remember myself to have rejoiced. 
For in sinful things I have experienced a kind 
of joy, which when I now remember I hate 
and detest; and I have had a joy in' good and 
virtuous things, which I remember with desire, 
if perhaps these are not with me now ; and 
therefore with sorrow I remember my former 
joy. Where then, and at what time have I 
had experience of a happy life, that I should 
remember it, and love it, and desire it ? And 
not only I, or a few only with me, but all of 



Chap. 22. confessions. 341 

us, without exception, desire ?■ be happy. 
Which if we did not know with an assured 
knowledge, we should never desire with so 
resolute a will. 

3. But what is the meaning of this, that if you 
ask of two men, whether they will serve in the 
wars, it may be one shall answer that he w T ill, 
the other that he will not. But if you ask of 
them whether they desire to be happy 1 both 
without the least hesitation shall answer, that 
this is what they desire : and that for no other 
reason, one is willing to serve, the other is un- 
willing, but that they may both be happy ; is 
it perhaps, because one man finds joy in one 
thing, another in another thing ; all agree in 
affirming that they desire to be happy, in the 
same manner as they would all agree, if they 
were asked, in affirming that they desire to 
have joy, and that this same joy is what they 
call a happy life ? Which joy though one man 
seeks in this, another in that, yet this one thing 
all- aim at, viz. : that they may rejoice ; which 
being a thing that no man can say, he has not 
experienced, therefore it being found in the 
memory is known again, when we hear the 
name of a happy life. 



CHAPTER XXII. 

A HAPPY LIFE IS JOY IN GOD. 

Far be it, O Lord, far be it from the heart 
of thy servant, who confesseth to thee, far be 
it from me to think that every sort of joy can 

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342 st. augustin's Book X. 

make me happy. For there is a joy, which is 
not given to the wicked, but to them who 
freely worship thee, whose joy thou thyself 
art. And this beatitude, or a happy life, to re- 
joice to thee, in thee, and for thee : this is it, 
for there is no other. But they that think 
there is some other beatitude seek after some 
other joy, which is not true, and yet their will 
still follows some image at least, or resem- 
blance of joy. 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

WHY MEN ARE NOT HAPPY, NOTWITHSTANDING THEY 
ALL IN SOME MEASURE LOVE THE TRUTH, AND RE- 
JOICE IN IT. 

1. Is it not then certain that all desire to be 
happy ; because as many as will not rejoice in 
thee, which alone is a happy life, will not 
indeed a happy life ? or do all will this ? But 
because the flesh lusts against the spirit, and 
the spirit against the flesh, Gal. 5, so that they 
do not do what they will ; they fall upon that 
which they are able to do, and are content 
with it ; because that which they are not able 
to do, they do not will so much as is sufficient 
to make them able. For I ask of them all, 
whether they had rather rejoice in the truth or 
in falsehood ? and they make as little hesita- 
tion in answering that they had rather rejoice 
in the truth, as they do in saying, that they 
desire to be happy. For a happy life is joy in 
the truth. And this is joy in thee, who art the 



Chap. 23. confessions. 343 

truth, O God, my light, the health of my coun- 
tenance, my God. This happy life all desire ; 
this life, which alone is happy, all desire ; all 
desire joy in the truth. I have met with many 
that are willing to deceive, but not one that had 
a mind to be deceived. Where then have they 
had a knowledge of this happy life, but only 
where they have known the truth ? For this 
also they love, because they are not willing to 
be imposed upon by falsehood. And when 
they love a happy life, which is nothing else 
but joy in the truth, they must needs also 
love the truth. Nor would they love it, if 
they had not some knowledge of it in their 
memory. 

2. Why then have they not a joy in it ? and 
why then are they not happy ? because they 
are more strongly occupied in other things, 
which rather make them miserable, than that 
which can make them happy, of which they 
have but a slender knowledge. For as yet 
there is but little light in men: O let them 
walk, and walk on, lest the darkness overtake 
them, St. John 12. But why does truth often 
bring forth hatred ? and why did thy servant 
become an enemy to men preaching the truth, 
Gal. 4. Since all men love a happy life, 
which is nothing else but joy in the truth ? 
because truth is so loved, that whosoever love 
any thing else, would have that to be truth 
which they love. And because they are not 
willing to be imposed upon by falsehood, they 
are not willing to be convinced that they were 



344 st. augustin's Book X. 

thus imposed upon. Therefore they hate the 
truth, for the sake of that thing which they 
love instead of truth. They love the truth 
when it shines upon them, and they hate it 
when it reproves them. For because they are 
unwilling to be deceived, and willing to de- 
ceive ; they love the truth when it discovers 
itself; and they hate it when it discovers them- 
selves. And therefore they are justly repaid, 
that they who are unwilling to be made mani- 
fest by the truth, shall be manifested by it 
against their will ; and the truth itself shall not 
be manifested to them. Thus, even thus, the 
mind of man, yea, even thus, being blind and 
sick, and filthy and impure, it would fain lie 
hid ; and is not willing that any thing should 
lie hid from it. The contrary justly happens 
to it, that itself cannot lie hid from the truth, 
and the truth lies hid from it. And yet how- 
ever miserable it is, even so it rather chuses to 
rejoice in true things than in false. But then 
only will it be truly happy, when without any 
impediment or distraction it shall rejoice in 
that only truth by which all things are true. 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

THAT GOD ALSO IS IN THE MEMORY. 

Behold how far have I travelled in my me- 
mory, seeking thee, O Lord ; and I have not 
found thee out of it. For neither have I found 
any thing concerning thee, which is not in my 



Chap. 25. confessions. 345 

memory, sine* I first learnt thee ; for since I 
first learnt thee, I have not forgot thee. For 
where I found the truth, there I found my God, 
who is the truth itself; which since I first 
learnt I have not forgot. Since then I first 
learnt thee, thou abidest in my memory: and 
there I find thee, when I remember thee, and 
am delighted in thee. These are my holy 
delights, which thou hast bestowed upon me 
by thy mercy, having regard to my poverty. 



CHAPTER XXV. 

HE ENQUIRETH IN WHAT PART OF THE MEMORY 
GOD DWELLETH. 

But where dost thou, O Lord, abide in my 
memory ? where is thy residence there ? what 
kind of lodging hast thou made there for thy- 
self? What kind of sanctuary hast thou there 
built for thyself? thou hast vouchsafed this 
honour to my memory, to take up thy abode 
therein ; but in what parts thereof thou art 
lodged, is what I am now considering. For I 
passed beyond the lower parts thereof, which 
are common with beasts, when I remembered 
thee, for I found thee not there amongst the 
images of corporeal things, and I came to those 
parts thereof, where are laid up the affections 
of my mind, neither could I find thee there ; 
and I entered into the lodging of my mind 
itself, which is also there in my memory, be- 
cause the mind remembers also itself; and 
neither wast thou there ; for as thou art not a 



346 st. Augustus's Book X. 

corporeal image, nor an affection of the mind, 
such as we experience when we rejoice or 
are sorrowful, when we desire or fear, when 
we remember or forget or the like ; so nei- 
ther art thou the mind itself, because thou 
art the Lord God of the mind. And all 
these things are changed, but thou remainest 
for ever unchangeable, high above all things, 
and yet thou hast vouchsafed to dwell in my 
memory from the time that I first learnt thee. 
And why do I inquire in what place thou 
dwellest there, as if there were any place 
there ? Thou dwellest there for certain, be- 
cause I remember thee, ever since I learnt 
thee, and I find thee there whenever I call 
thee to mind. 



CHAPTER XXVI. 

HE FOUND GOD NO WHERE BUT IN GOD HIMSELF. 

Where then did I find thee, that I might 
learn thee ? For thou wast not in my memory, 
before I learned thee, where then did I find 
thee that I might learn thee, but in thyself 
above me ? And here is no such thing as place, 
and we depart from thee, and we approach to 
thee, and yet here is no where place. Thou, 
the Truth, residest every where, giving au- 
dience to all that consult thee ; and at the 
same time giving answer to all, though they 
consult thee upon ever so many and diverse 
things. Thou answerest clearly unto all ; but 
all do not hear thee clearly ; all consult thee 



Chap 27 confessions. 347 

upon what they please, but hear not always 
from thee what pleaseth them. He is thy best 
servant, who desires not so much to hear, from 
thee what maybe conformable to his own will, 
but rather to conform his will to whatever he 
shall hear from thee. 



CHAPTER XXVII. 

HE LAMENTS HAVING LOVED GOD SO LATE. 

Too late have I loved thee, O Beauty so 
ancient, O Beauty so new, too late have I loved 
thee ! And behold thou wast within, and I was 
abroad, and there I sought thee ; and deformed 
as I was, ran after those beauties, which thou 
hast made. Thou wast with me, and I was 
not with thee : those things kept* me far from 
thee, which could have no being but in thee. 
Thou hast called, thou hast cried out, and hast 
pierced my deafness. Thou hast lightened, 
thou hast shone forth, and hast dispelled my 
blindness : thou hast sent forth thy fragrancy, 
and I have drawn my breath, and pant after 
thee : I have tasted thee, and am hungry after 
thee : thou hast touched me, and I am all 
inflamed with the desire of thy embraces. 



848 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER XXVIII. 

HE BEWAILS HIS PRESENT MISERY, IN WHICH HE CAN- 
NOT ENJOY A PERFECT UNION WITH HIS GOD. 

1. When I shall adhere to thee with my 
whole self, then shall I no where meet with 
any sorrow or labour ; and my life shall be 
truly alive when quite full of thee. But now, 
inasmuch as every one whom thou fillest, thou 
also bearest him up, because I am not full of 
thee, I am a burthen to myself. My joys that 
ought to be lamented, contend with my sor- 
rows, in which I ought to rejoice ; and to what 
side the victory inclines, I know not, alas ! 
Alas ! have pity on me, O Lord. — Again, my 
evil sorrows contend with my good joys ; and 
on which side the victory stands, I know not. 
Alas ! O Lord, have thou pity on me ; behold, 
I hide not my wounds. Thou art my physi- 
cian, I am sick : thou art merciful, I am mise- 
rable. Is not man's life a temptation upon 
earth. Job 1. 

2. Who can be in love with such troubles 
and difficulties ? Thou commandest that they 
should be endured, but not that they should 
be loved. No one loves what he endureth, 
though he loves to endure it. For though he 
is glad that he patiently suffers it, yet he had 
rather not have it to suffer. In adversities I 
long for prosperities, in prosperities I appre- 
hend adversities : what middle station is there 
between these, where man's life can be with- 
out temptation ? There is a woe to the pros- 



Chap. 29. confessions. 349 

perities of the world, from two things, viz. 
from the apprehension of adversity, and the 
corruption of joy. And there is a woe to the 
adversities of the world from three heads, viz. 
from the longing after prosperity, from the un- 
easiness of the adversity itself, and from the 
frequent shipwreck of patience. Is not then 
man's life upon earth a continual temptation 
without any intermission ? 



CHAPTER XXIX. 

HIS WHOLE HOPE IS IN GOD, TO WHOM HE PRAYS FOR 
CONTINENCY. 

And now my whole hope is in nothing else 
but in thy exceeding great mercy, O Lord, my 
God. Give me what thou commandest, and 
command me what thou wilt. Thou com- 
mandest me continency. And when as I knew 
(faith one, Wisdom 8.) that no man can be con- 
tinent unless God give it ; and this also was a 
part of wisdom to know whose gift this was. For 
by continency we are recollected and brought 
back to one thing, from which we had been 
dissipated, and split upon many things. For 
he loveth thee less, who loveth any thing else 
with thee, which he loveth not for thee. O 
Love, which always burnest, and art never 
extinguished ! true Charity, my God, set me 
all on fire. Thou commandest continency. 
Give me what thou commandest, and command 
what thou wilt. 

30 



350 st augustin's Book X 



CHAPTER XXX. 

HE EXAMINES HIMSELF, AND CONFESSES HIS REMAIN- 
ING INFIRMITIES AND TEMPTATIONS: AND, FIRST, 
AS TO THE CONCUPISCENCE OF THE FLESH. 

1. Thou commandst me continency, both 
from the concupiscence of the flesh, and from the 
concupiscence of the eyes, and from the ambition 
of the world, 1 St. John 2. And first thou hast 
commanded me continency from carnal concu- 
binage ; and as to marriage itself, thou hast 
counselled me something better, than what 
thou hast allowed. And because thou hast 
given it, it hath been observed by me, even be- 
fore I was made a dispenser of thy Sacrament. 
But yet there live still in my memory, of which 
I have spoken so much, the images of such 
things, which my former custom has fixed 
there ; and these still come in my way ; though 
without any strength when I am awake ; but 
when I am asleep they are more prevalent, not 
only to delectation, but even to consentment, 
and in fact very like unto them. And so much 
power hath the delusion of these images in my 
soul and in my flesh, that such false represen- 
tations persuade me, when asleep, to what 
true sights, when I am awake, no way entice 
me. And is it not then also the same I, O 
Lord, my God ? And yet there is so much 
difference between myself and myself; between 
the moment that I pass from hence to sleep, 
and that when I return to wake. 

2. Where is then that reason, by which my 



Chap. 30. confessions. 351 

mind, when awake, resists such suggestions, 
and if the things themselves present them- 
selves before me, remains unmoved ? Is it 
shut up together with the eyes ? Is it lulled 
asleep together with the senses of the body ? 
How comes it then, that even in our sleep we 
oftentimes resist, and being mindful of our 
resolution, and chastely by persevering in it, 
give no manner of assent to such allurements ? 
And yet there is so great a difference, that 
when it happens otherwise, as soon as we 
wake we return to the repose of conscience, 
and by the difference we discover that we 
have not done that, which we are grieved 
should be any wa} r s done in us. Is not thy 
hand, O God omnipotent, able to heal all the 
infirmities of my soul ; and, with a more abun- 
dant grace, to extinguish also these lascivious 
motions of my sleep ? 

3. Thou wilt increase, O Lord, more and 
more in me thy gifts, that my soul may follow 
me towards thee, disengaged from the bird- 
lime of concupiscence, that it may be no more 
a rebel to itself; and that even in sleep it may 
not only not act any such filthiness of corrup- 
tion by those seducing images, unto the flux 
of the flesh ; but yield no manner of consent to 
them. For that nothing of this nature should 
give me the least pleasure (even so much as 
what may be restrained at will,) or be any 
ways harboured in my chaste affection when 
asleep, not only in this life but also in this age, 
is no great matter for the Almighty to grant, 



352 st. augustin's Book X. 

who art able to do above all that we ask or un- 
derstand, Eph. 5. But now what I am as yet 
in this kind of my evil, I have confessed to my 
good Lord ; rejoicing with fear in what thou 
hast already given me ; and mourning for that 
in which I am yet imperfect ; hoping that thou 
wilt perfect thy mercies in me, till I arrive at 
that full peace which both my interior and ex- 
terior shall then enjoy, when death shall be 
swallowed up in victory, 1. Corinthians 15. 



CHAPTER XXXI. 

HIS REMAINING INFIRMITIES, WITH REGARD TO THE 
TEMPTATIONS OF THE TASTE, IN SENSUALITY AND 
INTEMPERANCE OF EATING. 

1. There is another evil of the day, and 
would to God the day were sufficient for it, St. 
Matt. 6. For by eating and drinking we are 
obliged to repair the daily ruins of the body, 
until thou destroy both the meats and the bel- 
ly, 1 Cor. 6, when thou shalt slay our indi- 
gence by an admirable satiety ; and shalt clothe 
this corruptible with eternal incorruption, 1 
Cor. 15. But now this necessity is pleasant 
to me, and against this pleasure I fight, that I 
may not be inveigled by it ; and I wage a daily 
w r ar against it by fasting, often bringing my 
body into subjection, Cor. 9, and these pains 
are removed with pleasure. For hunger and 
thirst are pains ; and like a fever they burn 
and kill, unless they be removed by the physic 
of our nourishment ; which because it is always 



Chap. 31. confessions. 353 

at hand, from the comfort of thy gifts, with 
which both the land and the water and the air 
supply our infirmities, these our calamities are 
called delights . 

2. This thou hast taught me, that I should 
come to take this nourishment, as a medicine. 
But whilst I am passing from the uneasiness 
of hunger to the satisfaction of being rilled, the 
snare of concupiscence lieth in wait for me in 
the way ; for the very passage itself is a plea- 
sure : and there is no other way to pass but 
this, to which necessity obliges me. And thus, 
whereas health is the cause of eating and drink- 
ing, yet there is a dangerous delight comes in 
as an attendant, and for the most part endea- 
vours to go before, that for its sake, should I 
do, what I pretend and desire to do only for 
health's sake. Nor are both of these con- 
tent with the same allowance : for what is 
sufficient for health is too little for delight. 
And many times it becomes uncertain, whether 
it be the necessary care of the body that re- 
quires a further supply, or the voluptuous 
deceit of concupiscence that calls for this allow- 
ance. And the unhappy soul grows glad of 
this uncertainty, and prepares herein the pro- 
tection of an excuse, being pleased that it does 
not appear what is exactly proportioned for the 
maintaining of health, that under the cloak of 
health, she may recover the indulging her 
pleasure. 

3. These temptations I daily strive to resist; 
and I invoke thy right hand to my assistance ; 



354 st. augustin's Book X. 

and to thee do I refer my anxieties ; for I am 
3'et to seek for counsel in this matter. I hear 
the voice of my God commanding me, St. 
Luke 21. Let not your hearts be overcharged 
with intemperance of eating and drunkenness. 
Drunkenness is far, far from me ; thy mercy 
will keep it from ever coming near me : but 
intemperance in eating sometimes steals upon 
thy servant ; thy mercy will remove it far from 
me ; for no one can be continent unless thou 
givest it, Wisdom 8. Thou grantest many 
things to our prayers : and what good we re- 
ceive before we pray for it, from thee we 
receive it : and that we afterwards know and 
acknowledge our receiving these things from 
thee, is also thy gift. I never was a drunkard, 
but I have known drunkards that have been 
made sober by thee. Therefore it was thy 
work, that they should not be so, who never 
were such ; and thy work that they should not 
be always so, who for some time had been 
such ; from thee also it was, that both should 
know, that this was thy work. 

4. I have also heard another voice of thine, 
Eccles. 16. Go not after thy concupiscences, 
and turn away from thy pleasure. I have heard 
also that sentence by thy gift, with which I 
was much taken : 1 Cor. 8. Neither if we eat, 
shall we abound.; neither if we eat not, shall we 
lack. That is to say, neither shall the one 
make me happy, nor the other miserable. 
Again, I have heard, Philip. 4. For I have 
learnt in what things I am to fee content ; I 



Chap. 31. confessions. 355 

know both how to abound and how to suffer 
need ; I can do all things in him that strength- 
ened me. See here a soldier of the heavenly 
camp, and not such dust as we are. But re- 
member, O Lord, that we are dust, and out of 
dust thou madest man, and he was lost and is 
found. I can do all things, saith he, in him 
that strengtheneth me ; strengthen thou me, 
that I also may be able. Give what thou com- 
mandest, and command what thou wilt. He 
confesses that he has received this from thee, 
and what he glorieth of he glorieth of in the 
Lord, 2 Cor. 10. I have heard another praying 
that he might also receive, Eccles. 23. Take 
thou from me, saith he, the concupiscences of 
the belly. Whence it appears, my holy God, 
that thou givest when it is done, what thou 
commandest to be done. Thou hast taught 
me also, O my good father, that all things are 
clean to them that are clean ; but it is evil to 
the man that eateth so as to give scandal or 
offence. Romans 14. And that every crea- 
ture of thine is good, and nothing to be cast 
away that is received with thanksgiving, 1 
Tim. 4. And that meat doth not commend us 
to God, 1 Cor. 3. And that no man should 
judge us in meat or in drink. Col. 2. And 
that he that eateth should not despise him 
that eateth not; and that he that eateth not, 
should not judge him that eateth, Romans 
14. These things I have learnt, thanks be to 
thee ; praises to thee, my God, my master, 
who knockest at my ears, and enlightenest 



356 st. augustin's Book X 

my heart. Deliver thou me from all tempta- 
tions. 

5. 'Tis not then the uncleanness of the food 
I fear but the uncleanness of irregular desire. 
I know that all kind of flesh that was good to 
be eat was permitted to Noah, Gen. 9. That 
Elias was fed with flesh meat. 3 Kings, 17. 
That John, though a man of wonderful absti- 
nence, was not defiled by using living crea- 
tures, viz. : Locusts, for his food, St. Matt. 6. 
And again, I know that Esau was deceived by 
the concupiscence of lentils, Gen. 25. And 
David reprehended by himself for the desire 
of a draught of water, 1 Chron. 11. And that 
our king was tempted, not in a matter of flesh, 
but only bread, St. Matt. 4. And therefore 
also the people in the wilderness were justly 
condemned, Numb. 11, not barely for their 
desiring flesh, but because through the desire 
of flesh, they murmured against the Lord. 
Being therefore placed, as I am, in the midst 
of these temptations, I fight every day against 
the concupiscence of eating and drinking. For 
it is no such thing: as I can resolve to cut off" 
at once, and touch no more, as I could do with 
regard to concubinage. Therefore the reins 
of the throat are to be held with a just and 
even hand, so as neither to be too loose nor 
too strait. And who is he, O Lord, who is 
not carried sometimes a little out of the bounds 
of necessity ? Whoever he is, he is great, and 
let him magnify thy name, but I am not the 
man, for I am a sinful man. And yet I also 



Chap. 32. confessions. 357 

magnify thy name. And he intercedes to thee 
for m} T sins who hath overcome the world, St. 
John 16, numbering me amongst the weaker 
members of his body, because that which is 
imperfect in me, thine eyes have seen ; and in 
thy book all shall be written, Psalm 138. 



CHAPTER XXXII. 

CONCERNING THE TEMPTATION OF THE SMELL. 

As for the allurement of sweet odours, I am 
not much concerned. When they are absent, 
I want them not ; when they are present, I 
refuse them not ; yet so as to be ready to be 
always without them. Thus it seems to me 
to be with me ; but perhaps I am mistaken. 
For this darkness is to be lamented, in which 
I cannot discern what ability there is in me ; 
insomuch that my own mind, questioning itself 
concerning its own strength, knows not well 
how to believe itself; because much of that, 
which is in it, lies concealed from it, till expe- 
rience discovers it : and no man must be secure 
in this life (which is all named a temptation, 
Job 7,) lest as he may have been made of 
worse, better, so he may become of better, 
worse. Our only hope, our only confidence, 
our only security is thy mercy. 



368 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER XXXIII. 

HIS REMAINING INFIRMITIES WITH REGARD TO THE 
TEMPTATION OF THE EARS IN MUSIC. 

1. The pleasures of the ears had more 
strongly entangled me, and captivated me, but 
thou hast loosed these snares, and set me at 
liberty. Yet even now I confess I take some 
satisfaction in the melody of those sounds, 
which are enlivened by thy words, when these 
are sung with a sweet and skilful voice ; yet 
not so far as to be engaged in them so, but 
that I can disengage myself at pleasure. How- 
ever, coming as they do, together with these 
sentences, which animate them, and procure 
their admittance, they are apt to seek a place 
of some respect in my heart, and I find some 
difficulty in giving them one that is exactly 
suitable. For I seem to myself, sometimes to 
allow them more honour than is becoming ; 
when I find my mind more religiously and 
ardently raised to a flame of devotion by those 
holy words when they are sung in that manner, 
than when they are not sung ; and that all the 
affections of my spirit, according to the great 
variety of them, seem to have in the voice and 
in the singing their proper notes answerable to 
each of them, by which they are stirred up by 
a certain secret familiarit} T and sympathy. But 
the pleasure of the flesh, which ought not be 
allowed to enervate the mind, often deceives 
me : whilst the sense is not content to wait 
upon reason in such manner as patiently to fol- 



Chap. 33. confessions. 359 

low it ; but whereas it is only admitted for its 
sake, it will needs strive to get the start and 
run before it. Thus in these things I sin, 
without perceiving it, but afterwards I per- 
ceive it. 

2. Sometimes again, being too immoderately 
fearful of this deceit, I err on the other side by 
too much severity. Yea, very much some- 
times, so that 1 could wish all that melody of 
sweet tunes, in which David's Psalter is usually 
sung, were banished from my ears, and from 
the Church ; and then that method seems to 
me the more safe, which I remember to have 
often heard of Athanasius, Bishop of Alexan- 
dria, who caused the Lector to intone the 
Psalms with so small an inflection of the voice, 
that it was more like reading than singing. 
But then again, when I call to mind those 
tears which I shed at the singing of the Church 
Hymns, in the beginning of my conversion ; 
and how much I am now also moved, not 
with the singing, but with the things that are 
sung, when they are delivered with a clear 
voice, and a most agreeable modulation, again 
I acknowledge the great benefit of this insti- 
tution. 

3. Thus I float between the danger of plea- 
sure and experience of profit ; and am rather 
inclined (yet not with an irrevocable judgment) 
to approve the custom of singing in the church, 
that by the delight of the ears weaker souls 
may be raised to the affection of devotion. Yet 
when it happens to me that I am more moved 



360 st. aUgustin's Book X 

with *ne singing, than with the thing that is 
sung, I confess my sin, and am sorry for it, and 
then I had rather not hear the singing. Behold 
where I am. Weep with me, and for me, you, 
who are doing something of good with your- 
selves within, from whence proceed our ac- 
tions. For you, who are not doing so, are little 
moved with these things. But thou Lord, 
/Jiy God, look down upon me, graciously hear 
me, see, and pity and heal me ; in whose sight 
I am thus become a question to myself, and 
this is my malady. 



CHAPTER XXXIV. 

HIS REMAINING INFIRMITIES WITH RELATION TO THE 
TEMPTATIONS OF THE EYES. 

1. There remains yet the pleasure of these 
eyes of my flesh, of which I will now make 
my confessions to be heard by the ears of thy 
temple, those brotherly and loving ears ; that 
so we may conclude, the temptations of the 
concupiscence of the flesh, which still molest 
me, whilst I am sighing and desiring to be 
clothed upon with my house from Heaven, 2. 
Cor. 5. The eyes love fair and various figures, 
bright and pleasant colours. Let not these 
things have any hold upon my soul. Let God 
alone possess it, who made these things, ex- 
ceeding good indeed, but he is my good, not 
they. And these things accost me, when 
awake, all the day long ; neither do I find any 
respite from them, as I do from melodious 



Chap. 34. confessions. 361 

voices, and sometimes from all other sounds, 
as when I am in silence. For this very light 
itself, the queen of colours, overspreading all 
things that we see, when I am any where in 
the day, many ways flowing in upon me, flat- 
ters me and inveigles me, when I am doing 
something else, and not observing it. And so 
vehemently doth it insinuate itself, that if on a 
sudden it be withdrawn, it is impatiently longed 
for again, and if it be a long time absent it 
contriastates the mind. , 

2. But O that light, which Toby beheld, 
when with his eyes closed he taught his son 
the way of life, Tobit 4, and walked before 
him with the feet of charity, without making 
one false step ! or which Isaac saw, when his 
carnal eyes being dim with age, Gen. 27, he 
blessed his sons not knowing them, but in 
blessing them was so happy as to know them ; 
or which Jacob saw, when he also being blind 
by great age, with an enlightened heart fore- 
showed the conditions of the several people 
that should descend from his sons, Gen. 49. 
And when he imposed his hands mysteriously 
crossed upon his grandchildren by Joseph, not 
as their father outwardly directed, but as he 
inwardly discerned ! This is true light, and it 
is one, and never changes ; and all they are 
one that behold it and love it. But that other 
corporeal light, of which I have been speak- 
ing, seasons the life of this world for its blind 
lovers with an inveigling and dangerous plea- 
sure. But those who know how far from it to 

31 



362 st. augustin's Book X. 

give thee glory, O God, the Creator of all 
things, spend it in thy praise, and are not 
caught by it in their sleep. And such I desire 
to be. 

3. I resist the seductions of the eyes, lest 
my feet, with which I am entering upon thy 
way, should be entangled, and to thee I lift up 
my inward eyes that thou mayest pall my feet out 
of the snare, Psalm 24. And thou, from time 
to time dost disengage them, for they are often 
ensnared. Thou ceased not to loose them 
when they are sticking in these nets, which 
are prepared for them on all sides, because 
thou will neither sleep nor slumber who art the 
keeper of Israel, Psalm 120. For what innu- 
merable inventions by divers arts and manu- 
factures, in clothes, shoes, vessels, and such 
like handicrafts, in pictures also and several 
sorts of images (and these going far beyond the 
necessary and modern use, and pious significa- 
tion) have men added to the allurements of 
the eyes ? Abroad doating on what they have 
made, within forsaking him by whom they 
were made, and defacing that which they were 
made. 

4. But I, my God, and my glory, even 
from these things do now sing a hymn to thee, 
and to sacrifice praise to my sanctifier. For 
all these beauties, which pass from the soul to 
the skilful hands of artists, are derived from 
that beauty, which is above the soul, after 
which my soul sighs day and night. But the 
artists and admirers of these exterior beauties, 



Chap. 35. confessions. 363 

whilst they take from that first beauty the rule 
of approving them, do not take from thence 
the rule of using them. And there it is, and 
they do not see it, so as to stop there and go 
no farther, and to keep their strength for thee. 
Psalm 57, and not to scatter it abroad upon 
wearisome pleasures. And as for me, who am 
speaking and discerning these things, I am also 
apt to have my steps entangled in these beau- 
ties, but thou pluckest them out, O Lord, thou 
pluckest them out, because thy mercy is before 
my eyes. For I fall into these snares through 
my misery ; and thou drawest me out again 
through thy mercy, sometimes without my 
perceiving it when I have only slept upon 
them, and sometimes with pain to me, when I 
have stuck fast in them. 



CHAPTER XXXV. 

HIS REMAINING INFIRMITIES WITH RELATION TO THE 
SECOND BRANCH OF CONCUPISCENCE, THE LUST OF 
THE EYES, BY WHICH HE UNDERSTANDS VAIN CURI- 
OSITY. 

1. To this may be joined another sort of 
temptations, of manifold danger ; for besides the 
Concupiscence of the flesh, which is found in 
the delectation of all the senses and their seve- 
ral pleasures, by serving which, they lose them- 
selves, who go away far from thee ; there is in 
the soul a certain vain and curious inclination, 
not of delighting herself in the flesh, but of 
making experiments by the flesh through the 



364 st. augustin's Book X. 

same senses of the body, cloaked under the 
name of knowledge and science ; which being 
seated in the appetite of knowing (as amongst 
the senses the eyes are the principle instru- 
ments of knowledge) is therefore called by the 
scripture the Concupiscence of the eyes; for 
seeing properly belongs to the eyes : but we 
use this word with relation to the other senses 
also, as often as we employ them in search of 
knowledge. For we do not say, hear how it 
lightens, or smell how it shines, or taste, or 
feel how bright it is ; but all these things are 
said to be seen. And we do not only say, see 
how it shines, which the eye alone can per- 
ceive ; but we also say, see how it soundeth, 
see how it .smelleth, see how it relisheth, see 
how hard it is, and therefore the general expe- 
rience of all the senses is called (as I have said) 
the concupiscence of the eyes, because the 
office of seeing which principally belongs to 
the eyes, is by a certain similitude exercised 
also by the other senses, when they make a 
trial of any thing in the way of acquiring know- 
ledge. 

2. Now what is done by the senses for plea- 
sure, and what for curiosity, may be evidently 
discerned by this, that their pleasure is intent 
upon objects that are beautiful, and melodious, 
or fragrant, or relishing, or smooth and agree- 
able ; but their curiosity often tries the contra- 
ries, and not for the sake of undergoing any 
trouble or uneasiness from them, but merely 
for the lust of trying and knowing them. For 



Chap. 35. confessions. 365 

what pleasure is there in beholding in a mang- 
led carcase what may strike you with horror ? 
And yet if a such a thing lie any where, people 
flock to see it, and grow sad and pale at the 
sight of it. And they are afraid of seeing it in 
their sleep, as if any one had obliged them to 
see it when they were awake, or any report of 
its beauty had invited them to it. And the like 
happens in the other senses, which it would 
be too long to instance in. 

3. From this disease of curiosity it is that 
strange and wonderful sights attract men to 
public shows and theatres. Hence also men 
proceed to search into the secrets of nature, 
which he has not wrought for us to dive into ; 
the knowledge of which is of no advantage, 
and yet this knowledge is the only thing that 
they seek. Hence also is all that which out 
of the same irregular desire of knowledge is 
sought by magic art. Hence again, in religion 
itself, God is tempted, when signs and miracles 
are called for, not desired for any good, but 
only for the experiment. 

4. In this so vast a wood full of snares and 
dangers, behold, O Lord, how many I have 
retrenched, and cast away from my heart, as 
thou hast enabled me to do it, thou the God 
of my salvation. Yet when shall I dare to say, 
my life every day being encompassed on all 
sides with the importunities of so many of these 
kinds of things, when shall I dare to say that 
no such thing at all makes me intent to behold 
it, or with a vain care to be taken by it ? It is 

31* 



366 st. augustin's Book X. 

true, the theatres at present draw me not to 
them; neither do I care to know the courses 
of the stars ; nor did my soul ever seek for 
answers from spirits : all sacrilegious compacts 
I detest. But with how many suggestions and 
artful stratagems doth the enemy seek to tempt 
me to ask for some sign of thee, Lord, my 
God, to whom I owe an humble and sincere 
homage ? But I beseech thee through Jesus 
Christ our king, and our country Jerusalem, 
which is all simplicity and purity, that as the 
consent to any such temptation is far from me, 
so it may be removed still farther and farther. 
But when I ask thee for the welfare or salva- 
tion of any one, I have quite another end and 
intention from this ; and thou givest me, and I 
hope wilt ever give me, the grace on such 
occasions readily to acquiesce to thy holy will, 
whatever thou art pleased to do. 

5. Nevertheless in how many petty and 
contemptible things is our curiosity daily 
tempted ? And who can count how often we 
fall ? How often, when people are relating 
vain and empty things, do we at first, as it 
were tolerate them, not to give offence to the 
weak, and afterwards by little and little wil- 
lingly give attention to them ? I don't now go 
to see a dog coursing a hare, when it is done 
in the Circus ; but in the field such a course 
presented to my sight, when I chance to be 
passing by, taketh me off perhaps from some 
thought of great moment, and draws my atten- 
tion towards it, not so as to make me turn 



Chap. 36. confessions. 367 

aside with the body of my horse, but with the 
inclinations of my heart. And unless thou be 
pleased on these occasions, after having shown 
me my infirmity, quickly to put me in mind, 
either from this sight to aspire by some pious 
consideration towards thee, or totally to despise 
it, and pass on, I continue in this vain stupidity. 
What, when I am sitting at home, and a Stellio 
catching flies, or a- spider entangling them in 
her nets, often fixes my attention upon them ? 
Is it not the same thing that is acted, though 
the creatures are small ? I proceed from 
thence to praise thee, the wonderful Creator 
and ordainer of all things ; but it was not with 
this thought that I first began to observe them ; 
and it is one thing quickly to rise again, and 
another not to fall. And of such things my life 
is full, and my only hope is in thy exceeding 
great mercy. For when our heart is the re- 
ceptacle of such things as these, and admits 
such troops of copious vanity, hence our prayers 
also are often interrupted and disturbed ; and 
whilst in thy presence we direct the voice of 
our hearts to thy ears, so important an affair is 
broken off by the rushing in, 1 know not from 
whence, of such empty thoughts. 



CHAPTER XXXVI. 

HIS REMAINING INFIRMITIES CONCERNING THE TEMP- 
TATIONS OF THE PRIDE OF LIFE. 

1. Shall we account this also a contempti- 
ble matter ? or is there any room here for hope, 



368 st. augustin's Book X. 

but in thy whole mercy because thou hast 
begun to change me ? And thou knowest in 
how great a part thou hast reformed me, who 
hast healed me first from the desire of reveng- 
ing myself, that so thou mightest also be propi- 
tious to all the rest of my iniquities, and might- 
est heal all my maladies, and mightest redeem 
my life from corruption, and crown me in thy 
compassion and mercy, and satisfy my desire 
with good things, Psalm 102. Because thou 
hast crushed my pride with thy fear, and tamed 
my neck to thy yoke. And now I bear it and 
it is light to me ; because so thou hast promis- 
ed, and so thou hast made it ; and indeed so 
it always was, and I knew it not when I was 
afraid to take it up. 

2. But yet, O Lord, (w r ho alone dost Lord 
it without pride, because thou alone art the 
true Lord, who hast no Lord over thee) can I 
say that this third kind of temptation hath 
wholly quitted me, or can ever cease in this 
whole life ? To desire to be feared, and to be 
loved by men, for no other end, but to be a joy 
therein, which is no true joy, is a w T retched 
life, and a shameful ostentation. And from 
hence it chiefly comes, that men neither love 
thee, nor chastely fear thee. And therefore 
thou resistest the proud, and givest thy grace 
to the humble, St. James 4. And thou thun- 
derest over the heads of the ambitious of this 
world, and makest the foundations of these 
mountains to tremble. Yet as it is necessary 
here for us» for the better acquitting ourselves 



Chap. 36. confessions. 369 

of certain duties of human society, to be loved 
and feared by men, the enemy of our true hap- 
piness presses close upon us in this matter, 
spreading his snares for us, and strewing over 
the baits of human applause, that whilst we 
greedily pick up the bait, we may be caught 
unawares in the snare ; and so instead of pla- 
cing our joy in thy truth, may place it in the 
falsehood of man ; and may covet to be loved 
and feared by men, not for thy sake, but in thy 
stead : that thus he having made us like to 
himself, may have us with him, (not in the 
concord of charity ; but in the fellowship of 
punishment) who seeks to place his throne in 
the north, Isaiah 14, that as many as in a 
perverse and crooked way affect to be like 
to thee might serve him there in cold and dark- 
ness. 

3. But we, O Lord, are thy little flock, do 
thou keep possession of us. Spread forth thy 
wings, and let us shelter ourselves under them. 
Be thou our glory : let us be loved for thy 
sake, and let thy word be feared in us. He 
that has a mind to be praised b} T men, whilst 
he is dispraised by thee, shall not be justified 
by men, when he shall be judged by thee, nor 
rescued by men, when he shall be condemned 
b} T thee. Now when it is not a sinner that is 
praised in the desires of his soul, nor one who 
does wicked things, that is blessed, Psalm 9. 
But a man is praised for some real good, which 
thou hast given him ; and he has more joy 
within himself for his being praised, than for 



370 st. augustin's Book X 

his having that gift for which he is praised • 
such a one also is praised by men so as to be 
dispraised by thee. And in this case better is 
the man that praiseth than he that is praised ; 
for the former is pleased with the gift of God 
in man ; but the latter is better pleased with 
the gift of man [viz. Praise] than with the gift 
of God. 



CHAPTER XXXVII. 

THE GREAT DANGER OF VAIN-GLORY FROM THE PRAISES 

OF MEN. 

1. We are daily assaulted, Lord, with 
these temptations ; we are tempted without 
ceasing. The tongues of men are as a furnace 
in which we are daily tried. Thou command- 
est us also continency in this kind. Give what 
thou commandest, and command what thou 
wilt. Thou knowest the groans of my heart 
to thee concerning this thing, and the floods of 
my eyes. For Tcannot easily discover what 
advance I make towards being more clean from 
this plague ; and I very much dread my hid- 
den sins, which are known to thy eyes, and not 
to mine. For in other kinds of temptations, I 
have some way, by which I may try myself, 
but none at all in this. For as for the plea- 
sures of the sense, and the vain curiosity of 
knowledge, I may perceive how much I have 
my mind weaned from them, when I am with- 
out them, either by my will, when they are 
absent, or by necessity, when they cannot be 



Chap. 37. confessions. 371 

had ; for at such times I ask myself how much 
more or less trouble I find in being without 
them. And as for riches (which men covet to 
this end, that they may be subservient to some 
one of the three kinds of concupiscence, or to 
two, or to all of them) if the mind cannot dis- 
cover, as long as it possesseth them, whether 
it despiseth them or no, it may try itself by 
parting with them. But what must we do to 
rid ourselves of all praise, that so we may try 
how able we are to forego it? Must we live 
ill, and follow so profligate a course of life, 
that all that know us may abhor us ? Could a 
greater madness be named or thought on ? But 
if praise both usually is and ought to be the 
companion of a good life, and of good works ; 
as we must not renounce a good life, so we 
cannot avoid its being attended with praise. 
Now I am not sensible what I can forego con- 
tentedly, or what I cannot part with without 
pain, 'till I have the trial by being without it. 
2. What do I then confess to thee, O Lord, 
in this kind of temptation ? What? But that 
I am delighted with praises, but more with the 
truth itself than with praises. For if it were 
proposed to me whether I had rather being 
mad, or erring in all things, be praised by men ; 
or being constant or confirmed in the truth be 
descried by all ; I know what I should choose. 
But then I would not have the approbation of 
another's mouth increase my joy for any good 
in me : yet I confess it increases it, and that 
disparagement diminishes it. And when I am 



372 st. augustin's Book X. 

troubled at this my misery, an excuse occurs 
to me, which, whether it be just or no, thou 
knowest, O God, for it makes me uncertain. 
For because thou hast not only commanded us 
continency, that is from what things we are to 
restrain our love ; but also justice, that is 
where w T e are to place it ; and it is thy w T ill 
that we should not only love thee, but also 
our neighbours ; I often seem to myself to be 
delighted on these occasions with the advan- 
tage of my neighbour, or the hope of his good, 
w 7 hen I am pleased with the commendations of 
one that understands things right ; and again 
to be grieved for his sake when I hear him dis- 
parage what he is ignorant of or what is good. 
For I am also grieved sometimes at my own 
praises, w r hen either those things are praised 
in me, which I dislike in myself, or when 
things good indeed, but slight and inconsidera- 
ble, are more valued than they ought. 

3. But then again, how do I know whether 
I am not thus affected, because I would not 
have the person that praiseth me, entertain a 
different opinion of me, from that w r hich I have 
of myself ? And this not because I am moved 
with his profit ; but because the same good 
things which please me in myself, become 
more pleasant to me, when others also are 
pleased with them. For in some sort it is not 
I that am praised, w T hen it is not my ow r n judg- 
ment of myself that is praised ; as when those 
things are praised in me, which displease me, 
or those things are praised more, w T hich please 



Chap. 37. confessions. 373 

me less. Am I not therefore still in the dark, 
as to the knowledge of myself in this matter ? 
Behold I see in thee, O Truth, that I ought not 
to be pleased for my being praised for my own 
sake, but only for my neighbour's good. But 
whether it be so with me, or no, I know not ; 
for I am less known in this matter to myself 
than to thee. I beseech thee, O my God, dis- 
cover thou myself to me, that I may confess 
my wounds to my brethren, who will pray 
for me. 

4. Let me yet more diligently examine my- 
self. If it be only in respect of my neighbour's 
benefit that I am touched with my own praises, 
why then am I less moved if any other be un- 
justly dispraised, than if it were myself? Or 
why am I more concerned at an affront offered 
to myself, than if, with equal injustice, it were 
offered to another in my presence 1 Can I pre- 
tend not to know that this is so ? Or shall I 
delude myself so far as not to say the truth in 
thy presence, both in heart and tongue. Such 
a folly as this, do thou keep far from me, that 
my own mouth may not be to me the flattering 
oil of the sinner to anoint my head, Psalm 140. 
I am poor and needy, but then the best when 
with secret groans I condemn myself, and seek 
thy mercy, until my deficiency be repaired and 
perfected into that peace which is hidden from 
the eve of the proud and self-conceited. 

32 



374 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER XXXVIII. 

PUBLIC ACTIONS AND DISCOURSES ARE MOST EXPOSED 
TO THE DANGER OF VAIN GLORY. 

Now the words that proceed from the mouth, 
and actions that are known to men, carry with 
them the most dangerous temptation from this 
love of praise, which is ever striving to procure 
the applause of others, for the sdvancing of a 
certain private excellency, which it affects; 
which it ceaseth not even then to do, when I 
censure it in myself, taking occasion to attack 
me from my very censuring of it. And often- 
times it happens that a man is guilty of a 
greater vain-glory in making profession to con- 
temn vain-glory. So that he does not now in 
truth glory in the contempt of vain-glory ; for 
he does not really contemn it, whilst within 
himself he glories in it. 



CHAPTER XXXIX. 

PERSONS MAT BE MANY WAYS GUILTY OF A CRIMINAL 
SELF-CONCEIT, WITHOUT ANY REGARD TO PRAISE 
FROM OTHERS. 

There is yet within us another evil in the 
same kind of temptation, by which persons are 
vainly conceited, and take a complaisance in 
themselves, whether they please or displease 
others, and without affecting to please others. 
Such as these, whilst they please themselves, 
very much displease thee ; not only by taking 
pride in things that are not good, as if they 



Chap. 40. confessions. 375 

were good ; but also in good things, that 
are thine as if they were their own ; or if as 
thine yet as conferred on them for their own 
merit, or if as from thy grace without their 
meriting them, yet so as not to be sociable in 
their joy for them, but so as to envy others the 
like graces. In all these and the like dangers 
and labours, thou seest the tremblings of my 
heart ; and I am more sensible of my wounds 
in this kind being from time to time healed by 
thee, than of their not being inflicted on me. 



CHAPTER XL. 

A RECAPITULATION OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOOK. 
HIS EXTRAORDINARY TRANSPORTS SOMETIMES IN 
THE CONTEMPLATION OF GOD. 

Where hast thou not walked along with 
me, O Truth, instructing me what I ought to 
avoid, and what to desire, whilst I have been 
referring to thee my interior sights such as I 
could discover, and have been consulting thee 
concerning them ? I have surveyed the world 
abroad, as far as my senses could reach ; and 
I have considered the life of my own body, 
and those same senses of mine ; from hence I 
entered into the inner-chambers of my memo- 
ry, those manifold capacities filled with innu- 
merable stores by wonderful ways ; and I con- 
sidered them, and was amazed at them ; and 
none of them all could I discern without thee, 
and yet I found none of them to be thee. No, 
nor I myself the discoverer, who have travelled 



376 st. augustin's Book X. 

over all these, and have endeavoured to distin- 
guish, and estimate each of them according to 
their appropriate dignity ; receiving some from 
the messages of the senses ; questioning about 
others, which I perceived within me whence 
they came, distinguishing and numbering up 
the several messengers that brought me intelli- 
gence ; and then displaying in my memory all 
its treasures, handling some, laying up others 
again, and drawing out others : yet I myself, I 
say, who was doing all this, that is, my faculty 
itself, by which I did all this, was not thou ; 
for thou art that light, always the same, which 
I consulted concerning all these, whether they 
were ? what they were ? and of what value 
they were ? And I listened unto it, instruct- 
ing me and commanding me. And this I still 
continue often to do. This gives me great de- 
light, and as often as I can have leisure from 
other necessary duties I repair to this pleasure. 
Neither can I find in all these things, which I 
run through consulting thee, any one place of 
repose for my soul, only in thee, whither all 
my dissipations may be recollected, that nothing 
of me may go astray from thee. And some- 
times thou dost admit me into an affection of 
devotion very uncommon within my interior ; 
to I know not what sweetness, which if it 
were to be perfected in me, I know not what 
there could be that such a life would want. 
But I fall back again into the things below, by 
the weight of my misery ; And I am again 
engulfed in the things I am accustomed to, and 



Chap. 41. confessions. 377 

am held fast by them ; and I weep much, but 
am still held fast. So much doth the burthen 
of custom press down the soul. Here I am 
able to be, but not willing ; there I am willing 
to be, but not able ; and am both ways mise- 
rable. 



CHAPTER XLI. 

GOD, WHO IS THE TRUTH, WILL NOT BE ENJOYED 
0GETHER WITH A LIE. 

Therefore I proceeded also to consider the 
maladies of my sins in the three kinds of con- 
cupiscence ; and I invoked thy right-hand to 
cure me. And I looked up at thy brightness 
with my wounded heart, and being struck 
back by it, I said, who can ever attain thither ? 
I am cast forth from the sight of thine eyes, 
Psalm 30. Thou art the truth that presidest 
above all things : but I through my covetous- 
ness, was not willing to lose thee ; but had a 
mind to possess a lie together with thee : as no 
man desires in such manner to tell lies, as to 
be ignorant himself of "he truth. — Therefore I 
lost thee, because thou vouchsafest not to be 
possessed together w ih a lie. 
32* 



378 st. augustin's Book X. 



CHAPTER XLII. 

FOR A REMEDY FOR ALL OUR MALADIES WE ARE NOT 
TO HAVE RECOURSE, WITH THE PLATONISTS, TO EVU, 
ANGELS OR DEMONS. 

And now whom should I find, who might 
reconcile me to thee ? Was that office to be 
undertaken for me by some Angel ? By what 
prayer ? By what Sacraments ? Many en- 
deavouring to return to thee, and not being able 
by themselves, have as I hear, attempted such 
ways, and fallen into the desire of curious 
visions, and so have deserved to be imposed 
upon by delusions. For they sought thee 
being puffed up with pride of their learning, 
and exalting rather than beating their breasts ; 
and they drew to themselves by the likeness 
of their dispositions, the powers of this air, 
conspiring with them, and associated with them 
in their pride, by whom they might be deceived 
by magical operations whilst they were pre- 
tending to seek a mediator, by whom they 
might be purged ; and here was no such ; but 
it was the Devil, transforming himself into an 
Angel of light, 2 Cor. 11. And it was a great 
allurement to proud flesh, that they had lighted 
upon a spirit, who had no body of flesh. For 
they were both mortals and sinners ; and thou, 
O Lord, to whom they proudly sought to be 
reconciled, wert immortal and without sin. 
Now the mediator between God and men 
ought to have something like to God, and 
something like to men ; lest if in both he were 



Chap. 43. confessions. 379 

like to men, he should be at too great a dis- 
tance from God ; or if in both he were like to 
God, he should be at too great a distance from 
men, and so not be a mediator. Therefore 
this counterfeit mediator (by whom, through 
thy secret judgment, pride deserves to be delu- 
ded) has one thing common with men, that is, 
sin ; and would seem to have another thing 
common with God, whilst not being clothed 
with mortal flesh, he vaunts himself as immor- 
tal. But since the wages of sin is death, Rom. 
6, he hath this common with men, from whence 
with them he is sentenced to death. 



CHAPTER XLIII. 

CHRIST IS THE TRUE MEDIATOR, THROUGH WHOM HE 
CONFIDENTLY HOPES TO BE CURED OF ALL HIS MAL- 
ADIES. 

1. But the true mediator, whom by thy 
secret mercy thou hast manifested to the hum- 
ble, and sent, that by his example men might 
learn humility, that Mediator of God and men, 
the Man Christ Jesus, 1 Tim. 2, hath appeared 
between mortal sinners, and the immortal just 
one ; being mortal with men, just with God. 
That as the wages of justice is life and peace, 
he, by his justice allied to God, might evacuate 
death to justified sinners, which death he was 
pleased to have in common with them. The 
same mediator was made known to the Saints 
of old, that so they, by the faith of his Passion 
to come, as we by the faith of his Passion now 



380 st. augustin's Book X. 

past, might attain salvation. And he was me- 
diator, inasmuch as he was man ; but inas- 
much as he was the word he was not mediator, 
because he was equal to God, and together 
with the Holy Ghost, one God. 

2. How hast thou loved us, good Father, 
who hast not spared thy only son, hut delivered 
Mm up for us sinners! Rom. 8. How hast 
thou loved us ! For whom he, who thought 
it no robbery to be equal to thee, was made sub- 
ject even unto death, even unto the death of the 
Cross, Phil. 2. He who alone was free 
amongst the dead, Psalm 87, having power to 
lay down his life, and having power to take it up 
again, St. John 10, becoming to thee, in our 
behalf, both a victor and a victim ; and there- 
fore a victor, because a victim ; becoming to 
thee in our behalf, both the Priest and the 
Sacrifice, and therefore the Priest, because the 
Sacrifice ; making us to thee of servants sons, 
by being born thy son, and becoming our ser- 
vant. And therefore do I justly repose a strong 
hope in him, that thou wilt heal all my mala- 
dies through him that sitteth at thy right hand, 
and intercedeth to thee for us ; else I should 
despair. For many and great are these my 
maladies ; they are many and great, but greater 
is thy medicine. 

3. We might have thought that thy word 
was too remote from any alliance with men, 
and have despaired of ourselves, had not this 
Word become Flesh, and dwelt among us, St. 
John 1. Being affrighted with my sins, and 



Chap. 43. confessions. 381 

with the load of my misery, I had a thought in 
my heart, and had a formed design, to run 
away into the wilderness ; but thou didst pro- 
hibit it to me, and didst encourage me, saying, 
that therefore Christ died for all, that they that 
live should henceforth not live unto themselves , 
hut unto him that died for them, 2 Cor. 5. 

4. Behold, O Lord, I cast all my care upon 
thee, Psalm 54, that I may live and consider 
the wonderful things of thy law. Psalm 118, 
thou knowest my ignorance, and my weak- 
ness, do thou teach me and heal me. He, thy 
only one, in whom are hidden all the treasures 
of wisdom and knowledge. Col. 2, has redeemed 
me by his blood : Let not the proud calumniate 
me, Psalm 118, for I meditate on the price of 
my ransom, and I eat it and drink it, and com- 
municate it to others ; and being poor I desire 
to be filled therewith, among those that eat 
and are filled, and they shall praise the Loia 
that seek him, Psalm 21. 






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